Cheat on girlfriend

[emalepaddy]

So iv being with my ex "Ash" for 4 years, moved into together after 5 months and we've being around each other all the time, I adored her and she adored me! We'd always have the opposite opinions but at the end of the nite we wouldn't go to bed without each other, during the relationship we had our tough times, eg my ex girlfriend "pam" before her, being in the same pub and maybe passing each other and sayin hello, I'm very good friends with pams friends they are a great bunch of blokes and my ex ash loved them and had a great laugh with them, over the years my ex ash her family got to kno me and ended up loving me like a son! As the years went by I lost my job and my in social welfare for a few months while my ex ash was working, I had money so I wasn't depending on anyone for money or getting about! This caused tension within our relationship but we got over it, it was over me looking for work and not getten a proper job, I was doing odd days here and there for mates but notting permanent, so running up to our last year we went on holidays together and we kinda had a few arguments in front of her family, it was only silly fights that didn't mean anything, now don't forget we wouldn't live without each other and she was amazing in every way, when we got back from holidays she decided she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore that she was too young and misst lots in life! She was 23 at the time, i was 4 yrs older, we left each other n we couldn't not keep in contact for no more than a few days, she's only 7 miles away from me so we were bound to always see each other, I wrote her letters n she loved them but tried to keep strong in believing she wanted this, 3 months went by an within that time we were sneaking around and having sex and she'd stay an odd nite in mine! We didn't meet anyone ever and hadn't interest like. I decided to emigrate for work and travel for a year, when she heard this she was so upset and wanted to spend as much time with me before I left, I literally decided within a month and half to go away, we den decided that we were not gona get back together but be in a long distance thing?? and maybe after a few months she would come out to me, the last week we were out for a big bash up my ex ash didn't come out, all my mates were drunk and having a good time and this girl ended up kissing me? It was one kiss and jus blanked it from my head n felt so guilty! The day I was leaving for the airport I hugged and kisst my ex ash good bye and said I'd ring at the other side ASAP, she cried and said if I don't like it jus come home ASAP ! When I was away I spoke to my ex everyday missing her also, I got work and had booked to come bk home after 3 months for a holiday! It was xmas n I had to be home, but while I was away this other girl that kisst me use to talk and text me. She asked me was I still with my ex and I said no it was jus a long distance thing !! We chatted and she fancied me n knew I was coming home n wanted to meet me, I kinda lead her on but really didn't want to meet her, when I got home I seen my ex ash and was so happy to see her and so was she! As a few weeks went by there was party's and lots goin on! I was out with the girl that kisst me and all our mates, so one nite we kisst again while I still was seen my ex ash! I kept this so quite I didn't kno what to do! Anyway one day a text came to my fone and my ex seen it and said whos this I lied and said I didnt kno she was so meaning to find out who this was I lied and lied and eventually I said it was this girl and made up another friend had put this girls number in my fone, she knew this was bull**** and started quizzing around, few ppl said I kisst her and told my ex, my ex went mental and told me to tell the truth I denied it denied it so much that she kept at me to tell the truth and she'd forgive me I eventually told her we kisst and that was it! She said ok but if there was anything to tell I'd have to tell her now rather than finding out later from someone else, she looked through my fone one nite and had sent a MSG to this other girl and all the old msgs were brought up she read most of them and went mental and she jus couldnt forgive nor look at me ! I made up stories and dragging other ppl in it tryin to cover up but it didn't it all back fired and the girl that kisst me ad flirted with me denied she kisst me and a big circle of ppl fell out! I was the cause of this and before it I was leaving to head away again, we met the nite before and she said look u should of jus told the truth and not have others dragged into it! I was so afraid and was a chicken about the whole thing I jus couldn't, she said mind myself and enjoy it and she'll be talkin to me! I went away unsettled and didn't apologise to some ppl for what I did and made my ex ash's life a misery in the local town, ppl knew I kisst this girl and all the group of girls fell out!! It's being 7months later and my ex and myself have being in contact all this time, I begging her to take me back and she sayin no and how much a dickhead I was and the lot, she said to me to prove I love her and come home to her if she ment so much I was short of money and wanted to hold on and save and then come home, this other girl that kisst me started texen me again sayin there was tension and bull**** goin on in the local town, apparently my ex ash's sisters called her a slut! Also some person sent a valentines card to this girl making out it was me and truthfully now it was me ! This girl blamed my ex for sending it and and sent it to her! My ex went mental and said it wasn't get and this caused more tension! *I told this other girl I dont want to be involved with her! I kept telling my ex that she was the best thing ever and I loved her so much and misst her she told me the same! She ended up sneaking around and meeting her ex boyfriend which he is a big trouble maker hence the sneaking around, she kisst him she told me and didn't care that I knew I told her I didn't care and still wanted her, she also slept with him but she didn't tell me that! She now has met my mate and was caught up in his bedroom, she said they kisst and she likes him and also didn't care that I knew , my other mates said that she did sleep with him cos he's a horn dog! I was so heart broken that she done this and she said I never to contact her nor text her or even see her wen I'm home again! Her and all her family and all her mates hate me so much that they said I deserved a punch in the face and I ****ed up her life and caused so much problems for her and put her in so much torture! Over the last 7 months she jus doesn't believe a word I ever said cos I said this other girl text me and I replied and I didn't want anything to do with her! I stopped speaking to this other girl and my ex is convinced I still speak to her!! Ill be so embarrassed when I go home again cos no1 my ex will be kissing lads jus to piss me off and also all her friends will abuse me and prob wreck my car or nites out in the local! I still love this girl and would take her back she's the best thing in my eyes and she jus doesn't want to kno me ever again or her family, I'm so jealous over her and so angry this happened! *I'm gona be so upset and worried when I see her for the first time, she can have any man she wants cos she has the perfect body and looks, she will jus kill me totally! What do I do ? How do I settle any of this between all the girls myself the family and more importantly my ex ? I can't talk to anyone and my head is just about to explode if I don't settle this or talk to anyone!! This has got out of control and I was so stupid from the start that I didn't jus cancel that flight and settle everything straight away or jus go home when she asked me too! She's all I think about everyday! Im 27 and iv made my first 100k in under 6 months ! I would hand it all to her for the **** iv caused but she'd see it as I'm buying her off! Or maybe she'd take it and end up jus making a show of me but I don't this she'd be like that !! I'm in such a bad rut and anyone I'm friends with are angry but they still talk to me!! Can anyone help me please ? Or I'll jus have to book into an institute ASAP cos I'm in a really really bad way bout this!! Thanks all

[demrea]

Try usng paragraphs to space your thoughts. No one can read a wall of text mate.

 

Like really, can anyone read that?