MM reveals his true colours

[Lornamae]

Not sure how to end your affair? Not sure if you'll cope without him?

 

Please read my experience, I would hate anyone to feel the way I do at this moment.

 

I'd known this MM liked me, as he'd made a few misguided attempts both verbally and physically, over the past year - once even putting me through an upsetting hour in my own home. So there was no chance at all that I was ever going to find him appealing.

 

Then my dad died, in quite distressing circumstances. I'm estranged from my family, live and work alone, been single for 14 years (I'm 42, MM is 53) due to previous abusive and violent relationships. MM lives nearby, and he became the one I talked to about my loss. I was struggling with the loss, and MM offered help with my garden, and I started to feel I'd misjudged him. He offered to meet for coffee to talk and I found myself falling for him.

 

We started meeting, often, and I found myself liking and falling for him. He listened, was attentive, and told me all the things i wanted to hear - how much he fancied me, how much he watches me, thinks of me, and how unhappy he was (with his 3rd wife - I chose to put that aside I guess), and I found myslef understanding love songs for the first time.

 

I struggled with only having short time periods with him, but then he went away for a week and bought a mobile, so I was flattered he wanted to stay in touch. When he got back though it was back to broken promises and he started to contradict what he said, stopped doing the things he used to do - I was though quite hooked by this time, and we'd been together a couple of times, very rushed and in very unromantic settings, but the thought of all he kept saying to me, all the time he claimed to be "giving" me, kept me hooked. Once we'd been together, he stopped saying things about the possible future with me, and started to manipulate me into accepting he could "only give me so much" - why do MM only drop that in AFTER they've made you fall for them?

 

I tired to finish it a couple of times, but he always suggested meeting "to talk" but he would just talk me round. Then I sent a final text, with no affection or regret and I stuck to it. I missed him, I wanted to ring him, I was weepy, and I wanted to go back to how it was, warts and all kind of thing, and he rang alot, but I kept my phone off - I was soooo strong, amazingly, but that was mostly down to the unappealing realities of how and where we'd meet and because I was so hooked on him I couldn't bear him spending every night with his wife.

 

After a week we crossed paths and he gestured to me to walk over. I was weepy, but he said he accepted my text, which made me cry. I suppose I thought I had meant more to him. I asked him if he had meant it, when we could be together one day and he said he'd made it clear he could only offer so much. I was so upset, the reality hit me like a brick wall. I asked if giving him all of me had meant anything and he casually said that leaving his wife had crossed his mind, to which I cried and walked away.

 

Now he goes out of his way to avoid me, and I have to live with what I've done, my naiivity and the fact that he lives within spitting distance - and everyone around us thinks he's wonderful because he goes out of his way to help everyone.

 

I don't know how to come to terms with the pain, hurt or anger, I confided about my life and my dad. I don't know how he could be so selfish, but if anyone is reading this who knows how to get through this kind of ending I would love to hear. I was already a loner, but now even more so.

[seren]

Lornamae, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. he sounds like a prize dickhead and has abused your vulnerable situation, which I hope you realise and don't turn it inward and blame yourself for his behaviour.

 

I wonder, given you having been through the mill during your life and now losing your Dad, whether speaking to someone, maybe a counsellor would help. Sometimes talking it through, saying it out loud helps to sort through feelings, emotions and give perspective. I had massive trust issues for many years and know all about feeling hurt when giving trust to someone only to have it broken. It takes a lot of time to rebuild that, but it can be done, just not overnight.

 

Have you got a friend or family member IRL who will listen and not judge? There will be others along who will support you and some who will have trod a similar path. Just for now, I wish you peace and know that you are listened to. Seren xx

[alexandria35]

Hey lornamae, I'm a bit of a loner myself and I quite like it, but I know how tough it is to be in pain when you're introverted. You really feel alone and abandoned. I feel for you.

 

So this MM used your grief over your dad's passing as a way to squirm his smarmy self into your life. What a cad! You also have a history of having unhealthy abusive relationships in your past which also made you vulnerable to the niceties of the MM. I think a lot of OW feel that the MM actually treats her better than any single guy ever has, but this is mostly because the MM knows he won't have to live up to the expectations he sets.Once he had you hooked then he started telling you not to expect too much because he can only give you some of himself. He is such a jerk!!

 

Since you are a loner (as am I) it is important for you to find someone to talk to. Not just about your MM but about all the hurts you have kept locked inside over the years. Your dads passing, your broken relationships, your missing family...it all needs to come out and be addressed. Sounds like you confided these things to your MM and he used them to his advantage. You need someone to talk to that doesn't have a hidden agenda. A therapist might be in order if you don't have anyone else close to you. A lot of people balk at the idea of going to a counsellor as the idea of opening up to a complete stranger is rather unappealing, especially to the strong silent types. It really does help though. I went to one about 7 years ago for about 6 months. She wasn't even that good of a therapist but I was in so much need at the time that I went ahead and tried it and I'm glad I did because it helped me through a dark time in my life.

[KathyM]

MM are master manipulators. They'll tell you whatever they think you want to hear in order to get what they want. The reason your guy implied you had a future was to get you to let your guard down and have sex with him. Sorry, but that IS the reality. These men are slime. They only care about themselves. At least this one had the decency to let you know that he could only give you so much, so at least you didn't get your hopes up too much about a lasting relationship. Of course, he misled you to begin with in order to get in your pants. My older sister was duped in the same way you were when she was 17/18 years old. She had an affair with a MM who kept telling her all this ego boosting stuff and empty promises in order to get her to give in to the affair. Of course, everyone got hurt in the end. I know this is no consolation, but at least you found out early on that he had no intention of having a future with you. Some women are duped for years with empty promises of a future together. Now get some counseling so you can have some support in recovering from this, and so you will not fall for this abuse in the future.

[Emme]

Um.... I want you to try and look at this situation from another view point. I know you are hurt and I am sorry for the pain. You opened your heart to someone and now you can't believe he's not who you think he is. For the time that he helped you mourn I want you to be somewhat appreciative of that. I'll tell you why. Often times when disaster strikes I think people are sent your way to help you heal or cope. You needed that release of happiness and comfort given your family situation. Use that positive to squash all the negative. Some people are used as vehicles to help others and that was his role. To help you cope. Don't allow him behaving like a fool now to anger you. He knows your personal problems, so what. He was there for a reason and now he's not needed any more. Somethings in life is only for time. Time will pass and you'll feel no pain. You're going to be ok hun. Sorry for your loss.

[KathyM]

Um.... I want you to try and look at this situation from another view point. I know you are hurt and I am sorry for the pain. You opened your heart to someone and now you can't believe he's not who you think he is. For the time that he helped you mourn I want you to be somewhat appreciative of that. I'll tell you why. Often times when disaster strikes I think people are sent your way to help you heal or cope. You needed that release of happiness and comfort given your family situation. Use that positive to squash all the negative. Some people are used as vehicles to help others and that was his role. To help you cope. Don't allow him behaving like a fool now to anger you. He knows your personal problems, so what. He was there for a reason and now he's not needed any more. Somethings in life is only for time. Time will pass and you'll feel no pain. You're going to be ok hun. Sorry for your loss.

Sorry, but I have to object to this philosophy. This guy did you no good. He wasn't sent your way as a healing person. He took advantage of your vulnerability at a time when you were at your lowest, which makes him lower than low. He fed off of your pain. Now you are not only dealing with your initial hurt, but also with a broken heart because of this man. You SHOULD be mad that this guy is going around pretending to be some really great guy--pillar of the community--and taking advantage of a woman's vulnerability at a time she is at her lowest. This is NOT a good guy. Any guy who would cheat on his wife and take advantage of a woman's emotions when she is at her lowest coping ability, is NOT a good guy, and is NOT someone worth keeping in your life.

[Mount]

I just try to think outside of the box - isn't all OWs' feeling lost...etc based on the emotional attachment too much to the MMs. But isn't true that OW uses MM for companionship, sex,...etc as well, just as much as MM uses OW for.

 

In the end, if OWs can drop MMs just like MMs dropping OWs, so no pain at the either side, is that right?

 

 

Sorry, but I have to object to this philosophy. This guy did you no good. He wasn't sent your way as a healing person. He took advantage of your vulnerability at a time when you were at your lowest, which makes him lower than low. He fed off of your pain. Now you are not only dealing with your initial hurt, but also with a broken heart because of this man. You SHOULD be mad that this guy is going around pretending to be some really great guy--pillar of the community--and taking advantage of a woman's vulnerability at a time she is at her lowest. This is NOT a good guy. Any guy who would cheat on his wife and take advantage of a woman's emotions when she is at her lowest coping ability, is NOT a good guy, and is NOT someone worth keeping in your life.

[Emme]

Sorry, but I have to object to this philosophy. This guy did you no good. He wasn't sent your way as a healing person. He took advantage of your vulnerability at a time when you were at your lowest, which makes him lower than low. He fed off of your pain. Now you are not only dealing with your initial hurt, but also with a broken heart because of this man. You SHOULD be mad that this guy is going around pretending to be some really great guy--pillar of the community--and taking advantage of a woman's vulnerability at a time she is at her lowest. This is NOT a good guy. Any guy who would cheat on his wife and take advantage of a woman's emotions when she is at her lowest coping ability, is NOT a good guy, and is NOT someone worth keeping in your life.

 

 

People live their lives one of two ways. Glass half full or half empty. Regardless of a death, she was still prey. He is being mean to treat her this way now. My point is that you can choose to be angry or think positively. She has no family since she's considered the black sheep and you find solace in a man that is married. Just be grateful you were sent someone to help you through that trying time in your life. I don't know how to blame someone else for my actions. If it was unbeknownst to her he was married that's different. She knew he was married. When you lay down with a dog you can't complain about the type of fleas you catch. Its not selective. If you are 18+ and you're f*cking, you're grown. You can't blame other people when it doesn't work out to your liking. Personally if I was guy, I would have just f*cked her and left. I don't have to sit and console you. My objective is to cum. As soon as he came all he had to do was say, peace I'm out. Men don't even want to talk to some woman about regular issues, he had to sit and talk about death. He might be a ass now... but he did help her through her fathers death.

 

I can't object to your post because that's how some people live their lives. Everyone has a right to live the way they choose. I just wanted to further clarify why I wanted her to move forward without holding on to the anger. I don't know how people hold on to anger. It's poisonous. She can chose to be angry but I'm sure her MM isn't singing the blues. It's a waste of time and effort.

[Mount]

I agree most of your opinion, but can you explain what that means "She has no family since she's considered the black sheep"?

 

 

 

 

People live their lives one of two ways. Glass half full or half empty. Regardless of a death, she was still prey. He is being mean to treat her this way now. My point is that you can choose to be angry or think positively. She has no family since she's considered the black sheep and you find solace in a man that is married. Just be grateful you were sent someone to help you through that trying time in your life. I don't know how to blame someone else for my actions. If it was unbeknownst to her he was married that's different. She knew he was married. When you lay down with a dog you can't complain about the type of fleas you catch. Its not selective. If you are 18+ and you're f*cking, you're grown. You can't blame other people when it doesn't work out to your liking. Personally if I was guy, I would have just f*cked her and left. I don't have to sit and console you. My objective is to cum. As soon as he came all he had to do was say, peace I'm out. Men don't even want to talk to some woman about regular issues, he had to sit and talk about death. He might be a ass now... but he did help her through her fathers death.

 

I can't object to your post because that's how some people live their lives. Everyone has a right to live the way they choose. I just wanted to further clarify why I wanted her to move forward without holding on to the anger. I don't know how people hold on to anger. It's poisonous. She can chose to be angry but I'm sure her MM isn't singing the blues. It's a waste of time and effort.

[Emme]

I'm estranged from my family, live and work alone, been single for 14 years (I'm 42, MM is 53) due to previous abusive and violent relationships.

 

I used the word black sheep. She used the word estranged. Sorry.

[Mount]

Oh, no worry.

 

 

I used the word black sheep. She used the word estranged. Sorry.

[Lornamae]

I didn't know if I'd get any response, so here is a bit more - yes, I have been the black sheep, I wanted to go to college (which I did) rather than go on the dole liek my family; at 18 my mother who had never been affectionate (and admitted as much to a teacher) told me she wished she'd got rid of me when she had the chance; aged 17 she had called me fat (I was underweight for my age) and I ended up in a mental hospital weighing 5 stone and had an eating disorder on and off since. My uncle tried to bed me, I never told anyone. My ex husband was violent, I left through WA only to be in another worse relationship which ended up in the local paper. My mother kept my dad's illness from me, he was a violent drunk, I stayed away becasue I couldn't cope with how he was, because I LOVED him, but he told mum not to tell me, and he had died 2 days before someone told me, but this person also knew he had been in hospital for a week. My mother told her not to tell me he had died. I was numb for a week but have struggled with many emotions since. I told my MM all this and his affection was just something I needed. Maybe as suggested, he was "sent" to help me through it but I'm not sure.

 

I was then abused by a man in his 60's for over a year, then had a breakdown in 2010 and 7 months therapy.

 

So Emme, your reply was a reality check, yes I did know what i was getting into but you could word it differently?

 

I have been on the CB therapy list for a few months (prior to my dad's death) and the 1st session is on Monday...

 

Just after posting my first thread, I went for my usual run and MM was waiting around the corner. He said he needed to talk, he didn't want "all this" and wanted to help me "move forward". It made me cry, because it just feels like he's rubbing my nose in it, now he knows he had a close shave. He lives VERY close to me so I guess he is worried I might be a bunny boiler, but I know I do have a modicom of class, and wouldn't lower myself.

 

I don't have any friends or work colleagues, but I have come through alot on my own, I just need to seek out my former inner strength, which is a bit hidden at the moment. I turned to this forum for support and I do feel I am with people who understand ~ thank you.

[Mount]

May I know why you choose to be treated that way?

 

"I was then abused by a man in his 60's for over a year, then had a breakdown in 2010 and 7 months therapy."

 

I didn't know if I'd get any response, so here is a bit more - yes, I have been the black sheep, I wanted to go to college (which I did) rather than go on the dole liek my family; at 18 my mother who had never been affectionate (and admitted as much to a teacher) told me she wished she'd got rid of me when she had the chance; aged 17 she had called me fat (I was underweight for my age) and I ended up in a mental hospital weighing 5 stone and had an eating disorder on and off since. My uncle tried to bed me, I never told anyone. My ex husband was violent, I left through WA only to be in another worse relationship which ended up in the local paper. My mother kept my dad's illness from me, he was a violent drunk, I stayed away becasue I couldn't cope with how he was, because I LOVED him, but he told mum not to tell me, and he had died 2 days before someone told me, but this person also knew he had been in hospital for a week. My mother told her not to tell me he had died. I was numb for a week but have struggled with many emotions since. I told my MM all this and his affection was just something I needed. Maybe as suggested, he was "sent" to help me through it but I'm not sure.

 

I was then abused by a man in his 60's for over a year, then had a breakdown in 2010 and 7 months therapy.

 

So Emme, your reply was a reality check, yes I did know what i was getting into but you could word it differently?

 

I have been on the CB therapy list for a few months (prior to my dad's death) and the 1st session is on Monday...

 

Just after posting my first thread, I went for my usual run and MM was waiting around the corner. He said he needed to talk, he didn't want "all this" and wanted to help me "move forward". It made me cry, because it just feels like he's rubbing my nose in it, now he knows he had a close shave. He lives VERY close to me so I guess he is worried I might be a bunny boiler, but I know I do have a modicom of class, and wouldn't lower myself.

 

I don't have any friends or work colleagues, but I have come through alot on my own, I just need to seek out my former inner strength, which is a bit hidden at the moment. I turned to this forum for support and I do feel I am with people who understand ~ thank you.

[Mount]

Sorry, what I meant is that why didn't she GET OUT AS SOON AS POSSBILE? We choose what to do, the way we are being treated, aren't we?

 

***********

[Emme]

So Emme, your reply was a reality check, yes I did know what i was getting into but you could word it differently?

 

Wording it differently to me means giving someone milk and cookies, what I like to call fluff. I like to throw rock hard stale bread at people at high speed. That's my reality check, duck if you have to. It might be harsh to you but I do it because I care. If I don't care I leave a thread and never post in it. I see thread after thread of people blaming MM/MW. Pointing of the finger. No one that enters into an affair is a child but when it ends some people revert back to childhood and refuse to own their 50%. They want to throw their 50% back to the MM/MW and say it's all your fault. I don't understand it. If a man/woman can stand in a church in the face of god, family, friends and take a oath to be faithful... then breaks that vow with you. You are not even starting at zero you are starting at a negative number. When you are a cheater you are an opportunist. You should prepare for the worst.

 

 

I have been on the CB therapy list for a few months (prior to my dad's death) and the 1st session is on Monday...

 

Just after posting my first thread, I went for my usual run and MM was waiting around the corner. He said he needed to talk, he didn't want "all this" and wanted to help me "move forward". It made me cry, because it just feels like he's rubbing my nose in it, now he knows he had a close shave. He lives VERY close to me so I guess he is worried I might be a bunny boiler, but I know I do have a modicom of class, and wouldn't lower myself.

 

I don't have any friends or work colleagues, but I have come through alot on my own, I just need to seek out my former inner strength, which is a bit hidden at the moment. I turned to this forum for support and I do feel I am with people who understand ~ thank you.

 

I'm glad you are getting the help you need to work on the emotions you are having. I hope you gain insight to help you with all the issues you're enduring. You do not need MM help to move forward. Don't allow him to assist in any way shape or form. If you want to, all you need to do is be respectful towards him since he is a neighbor. Don't go out of your way to please him. I don't know what you are comfortable doing, being left alone or you still want contact, just a hello in public. You have to decide that. Only deal with what you can handle.

 

It's time to get out there and live a little. Take a course or workshop and be more social. The more you do it the more you'll find the mind takes away some of the stress and you'll make new friends. Even if it's learning a instrument do it. Do all the things you ever wanted to do as a child and never got the chance to. Good luck to yah.

Edited August 5, 2012 by Emme

[Lornamae]

That's a good post Emme, thank you

 

re "....abused by a man in his 60's..." He was a married man I knew through business. He was on his 3rd marriage, his 3rd wife was younger, they had twins when she was 45 and he was 58, she fell pregnant within months of them being together. Couple of years later he offered to mentor me in my business, but started to confide in me (things I later found everyone knew) and wanting to meet several times a week. Eventually I lsot custoemrs, trying to meet him (I did try to get out of meeting him, but thought he was doing me good, which he wasn't) and keeping up with my jobs.

 

When I lost my last customer I rang him and he offered to give me a 2 day a week paperwork job. I was good at the work and eventually became a full time PA, but only because he was quite badly organised. He started making me feel I should be gratefull, to pay him for his generosity, to thank him etc. He started showing other sides of himself, with rages and emotional blackmail. He would punish me if I didn't meet him on my day off, he would sweear and shout, humiliate me to clients and not allow me to talk to anyone. There's alot to this, but genrally he wore me down and I ended up having a breakdown and eventually resigned. He is known locally and is well in with all the funny handshake brigade, does alot of charity work etc and it was his own family owned business, so no HR dept etc.

 

I didn't have anyone to turn to, I just tried to do right by him, at the expense of my own health and he was very very good at making me feel I owed him and making me feel bad. He once suggested I lift up my top to win a client.

Edited August 5, 2012 by Lornamae

[Lornamae]

I forgot to add, I didn't allow myself to be abused, I honestly didn't know at the time, I have a history of stuff and never learned boundaries or what men should and shouldn't do. Through the year or so this took place, I just tried to do as he said to keep a roof over my head, so it was mainly because he was my employer.....he kept me isolated from other staff, put me down, all that kind of thing. Low self esteem has ALOT to answer for, life hey.

Edited August 5, 2012 by Lornamae

[Mount]

My original question may sound directive, but with all good intention.

 

My perspective is that, even OWs are women, having emotion...etc, but we still need to use our brain and intelligence. Remember real life is not composed by emotion, it is composed by (battle of ) intelligence.

 

Your position in each relationship is a result from battle of intelligence. When you carelessly walked on the street @ bad area AT THE NIGHT, you are waiting to be robbed/raped, that is why you should avoid the situation. Everyone (woman) need to Think before action, Think before talk.

 

 

No one chooses to be abused, and getting out of an abusive relationship isn't easy if it was battered women wouldn't be battered. *eyeroll*

I cannot believe that people think it's ok to treat other posters like this.

Gack, it's sickening.

 

We have a poster here who is sharing her story, trying to get support and she's being told she shoudln't have let herself be abused. Well then I guess rape victis shoudn't let themselves get raped, murder victims should make sure that they don't ever let themselves be in a dangerous situation...no one should ever LET THEMSELVES be robbed... or taken advantage of our well, anything.

 

This is a person who didn't have the coping skills someone should have shared with her when she was younger, and she came HERE for assistance and is being treated in a vile manner that some people here should be ashamed of themselves for.

 

I am sorry you are having a hard time. It sucks that you have been treated this way, and I'm sorry your boundaries are skewed. How can we help to be supportive? What is it that you need to move on your journey to healing from all of this?

 

Are you in counseling now? (I may have missed that part if you answered)

[goodthingscome]

That's a good post Emme, thank you

 

re "....abused by a man in his 60's..." He was a married man I knew through business. He was on his 3rd marriage, his 3rd wife was younger, they had twins when she was 45 and he was 58, she fell pregnant within months of them being together. Couple of years later he offered to mentor me in my business, but started to confide in me (things I later found everyone knew) and wanting to meet several times a week. Eventually I lsot custoemrs, trying to meet him (I did try to get out of meeting him, but thought he was doing me good, which he wasn't) and keeping up with my jobs.

 

When I lost my last customer I rang him and he offered to give me a 2 day a week paperwork job. I was good at the work and eventually became a full time PA, but only because he was quite badly organised. He started making me feel I should be gratefull, to pay him for his generosity, to thank him etc. He started showing other sides of himself, with rages and emotional blackmail. He would punish me if I didn't meet him on my day off, he would sweear and shout, humiliate me to clients and not allow me to talk to anyone. There's alot to this, but genrally he wore me down and I ended up having a breakdown and eventually resigned. He is known locally and is well in with all the funny handshake brigade, does alot of charity work etc and it was his own family owned business, so no HR dept etc.

 

I didn't have anyone to turn to, I just tried to do right by him, at the expense of my own health and he was very very good at making me feel I owed him and making me feel bad. He once suggested I lift up my top to win a client.

My post may sound harsh but it's truly meant to help.

 

So, this wasn't your first affair? Hmmmm. I have to say you could be the poster child of the "broken" type of individual who are prone to having affairs or being the affair partner.

 

You need to focus on the why? That is, if you want to be someone with integrity. You had a rough life, okay that being said, so do millions of others and they don't cheat. You need to get counseling or professional help to get rid of the baggage you are carrying around. You need to have self love and respect before others will have love and respect for you. Having affairs with scumbags obviously isn't working for you is it? So stop the wheel and get off!!! Only YOU can change, no one, especially another woman's husband will fix you.... Good luck,

[Lornamae]

My post may sound harsh but it's truly meant to help.

 

So, this wasn't your first affair? Hmmmm. I have to say you could be the poster child of the "broken" type of individual who are prone to having affairs or being the affair partner.

 

You need to focus on the why? That is, if you want to be someone with integrity. You had a rough life, okay that being said, so do millions of others and they don't cheat. You need to get counseling or professional help to get rid of the baggage you are carrying around. You need to have self love and respect before others will have love and respect for you. Having affairs with scumbags obviously isn't working for you is it? So stop the wheel and get off!!! Only YOU can change, no one, especially another woman's husband will fix you.... Good luck,

 

Oh my god, this is my last post here. "So, this wasn't your first affair? Hmmmm. You are so wrong, I did NOT have an affair with the boss. He forced, held me down and blackmailed me into having sex with him. I received help from a law firm, the CAB and ACAS who ALL saw the evidence and HELPED me. I believe an affair is where you CHOOSE to be with someone. You totally misunderstood my explanation and then appear to judge with your "hmmmm".

 

I am leaving this forum because of your post. I have no desire to be some kind of "poster girl" and I didn't come here to be judged by anyone. I have been married, suffered violence from parents and husband, then a boyfriend who annaly raped me and kept me locked up for days. I thought I had found somewhere I could TRY to come to terms with not just the loss of what I thought - and was led to believe - of ebing with someone in an unhappy marriage, but also somewhere I might find some sort of explanation as to why I fell for it, and opened up about my history in order to help.

 

Message to Mount - yes, we do all use our brain and intelligence over emotions but sometimes situations (like my dad's death and how it was kept from me) mean we are not able to think rationally. I am guessing you are perfect, and able to deal with all life throws at you in a calm, reasonable manner with all good intention. I'm sorry I let the side down.

 

Thank you to those who supported me.

Edited August 6, 2012 by Lornamae

[Ellin]

Lornamae, don't go! I've just come across your thread (after a long absence on LS) and I undrestand you so well!

 

You sound so familiar, my life has been similar to yours, especially in terms of the way it has affected me and the way I function.

 

I'd love to hear more from you.

 

Have you gone for good?

[Mount]

OP, pls don't be so sensitive. Ususally as a newbie here to post our question/story, we always introduced ourselves and situtation first. i.e. this is the first A in life, married or single...etc etc.

 

Oh my god, this is my last post here. "So, this wasn't your first affair? Hmmmm. You are so wrong, I did NOT have an affair with the boss. He forced, held me down and blackmailed me into having sex with him. I received help from a law firm, the CAB and ACAS who ALL saw the evidence and HELPED me. I believe an affair is where you CHOOSE to be with someone. You totally misunderstood my explanation and then appear to judge with your "hmmmm".

 

I am leaving this forum because of your post. I have no desire to be some kind of "poster girl" and I didn't come here to be judged by anyone. I have been married, suffered violence from parents and husband, then a boyfriend who annaly raped me and kept me locked up for days. I thought I had found somewhere I could TRY to come to terms with not just the loss of what I thought - and was led to believe - of ebing with someone in an unhappy marriage, but also somewhere I might find some sort of explanation as to why I fell for it, and opened up about my history in order to help.

 

Message to Mount - yes, we do all use our brain and intelligence over emotions but sometimes situations (like my dad's death and how it was kept from me) mean we are not able to think rationally. I am guessing you are perfect, and able to deal with all life throws at you in a calm, reasonable manner with all good intention. I'm sorry I let the side down.

 

Thank you to those who supported me.