Boyfriend lying about coke use? One-time thing or chronic?

[eternal83]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 4 months. Everything has been absolutely fantastic, and he's never given me a reason to doubt or mistrust him. He's told me that he had a small coke problem years ago, but he recognized it as a problem and stopped himself from getting too far into it. He's said that he won't say he'll never do it again, but only on very rare "special occasions." Maybe a few times a year. He knows I'm not a fan of it, but if it's only on those very rare occasions, I can deal with it, as long as it's not habitual or chronic. I really don't think he's done it since we've started dating, until last night.

 

We were at our usual happy hour bar, and I noticed something just seemed kind of... off. Just a gut feeling, really. The previous night I'd told him I was going to spend last night at my place (we're usually together on Friday nights, but I had some things to take care of at home and we spend most of the week together anyway). He knew I'd be at happy hour, but when I got there he commented that I was earlier than usual... even though I was there maybe 5 minutes before I usually get there. After that, he was just kind of distant, but I figured he'd just had a long day at work. After a couple drinks, I decided I'd just go over to his place after all, since I probably wasn't going to get anything done at home. He said it was okay, but did seem to try to talk me out of it and remind me of the stuff I was going to do, that he was going to bed early, etc.

 

A couple hours later, a known dealer walks in who no one is really fond of, but my boyfriend says is a sweet girl who's just trying to make a living or some such. She comes over and they chat a bit (just smalltalk) and then she walks away. A few minutes later she goes into the restroom #1 (there are 3 restrooms, all unisex, #1 is the only one that locks). About a minute later, in the middle of a conversation with someone, by boyfriend just stops and say he has to use the restroom. I'd already been getting that bad feeling, so I watched him, and he also went into restroom #1. A few minutes later the dealer comes out, and about 5-10 minutes later, he comes out. I ask him if everything's all right, and he says everything's fine. But his words are very short, he seems distracted, he's rubbing his nose (but not sniffling), and he's fidgety. Just not his usual self.

 

A little while later, since sharing a restroom with a dealer generally only means one thing, I asked him if he did anything with the dealer, or if maybe he picked something up for someone else. He gets a completely shocked look on his face and says, "In the restroom? With her?? The first one? Are you sure? I was peeing. She wasn't there." So now I'm thinking I must have seen it incorrectly and am just being paranoid. However, a friend of mine was pretty sure she saw the same thing. So at that point, I'm not really sure what's going on. This was all around 7-7:30pm.

 

Earlier we'd talked about getting our 8:25pm bus to his place, but around 8pm he suddenly gets up and says he's getting a cab and just wants to get out of there. So we leave, go to his place, he goes to bed and is asleep by 8:30-9pm (which is only slightly earlier than usual for him to go to sleep).

 

So I'm lying there awake for a couple hours, a nervous wreck since I'm pretty certain something happened in there, just not whether he got something for a friend or did something himself. Either way, I wouldn't be particularly happy but I'd be okay with it. What was really bothering me was that he was lying about it. If it was one of those rare occasion things he knows I can handle, why wouldn't he have just told me? Which makes me start to wonder if it's been ongoing and I've just been blind to it. So I went through his phone. Note I've never done this before, and felt horrible about myself for doing it, but had to know what was going on. There was a text message to his roommate that afternoon asking her if her boyfriend could get "stuff." She told him he couldn't, and about 20 minutes later there was another text, this time to the dealer, just saying, "hey [dealer name], it's [boyfriend's name]." There was no reply.

 

Then around 5:15pm (right about the same time I got to happy hour), there's a facebook message to one of the dealer's friends, asking him if "the dealer is still broke?" The dealer's friend replied just asking if he needed anything, and my boyfriend just responded with a "nevermind, I found her."

 

So I wake him up and ask him again if anything happened. I told him that he can tell me anything, and that the only thing I'll ever really ask of him is not to lie to me. We can just talk about anything else. He completely denies everything again, says he's getting upset, and good night.

 

This morning he wakes up with a headache, he's quiet (which is normally, he's not a morning person), and we leave for him to go to work. He didn't mention a thing about me asking him for the second time that night if he'd done anything, but instead, once we got downtown, just starting talking, acting like nothing had happened, and took me to breakfast.

 

And that's it.

 

So what should I think? Am I really just being paranoid and maybe they were having a chat in the restroom that was personal and he just doesn't want to tell me about it? Or is he lying? The texts are pretty incriminating. Was it really just a rare occasion thing? And if so, why would he lie about it when I assured him telling me would be okay? Is he lying because he's covering up something worse, or is he lying because he hasn't done it in a long time, was embarrassed, and regrets it? I want to believe the latter. Since he apparently just wants it swept under the rug, should I just forget about it for now and see if it happens again? I honestly don't know what to do.

 

Any advice? Thank you for your help.

[veggirl]

He went through multiple people and avenues to track down some coke. He was doing coke in the bathroom.

 

Dump him.

 

It's only been 4 months.

 

He is already lying about his drug usage. Coke is addictive, I would not trust someone who "had a problem in the past" to use it recreationally (I don't know how many people CAN use it recreationally). This should be a dealbreaker for you. He is a liar and he is snorting coke in bar bathrooms

 

Notice that the friends he contacted never seemed surprised or anything by his searching out coke? I bet he does it a LOT more than you know.

 

Are you okay with drug usage?

 

Are you okay with your boyfriend looking you straight in the face and blatantly lying to you?