serial dater just been seriously burned. How to be single and happy.

[zanzi]

I have done some pretty stupid things for the sake of not being alone. I have depression and am kind of afraid of myself. I have just been seriously burned by an ex ( thank christ he dumped me) and am trying to get over it.

 

I feel like a fool. How do I get my self worth back up without using another person to do it?

Iv'e been going to councilling, I take depression meds. I talked to a counciller who basically told me off and told me to stop playing the victim in life, to get a job and keep doing my degree, save up to go back the uk and forget about getting into anymore bad relationships and thats how I should solve it. Whilst I agree, I feel pretty stupid that she had to tell me that, since Its kind of obvious that thats what I should do. I feel ashamed of my past. So ashamed. :/ oh so very...

 

why do I dislike myself so much, Im not that bad, so why do I torture myself?

[durentu]

what exactly is depression? Why do humans get depressed in the first place?

 

Just like pain is your body telling you that something is wrong, Depression is your mind telling you that you are too far away from reality. And if the depression is getting worse, it's designed to stop you completely and/or kill yourself before you affect or infect others.

 

The ONLY solution to depression is to rediscover reality. How do you do that? Make a goal and accomplish that. And keep making goals and accomplishing that until self worth, self value improves and you have a certain confidence about the world.

 

I won't reply to any more of your questions because you will just attach yourself and perhaps emotionally blackmail anyone who will answer you twice.

 

good luck

[Exit]

Wow this is bizarre I was about to post a very similar thread about myself but had kind of pushed it out of my mind for the time being. You didn't go into much detail so our situations might be entirely different, but just in the general sense, picking up on some of the things you mentioned and keywords like "ashamed". I've been looking back on my dating history lately and like you, I am ashamed of some of the things I did out of the fear of being alone. And I've been in the same mindset lately thinking I need to focus on myself. I need to strengthen my center.

 

I'm kind of stuck at the same point as you, I've figured out the problem but it's such an abstract thing I don't know how to just wake up tomorrow and start working at it.

 

Like you, I really have some strong feelings of dislike for myself, despite people always telling me I have no reason to feel that way.

 

I'm headed out the door right now so I mainly wanted to post in this thread so I'll remember to come back to it later. I don't really have a lot of answers for you as I seem to be experiencing the same thing, so we'll see who else chimes in.

[zanzi]

why would I try to blackmail a stranger.

my reality? well that I have ruined my life at the moment, humiliated myself, treated my friends and family less then well because of my mood swings, gotten kicked out of my flat, just screwed up my life.

 

I have depression, not leprosy. Im down and need to get back up. I dont hurt anyone on purpose, but I do hurt them. Im sorry you see me that way. If you knew me you would see before I got sick I was happy and a fairly good person.

[zanzi]

well Exit, I think that it true that we both have a distorted reality of ourselves and others caused by the sickness.

 

People are like, really afraid of me. Because they see me spiralling down.

 

They act like I am my illness. I will have to survive it alone, and when I do and I come out the other side, I will show them that Im just another person having a hard time, like them. Im not a deadbeat as the first person seemed to imply.

[Jwells]

Zanzi,

 

Your thoughts are meaningless. You need more mindfulness. You're giving too much credence to your thoughts. Thoughts are like soap bubbles. You need to exercise your body and meditate. This will calm you down. If your not exercising, your signing up for depression. Thoughts that are weighted in your heart will help you make better decisions. Get in touch with your breathing and realize that no matter what your past. You are beautiful. Check out ACIM and The wheel of Awareness.

[Janesays]

If you want to feel good about yourself, do good things. It really is that easy.

 

Whining will get you nowhere.

 

Self esteem is not going to come from us. It's going to come from your ACTIONS.

[Jazz09]

hi, whenever you feel depressed, write in a diary and read your previous entries. this may bring forward a positive energy in you in one condition that you are sincere with yourself.

write about how you want your life to be and how you are going to make your dream real. hope this will help you.