mr.SI Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 i was just wondering if it was possible and if it has ever happen to anyone. i'm just hoping someday it could happen to me
StartingAgain Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 It happens. A lot of couples reconcile after they have divorced. This is really understandable. All married couples go through periods where they are not happy. Problems crop up and at least half the couples don't deal with them effectively and end up divorcing. What they don't know is that if they were to stick it out and not let it all be so tragic, they will get beyond the bad times and become as happy (if not happier) than they were before. There was some research published on this last fall. So a couple splits and gets over being so mortally pissed off at one another. They remain friends. Sometimes they see that the person they fell in love with is still there, and better, has never been gone. It's just a matter of having lost them in all the cruff we tend to pile up around us. Sometimes, and I''ve had a couple of women tell me this, they get back out there in Dating World believing that they will now find the man of their dreams! But what they find is that Prince Charming still doesn't exist and none of their new suitors is anywhere near as nice as the husband they gave the boot to. I'm sure men have the same experience. Hope, but don't place all your hope there. And don't put your life on hold for it. It's pretty rare. Most people play the "i divorced you and will hate you forever" game.
dugs Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 I'm in the "friendship" situation right now too. We have been broken up for a month and a half now but I believe that if the person who breaks up with you wants to stay friends then it is some kind of last ditch effort wake up call to the other person to change somthing about themselves. I suggest that you stand back and find out what it is that pushed the person away in the first place. Then change it about yourself and let the other person see that. I knew exactly why my ex broke up with me and I decided to change those reasons about myself. Well after three weeks she began to warm up a little more to me. A word of caution here though. Do not make the same mistake that I did by expecting to much too soon. It took time for her heart to freeze over and so it will take time to melt the ice again. As soon as she began to thaw out a little I started being too pushy, expecting too much in too little time, which only pushed her away again. Now I'm back at square one. Stupid me. Hopefully she isn't frozen solid for good now. Anyways, I suggest you try reconnecting on her terms, getting on her level again. Make her feel smart and funny and agree with her on everything. Pretend she is the one and only authority on anything in the world. This seems like you are kissing ass, and maybe it is, but maybe its what you need to correct the imbalance that occured between you two in the first place. My ex left me because she felt I did not respect her opinions and thoughts enough, and it annoyed the hell out of her. So I just went along with whatever her opinions were after we broke up and agreed with on everything she said. I didn't try and be confrontational, like I was in the past, and gave her the respect she deserved. I don't think breaking up is as complicated as people make it out to be. Just somthing as simple as giving more repect can make a world of difference. BE PATIENT. Good luck
Author mr.SI Posted July 12, 2004 Author Posted July 12, 2004 i'm pretty much still trying to figure out why she wanted time off, we never really had any issues or problems with each other. we got along very well. i'm not to sure about kissing up to her part, but i will agree with you on giving her respect that she deserves. yes i think being pateint here is key, thanks for your input.
dugs Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 I'm sure you have already, but have you tried having a sincere conversation with her about it. Really try and figure out what bugs her about your relationship together, but don't sound confrontational. Be sincere. Also, how long were you together, are you sure you were not a rebound of some sort. People just don't stop liking others for no reason.
prodigy_khaine Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 dugs Similar situ as you man, but its been two weeks, we've spoken brokenly since. She has already expressed desire to be friends, and has even suggested we catch up for lunch before I go away for 3 weeks and she wont be able to contact me unless she rings me (I'm crossing my fingers). I genuinely believe she wants to be friends, she's making more of an effort than I, I'm trying no contact, but it sucks... (read: difficult) Sometimes I'm just totally fed up, I feel I'd rather just be spending a lot of time with her now as a friend instead of avoiding her... I'm not sure whether to stick to n/c or to just be friends and work it up from there. She's young, so she probably wants some more "experiences" which sucks, but its something I gotta realise... She's already said I can hang out with her as a friend, like, go to her place and watch movies etc, but I said it'd be weird, as in weird to me. She doesn't really seem to see whats so weird about it. I spose the one thing I want to know dugs is what you did to make her freeze up again. I know it could be personal, but I just don't want to make the same mistake. I was inches away from kissing her last night, but I knew deep down it woulda been a fatal error.
Author mr.SI Posted July 13, 2004 Author Posted July 13, 2004 we were together for about a year and no i wasn't a rebound. i think i kind of know what is is but when the time is right i'll talk to her about it.
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