She Left Me For Another Guy. NC UPDATES.

[Mike_d]

 

I'm interested in this new girl. It's new and exciting. Been out twice and going on a day trip tomorrow to an event me and my ex had tix for. I'm really looking forward to it. Our previous relationships haven't come up, I'm weary to be 100% truthful because it would be a red flag for her. I'm doing my part by taking things very slowly with her. I just dig the company and conversational texts during the day..

 

remember that hurt people hurt people. don't let your unresolved sh.t with your now ex cause you to hurt this new girl. I know that I'm not anywhere near a place where I can be spending any serious time with anybody at the moment. love the female companionship, but I need to watch what I do, last think I want to do is hurt someone else because of my effed up head. maybe think twice if you cant be 100% truthful, what if the shoe was on the other foot... as it is for you right now with someone else who isnt being 100% truthful with you, how does that feel?

[David84]

Hey guys!

 

I just wanted to give an update and document where my head is at right now.

 

My trip to seattle was amazing. I took this new girl and we had an absolute blast and got along famously. I agree that hurt people hurt people and I intend to be truthful in the fact that I want to take things slowly and not jump into a relationship. I have this overwhelming feeling that this new girl is too good to be true. Shes beautiful, affectionate, funny, makes great money in her career, has many odd similarities to me and just lots of small odd things in common. We ended up having sex 3 times this weekend. To be honest. It felt great! My sex life was dead with my ex and as much as I wanted to improve and was unbelievably attracted to her she just never had any desire or passion. This new girl took the reins and initiated and enjoyed and made me realize what I had been missing. We havent had any conversations at all about ex's or where this is going but we talk all day via text and say morning and night most days.

 

Ive met girls quickly before after a breakup, better girls than my exs usually. I have a bad habit of taking my ex back or focusing on that instead of pursuing the new girl. My friends always comment how iI was an idiot to let these girls walk while I chased my Exs or gave them another shot. This time Im going to stay the course and see what I have here.

 

Ive been feeling really great and happy, most of the time. She messaged me at 7am Yesterday which is the start of my work week.

 

"<3"

 

This coming after I told her to beat it and that leaving me was the best thing she ever did. It hurt me to spit at her like that. I dont know why but I do regret it and I knew I would but so many people have told me "FU.CK HER, Look how she left you out of nowhere!" I didnt respond but Ive been tempted too. Today I gave my notice on the condo we were renting, It led me to realize that renting alone/cheaper is going to be a difficult task to have as nice a place. This is my dream place but I cant afford it alone and dont want to have a roommate at this time. It kinda hit me in the heart and I started searching her twitter and facebook via google. Nothing came up thank god just a couple OLD pics. Im sure it will pass, I miss her at this moment.

 

I really like this new girl, Ive told my family and friends about her and have felt myself just glowing about how much of an upgrade she is to all the things I was missing and wanted from my ex. weve only hung out 3 times over the last 10 days. She wants to see BATMAN with me tomorrow, My ex would never go to movies because crowds bothered her, this girl is EXCITED to see me. Its a great feeling. But its a mix of feelings because my love hasnt died. That takes time.

 

Im going out for drinks with a girl i made plans with two weeks ago, Im kinda forcing myself too because I should if anything be seeing whats out there and not jumping head first into something right away. Drinks wont hurt, im just not used to having so much on the go, life wise and female wise.

 

I did like hearing from Sarah yesterday thou, Its better than the silence, shes been fairly consistent with the messaging, even thou almost all has been met with no response. I wonder her intentions, if she truly has someone, she must but I have no idea. I really dont want to know for sure. What i dont know wont crush me... Just My Vent. Thank You

[David84]

Well,

 

Where do I start. I broke no contact I guess. Ive been thinking daily about her "<3" Text. So stupid, I get it, and I get thats all a bread crumb is. Im not very big on dreams but last night I had the most vivid dream about my ex, from when we first me, that amazing loving new feeling. I woke up to my alarm and rolled over and grabbed at the cold sheets. Just absolutely destroyed me. Completely overcome with emotions realizing it was just a dream and I had forgotten she is no longer laying beside me for me to squeeze lovingly. I held strong for an hour and a bit but my brain was blitzed with feelings and poor judgment. I texted her "<3" to which she responded "<3 Forever" which kinda pissed me off. I dont know what I expected but I just dont get what that means. I left it for an hour or so, felt ****ty for contacting her and getting such a bewildering response.

 

I responded with "No not forever, just this morning. I had a vivid dream of us happy, I woke up and forgot you were no longer beside me, I missed us and it hurt. It has passed now." Pretty honest and I didnt receive a response. I know the "NC" crew is gonna jump on me about why but its just freaking hard with this little box constantly connected to your hand and heart. its easy to put into words how your feeling, aimlessly. Im left with mixed feelings because it validates my knowing her breadcrumbs are just that, nothingness but I dislike the fact I showed her weekness and pumped her ego much like hearing from her pumps mine. Its the first time since her leaving over 5 weeks ago that I initiated a caring message. It is what it is.

 

The new girl I am seeing is currently out at a concert with a guy she suggests is a friend but judging from facebook pictures from the show and such Im fairly certain is someone she is also seeing or at least its not a mutual friendship. Guys dont just hang out with single attractive women, no strings.

 

I dont know how to feel about it because we havent talked about exclusivity nor do I think its a topic worthy of bringing up after 2 weeks. Its been a while since ive dated and I want to ride it out without commitment or atleast not scare her away with that sort of conversation while were just having a series of great dates and sexual encounters. Its hard for me to see if the feelings are mutual or if Im being played. Im worried about coming off as needy or overly interested. So far ive just been very laid back and genuinely busy with life so its worked well. whats the time frame to talk about a "relationship"? I was thinking about pulling back a little to see if there is a little bit of chase in her. Maybe be busy for a date and have to postpone it for another day. She seems to good to be true so I must not be the only one shes getting attention from but how would I KNOW?

 

Just another mind purge.

[David84]

Well, it's been a while since I've updated things. I've been reading everyday on this site. It's kinda become a mini addiction. It helps but I feel I should be much stronger now. I haven't seen my ex in over a month. Since the break up the only effort she has made has been text messages, not a single call or email. Even the texts are extremely short. I went away two weekends ago to a festival. She messaged me saying she missed me. I've been just ignoring but I was drunk and having a good time and it pissed me off and kinda made me mad that she's still twisting the knife in my back. I responded hastily and to the point. Told her I was happy and moving on. Told her that I gave her the oppertunity to talk if she had truly regretted her choices she wouldn't have left so quickly. I told her I knew her friend had posted that twitter thing about it's easier to cheat and lie rather than ask permission. She responded that she couldn't change my mind but she promises she didn't cheat or lie to me.

 

That was 10 days ago. She has messaged me 4 times since.

"I don't think it's fair you call me a liar and a cheat"

"I miss you"

"I still wake up most mornings real sad without you"

"I still think about you all the time Dave, I hope that your doing well. I miss you lots. Maybe we can catch up soon?"

They always come first thing in the morning or before bed.

Usually at the start or end of the week. It makes me feel good to hear from her but I really don't care to know who she's been up to nor tell her anything about my progress. I do still long for her, admitadly the only true purpose in seeing her would be the physical side of things. Talking doesn't interest me but strangely having passionate animal sex does. I know it's really not worth it in the end however because I will get attached and weirded out.

 

Secondly, things with the new girl I have been seeing have been really great. She knows I'm newly single now. It came up in conversation. She didn't pry for details and were both playing it by ear. I honestly think she is great and I don't find myself thinking about my ex. If anything I find myself thinking how much better she is in the areas my ex was lacking. It really helps that her sex drive is off the charts and she makes me feel wanted, desired & told me how she likes how caring and how I treat her amazingly. Just nice to finally feel validated for the efforts I put in as a male.

 

I have read lots about guys feeling they treated their girls great. Did everything for them, picked them up and dropped them off, helped them in all areas of life. I've read lots of responses saying that you should stick up for yourself and not be a push over. Girls don't want guys to do everything for them, let them take care of themselves once in a while. Im just curious because I too feel like she will never find someone who will take care of her and love her whole heatedly and help her and wait on her. It's in my instincts to do this for women I'm fond of. I find myself finding the odd times I didn't do things she asked, like watch all her baseball games or drink on Sunday nights, I blame myself for those times of not trying. I would find it harder now to do less for someone knowing that she left me for a guy on her ball team and I should have been there too. Make my pressance known. She called me an introvert once. It bothered me because I was happy staying in with her and doing my own thing and giving her space for us to be our own people. I would ask her to do couple stuff, movies, dinners. She would decline and instead want to sit on the couch, tired from her day.

I guess I just wish I knew the answer to what I did wrong, I always wanted more from the relationship, passion, companionship, activeness.

 

Thanks again

[veggirl]

Hey, your incidents of breaking NC are totally understandable. You have done really well so far, better than a lot of others.

 

I do think it's way too soon for you to be getting involved with a new girl, but I guess I can't say I blame you. As long as she knows you are newly single, you have done your job by being honest.

 

As far as what you did wrong...well, going to her games and whatnot may have changed that SPECIFIC circumstance but wouldn't have changed things overall. She would still be a girl who was susceptible to other men, she would still be a girl who was not engaging in your R but rather choosing to sit on the couch. If not her softball team member, someone else. you can't blame yourself. There's nothing that you could have done that would have changed who she IS. The thing is, at 25 she has been with you since she was 22...I think in most cases you don't enter your lifelong R at 22. (how old is your new girl btw) It's not surprising that at 25 she had 2nd thoughts and wanted to spread her wings

 

you're doing well, keep it up. It's only been a month and a half, the progress you've made is already good and you will build on it.

[David84]

Well, i broke NC again. Shes sent me msgs every few days for the last two weeks and i havent responded. I knew i would eventually. I feel like i need to ensure shes not just being passive in her actempts to try again. Here is how things went. Woke up to the first message, responded 8 hours later after work. The rest took place over the course of the evening, lack of urgency alone on her part says it all really let alone a lack of response to the last message

 

Her:I still miss you everyday. I'm sad your birthday is coming and I won't be with you.. Can we meet soon please?*

Me: Why do you want to meet?

Her: I guess I just miss talking and seeing you*

Me: Ok

Her: Do you still hate me?*

Me: I'm not interested in texting

Me: I just wanted to know why you wanted to meet.

Her: Okay, not interested in meeting either?

Me: I'm not interested in catching up with you if that's all your interested in.*

Her: It's not all, but I would think its a start*

Me: Start to what then what?

No response for 2 hours.

Me: Cant we just ****, that's a start?

Her: I don't want to just **** you. I want to have substance to us.

Me: You left me, what substance do you want?

Her: To see if there's still love*

Me: I think it's best if we just keep doing our own thing now. I'm still not interested in trying to win you back by dating you, never has been an option.*I commited 3 years of my life to you. There's nothing more I can offer. The passion died, your still not interested in that. Without that there's really nothing to talk about. I wish you well as I always have. Please stop with the texts every few days. If you truly cared you would have picked up the phone and called one of the last 50+ days. I've extended myself a few times in responding. This will be my last time. Take care Sarah. Hope you find whatever it is your looking for.*

 

Just bread crumbs, slap on the wrist. Be stronger.

[David84]

Re reading these texts over and over seems foolish.

This girl left me for another guy, obviously that's still going.

My offer of physical connection I feel would have been snatched up if she was truly interested in anything past an ego boost. She tries for two weeks to get a response from me and when she gets it she doesn't seize an oppertunity. She wants to see if there is love? I loved her relentlessly. 90 days living together and she has fresh roses every single week on our table. I rubbed her every single night until she slept. 90 days and she never wore anything less than fleece pjs and socks to bed. Why do I need to show her love. Show me passion, show me desire and effort. Show me lust and urgency. When I tell you we should just continue our course, show me you don't want that. Silence speaks volumes over your petty missing me texts when your bored and lonely.

Edited September 7, 2012 by David84

[Jono85]

Re reading these texts over and over seems foolish.

This girl left me for another guy, obviously that's still going.

My offer of physical connection I feel would have been snatched up if she was truly interested in anything past an ego boost. She tries for two weeks to get a response from me and when she gets it she doesn't seize an oppertunity. She wants to see if there is love? I loved her relentlessly. 90 days living together and she has fresh roses every single week on our table. I rubbed her every single night until she slept. 90 days and she never wore anything less than fleece pjs and socks to bed. Why do I need to show her love. Show me passion, show me desire and effort. Show me lust and urgency. When I tell you we should just continue our course, show me you don't want that. Silence speaks volumes over your petty missing me texts when your bored and lonely.

 

 

dude u sound like a doormat. u pampered her to the extreme. and fleece pjs and socks? lol, for real? never had anything more than booty shorts and a tank top with my exes that just seems weird.

 

but seriously it's getting pathetic man with the texting. some of us are going on months of NC and u can't last a few days. she has u by the balls so bad. this isn't attractive at all.

[Mike_d]

and fleece pjs and socks? lol, for real? never had anything more than booty shorts and a tank top with my exes that just seems weird.

 

ya, this is a total no-go for me, in my bed there is a strict no clothing policy, you can put the clothes on the floor. if you need clothing on then you'll prob be more comfy alone at your place tonight

[Chi townD]

She wants to see if there's love? After three years?!?! She needs to see if there's love....okay. Right.

 

Look dude, you are in no position to be dating this other girl. Hell, you're still in contact with your Ex! Does this new girl know about this? I have my doubts. Therefore, you're not being fair to yourself and your certainly not being fair to the girl you're dating. Sorry to be blunt, but you're using this girl to fill an emotional void and you're going to end up hurting her because you're trying to get back with your Ex. And don't try to tell me that you're not. Your texts to her tell me different. You don't want her to text you anymore; you want her to call you. Then, when she calls you; you'll probably want to bump it up to seeing her in person. I see the pattern of escalation here. So, here's the deal, you either need to sh*t or get off the pot.

 

For a person that says he's in NC, you're doing a terrible job at it. Sorry to be blunt again. But, NC stands for NO CONTACT. If her texts bother you soooo much, then an easy solution would have been to change your number. You didn't do that and you've also admitted that you've ENJOYED seeing her texts.

 

You need to figure out what the hell you want, dude...

[David84]

I really appreciate the responses.

 

Perhaps I was a a push over to a point. It wasn't always that way but the lack of passion and initiative was something I had brought up regularly. She told me her lack of sex drive was always an issue. She is a fully functional pot head which also kills a physical relationship over time. It wasn't always that way. It got much much worse when she moved in which was her idea and was always working towards it. Once she had it everything just went to ****s.

 

I feel I would treat any girl or person for that matter that I love and care about the same. I said no to things I didn't want to do do or agree with and I communicated my issues and problems well. I don't consider myself to be a pansy nor douche.

 

The new girl is aware she is still in contact. I agree it's too soon for a relationship. Or relations is hang outs and benefits. There has been no talk of exclusiveness and I'm not ready for that under these circumstances.

 

I'm unable to change my number due to it being my business number and like I had said, I do enjoy hearing something from her. I think there's lots of people who would like to hear something rather than nothing from there exs. I feel I've handled the break up well thus far. Perhaps not by the book straight no contact but since she moved out 7 weeks ago I've seen her once due to her regret, haven't initiated conversation and have declined her offers of friendship and relationship on her terms. I haven't begged or pleaded or asked for a relationship on my terms. I'm fully aware that it's not going to work out after she had moved out. Perhaps our paths will cross in years coming. Both with experiences under our belts and a fresh start. Most likely not. I'm taking this oppertunity to better myself and see what else is out there. My needs have changed over the 3 years I was with her as well.

 

Her relentlessness in the texting and planting seeds of doubts has been my resin for responding. It re assures me there is nothing there anymore for me and does help me reset and focus. My only interest would be physical because I have been disappointed in the lack of ex sex and I do still find her attractive and it would be fun and most likely a bad idea, I think that urge is natural.

 

Thanks again. Without this site I was lost and a mess and have no doubt would have been way behind in my recovery process. Every story is unique and I hope someone sees similarities in mine and can learn and take what they will from mine. I appreciate the comments both good and critical.

[David84]

Well today is my bday and here we go. Kinda funny really. My ex from before. 3.5 years ago, Have been no contact for 3 years. It ended in I HATE YOUS all around. 2 year relationship. Anyways, out of the blue last night she made contact. Very similar number to my current ex. More on that later...

 

Anyways she messaged me saying happy birthday and that she loved me at one time and doesn't want to be friends or anything but just wants me to know she doesn't hate me and to have a good birthday. At a quick glance I thought it was Sarah and thought that's an odd message about not hating me. Clued in later it wasnt Sarah. I can fully say I have reached a stage of indifference with this ex but it was nice and curious to hear from her. Surprised she remembered my day to be honest.

 

Sarah on the other hand called me for the first time since the break up, 11:59.

I let it go to voicemail since I was with my new girl, enjoying my birthday perks... Apparently my voicemail was unknowingly full and she then texted me saying that she wanted to wish me a happy birthday personnaly and she couldn't cause my mail was full and that she missed me and will be thinking of me all day and If I want to call her back I can. Love you handsome.

 

Pretty decent birthday thus far... Weird set of circumstances. 3 girls in all different stages of relations... I have the urge to call Sarah back and say thanks.

It surprised me she tried calling, let alone tried to be the first to get in well wishes. I feel like I can be civil enough for that. I know I'll get flamed on here.

 

I'd even have a conversation with my old ex. That peaked my curiosity as well. She was the toughest ex for me to get over. Maybe it was my age or circumstances but that was long and drawn out and painful. Truly indifferent to her now thou, been over a year since I've even thought about her.

[TopCat22]

David, sorry to hear what you've been going through, but I've found a lot of help reading your thread. No contact is hard especially with an ex that won' let go. It's impossible to know but she may really want you back. I know the actions don't match the words but she is right in the fact that you can't just jump back into the same relationship, it will just fail all over again. If it's what you both want you'll need to reboot it and start again and meeting up for sex isn't going to do that. If you want it back then start like you were at the beginning again.

 

What comes out of your story to me is that you really don't know what you want. I get it. I'm in the same place. I think my ex cheated and I'm torn between wanting her back because things were once great and wanting her to just disappear as she treated me badly. I don't know what I actually miss at the moment: her or the companionship.

 

That's what the no contact is for. You'll get to figure out what you really want. You can't keep breaking it as you just start over and you're not moving on. Even with this new girl on the scene you're never going to be able to progress it if you don't deal with Sarah. One way or another. So what do you truly want?

 

Happy Birthday by the way!

[geegirl]

Well today is my bday and here we go. Kinda funny really. My ex from before. 3.5 years ago, Have been no contact for 3 years. It ended in I HATE YOUS all around. 2 year relationship. Anyways, out of the blue last night she made contact. Very similar number to my current ex. More on that later...

 

Anyways she messaged me saying happy birthday and that she loved me at one time and doesn't want to be friends or anything but just wants me to know she doesn't hate me and to have a good birthday. At a quick glance I thought it was Sarah and thought that's an odd message about not hating me. Clued in later it wasnt Sarah. I can fully say I have reached a stage of indifference with this ex but it was nice and curious to hear from her. Surprised she remembered my day to be honest.

 

Sarah on the other hand called me for the first time since the break up, 11:59.

I let it go to voicemail since I was with my new girl, enjoying my birthday perks... Apparently my voicemail was unknowingly full and she then texted me saying that she wanted to wish me a happy birthday personnaly and she couldn't cause my mail was full and that she missed me and will be thinking of me all day and If I want to call her back I can. Love you handsome.

 

Pretty decent birthday thus far... Weird set of circumstances. 3 girls in all different stages of relations... I have the urge to call Sarah back and say thanks.

It surprised me she tried calling, let alone tried to be the first to get in well wishes. I feel like I can be civil enough for that. I know I'll get flamed on here.

 

I'd even have a conversation with my old ex. That peaked my curiosity as well. She was the toughest ex for me to get over. Maybe it was my age or circumstances but that was long and drawn out and painful. Truly indifferent to her now thou, been over a year since I've even thought about her.

 

I really feel sorry for this "new girl" that was giving you "birthday perks". The fact that you even said that made me cringe. You are curious about your previous ex, want to thank Sarah, etc. Imagine if this woman you're dating and having a fabulous time with was pre-occupied by her exs, rather than focusing on developing and investing in the relationship with you.

 

When I am with my current boyfriend, I find myself uninterested in anything else another man or ex has to say.

 

You shouldn't be dating. Until you can be 150% present with another woman, you need to resolve all your feelings with your exs and maybe then contemplate letting someone into your life.

[Mike_d]

happy birthday

[David84]

Blah, I'm doing a shiaty job with no contact.

 

I also want to say that the new girl I'm seeing is aware I'm not ready to commit, we're having a fwb type relationship and she is aware when I've talked or seen my ex. We're having protected sex and she is also hanging out with other guys. I do think she is an awesome girl but I'm not in a place to have my feelings truly develop freely. She is aware of this.

 

So after Sarah called me wishing me a happy birthday and insisting on seeing me I thought long and hard about it and decided that I would like to see her.

She came over in the evening and again put a limit of 10PM to be home.

It was weird seeing her obviously. As soon as she arrived she initiated physical contact and I tried to hold my ground but she was very passionate. Kissing, groping ect. She told me things about how great I looked and how much she missed me how good it felt to be with me. I didn't reciprocate any of this, jut responded with I knows...

 

She asked a bit about what I've been up to, asked about the new girl and if I've slept with others. She told me she was still with her guy and had slept with him which I had accepted and delt with weeks ago. I gave her very little, told her I've been busy, happy, new friends, soccer, great shape, HAPPY.

 

She apologized for ****ing everything up, told me she takes full blame for everything that happened and leaving, told me it wasn't fair the way things went down and that she regrets it and wants an us again. I told her I didn't know what to think. We texted well into the next morning, she initiated. Lots of closure came from the conversation. She told me that she has been with this guy to distract her from her feelings but her feelings are so intense for me. We left the conversation with me saying thanks for the closure and I need to continue focusing on myself and digest how I felt in the morning. She told me she was going to sleep crying over me again and she will do her best to give me space and that I should just block her because she isn't good at not reaching out.

 

The next day we messaged back and forth all day. It was more or less a convo about where we would go from here. I told her all I could offer her was to spend another evening together, she told me she needed to see her new guy and explain to him what was going on. She said she needed to speak to her parents because of her flip flopping and they would obviously be concerned. I told her we'd touch base on Friday give us a few days to think. I needed to think to because everything on my end was just emotions. She said she had loved the last 24 hours and she finally had felt happy.

 

My thought process really flip flopped, then on Thursday evening after no contact from both of us for 48 hours I decided to tell her I currently couldn't forgive her and seeing her on Friday would just be for nostalgia and physical reasons. She thanked me for giving her lots of noticed and said she understood and that the way I was handling everything shows my good character, she again apologized for ruining everything and said I deserve to be with someone who treats me the way I deserve and that she loves me and If I need anything she's always there for me. I said no because I'm confused, I truly don't trust her, she's still with her guy, she hasn't banged down my door or offered any true solutions, I feared she was going to shut me down and flake too. It bothered me she didn't continue contact during the week or put up a fight for Friday.

 

The next day I thought lots about everything again. It set me back a bit for sure. More so because it has me thinking lots, all the bad stuff seems to fade away.

I just REALLY miss my old life. I'm drowning financially, the single grind isn't my thing, I've been drinking to be social. I really miss my nights on the couch watching tv and feeling in love. I'm very lost..

 

I messaged her Friday evening and told her that I had been thinking lots, I told her that I haven't fallen out of love and that I very much wish

Things had turned out differently, I told her that I wish I could forgive and forget and just move forward, I told her that I wish we had both been able to take a step back and realize we had something together. I told her I didn't know how to get back to that. I kinda regret telling her these things but i got no response so I guess that's her ego getting a bump.

 

Today she messaged me apologizing for not getting back, said she was gone for the weekend. She didn't acknowledge my message. She did randomly comment about how the girl I've been hanging out with is really pretty... I guess a mutual friend on FB? I just responded ok.

 

I feel like a real loser for not maintaining my anger towards her, it comes in waves, hearing her tell me she has intense feelings and regrets and loves me and that this guy hasn't replaced me, the physical stuff and her constant contact. It seems more like she is lost and confused. She told me her parents ask lots about me, she also told me her parents have met the new guy. I feel like everyone would be disappointed if I took her back, I told her I felt this way, she told me she understood and her family abs friends would feel the same if I had done it to her.

 

There's still no options here. As long as she is with this guy I'm not going to try anything with her. I think even if she left this guy and begged me back I'd probably grow cold after my ego realized I could get her back. Sounds messed up but it's true. I don't know how you can trust someone in this day and age after they blindside you. I never had even heard this guys name before she left.

 

Just my random venting and purging of my thoughts so I can get my head on straight again.

Edited September 17, 2012 by David84

[Chi townD]

REALLY?!?!?!

 

I.......give up.....

 

 

GOOD LUCK!!!!

[Mike_d]

REALLY?!?!?!

 

I.......give up.....

 

 

GOOD LUCK!!!!

 

had same response. I guess we're ready when we're ready, but you're not ready yet. didn't have anything positive to respond with, and since it's just ride the rollercoaster for now I figured I'd leave it alone. Tough to read and not want to reach through the screen lol. Hoping you find you way at some point

[veggirl]

Wow this girl is a piece of work. Now she's already cheating on her new guy. She is using both of you.

 

Dude you SERIOUSLY need to go NC. What's the longest of that you've maintained? You are setting yourself back at square one every single time you talk to Sarah...it always ends with you confused and feeling s.hitty.

[Ebony123]

We can't help you if you don't want to help yourself

 

I've been reading your posts for a while, and there has been so much helpful feedback that you should have taken on board. And then I see you post again about how you've broken NC..

 

You need to decide that you 100% WANT to move on. All of us have been there, we've all broken NC once or maybe twice and them regretted it, and gone straight back to trying again. You don't seem to want to maintain no contact

I know it's tough, but think of it this way..

 

Even if she came "banging down your door with solutions" crying and begging for you back, saying she'd left the other guy and wanted to move straight back in with you.. You'd give her another chance, get back together, and then what?

The relationship has already been broken. The mistake you're making is thinking that because you miss your old life with her, once you get back together things will be like they were back then. But that's not the case. You need to accept that it will NEVER be the same again. All you have now is memories, those will never change. But if you went back, you would not trust her, you won't feel the same knowing she has already left you for someone else, and even if she deep down truly changes (NOT going to happen, Sarah seems to be a nasty woman!) then you yourself would wreck the relationship with your constant fear of her leaving you again..

And there will be nothing from stopping her doing so. If she loved you enough to make the relationship work, she would have NEVER left you in the first place. Would you have left her..? No.

You can't glue something back together and have it look exactly like it did before. The cracks are going to be visible, and it's going to be even more fragile and prone to breaking.

Think about this, let yourself imagine you back together with her but be realistic about it. Believe me when I say, you are much better off without her.

 

AND PLEASE STICK TO NC! Get a new number is my advice for you.

Edited September 18, 2012 by Ebony123

[David84]

I really dreaded reading the feedback this time. I feel like I really have ****ed up and given her closure to her guilt thinking im doing ok and moving on, which im not, and it leaves her free to do her thing without thinking about me. I agree with everyone. I feel very ashamed of still communicating frequently and allowing her to see me. It's just a game to her at this point and she is hurting me and I'm allowing it to happen.

 

I think I need to write a list of all the things I didn't like about her, why I was unhappy at the end, how she treated me, how I thought I deserved better. I need to remind myself I didn't see myself marrying this girl anymore before she left, how she was stealing and lying. How she did this with her previous ex and had our relationship starting while maintaining contact with him.

 

I need strict no contact and to hate her for what she did.

Edited September 18, 2012 by David84

[Chi townD]

I really dreaded reading the feedback this time. I feel like I really have ****ed up and given her closure to her guilt thinking im doing ok and moving on, which im not, and it leaves her free to do her thing without thinking about me. I agree with everyone. I feel very ashamed of still communicating frequently and allowing her to see me. It's just a game to her at this point and she is hurting me and I'm allowing it to happen.

 

I think I need to write a list of all the things I didn't like about her, why I was unhappy at the end, how she treated me, how I thought I deserved better. I need to remind myself I didn't see myself marrying this girl anymore before she left, how she was stealing and lying. How she did this with her previous ex and had our relationship starting while maintaining contact with him.

 

I need strict no contact and to hate her for what she did.

 

 

You don't need to make a damn list...just re-read this post. THIS is your list. And you don't need to hate HER, you just need to hate what she did to you. Believe me, carrying around hate will only eat away at you. NC will help you get to a point where you feel indifferent about her; but, not hate.

 

Okay, one last time. If she calls you, ignore it and let it go to voicemail. DO NOT call her back. POST HERE INSTEAD!!! If she texts you, DO NOT text back. POST HERE INSTEAD!!! If she e-mails you. DO NOT respond back. POST HERE INSTEAD!!!!

 

If you are feeling weak and want to call her, text her or e-mail her. STOP!!! Take a deep breath. Log on to the computer and POST HERE INSTEAD!!!!

 

If you haven't figured it out by now. There are people here that will help you through this tough time in your life. And we can give advice on how to handle situations where you are feeling weak.

 

Now, you need to start a hard NC. GO DARK ON HER!!! But, you also need to make positive changes in your life. NC will help you heal. But, NC with positive changes will help you heal faster.

[Sunslides]

Chi townD is 100% correct! Vent it out here buddy. I am in the same process. I am now in day 7 of NC. She broke it and I responded.

 

Let's give ourselves a big slap behind the head... WE CAN DO THIS!

 

If someone you loved leaves you : Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

[Mike_d]

Okay, one last time. If she calls you, ignore it and let it go to voicemail. DO NOT call her back. POST HERE INSTEAD!!! If she texts you, DO NOT text back. POST HERE INSTEAD!!! If she e-mails you. DO NOT respond back. POST HERE INSTEAD!!!!

 

If you are feeling weak and want to call her, text her or e-mail her. STOP!!! Take a deep breath. Log on to the computer and POST HERE INSTEAD!!!!

 

THIS!!! ^ for the love of god, this ^. Stop it. Now.

 

POST HERE INSTEAD

[David84]

Thank You.

 

I do re read my thread a lot actually, I'd say I read this forum 2-3 hours a day, mostly at work, try to stay focused. I have done lots to improve myself. Soccer and working out have been a huge help. I want to stop being on here so often, it's been a crutch but it has helped lots.

 

My previous relationship ended in a ball of flames, was with her for 2.5 years but she turned out to be slowly emotionally abusive and became physically abusive which wound up with me seeking a few monthes of counciling to deal with the split. She had bpd and I spent monthes reading about it and trying to understand it wasn't my fault.

 

My highschool Gf of 5 years 18-23 split up with me and randomly spent a weekend away with a much older coworker, she was married and with child within a year of our split.

 

It took a lot to let my guard down with Sarah. We split after 9 months because my feelings just weren't growing and there was a lack of passion and I suspected she was still interacting with her recent long term ex. I had also met an old highschool crush. We were apart for 4 monthes. During this time she banged down my door, bombarded me with teary calls and texts to get back together, she would come over every weekend at her request to try and respark the passion. I was always nice in telling her how I was feeling, I never used her, she was fighting to be with me because she wanted to be with me, I didn't see it happening but I worked and we were together and happy and I fell in love with her quickly because she showed me how much she wanted this.

 

These are all the reasons I think my mind frame is so screwy.

 

Can anyone suggest any great reading material preferably online or PDF that pertains to codependency, self esteem/ confidence. I feel like I'd like to read more self help again rather than everyones breakup woes for a bit...