Should I bring my 7 year old son on a trip to visit my boyfriend's parents?

[venusianx13]

I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now, and it became serious very quickly. I introduced my son to him ONLY after I was sure we were committed, and that he'd be sticking around. I was cautious, initially, and my boyfriend understood, but reassured me.

 

I do believe we are heading for marriage, and everyone in my family thinks he will propose to me soon. However, until I see without a doubt where we stand, I am cautious of getting my son too involved... you see, my son's dad set a very bad example and had a new girlfriend every couple of months, and I was determined to set the right example for my son and not expose him to anyone until I was sure about them. Things have been great, and my boyfriend is awesome with my son.

 

However, my boyfriend recently invited both my son and me on a trip for a long weekend to visit my boyfriend's parents a few states away. I'd LOVE to go, but I am not sure if it's the right thing to be involving my son in just yet, not until things are more solid between myself and my boyfriend. Like I said, I have reason to believe he will propose soon, but I want to be sure about things before I take my son on a trip like this, and involve him with my boyfriend's family.

 

Wondering if I'm being rational here, or if I'm just being overly cautious??

[jeffmeyers]

If your son already sees your boyfriend regularly, why does it matter if he seems the rest of the family for a weekend? They're a few states away so it's not like he's going to see them that often anyway.

[Radu]

I would say you are cautious, but i'm not sure how your BF will see your negative response to this.

 

Also, remembering right, your son had a problem with discipline ... a roadtrip at the start of school ?

[Balzac]

Have you met and spent time w the potential in laws.

[venusianx13]

Yes, my son has some mild to moderate discipline issues... he goes back to school in late August, so this would be after school has started. This is also a conflict. I have met and spent time with my boyfriend's parents during all of their visits to NJ, but my son hasn't met them yet. They are very nice people, and have extended invitations to me and my son to come spend time in Maine with them with my boyfriend.

 

Because of my son having been exposed to not only the women his dad had dated over the years, but to those women's parents as well, I am very cautious about this. I thought this was too much for a child and voiced my concerns many times over, but it fell on deaf ears. At least now he's been with a girl for a year and a half... I hope it stays that way. It doesn't change what happened in the past, but I wanted to be wiser in the choices I've made with my son, and not do things to confuse him further...

 

My boyfriend knows how I feel, and he understands. However, yes, I'm afraid that if I decline to involve my son in this, my boyfriend will see it as negative and that I don't trust him or his intentions. I honestly just want to do the right thing for my son.

[soulm8]

Yes, my son has some mild to moderate discipline issues... he goes back to school in late August, so this would be after school has started. This is also a conflict. I have met and spent time with my boyfriend's parents during all of their visits to NJ, but my son hasn't met them yet. They are very nice people, and have extended invitations to me and my son to come spend time in Maine with them with my boyfriend.

 

Because of my son having been exposed to not only the women his dad had dated over the years, but to those women's parents as well, I am very cautious about this. I thought this was too much for a child and voiced my concerns many times over, but it fell on deaf ears. At least now he's been with a girl for a year and a half... I hope it stays that way. It doesn't change what happened in the past, but I wanted to be wiser in the choices I've made with my son, and not do things to confuse him further...

 

My boyfriend knows how I feel, and he understands. However, yes, I'm afraid that if I decline to involve my son in this, my boyfriend will see it as negative and that I don't trust him or his intentions. I honestly just want to do the right thing for my son.

 

I completely understand where you're coming from and I honestly think you should trust yourself.

 

The right thing for your son is to start school and adjust to his new class without the introduction of new possible "grandparents". Your relationship is young and he hasn't yet proposed.

 

If your boyfriend knows and understands how you feel, then he shouldn't see it as negative. If acting with the best interests of your son makes your boyfriend think you don't tust him or his intentions... is he right for you?

[Silly_Girl]

I think a proposal is irrelevant. He could propose and leave, or never propose and be a fantastic lifelong partner. It's the relationship and how he treats you both that matters, and your son is seeing him regularly so it's a bit late to try to backtrack.

 

I don't think you should take your lad out of school.

 

Your boyfriend, even if understandably disappointed, should appreciate and respect that you as a parent have to put your son's needs first and if he can't do that I would question whether you should be with him.

 

Can your boyfriend's parents travel to you?

[Radu]

I think a proposal is irrelevant. He could propose and leave, or never propose and be a fantastic lifelong partner. It's the relationship and how he treats you both that matters, and your son is seeing him regularly so it's a bit late to try to backtrack.

 

I don't think you should take your lad out of school.

 

Your boyfriend, even if understandably disappointed, should appreciate and respect that you as a parent have to put your son's needs first and if he can't do that I would question whether you should be with him.

 

Can your boyfriend's parents travel to you?

 

That still leaves one problem, the fact that she doesn't want for new grandparents to be presented into his life this fast.

 

Also, she never mentioned taking the lad out of school to visit his maybe future grandparents.

 

OP, i would be honest with both your bf's grandparents and your bf. Explain what happened with your ex, and what you are trying to prevent.

If your bf is mature enough he will understand that dating a single mom will mean that you will never be #1 in her life, her kids will be.

 

I would also present it as a rescheduling thing.

 

Saying no and not giving a good excuse, and not rescheduling will be bad.

But saying no because of a very good reason related to his development, and rescheduling is not so bad.

Look at it as a test, you are testing both your boy and your bf and his family.

 

PS: Isn't Thanksgiving in 3months time anyway ?

[2sunny]

I vote no.

[Silly_Girl]

Also, she never mentioned taking the lad out of school to visit his maybe future grandparents.

 

She said 'long weekend' and 'after school has started' so I thought that was what she was getting at when she said 'another conflict'.

[venusianx13]

Thanks everyone...

 

Well, he treats me and my son so incredibly well. It's amazing to me. My family loves him, too. In regards to the relationship itself, there is no conflict there...none whatsoever.

 

If we were to go, it would be during a holiday weekend (3 days). My son wouldn't be missing any school.

 

I plan on talking to my boyfriend later and just being open with him about my hesitation. I hope it is well received. Thanks for the advice... it's good to know that I wasn't just being overly cautious, I do have some validity behind my concern and it was nice to be able to have others' reinforcement to back it up.