goodorbadSister Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font][color=black][/color] Hello. I suspect that my sister-in-law is cheating on my brother but I have no proof. My husband and I went on a trip to see them over a long distance. My brother and husband went out for a guys' night out and I went out with my sister-in-law and her friends. Their goal for the night was not to pay for drinks. They offer guys kisses for drinks. Not just a smooch on the cheek but tounge in mouth hands grabbing everywhere kisses. They encouraged me to do the same but I wanted no part of it. Our designated driver ended up being the most drunk and I suggest a hotel. They ended up going home with some men that they had been kissing. I took a taxi to a hotel. My brother is one of my very best friends. He is a sergeant in the 82nd Airborne and has been deployed to Iraq for the last several months. We were celebrating his return. The men had gone to a nudie bar but they all returned to their respective hotels alone when the night closed. He was in Afghanistan last year for 6 months. One night he called me all upset and said that a man had answered her cell phone at 3:00 in the a.m. She laughed it off and said that she was working late. My brother is clue-less. He is in love with her and this will crush him. I don't even have proof. I left their company because I was disgusted so much by the behavior that I saw. I told him the next day that I was unsure what happened to her and her friends and that they had gone home with "friends". I need advice because the slut has turned my brother against my mother because my mother has never liked her. They have been together for 4 years and I never saw why mom hated her until now. It was a mother's instinct and she was trying to protect her son. Now my mother and brother barely speak. He thinks that our mother lies. Now I know that it is my sister-in-law who is the liar. Even if she isn't sleeping with strange men, I still know that my brother would never approve of her kissing strange men for drinks. What if she makes me out to be a liar? Will my brother stop talking to me too? What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodorbadSister Posted July 12, 2004 Author Share Posted July 12, 2004 She is pretty cute and we were at an Army base bar where the females were outnumbered by the men by large numbers. Maybe she can't help the attention she gets. I am just so angry at her that I can't think straight. Maybe her behavior is perfectly acceptable and I am over-reacting. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs.sarah Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 If she was kissing other men for drinks then yes she was cheating. Did you see her kissing other men? If so you need to let your brother know what you saw. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs.sarah Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 And yes if she is out numbered by men she probably cannot help the attention she gets, but she can help the attention she gives back. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 "When the cats away the mice will play" That phrase came to my mind while reading your post. If it were my brother, I'd tell him everything I know. Blood is thicker than water and eventually this will come to light. Doesn't marriage mean anything anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 I would definitely tell my brother about the "kissing for hire", keeping my account factual and neutral. Just say what you saw, NOT what you inferred. Let him jump to his own conclusions. And DON'T attack her in any way. If you need to protect your brother, just stick to the facts. You can even throw in little halfbaked excuses like "maybe she's lonely" or "she could do with a better class of girlfriend" or "perhaps she just didn't realize what she was getting into". If you attack her, your brother will be forced into a defensive posture, whereas if you appear to be excusing her, he will be able to really question her freely in her own mind. At the end of the day, all you can do is provide him with information, and with your loving support. You cannot make the decision for him of whether to trust her against the evidence, or whether to accept her despite her bad behavior. Those decisions are HIS and HIS ALONE. Wow, having a real week of "skank attack" here at Loveshack. Please let this be the bottom of the barrel. Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 I live by three military bases and I will always wonder why married military women cheat!!!!!!!!!!! If you are so lonely adopt a dog! Supermom.... I am getting married soon.... and I can honestly say that I DO TAKE THE MARRIAGE THING VERY SERIOUSLY!!! In this day and age it is too bad some people do not have morals............. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Sounds like your sister in law is cheating. I know that it is very upsetting to you, but let's be calm here for a minute. Your mom has already made comments about her and your brother has cut her off instead of listening. What makes you think he won't do the same to you? Unless you have hard-core proof that you can show him (photos, letters, he sees it) he will probably take his wife's side over yours. I say without picking on her, you try to just let him know that you think her friends might not have her best interests at heart and that you were uncomfortable with what happened that night. If he asks for details, provide them but not in an accusing, you should think this - way. Just give him the facts and keep emotion out of it. If he doesn't ask for details, he probably already knows and wants to keep his head in the sand. In which case, telling him will just piss him off and embarras him. I know that you only have your brother's best interests at heart, but this might come back to bite you in the butt. Link to post Share on other sites
Texan27 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 I personally have been in a similar situation with my older brother. He couldn't have been more blind to the fact that his girlfriend of 4 years was cheating on him with his friends. Since I was the same age as his gf and we went to school together, I could see how she dressed and acted towards other guys. For 2 years I tried to tell him what was going on but he refused to believe me and our relationship turned into what your brother's is with your mom. When he discovered the truth about her, It was my mom who told me what had happened but he was too ashamed to come to me for comfort... and it really hurt that for the first time I wasn't able to help him through that b/c of what our relationship had deteriorated to. But now that time has passed and he has since moved on... he ALWAYS listens to what I have to say and usually won't act on a girl that I honestly know isn't exactly a good person. Since then he's learned that women see things in other women that men don't. What he didn't realize at the time (but now does) is that I was only trying to protect him since I love him so damn much. I suggest you tell him b/c in the end it will not only make your relationship with him but also his relationship with your mother stronger. Its better that you tell him so if something is wrong he knows that he can come to you for help. But you have to be sure to do it in the right way so he knows that you are only trying to protect him. Make sure you tell him that before you begin. And obviously tell him everything you know about her. Just keep enforcing that you are only acting out of a sister's love for her brother. If he knows that you are just offering your info for him to take it or leave it, he will respond much more positively and be more likely to continue listening to what you have to say in the future. Make sure that you're not making hard core allegations towards her but that you've just noticed her behavior. At the end of the talk say something positively about their relationship and her as a person so that he knows your not doing this out of dislike for her. Best of Luck, Tex Link to post Share on other sites
Sian_Roe Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 As tough as this will be, I think that you have to tell your brother what you have observed. I agree with the other posts that you cannot infer what might be going on. Keep it to what you saw with your own eyes. That should be enough to sway him. Obviously do this when he is safe home and has a few days to settle in. If he doesn't believe you, suggest that he hire a private detective so he can see for himself. He will thank you in the end. Nobody wants to be screwed around on, but blood is thicker than water, and in time, he will appreciate your loyalty to him. Sian Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Maybe her behavior is perfectly acceptable and I am over-reacting. Unless if your brother and her have some agreement, like she can kiss other guys on the lips if he goes to nudie bars, her behaviour was unacceptable. It's weird that she did in front of you though....like she didn't care if you told your brother. I think SoleMate's advice on how to deal with the situation is extremely good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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