Adult Survivors of Child Abuse

[She's Come Undone]

Originally posted by kirkyswife

 

2. Can you see the ways that the past abuse affects your life now?

Absolutely, I lack self confidence. Have no self esteem. Haven't figured out my career path; have never finished a single thing I have ever started.

 

This is exactly me. Could never finish a drawing, a project, violin lessons. I'm stuck in a low-paying, going-nowhere job, which thankfully is secure and has good benefits. And I suffer from low self esteem as well. On the days I think I look good I have great self confidence, but when I think I don't, I get real down, almost depressed. And guys stare at me either way! Which I despise! LOL

 

3. If you have sought counseling, did it help to diminish the symptoms of childhood abuse?

I want them to acknowledge they screwed me up but that's not going to help me out - maybe it will erase some of the damage caused by their telling others that I was just crazy instead of accepting responsibility for their actions. They tell people that I am just making things up, that I've internalized my friends' drama - Real Talk - my parents don't acknowledge anything from my childhood and I'm left (with my sister to back me up) defending myself against their lies.

 

I think it might be helpful if you start with the assumption that you will never get this. Once you understand that your parents will always be the exact same as when you were younger, you can stop looking for them to suddenly be caring and understanding and willing to help you overcome what they did. It's at that point you can try to heal, and learn to heal, without their apology. My father is in a different country, probably rotting, so I know I'll never get anything from him, and I've learned to accept that he was just sick. My brother will never get anything from him either, but I know he's sorry for what he did to me. I also have an ex-bf who will NEVER apologize...but I take comfort in the fact that he will always be the same, and I will always be better. Wow, how about THAT for self esteem?

 

 

I also wanted to thank everyone for their sharing of such painful memories. I think it helps to know that you were not singled out as a child, that it happens so often, and that we can recognize the damage and have the will to break the cycle.

 

supermom, I know it's not fun to tell. It hurts, a LOT. I've cried every session of therapy so far, and I don't know that it's going to help, but I know I've got to try. I'm tired, quite literally (being treated for narcolepsy), and the one thing I fear is the breaking point. When is everything going to be too much for me? How long can I take people walking all over me? How long can I handle my 5 y/o's wise mouth? LOL That last one's not a legitimate fear, because I know how to put myself in time-out when I get too frustrated. Ok, that's all for now!

[supermom]

I understand how you feel about not wanting to re marry should anything happen to your husband. But do you think that would be fair to say someone who truly would love you and your children and raise them as his own, especially if he couldn't have children?

 

Why? I unfortunately, do not believe another man could love my daughter like her father does, and that is from my personal experience. My own father never hurt me like that, and we are very close, but I never had that with my step dads. I have one now (after the abuser) who has been married to my mom for 10 years, and he has been a wonderful step dad. they have 2 children together as well, but I think he is the exception.

 

It's terrible that your step-father destroyed your faith in men, but what of your husband? You trust him? I'm just asking questions because I'm curious, I don't mean to bring your past up.

 

I do trust my husband He feels the same way about child abusers. Also, I wouldn't of married him if I even felt a twinge of not sureness on that subject. He is a wonderful father and husband. Now, my eye is always open regarding that with anyone because I do not want to go through what my Mother has gone through, which is guilt. My Mom feels guilt when she shouldn't. but, now that I'm a mom I understand.

 

 

supermom, I know it's not fun to tell. It hurts, a LOT. I've cried every session of therapy so far, and I don't know that it's going to help, but I know I've got to try. I'm tired, quite literally (being treated for narcolepsy), and the one thing I fear is the breaking point. When is everything going to be too much for me? How long can I take people walking all over me? How long can I handle my 5 y/o's wise mouth? LOL That last one's not a legitimate fear, because I know how to put myself in time-out when I get too frustrated. Ok, that's all for now!

 

Shes Come,

 

Does the therapy help you? Does your child understand why you go? I plan on telling my daughter if it will save her or maybe open her eyes a bit more to situations. How do you releave stress and/or make sure you don't get to the breaking point?

 

I hope all goes well for you and everyone out there!

[AConfusedGuy]

Originally posted by YellowLioness

I was verbally abused as a child, but there is alot of my child hood that I've thankfully blocked out. Those symptoms you mentioned are really familliar. I'm sleepy constantly at work. I have a VERY low sex drive with my current partner, and I'm very attracted to him, actually. I was terrified of men until I was like, 18. I was SO scared, in fact, that I thought I was gay my entire span of highschool.

I'm bi-polar, and actually I do get sick fairly often... asthma and colds and the like. I tend to be pretty reclusive when I'm around people I don't know. It just feels like I am some how different from other people, and that they can see that blaringly when I am outgoing.

 

 

Wow...

 

This was really... enlightening in a less then positive way... but enlightening none the less.

 

I feel very similar to some of this. I know that I was verbally abused as a child, but I don't have any specific memory of sexual abuse- only parital memories that seem strange to me now, but could be nothing. The thing is, I exhibit many of the symptoms listed for people who were sexually abused as children. This is just something that has occured to me over the last couple of years, but it could explain some things. Is it possible to have been abused by a family member and not know for sure? How would I find out and where should I go from here?

[Moose]

I feel very similar to some of this. I know that I was verbally abused as a child, but I don't have any specific memory of sexual abuse- only parital memories that seem strange to me now, but could be nothing. The thing is, I exhibit many of the symptoms listed for people who were sexually abused as children. This is just something that has occured to me over the last couple of years, but it could explain some things. Is it possible to have been abused by a family member and not know for sure? How would I find out and where should I go from here?

 

It's very possible!!! Depending on your experiences growing up, you may have learned that some forms of abuse is acceptable. I suggest that you seek a councelor or maybe even go as far as a hypnotist and find out for sure. All forms of abuse has a direct influence on how your carry yourself later in life. For the longest time, I blocked out the abuse I suffered, by keeping it bottled up like I did I couldn't trust anyone. It wasn't fair to those who wished to be close to me. This is just one example of what abuse can do to your daily walk in life. So try to find out for sure.

[She's Come Undone]

Originally posted by supermom

 

Shes Come,

 

Does the therapy help you? Does your child understand why you go? I plan on telling my daughter if it will save her or maybe open her eyes a bit more to situations. How do you releave stress and/or make sure you don't get to the breaking point?

 

I hope all goes well for you and everyone out there!

 

 

Therapy seems to be helping, but it's a very slow process. The Wellbutrin also seems to be helping, although I think I may need something more for my extreme lows. My son does not know I go to therapy, and hopefully I'll have a grasp on my life before he gets old enough to think something's wrong with me! LOL

[tiamat]

I was emotionally, mentally, verbally, and am starting to think physically as well, abused as a child.

 

1. Have you sought, or think you will seek, counseling for the abuse?

I have not sought "professional" counseling myself. My parents sent me to numerous counselors when I was a child, from a very young age through to my mid teens. They did not (i don't think) think what they were doing was wrong. They sent me to psychologists/psychiatrists for various reasons, a few of those being:

• I wet the bed from as early as I can remember, till the age of 20
  
• I was an incredibly violent child, I would lash out at other children for the slightest reason, and a few times punched teachers, I don't remember most of this, but i have a close friend who's been a good friend of mine since the age of about 11. He recently told me I once jumped up and punched my mathematics teacher in the face, breaking the teachers glasses with the hit, at the time I was 12
  
• I used to be incredibly cruel to animals, except those that were "mine", If a pet was mine, it got extreme favouritism, if it wasn't mine it got abused. "My" animals would also get beaten thoroughly if they weren't 'loving' or showing attention to me at all times
  

I would reject anything counselors had to say, i remember vaguely at the time being to scared to say anything because i feared the counselor would tell my parents and I'd get a "hiding".

I "hiding" or corporal punishment, from my father involved me having to wait until bed time. Just before sleep he would then speak to me for a very, very long time. Forcing me to acknowledge all my faults (even if I genuinely did not believe something was my fault), once I had acknowledged each fault I would get put over his lap, and smacked for each fault, or wrong individually. These beatings were not don't with a hand, but with a belt, once (i can only remember it being once ?), once with a folded over whip. Each fault or wrong was rated, and I had to agree on the rating of "Badness" and given 1-10 "smacks" accordingly for each.

 

2. Can you see the ways that the past abuse affects your life now?

Yes. Daily. My wife likes to talk before bed. I find myself getting angered and lashing out at her almost daily if she tries to speak to me as we go to sleep. there are many other things I'm trying to link up with things that happened, this is probably the only one I can directly relate to a specific event, being my fathers "speeches" before the hiding, and sleep.

 

3. If you have sought counseling, did it help to diminish the symptoms of childhood abuse?

I personally have not sought, so no. I have however started talking to my wife about many of the things that happened in my childhood. We recently almost got divorced, and i'm fairly certain that at least 70% of the problem was how i deal with things now, due to my experiences. As I'm talking to her more and more is becoming "visible" to me. I used to think this punishment normal, I'm beginning, with her direction, to see that this is not the case.

 

4. Is it possible to heal completely?

God, I hope so

 

5. Do you treat your own children, if any, the way you SHOULD have been treated?

I try my best to, I have, to my knowledge smacked my child (now 8 years old) about 5 times in her life on her bottom with my hand. The reason had to be incredibly severe, extreme tantrums, to get her attention ? before reasoning with her. I have not done this in a very very long time(at a guess about 4 years).

I do find myself not showing her enough attention though, i tend to "bury" myself in front of my computer, especially when depressed, and don't respond to anyone or anything :/

I know I am a better parent than mine were. And often question everything I do with my wife to make sure what i'm doing is ok, or good.

It's a very confusing place to be at times.

[1moment]

I have read some of your posts, and I think whether you have sought help or not, you are all very couragous! I grew up in a very violent home, two alcoholic parents. A mother who when she was drinking seemed to dispise me. Every weekend my room would be packed up in garbage bags and my mom would throw them out on the lawn. She even threw human feces at me once. She said horrible things to me, that I now hear me tell myself. My sister always stayed in her room when my parents fought. Sometimes I was the only thing that kept them from killing each other and themselves. Now we talk about it, and she (my sister)doesn't remember alot. Now that I am older, I talk to my parents and sister about it, non-judgementally and I realized that we were just four people wanting to be loved and not knowing how to do it. I've talked to my Mom and her sisters about their growing up, and she was physically abused by her mother as well. I've learned a little about my grandmother's life, and it was hard. I'm not saying that it is an excuse for treating someone horribly, but I realized that when life hands you a difficult situation, you can handle it two ways. And I am a product of someone chosing not to think rationally, not to love, not to see me as a person, and as a result, I am a very rational person ( I do have my moments!), I try very hard to be a loving person, and I try to see everyone as a person who has developed out of the experiences they had.

 

I now have a job where, I see children like me and like all of you stuck in a position where their home is a living nightmare and yet the people that live there are family and they seem to love them and they would never think of leaving, because the unknown seems to be even more frightening. I try to help them like I wanted to be helped, and I try to pass on any strength I had to them. I see their faces like a blank canvas, so innocent, and the adults in their lives are painting these horrific experiences on them. I will never know how they will ever come out at the end. Somedays it breaks my heart.

 

Take care of yourselves!!!

 

 

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse Post: 1 | Quote:

 

 

1. Have you sought, or think you will seek, counseling for the abuse? I have in the past and it really helped. I strongly believe in counselling. I would like to go again, but I don't know what is stopping me. I have always had a positive experience. So often, as a survivor, you never feel like you deserve anything, particularly if it involves your own happiness.

 

2. Can you see the ways that the past abuse affects your life now? Yes, although, I have been described as a very confident person, I have very low self worth. The things I hear myself say in my head, amazes me, because I would never say these things to another person. I am very hard on myself. I have never really been in a real relationship because I can bring myself to being vulnerable and trusting. It's very frustrating.

 

3. If you have sought counseling, did it help to diminish the symptoms of childhood abuse? Yes, you begin to learn that you are a good person in a bad situation, and you do your best to come out on top.

 

4. Is it possible to heal completely? There's always a little gappig wound, but I think that you have to have it to remember where you came from and what you have learned. Without it, you wouldn't be the person you are today...good and bad.

 

5. Do you treat your own children, if any, the way you SHOULD have been treated? I don't have children, but it frightens me to think that I may have behaviors that would not emotionally nurture a child.

[average guy]

Hi She's Come Undone and everyone else,

 

A long time since the last post but I just read everything and wondered how you are?

 

It’s interesting that you mention your son – my own abuse came out as a result of being faced with raising my kids – not that I abuse them in any way shape or form, but it just brings back all the thoughts and memories of your own childhood.

 

I’ve been away for a while and bore everyone by repeating all the abuse I’ve been through, but I don’t think you are ever “healed” you just (as my mom puts it) “rebuild yourself every morning”. Reading everyone’s comments here is like reading back something I’ve written myself. It’s wonderful to know that we are all not alone, or weird, or any way different – we’re just somehow special because of it!

 

Best of luck and wishes to you and everyone who is in the same place

 

Cheers,

 

A.G.

[She's Come Undone]

Good Morning AG and fellow survivors!

 

Not too much is new. I am still in therapy, and have accepted the idea that this may take years, not weeks or months, and that's ok with me. I think what I will come away with may be far more valuable than the money spent. And if not, I'll sue! LOL

 

I also finally read a book that my brother had read years ago and gave to me. It's called Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin and it's amazing.

 

I found myself angry, both with myself and with those people around me who continually violate my boundaries. This will become your favorite word, BTW.

 

A few things that really spoke to me:

 

1. Incest happens when both parents are emotional unattached from their children. An emotionally attached parent will know when something is wrong. (I am not quoting directly bc I don't have the book with me)

 

2. You own your body and you get to decide who touches it and how, and who, if anyone, gets to comment on it.

 

3. Victims can be picked out of a crowd.

 

My friend told me you just need to have a good comeback to someone who refuses to "get" your hints. Something like "No, thanks, I'm quitting" or "Thanks for the offer, I have plenty." LOL

 

I have good days and bad, it doesn't look like it's going to be easy, but I have to do this.

 

I hope everyone is doing well, I reallt appreciate all the openness, I think that in itself is therapuetic. Ciao!

[average guy]

Good Morning

 

I think boundaries (psycholgical and physical) are a huge issue with abused people - I wouldn't let anyone (male or female) stand behind me until a few years ago! And I still think that random acts like drivers dangersously cutting in front of me are directed at me personaly.

 

Sounds like I should read that book!

 

Cheeers,

 

A.G.

[Anonymous]

First off, it should be mentioned that I have no actual proof of abuse. What ever memories I may have had have been blocked. I have come to believe that I am a survivor by following the trail of proverbial bread crumbs. Most of my life it seemed that there was a piece to the puzzle that was missing that would explain everything. It wasn't until recently that I realized it was abnormal for children to continuously ask themselves whether or not they had been abused. Sexual abuse was the piece that linked everything together. In that dreadful eureka moment, I had clarity. Now, onto the questions posed.

 

1) Have you sought, or think you will seek, counseling for the abuse?

 

I am currently seeing a psychiatrist (and have been for a bit better than a year). While sexual abuse was not the reason for beginning treatment, I have quickly realized that what I was seeking treatment for was the symptoms left. This dove tails quite nicely into the second question.

 

2) Can you see the ways that the past abuse affects your life now?

 

There is scarcely an element of my life that has remained untouched. Sleep disturbances began by age 10. Extreme feelings of anger, resentment, alienation, depression, mild paranoia, and total lack of trust with any other person soon followed. The most pronounced problem was emotional. I actively sought for the better part of five years to completely remove all emotions from myself. This was the only thing I could do to make myself feel safe. That, and never leaving my home unarmed. I still don't feel comfortable without having at least one pocket knife on me. Things didn't start really going down hill until I started college, four years ago. I had decided to carefully craft a reputation for being violent and sociopathic to dissuade potential abusers from targeting me. I eventually came to the point at which I only spoke to three people beyond giving directions to freshman in work situations. I decided that anything would be better than the life I was living. I had become terrified of coming into physical proximity, let alone touching, other people. That's when I sought counseling.

 

3)If you have sought counseling, did it help to diminish the symptoms of childhood abuse?

 

I can say happily, yes. I am now down to one pocket knife as opposed to carrying five to seven, I can shake hands, even hug people, and over the past year have slowly come to understand how to re-integrate emotion into my life. There's still a lot more work ahead of me, but things are improving.

 

4) Is it possible to heal completely?

 

This is a sticky question. As tempting as it may be to say "yes," I think the honest answer is no. Survivors of abuse can never take the abuse away. It is impossible to think and feel the same way as people who have never dealt with it. I do, however, think that it is possible for survivors to be just as healthy, if not more so, than the common man or woman. Everyone has emotional burdens to bear. Some weigh more than others. I think what needs to be understood is that while abuse may be something that can't be completely conquered, it is something that can be accounted for. It is possible to adapt. What it really requires is an awareness of what hurdles are out there and learning how to get over or around them. In short, we can compensate.

 

5) Do you treat your own children, if any, the way you SHOULD have been treated?

 

To this day, children terrify me. It's something I'm working on, but all I can think about is how what I may be doing, saying, or not doing or saying, may be effecting them. I am celibate partially out of fear for fathering a child. I don't know that I could ever feel confident that I am not in some way destroying this child. There are times that I weep at night for fear that having been in the same room with children I may have somehow contaminated them with this shame.

 

In long and short, my view is this: sexual abuse can be likened to serious physical violence. I have been maimed. Therapy is my process of removing unnecessary scar tissue that has been hindering the healing process. I may be able to run again, or I may not. But I'm sure as hell going to find a way to walk, even if it means I limp a little.

[She's Come Undone]

Your words are very encouraging, and I hope that your well being continues it's upward course.

 

I can't seem to formulate thought yet this morning, but I will try and update my own situation as soon as I can.

 

Let me ask everyone a question that deals with some issues I am going through at the moment:

 

Where does religion, spirituality and/or God play a role in your healing process?

[Moose]

Where does religion, spirituality and/or God play a role in your healing process?

 

That's an excellent question. I used my faith and religion to pray for my step-dad and to ask God to forgive him. As far as healing, I found comfort in knowing that God would never leave me or cause harm to me or my family. I knew that He'd disipline me when I needed it, but not physically abuse me. And that out of anyone anywhere, He has an unconditional love for me.

[Scream]

1. Have you sought, or think you will seek, counseling for the abuse?

 

It took me 25 years to have the courage to seek help, I knew help was available but I was to scared he would know that I was going to tell someone. ( I didn't know my abuser) But now I am having weekly counseling hopefully to understand why he picked me and hopefully to ease the pain.

 

 

2. Can you see the ways that the past abuse affects your life now?

 

It doesn't matter what I do in life I know what he done to me has affected me - big time- I can't keep a boyfriend, as soon as a man wants more than a kiss I freeze. The memories of how much 'it' hurts comes flooding back.

 

 

3. If you have sought counseling, did it help to diminish the symptoms of childhood abuse?

 

Counseling has helped me realize that it wasn't my fault and how innocent I was back then.

 

 

4. Is it possible to heal completely?

 

NO! I bet everyone wishes that they could forget, but if like me, the memories are very strong.

 

 

5. Do you treat your own children, if any, the way you SHOULD have been treated?

 

I have no children but I have Nieces and Nephews and I protect them. Even from men that pass us in the street.

 

 

 

My abuse started when I was 9 years old until i was 12 years old while I was very ill in hospital. i am now 34 years old and it still feels if it happened yesterday. That B***D took away my childhood and destroyed my whole life.

 

Stay Safe

[jmargel]

My ex-fiancee was abused as a child by her mom. When I was with her, she ran away at the age of 17 to be with her dad. The stories I was told about how bad her legs were beaten, by the insults given by her mom by the neglect of her step-dad (they lived in the country, and he threw her out into the snow around midnight in her PJs). The constant threats she received as a child.

 

When I met her I lost count the number of nights she would cry to me about the abuse. She felt awful leaving her step-sister & brother with her mom (they were 13 & 10) but she couldn't take the abuse. She was their mother. Her mom would go out to the bars, drink, get laid, etc.. Here I was only 21, with no experience in counseling. All I did was listen which I found out was the best thing to do.

 

She met up with her mom 2 years later, and she acted like everything was great. However when she turned 21, her mom was trying to live her life through my now fiancee at the time. Taking her to bars, having men buy them drinks, etc.. I also noticed I became the punching bag now. All this anger, this resentment towards her mom was being directed at me. Insults, put-downs, even physical abuse (she dug her nails into my arm one time so hard it bled).

 

I was now becoming a victim, abuse doesn't just happen to one person it trails down to everyone the abused loves. My ex became depressed, I was walking on eggshells, she would threaten to leave and put our relationship in my heart as something not valued. Long story short she ended it, left me for my best friend of 15 years. Married him, had a child and now just 2 weeks ago left him for 'his' friend. Her mom was with over 100 men sexually. I hope my ex doesn't follow down that path.

 

It took me six months of no contact with her to finally realize that I wasn't at fault. That there are deeper issues resulting in what happened.

 

Now, my wife.. She wasn't physically abused by her parents, but endured her parents fighting everyday. She doesn't remember one day of happiness. They divorced at 14, a really bad divorced. She kept to herself in her room all the time. At 16 she was repeatedly raped by her dad's gf's son over a 6 month period. She met a guy who neglected her and treated her like a trophy. She had a baby die during birth a few years ago. This on top of now watching her mom married to a guy who's been charged with incident assault for molesting a 17 year old. Her mom continues to stay with him. She also now has to see her dad & his wife fight all the time, the 15 year old (his wife's daughter) just moved out last week because of all the fighting. When we go over to either place, you can cut the tension with a knife.

 

I find myself being verbally assaulted by my own wife. I know the reasons and she does too. She admits to having alot of anger in her. We are going to counseling, but she's afraid to talk too much about her past yet. She has been good in not dealing with it, but it comes out in other ways. For me, it's an emotional roller coaster. We have good days and bad. Yet I try not to take the things she says to me, personally. However there is a limit, which I will enforce with her. It's almost like abused children never get a chance to grow up, and even as adults they have a tendency to show their immature, child-like behavior. It's hard, and I think she some what resents me because I had a great childhood, a great family who loves her. She's never had unconditional love before and she has admitted she doesn't know how to deal with it yet.

 

I'm just telling you all from my side. Experience two people who were abused lash out at the ones they love the most. I think it's because they feel safe in knowing that we won't go anywhere. They are too afraid to lash out at the ones who hurt them, because of the fear of getting hurt again. I love my wife very much, and will continue to dredge through this battle with her. I want to be by her side after she has conquered all her demons and can finally be at peace with her past and now focus on the contentment, hope and love she now has.

[llee]

Hey Everyone,

I need some info? My wife and I have been separated since May 04. We are trying to work things out. We are both in our 40's have been for 6yrs. and have been previously married and have children. My wife was sexually abuse as child and abused in every sense of the word in her first marriage, on top of that she has been in and out of hospitals as far back as she can remember. Right now, she is a diabetic, acid reflux, fiber myalgia, bells pulsey, and 2 heart stints. My question is, I need info on how this has effected our marriage on what she is going through thinking, feeling (hers and towards me) and how I can help and support her. She says she want to mend our marriage, but doesn't want to commit, we spend as much time as we can together and sex is not a problem. it has never been. Some times I want hear from her for a few days and when I do call her. she says that I am smothering her. She said that she is confused about a lot thats going on in her life and not to push her about anything, because she can't give me the answers I'm looking for. I love my wife more than my own life. If anyone can point me in the right direction on how this has effected our marriage. I would be most grateful. Thanks, Lynn

[Groovy]

I am interested in hearing from Adult Survivors of Child Abuse. I guess I just have a few questions... My boyfriend was raped over and over in a foster home environment, as well as his brothers. My girlfriend was abused by 2 brothers and her husband with penetration and all for 2 years. I'll answer best I can.

 

1. Have you sought, or think you will seek, counseling for the abuse?

My boyfriend goes to counseling every week and says he will always need to be there to have normal relationships. My girlfriend hasn't sought any counseling.

 

2. Can you see the ways that the past abuse affects your life now?

 

The only things my hubby has told me is he has a hard time orgasming, he can stay hard forever! He really enjoys sex though. He has also confessed he has a hard time giving himself emotionally to others. I am wondering if I am working with the impossible but like his honesty and friendship.

 

My girlfriend says she doesn't want to date but I know part of her wants to.

 

3. If you have sought counseling, did it help to diminish the symptoms of childhood abuse?

 

My boyfriend said if he didn't have counseling he would be in more trouble. He's 32 and has been going for about 10 years. His brother's have problems and one of them abused the son he has. (In which my boyfriend called the a government agency for when he discovered bruises and marks). My girlfriend used to go to counseling and my boyfriend is trying to hook her up with a good group.

 

4. Is it possible to heal completely?

I don't need to ask them that. They've accepted it but it will always be a battle for them.

 

5. Do you treat your own children, if any, the way you SHOULD have been treated?

 

Ok, that's all for now!

[Groovy]

Ilee, I have not been sexually abused. But I can tell you only your wife can help herself. The best thing to do it let her know your there if she needs you. It like trying to cure an alcoholic who lives in denial. She is in pain and I think it's great you want to help but it doesn't sound like she is ready. Maybe you can find a group in your area. Call a mental health hotline that does referrals or go to a therapist for one. But it' up to her to go.

 

God bless you and I hope it works out.