Getting a parent's trust

[trombean]

So I'm really interested in a girl... But her family isn't very interested in me :/

 

They like me, but her mom just has a "bad feeling" about me... And when she gets a bad feeling, it's never wrong... So therefor, she won't allow her daughter to date me. And since her bad feelings are always right, her whole family stands behind her in not trusting me.

 

She's a very nice lady, but she's just a little paranoid. She watches a lot of shows on dateline and stuff so she's afraid that I'm going to rape her or something, but I've never given her any reason to think that. It seems like she likes me, but because of her bad feeling, she won't trust me. At one point she even forbid her daughter to see me, but she managed to talk her out of it... But still, she won't allow us to even be alone and she for sure won't allow us to date... In fact, she said she'd never allow it...

 

Is there any way I can gain her trust? I know I'm not a bad person, and I've never given her any reason to think that I am. It's kinda unfair that I can't see this amazing girl because of her mom's bad feeling :/ Should I talk to her?

[durentu]

run away from irrational people like poisoned fruit.

 

Do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life deal with her mom's paranoia?

 

Work on being independent first, then your choices become much better.

[2sure]

The mother daughter thing...it's likely her daughter is much like herself, that it's her daughter she doesn't trust.

[pink_sugar]

Unfortunately, you cannot change how people feel about you. No matter who it is. My husband has tried to get along with my dad, but my dad has always held something against him, no matter what he does. Some people are just like that. If your girlfriend is a minor, you don't really have much choice other than to wait until she is 18 and/or for her to make her own decision to date you.

[Radu]

It's an excuse, it's either her daughter or you she just plainly doesn't trust.

 

But she uses this excuse so she doesn't seem like the bad guy, and to keep control over her daughter.

 

How old are you two ?

 

The interesting thing is that her family considers her bad feelings as unmistakable, combined with the above i'd run for the hills.

[dreamingoftigers]

It's too much to have a whole family against you from the get-go.

 

 

It's been really tough on my husband to desk with my hater family.

 

It sucks to have a hater family, and my parents are those Dateline-people too.

 

I think they pieced together that we've had sex though; been married 6 years with a 3 year old daughter.

[pink_sugar]

I agree with you wholeheartedly. We've been dealing with issues of favortism from part of my husband's family, his mother and stepfather want nothing to do with us and my dad has always held something against him. It's very stressful and difficult to handle, even though obviously one cannot choose their own family. I wonder if my husband had graduated sooner from college, had a good job, maybe his family wouldn't treat him this way. I often feel resentment for that, because it's difficult to be the sole provider and constantly worry about money like there is no end.

[capricorndreamgurl3]

It's sad to say this, but some parents are just hard to change, especially if they are older and set in their ways, like my parents are. My husband and I had a rocky past before we finally got over it and got married. We dated for a period of a few months before breaking up and then we started dating again for good 5 years later. When I brought him on a family outing with us after we started dating, both him and my parents seemed to be getting along. But did what no child should do and that's ask their parents what they think of him/her. My parents then started insulting the crap out of him. They claimed he was trying to be a pain in the ass by not eating the eggs they prepared for him. He also got really sick that morning and was unable to eat all of his breakfast. So that one really pissed me off. They also claimed that he didn't lift one finger to help, but he did. He went and got them things they needed at the store, helped them unload the vehicles, and helped them build the tents. I guess he needed to bow down and be their slave for them to consider that he was "helping them". Sigh.

 

My parents have NPD and some BPD traits. They think that you have to bow down to them in order for them to like them. My point is that some parents are just weird and will never change their ways. If they are anything like mine, they will find fault with anyone their daughter brings home. It is really sad that the last boyfriend I had prior to dating my husband, they had nicer things to say about him than my husband. It really upset me because my husband treats me like gold and is a great guy. Good thing about him is he really doesn't give a damn what they think as long as I am still with him.

 

In your situation, I am not sure what you should do because I hate to be judgmental, but those parents seem a little bit controlling towards their daughter. But I am unsure how old you guys are, so I don't know if they are being controlling or perhaps maybe a little bit overprotective. I agree with DOT in saying it's too much for having the family against you in the beginning. Maybe you can meet up with the daughter and mother and maybe have a talk with both of them and tell them how you really feel. But don't expect her to change right then and there. In fact, she may never budge. There's no telling about some parents.