Nikki Sahagin Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 I don't really want to dwell on the particulars of how this man let me down, because I don't really want to make it such an issue in my life. I want to move on and let go. BUT I am a very picky, 'all or nothing' person. When I REALLY like someone I give 100% and am crazy for them. If I don't like them much I won't even meet them for a date 'just to see' or 'just to do something'. I'll just leave it. Because of this, I rarely meet men I REALLY like, so in between is quite a wasteland of quietness. I liked this guy, I got used to feeling quite intensely for him, we kissed, had sex, and the feelings were still there. But I know it's probably not quite the same on his side, despite his initial words/actions/etc. The problem is, when someone lets me down who I really cared for, it can really put me in a bad mood, even if everything else in life is going right. I know this happens to people, men and women every day. It's sadly a fact of the dating world, but how do you cope and keep happy? I guess the problem is I value these feelings VERY highly and am also predisposed to depression so when I am let down in this way, it can trigger a low bout of it for a while, but I really want to learn to be able to brush these things off and not them get any deeper and just get on with life. Any tips guys? You know we've all been there Link to post Share on other sites
Appleness Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) Hey Nikki, I get this way sometimes so I know what you mean. For me, it just means my feelings are all pent up. I go online and pick the saddest movie and I have a good cry, then I nap and when I wake up, I feel better. Do you like foreign movies? I "go to" movie is Korean. The title is (go figure) "Sad Movie". I cry buckets and always feel better after. My other choice if I want to feel optimistic afterwards is French. Have you heard of "Amelie"? Edited August 4, 2012 by Appleness spelling error Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 4, 2012 Author Share Posted August 4, 2012 Hi Appleness, (sweet name by the way......) Thanks for your response. I LOVE Amelie. I tend to escape in movies or music too. It's a really good suggestion. Helps get it out of the system. Link to post Share on other sites
jgregory4614 Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 There's not much you can do when we (men) drop women like a hot rock. I feel your pain. It's not the greatest feeling when somebody uses you. You tend to lose your self-esteem. It's hard to tell when guys are out to use you for sex. We do anything to get a piece. Even if we have to lie in order to get what we want. I hate to say but it works. Go out on a few dates first. Maybe 3 or 4 but no less. That way the guy can get to know you first. You shouldn't have to change your personnality or anything else about yourself. I see a lot of women asking themselves if it was something they did. 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with what the woman has done. It mainly depends on what the guys goal is (sex or relationship) and sometimes how fast women give it up. Do something to boost your self-esteem. Work out, dress up pretty and go out. Go get some compliments from other men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 4, 2012 Author Share Posted August 4, 2012 There's not much you can do when we (men) drop women like a hot rock. I feel your pain. It's not the greatest feeling when somebody uses you. You tend to lose your self-esteem. It's hard to tell when guys are out to use you for sex. We do anything to get a piece. Even if we have to lie in order to get what we want. I hate to say but it works. Go out on a few dates first. Maybe 3 or 4 but no less. That way the guy can get to know you first. You shouldn't have to change your personnality or anything else about yourself. I see a lot of women asking themselves if it was something they did. 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with what the woman has done. It mainly depends on what the guys goal is (sex or relationship) and sometimes how fast women give it up. Do something to boost your self-esteem. Work out, dress up pretty and go out. Go get some compliments from other men. Hi J, I have to make it clear. I wasn't used for sex, or that's certainly not how I feel. We had sex but that's all it was for me at the time as well. But he then began saying he wanted more from me and wanted to be serious which gave me expectations. It was these expectations, not the sex, that led to me feeling let down. I'm more confused and let down that someone felt the need potentially to give me expectations that they probably don't want to uphold when that wouldn't have hindered me having sex. I even said, 'you don't need to say that. It's okay that this is just sex'. And truly, it was. It's just confusing to me when people can't be black and white, as I usually can be. So it's not a feeling of being used for me, and certainly my self esteem is still fine, it's just feeling let down by someone, but this is certainly something people do every day. In fact it's probably a good learning curve for me that people can't always be honest, even when you can be. I should also make clear, at this stage he hasn't 100% let me down...i'm just sensing it's going that way. Thanks for the response though J Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted August 4, 2012 Author Share Posted August 4, 2012 I'm also thinking (advice to myself)...when someone gives you 1 negative, give yourself 7 positives Link to post Share on other sites
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