In love with daughter's godfather, neighbor, best friend!

[kld99]

This is my first time ever writing in a forum online but I am desperate for advice. This will probably be long but I really need help in order to keep my mental health in check!!

 

I have been known my best friend, "Milo," my whole life since his grandparents live next door to me and he lived down the street. We did not become best friends until we were Juniors in high school. There was a group of us and I was the only girl. I never thought that I would be attracted to Milo because we used to hate each other growing up. Well I began to get this achy feeling for him when we were seniors and it never went away. When we graduated from high school he moved away ( we were originally going to go to the same college together but then his family told him he was moving). I was crushed and my feelings never went away but it was easier to deal with since I did n;t have to see him everyday.

 

I have always put him first in my life (before family, other friends, boyfriends, and now my husband). When I was a junior in college I flew down to see him for the sole purpose of telling him that I was in love with him. I waited until the last night I was there, knocked on his bedroom door while he was sleeping and then went in and told him. His reply was that we are better off as friends. I decided to leave well enough alone.

 

I then broke up with my boyfriend of five years and met someone while out exploring my new found freedom. I ended up getting pregnant and decided that I might as well marry this person since I was never going o have my real true love. Milo was not excited when I told him about my engagement but was going to support whatever decision I made. As a matter of fact Milo was in my wedding.

 

Milo moved back to our hometown and now lives next door to me. He was there for me during my labor of my daughter since my husband got mad and left me, we spent valentines day together,a nd began hanging out a lot. I separated from my husband because I knew that I did not love him like I love Milo.

 

One night Milo and I were at his house and had been drinking and I professed my love to him. He held me in his arms and was so supportive and listened to everything that I had to say. He said that he had never thought of me as more than friends and really left it at that. From that point on we began going out a lot and always ended up at his house cuddling on the couch for the night. I then professed my love further in a letter. He called me and told me that I am like a sister and that is a hard thing to get over because he has tried getting over it and he loves me and he think he could be happy with me but I needed to give it time. We then continued to lay on the couch together, which was very innocent.

 

One night at the bar we were talking about sinning and he said he was a sinner because he was lusting over a married woman. I didn't say anything about it until a few days later and he stated that he did not mean me, he meant married women in general and he wishes I would stop trying to change his mind because the two of us were never going to be together. The very next night he was holding me in his arms. This continued to happen.

 

One night we were laying on the couch and we ended up kissing. It ended quickly and he stated that no matter what was going on with my husband and I I was still married and this couldn't happen. We then slept on opposite ends of the couch. the next morning he held me in his arms while I laid on his bare chest and he rubbed my back and just held me for hours. This was the last time we even cuddled in months until this weekend.

 

We both had a lot to drink and we were wrestling around and we went to bed and things happened and we ended up laying together half naked and we ended up kissing again and stuff. I am so confused. This is the short version of my story.

 

It isn't like he is an ex-boyfriend that I don't have to see if I do not choose to. He is my best friend of almost 10 years, my daughter's godfather, and my neighbor. I need him in my life but its s so torturous. Any advice would be very much appreciated!!!!!

[StartingAgain]

Milo has told you time and time and time again that he is not interested in having a romatic relationship with you. It's been 10 years and the two of you have been through a lot together. If he were going to develop romantic feeling for you, and since he's admitted that he's attracted to married women, he would have done so by now. Sounds to me like he really does think of you as a sister, but knowing how you feel , and because he does seem to care deeply for you, has tried to love you the way you want, but cannot. If you relly want to keep him as a friend, you are going to have to give this up. My deeper concern is that you have been letting your unobtainable love for this man pretty much poison your whole file. Somehow, you have convinced yourself that he is the one and only man you can ever love. This is never true. I would suggest you get some therapy to help you get a handle on this.