Author Sky-blue Posted August 5, 2012 Author Share Posted August 5, 2012 [/b] Excuse me? You were making great sense to me until you got to the last sentence..... This child was conceived from 2 people involved in a illicit relationship one that was and still is a secret! Definitely NOT "true love". I agree she needs to move on, she knows it but still feels "obligated", because her "true lover" did pay her rent after all.... I know the horse is out of the barn and the OP does sound like she is a great mom and loves her little boy and bless her heart for that, but this whole situation could have been avoided if she had used protection or more importantly made him use protection.... What sucks is we did use protection. I got really sick and went to the doctor he asked if I could be pregnant. I told him no, he said I had little friend who told him otherwise... I didn't stay BECAUSE he paid my rent, but it made it so I wasn't as guarded about seeing him, I wasn't going to at first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 6, 2012 Author Share Posted August 6, 2012 I talked to him and told him he can't stay here, he asked why and I told him because he was still married. He asked "what if I file tomorrow? Will you change your mind?" I told him I'd think about it, then he asked if I'd marry him... Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 I talked to him and told him he can't stay here, he asked why and I told him because he was still married. He asked "what if I file tomorrow? Will you change your mind?" I told him I'd think about it, then he asked if I'd marry him... ...and you said? ....what? Don't let him manipulate you with big talk and flowery promises. Lots of MM say they are going to divorce if they think that will make the OW cave. Wait for action, not words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 6, 2012 Author Share Posted August 6, 2012 ...and you said? ....what? Don't let him manipulate you with big talk and flowery promises. Lots of MM say they are going to divorce if they think that will make the OW cave. Wait for action, not words. I told him yes I would, but I need more than him just filing. I know not to buy into it. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 ...and you said? ....what? Don't let him manipulate you with big talk and flowery promises. Lots of MM say they are going to divorce if they think that will make the OW cave. Wait for action, not words. I agree 100% actions speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 6, 2012 Author Share Posted August 6, 2012 I'd bet when you were a little girl and you didn't dream about a MM asking you to marry him? Would you want you baby in that position (no matter which part of the triangle)? No not at all... I would never want my baby to get involved in something like this, no one deserves anything like this to happen to them. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 I told him yes I would, but I need more than him just filing. I know not to buy into it. Good for you!! Who knows? Maybe he will file, get divorced, straighten himself out and become someone who can be a decent husband. Just don't don't be weak for him until he has proven himself and you need to verify whatever he tells you. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 We've talked about child support and he's all for it, we both feel it'd be best to have it documented, I just haven't filed for it. This is just like a girlfriend of mine - except that now her daughter is almost nine years old and there is no formal child support. My friend never filed and is constantly struggling to get funds from the sperm donor. Do what is best for your child ASAP! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 I think you sound like you're making steps to some very good decisions. You've gotten some really good advice in this thread. The only thing that I'd add is that I would tell his W. It wouldn't be his choice, it would be mine. It wouldn't be done to hurt either of them. Secrets come out and I wouldn't allow mine to be that deeply into a secret. Someone else made mention of getting things out in the open now and I agree with that totally. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 Here's my thought...if you want change...make change. He hasn't told his wife "because it's not the right time"? YOU call and tell his wife that he's been having an affair with you and has a child with you, and that you're filing for child support, so she probably needed to know. THAT will create some change. Either he'll "step up" and file for divorce and make arrangements to be with you... ...or he'll "step back" and fight to save his marriage. Either way, you get the change that you seek. It has the added benefit of giving his wife all the information she needs to make her own informed decisions as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 6, 2012 Author Share Posted August 6, 2012 He sent me a picture of his hand without his ring on; it was laying on divorce papers. The text said "I told you I'd do it." I'm shocked I didn't think he would... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 LOL...he's not divorced. It doesn't even mean he's divorcing. It means he got papers, and took his ring off for a lovely little staged pic. Do as I suggested...call his wife and inform her of the situation. If he's divorcing, he won't mind, she'll have all the information she needs, and you'll get the information you need. If he's not...you'll still get the information you need, she'll still get the information she needs... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 He sent me a picture of his hand without his ring on; it was laying on divorce papers. The text said "I told you I'd do it." I'm shocked I didn't think he would... That's great! Now call his wife and ask her if she knows she's getting divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 Seriously think this through. You just told him a day or two ago that you didn't want to see him while he is still married. So he went out, got himself some divorce documents and took off his wedding ring for a picture. Obviously he can't get divorced in 24 hours so this is clearly a manipulative game. He wants to visit you and he wants to get laid and he thinks he is brilliant in sending you a stupid picture without his wedding ring and divorce papers that haven't even been filed. I mean I think you need a lawyer to get a divorce and I think lawyers usually see people by appointments, so honestly this guy is no closer to being divorced now then he was yesterday. You should be insulted that he thinks you're so stupid to fall for this crap.I'll bet you anything that he's got that wedding ring back on his finger and those divorce papers have been hidden out of his wife's sight, possibly thrown in the trash. After he visits you and gets what he wants then he will start up with the whole "divorce is complicated and it's going to take longer than I thought" blah blah blah. If you are serious about not wanting to be with him until he is divorced than you should probably expect at the very least a 6 month period of waiting. Longer if his wife isn't agreeable to the divorce and fights him on minute details. Also check the laws where he lives. Some places state that a couple has to be legally seperated for a full year before a divorce will be granted. Divorces do not happen overnight and if you cave because of the silly picture he sent you then you weren't really serious about ending the affair in the first place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 6, 2012 Author Share Posted August 6, 2012 (edited) I was in class and my phone kept going off. After I got out of class I checked my 15 new voicemails, she now knows about my baby... I know not to get excited over the picture, I just couldn't believe he got papers, I haven't decided if I want him to come or not. Edited August 6, 2012 by Sky-blue Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 I was in class and my phone kept going off. After I got out of class I checked my 15 new voicemails, she now knows about my baby... I know not to get excited over the picture, I just couldn't believe he got papers, I haven't decided if I want him to come or not. His wife knows about the baby? Wow! Have you spoken with her? Are going to speak with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 No I haven't spoken to her, she called while I was in class. Then I had to go get my son so I haven't called back yet, I'm trying to figure out what I should say for myself. I don't think he'd fly clear across the country just to sleep with me, I don't think it's that good for him. I think he wants to see his son, and just wants sex because in his eyes it's there. Keeping my son protected is my number one priority through all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 No I haven't spoken to her, she called while I was in class. Then I had to go get my son so I haven't called back yet, I'm trying to figure out what I should say for myself. I don't think he'd fly clear across the country just to sleep with me, I don't think it's that good for him. I think he wants to see his son, and just wants sex because in his eyes it's there. Keeping my son protected is my number one priority through all of this. Be honest with her. She called you, so do call her back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 Yes his wife, I know it's hard for some people here to believe but I don't think he put anyone up to it. I'm pretty sure it's her. She called me names, as well as my son. Said I was lucky I didn't live in the same state, asked if I was aware of the age difference, and that I was a coward for not answering. I would have had I not been in class. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 I'm sure you can understand her anger. Her whole world has been rocked. What is the age difference? I completely understand her anger towards me, a five month old? Not so much. HE had no part in this whatsoever, he was just the product. He's 15 years older Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 We just got done talking on skype, he did tell her about our son and he wants a divorce. He told me she got my number off his phone. We didn't really talk much more about it, I told him I'm still not sure if I want him to come out or not. Then we just focused on our baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 I don't know if I could be with him all day everyday, before I moved here my answer would've been yes, but after he came I really don't know... I was thinking about telling him to wait until his first birthday, but it feels a little selfish to make him wait that long... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 About 7 months... He's so happy about being a dad, I've always felt bad for leaving, but not taking this offer would've been stupid. I worked hard for it. I don't want to be one of those girls who doesn't let the dad see their child... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 Really? Based on your zombie-like reaction to the recent developments (including what I quoted above) and his teen-like impulsive "how about I file tomorrow," the two of you seem to be a little detached from reality. We'll talk about it more over the next few days, I was upset about some of the things she said still (about my kid) so I didn't want to hear anymore. He apologized and said he's never seen our age difference as anything bad. I needed to hear that, it was the only thing she said aboutme that bothered me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky-blue Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 I'm thinking about putting the ball is court, letting him straighten out his life and see if he still if he wants me and the end of it. He might and he might not. Link to post Share on other sites
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