TroubledWife80 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 I have been married for 4 months, and have been with my husband for 2 years. I am 7 months pregnant. When my husband and I first started dating he told me that he never really like having sex with his previous girlfriends. Once him and I began dating it seemed to be the exact opposite he seemed to love it. When I first got pregnant the sex was still great, and as time went on and I got bigger it seemed as though he didn't want it. When he and I first moved in together I found that he had some porn videos and that did not bother me since he had acquired them before we were together. The past 4 or 5 months we have had no sex life at all, and I noticed a few weeks ago that he has been buying himself more videos. I know that this could be because he is afraid that he is going to hurt the baby, and I completely understand that however, the doctor has assured him that he will not hurt the baby and it is completely natural for us to make love. Being 7 months pregnant I am feeling a little insecure about myself, and him watching these videos doesn't help. He tells me that he hates strippers, and like me to look classy, but these women on these videos are anything but that. The other problem is that he told me in the beginning of our relationship that I am not the type of girl he usually dates he like his girls with darker skin, and darker hair. He told me that he likes Hispanic women, and all of his new videos are of Hispanic women. When we do make love I feel like he is thinking of these women. I just want to know what it is that he likes about these videos. I started to notice that he is watching them everyday by arranging them in my own manner so I would know if he is watching them. If I mention sex to him he ignores me as if I hadn't said anything. It's like he doesn't want to be bothered with it. I started to question myself if he is cheating on me since he is watching them so much maybe he is looking for something different. He went out the other night and he got home at 2:30 in the morning. I had fallen asleep on the couch. He woke me up when he got home when I came to I went into our bedroom, and went into our bathroom and I could smell cologne really strong. I knew that he had just sprayed it so I came out of the bathroom and questioned him about it. He lied right to my face. He said that he didn't spray anything that what I was smelling was from that morning. After I questioned him numerous times about this he kept on lying. I said that I was going to a hotel for the night, and he chased me outside. He asked me if I wanted to know the truth as to what happened and I said yes. He told me that he had hugged and kissed a good friend of his sister good bye, and her perfume rubbed off on him. I asked him then why he sprayed cologne on his clothes and then took them off to get into bed. He said he didn't know. Something just doesn't shake out. I don't know if he is cheating on me. I know that he likes his videos and he prefers them to having sex with me. Well, if he prefers that then what is to make me believe that he is not preferring to have sex with another woman? So here I am today on this web site hoping to get some advice. If anyone can give me any I would really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 This does not sound good. When I was pregnant with my kids I felt the way you do about being insecure with the way I looked etc. I think alot of women feel that way. I can understand that if your H is looking at what hes looking at that doesn't help anything. He is disrespecting you and your marriage by doing this, especially if you have told him how this makes you feel. If he is turning down or ignoring your advances when it comes to sex, you really need to find out whats going on. Also if you were to find out that he was doing something with someone else, you need to ask yourself is this the kind of life you want for you and your child? I hope this is not the case. Keep us posted on what you find out. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Almost every woman has that 6th sense with her hubby. If you feel it in your gut then there's probably something wrong there. The whole cologne incident I think sounds kinds fishy. If it was just a sisters friend then why run upstairs and put clonge on to cover it. Why would he feel as if he had to hide that from you? Sounds to me like he felt guilty and scared of you finding out so his first reaction was to run upstairs and put cologne on. The porn I dont believe to be that big a deal. He is a guy and they watch it. But if its really bothering you sweety then talk to him. He is your husband and the Father of your baby! You need to sit him down and lists all the things bothering you and talk them out. No fighting, or yelling or pointing fingers just communication between eachother. If you think he's straying now, then if you come at him like a bulldozer, hell sprint away. Talk to him. Link to post Share on other sites
rey Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 i just posted "my husband is a porn freak" and i got sites saying that 'he's disrespecting u, etc....' but i did a search on "my wife is a porn freak" and all i got is more sex sites including clown sex etc.....what does that tell u about men? now, i can understand porn when ur single and crazy,....but i don't think there is any room for it in a committed relationship/marriage. they truly are from mars, and he makes me nauseaus........and he'll deny and defend it until the end........ this is not cool w/me. i'm not pregnant, i'm HHHHHOT....i think that is just the way men are.....F them. Link to post Share on other sites
rey Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 i just posted "my husband is a porn freak" and i got sites saying that 'he's disrespecting u, etc....' but i did a search on "my wife is a porn freak" and all i got is more sex sites including clown sex etc.....what does that tell u about men? now, i can understand porn when ur single and crazy,....but i don't think there is any room for it in a committed relationship/marriage. they truly are from mars, and he makes me nauseaus........and he'll deny and defend it until the end........ this is not cool w/me. i'm not pregnant, i'm HHHHHOT....i think that is just the way men are.....F them. Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Porn seems to be the smaller part of the problem, whereas his utter and total disregard for you feelings and needs is a pretty big problem. Obviously the perfume story is not true. Think about how it would go if it were true. He would simply crawl into bed & if/when you asked, tell you that such-&-such ran into him and gave him a hug. There wouldn't be the whole cloak and dagger thing. And most likely, it would be followed with "She asked how you were doing and when the baby's due" or something innocent like that. Because that's what a real family friend would do. Now, whether he actually full on cheated with penetration, or just went in search of - the man's not behaving well. However, I'm not ready to jump up and label him a butthole just yet. Before the pregnancy, was he like this? If so, that's not good. If not, it's possible that he's going through the new-daddy-to-be freakout. I've seen a couple of good guys simply lose their ever-lovin' minds at the prospect of the new responsibilities, fear of failure, reminders of their own childhood, and huge fears of inadequacy - that manifest in some downright odd behavior. If you can get him to go to marriage counseling, I think now is the time. Because then you at least have the hope of change. Good luck, & please check back and let us know how you are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
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