"Average" guys need to find their niche

[proseandpassion]

Okay, I see this many times on this board - woes of the 'average' guy getting ignored by the 'average' girl.

 

So I find most of the PUA stuff to be for the most part, bollocks, but one thing is for certain - you have to stand out and find your niche to find success with women. I think the same for women, too. Try and appeal to a smaller audience and you might find better success. I fully realize with my appearance and style I will not appeal to most guys. (For the record, I am plus size, curvaceous, and I dress mostly in 50's and 60's clothing and I style my hair and makeup in the same fashion).

 

So, here's some examples of AVERAGE LOOKING GUYS I know who clean up in the women department:

 

Example A is a guy I'd heard of long before I met him. That's the type of guy you want to be. If it means having a schtick, then, well, I guess have a schtick. This particular guy was mentioned to me because of his peculiar lifestyle--he had a foot fetish and made no secret about it. He was known to really outrageously fawn over women, take them on dates, and then ask them if he could massage their feet. I found this kind of intriguing, if not a bit creepy. But still, it caught my attention. I saw him out and about several times, before one time he came up to me and asked me for my phone number. If it'd been the first time I'd ever noticed the guy I may not have paid attention. We ended up dating for a couple of months. Now, this guy is AVERAGE. But he has huge success with women. He has legit porn stars fawning all over him on facebook. He is also GIRL CRAZY. He thinks most women are beautiful. We broke up a long time ago, but I met his current flame last weekend. She's at least fifteen years younger than him and gorgeous. He's also "worshipped" over 3,000 women's feet.

 

Example B is this guy around town who is not only average but short. Probably 5'5". But he dresses in a very outrageous style. He wears 1940's 'zoot suits' and has a crazy haircut. He's become something of a local celebrity--and for nothing else than wearing crazy outfits. This guy is consistently seen out with 10's. He was married to a major babe for a short while, too.

 

So.. my advice to average guys: try to be different in some way. Try and get noticed. Same for girls. By the time you approach someone... you'll already have caught their eye.

[proseandpassion]

I have no doubt that this may work (although I know for a fact you are completely exagerrating the success these guys have), but I still think it's kind of sad how women basing their opinion on a man on some stupid novelty like that.

 

Being popular or well known (even notorious) gets women, I know that from personal experience. Living in a small town or going to a small school, etc makes it a lot easier to get girls if you have an interesting or novelty personality or appearance as well. Unless you are a muscle god in a Ferrari , good luck cold approaches almost never work for men, but if you create a buzz or get people to start talking about you it makes women want to be seen with you.

 

You know for a FACT? I know for a fact you're exaggerating there, too.

[proseandpassion]

I have no doubt that this may work (although I know for a fact you are completely exagerrating the success these guys have), but I still think it's kind of sad how women basing their opinion on a man on some stupid novelty like that.

 

Being popular or well known (even notorious) gets women, I know that from personal experience. Living in a small town or going to a small school, etc makes it a lot easier to get girls if you have an interesting or novelty personality or appearance as well. Unless you are a muscle god in a Ferrari , good luck cold approaches almost never work for men, but if you create a buzz or get people to start talking about you it makes women want to be seen with you.

 

Soooooo are you saying you just want to sit this one out and hope the way men and women interact just.. happens to do a complete 180?

[Badsingularity]

I don't realy try, but I seem to have adopted the style of a fat hairy cave beast.

 

Mind you now, I've been told I can be a charming charismatic cave beast at times.

 

I'm going for slug monster next.

[ThaWholigan]

Okay, I see this many times on this board - woes of the 'average' guy getting ignored by the 'average' girl.

 

So I find most of the PUA stuff to be for the most part, bollocks, but one thing is for certain - you have to stand out and find your niche to find success with women. I think the same for women, too. Try and appeal to a smaller audience and you might find better success. I fully realize with my appearance and style I will not appeal to most guys. (For the record, I am plus size, curvaceous, and I dress mostly in 50's and 60's clothing and I style my hair and makeup in the same fashion).

 

So, here's some examples of AVERAGE LOOKING GUYS I know who clean up in the women department:

 

Example A is a guy I'd heard of long before I met him. That's the type of guy you want to be. If it means having a schtick, then, well, I guess have a schtick. This particular guy was mentioned to me because of his peculiar lifestyle--he had a foot fetish and made no secret about it. He was known to really outrageously fawn over women, take them on dates, and then ask them if he could massage their feet. I found this kind of intriguing, if not a bit creepy. But still, it caught my attention. I saw him out and about several times, before one time he came up to me and asked me for my phone number. If it'd been the first time I'd ever noticed the guy I may not have paid attention. We ended up dating for a couple of months. Now, this guy is AVERAGE. But he has huge success with women. He has legit porn stars fawning all over him on facebook. He is also GIRL CRAZY. He thinks most women are beautiful. We broke up a long time ago, but I met his current flame last weekend. She's at least fifteen years younger than him and gorgeous. He's also "worshipped" over 3,000 women's feet.

 

Example B is this guy around town who is not only average but short. Probably 5'5". But he dresses in a very outrageous style. He wears 1940's 'zoot suits' and has a crazy haircut. He's become something of a local celebrity--and for nothing else than wearing crazy outfits. This guy is consistently seen out with 10's. He was married to a major babe for a short while, too.

 

So.. my advice to average guys: try to be different in some way. Try and get noticed. Same for girls. By the time you approach someone... you'll already have caught their eye.

To add to this, I think it's important that this niche of theirs is a representation of an authentic part of their life and character, rather than a ruse to attract women.

 

I understand the power of niche though - it comes from accepting yourself as you are and building yourself around that core version of you that can never change, so you embrace it while growing as a person. And your lifestyle simultaneously projects both your core and your growth.

 

My brother is 5 foot 6, and by all means good looking (like myself of course ). But it's his character - he's known as quite an extravagant personality in that he is sometimes OTT and a practical joker. He lives a party lifestyle, but has a serious side aswell. But the fact that he's a cheeky little bastard is what gets him the girls.

 

I've known short guys like my brother who have all kinds of different personalities, but because they had embraced themselves they seemed like they were larger than life personalities - a lot of them got girlfriends too.

 

Myself - I have struggled to fully carve out my niche, but I've started to get an understanding of my best traits and what I can do to enhance them.

[brahmabull117]

I think we would have all much better success if we focused on being more comfortable and happy with ourselves than wearing silly outfits

[proseandpassion]

To add to this, I think it's important that this niche of theirs is a representation of an authentic part of their life and character, rather than a ruse to attract women.

 

I understand the power of niche though - it comes from accepting yourself as you are and building yourself around that core version of you that can never change, so you embrace it while growing as a person. And your lifestyle simultaneously projects both your core and your growth.

 

My brother is 5 foot 6, and by all means good looking (like myself of course ). But it's his character - he's known as quite an extravagant personality in that he is sometimes OTT and a practical joker. He lives a party lifestyle, but has a serious side aswell. But the fact that he's a cheeky little bastard is what gets him the girls.

 

I've known short guys like my brother who have all kinds of different personalities, but because they had embraced themselves they seemed like they were larger than life personalities - a lot of them got girlfriends too.

 

Myself - I have struggled to fully carve out my niche, but I've started to get an understanding of my best traits and what I can do to enhance them.

 

Yeah, I think the two examples I gave were really extreme - both these dudes are just being themselves, and who they happen to be are pretty out there. But I do think having some unique attributes are likely to catch a person's attention. One person can't appeal to the masses. You have to find your 'target audience' (Yes, I work in marketing... lol )

[proseandpassion]

I think we would have all much better success if we focused on being more comfortable and happy with ourselves than wearing silly outfits

 

Absolutely, if it'd appear forced or as an affectation for you to wear a silly outfit, then don't do it.

 

My point wasn't about silly outfits and more to find your niche. Mass appeal is hard to achieve.

[brahmabull117]

Absolutely, if it'd appear forced or as an affectation for you to wear a silly outfit, then don't do it.

 

My point wasn't about silly outfits and more to find your niche. Mass appeal is hard to achieve.

 

 

 

I agree somewhat with your point about niche because it can help you narrow down what kind of girl you want but I think you can have mass appeal if you have a winning attitude

[Badsingularity]

To add to this, I think it's important that this niche of theirs is a representation of an authentic part of their life and character, rather than a ruse to attract women

 

I agree

 

Myself - I have struggled to fully carve out my niche, but I've started to get an understanding of my best traits and what I can do to enhance them.

 

Don't worry.

 

In a few years you'll have yourself figured out.

[irc333]

I have no doubt that this may work (although I know for a fact you are completely exagerrating the success these guys have), but I still think it's kind of sad how women basing their opinion on a man on some stupid novelty like that.

 

I go by the addage, "Just be yourself". Seems people have forgotten that one, and the most obvious one at that.

 

If no one can accept YOU for YOU, then they aren't worth associating with.

[Badsingularity]

Just be yourself doesn't get the ladies for some.

 

The problem is that many guys are not realy being themselves. They are being what they think other people want them to be. They are too worried about what people think of them to realy be themselves. It can take a long time for some people to develope the confidence to realy be themselves.

[irc333]

They are being what they think other people want them to be.

 

Right, which are the people posting in these forums. LOL

[gaius]

I hate big doses of attention from people I don't know. From most people in fact. Don't even like when my threads here get a ton of responses. Since I got in shape I've had to wear a nasty scowl on my face out in public to keep everyone away.

 

I think you're right though, getting people talking about you is a surefire way to success. Even if what they're saying is bad. I had a real loser friend who I was worried about and used to mention him to a girl I knew. Eventually she became attracted to him! I think mostly because I talked about him a bit. She could have done way better than a disability bum too.

[2.50 a gallon]

In my player days it was the way I dressed, I have always been a T-shirt and blue jeans kind of guy. Then I discovered that by wearing a Snoopy or a Peanuts T-shirt sometimes opened the door for me to be able to talk to a gal I'd just met. Over the years I expanded to Disney characters, especially Grumpy. I have a yellow T-shirt with Thumper, front and back that almost never fails to bring a comment or two from gals I have never met, when when out shopping. At Christmas time I have this hideous green colored shirt of Daffy Duck writing a letter, "Dear Santa! Define good!" That always brings a comment or two.

 

Somehow these shirts seem to put women at ease, and you would be surprised by just talking to a woman what kind of action it can lead to.

Three weeks ago, it led to me be asked if I'd like to come over to two 25 year olds place that night for a 3-some. I had to decline, as I am taken and retired.

[irc333]

I hate big doses of attention from people I don't know. From most people in fact. Don't even like when my threads here get a ton of responses. Since I got in shape I've had to wear a nasty scowl on my face out in public to keep everyone away.

 

 

Either you're joking, or you need to see a shrink. LOL

 

"Yeah, the LS forum responded to many times to my posts, I need to be prescribed Xanax please!" LOL

[Radu]

 

Example B is this guy around town who is not only average but short. Probably 5'5". But he dresses in a very outrageous style. He wears 1940's 'zoot suits' and has a crazy haircut. He's become something of a local celebrity--and for nothing else than wearing crazy outfits. This guy is consistently seen out with 10's. He was married to a major babe for a short while, too.

 

So.. my advice to average guys: try to be different in some way. Try and get noticed. Same for girls. By the time you approach someone... you'll already have caught their eye.

 

Does he have this on his phone ?

 

In my player days it was the way I dressed, I have always been a T-shirt and blue jeans kind of guy. Then I discovered that by wearing a Snoopy or a Peanuts T-shirt sometimes opened the door for me to be able to talk to a gal I'd just met. Over the years I expanded to Disney characters, especially Grumpy. I have a yellow T-shirt with Thumper, front and back that almost never fails to bring a comment or two from gals I have never met, when when out shopping. At Christmas time I have this hideous green colored shirt of Daffy Duck writing a letter, "Dear Santa! Define good!" That always brings a comment or two.

 

Somehow these shirts seem to put women at ease, and you would be surprised by just talking to a woman what kind of action it can lead to.

Three weeks ago, it led to me be asked if I'd like to come over to two 25 year olds place that night for a 3-some. I had to decline, as I am taken and retired.

 

LOL

I'm thinking of getting some T-shirts with the guy in my avatar.

Edited August 5, 2012 by Radu

[durentu]

First off, this whole "grading system" idea is completely bogus.

 

I'm a 10, she's a 4, my friend's a 6 , <- garbage.

 

He's average, I'm better, she's worse <- also garbage.

 

It's not only garbage, but it's also criminal because this is engaging in BIGOTRY.

 

To call a girl a hot 10 is in the same category as calling a racial slur; it's all prejudice. You don't know jack **** about them, and you are already judging. Including your 'chances' with them which distort ACTUAL success/failure outcomes.

 

Most people will look at a 10, and their knees shake and NEVER approach. And if they do, they sound like complete ****tards. And if someone is going for a 2-3, they will treat them like ****.

 

Also, what you dress like, what you look like, or trying to look like a 10 or something helps, but it isn't the game changer.

 

The game changer is how you treat the other person. If you treat them like meat, they will detect it. If you treat a girl like a lady, what she looks like doesn't mean anything. That is what levels the playing field for everyone.

 

If you treat a person with dignity, respect and really interested in what their life dreams are, you've already scored pretty big. If you want to help them achieve their dreams, you probably scored at least friend.

 

This is also true for business. Ever wonder why the chinese take out joint can still compete with the huge restaurant chains? Or that the mom and pop shop can survive even with walmart in the next town over?

 

This work because the game isn't about getting EVERYONE. You only need ONE success. If you find someone that really matches you, does it really matter if a million girls rejected you? You only need one success, and to keep reality in view and to keep trying.

 

I think that if a person treats a 2 very differently from a 10, that person is not seeing reality correctly because that person discounts based on the book cover only.

[Radu]

I can vouch for this, where I live everyone knows I like em late teens.

 

Girls become legal at 13 in Spain [15 in my country].

Ages of consent in Europe - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Els]

I completely agree with the gist of the OP, but I think many of the people who read it will miss it and think that you're saying that one has to behave/dress outrageously in order to 'stand out', because both of your examples are about that. That isn't true at all. Finding one's niche isn't about doing things so outrageous that people can't help but notice. It's about being true to your true self and letting it shine through even if you think it may exclude some potential partners - and, most importantly, ensuring that you attract the small subset of people that you are attracted to (or vice versa, being mindful of the type of people that are attracted to your niche and making sure that you encounter them and are open to being in a R with them).

[Radu]

I completely agree with the gist of the OP, but I think many of the people who read it will miss it and think that you're saying that one has to behave/dress outrageously in order to 'stand out', because both of your examples are about that. That isn't true at all. Finding one's niche isn't about doing things so outrageous that people can't help but notice. It's about being true to your true self and letting it shine through even if you think it may exclude some potential partners - and, most importantly, ensuring that you attract the small subset of people that you are attracted to (or vice versa, being mindful of the type of people that are attracted to your niche and making sure that you encounter them and are open to being in a R with them).

 

I think of it as your inner persona and outer persona being out of synch.

By outer persona i mean that mask we all carry around, through which we want to be seen.

 

There are those who have a mask which communicates 'i'm afraid/ashamed of what i am' and then there are masks that reflect how their inner persona is.

 

When the two are aligned, you have a great weight lifted off your shoulders.

 

Having the two aligned also communicates confidence, which attracts ppl because most ppl are not that full of confidence either.

 

Overall, aligning the two will exclude more ppl than it will include, but keep in mind that there is no way to be 100% likable. Unless you're a politician, it's better to be liked by fewer who know how you are truly like.

[Els]

I think of it as your inner persona and outer persona being out of synch.

By outer persona i mean that mask we all carry around, through which we want to be seen.

 

There are those who have a mask which communicates 'i'm afraid/ashamed of what i am' and then there are masks that reflect how their inner persona is.

 

When the two are aligned, you have a great weight lifted off your shoulders.

 

Having the two aligned also communicates confidence, which attracts ppl because most ppl are not that full of confidence either.

 

Overall, aligning the two will exclude more ppl than it will include, but keep in mind that there is no way to be 100% likable. Unless you're a politician, it's better to be liked by fewer who know how you are truly like.

 

So very, very true. I have generally applied this principle IRL despite much protest from relatives who genuinely believed that I would never 'get a man' by carrying on as I was, and I have never regretted it. The few men whom I did attract were by far much more compatible with me than the many men which some of my friends went through like cheap pantyhose. Strange analogy, sorry, but I'm still pissed that I just tore one the SECOND time I wore it...

[Radu]

Oh believe me, so do I. I live 15 minutes away from Germany too so life's good.

 

Poland ?

 

[ten chars]

[Radu]

You might end up in Poland anyway if this global warming thing proves correct.

 

PS: Polish girls are nice.

[ThaWholigan]

You might end up in Poland anyway if this global warming thing proves correct.

 

PS: Polish girls are nice.

Lot of Polish girls here in London with black girl's body shape - bare big asses and long thick legs and little waists, I've had to look a few times and be like "Yo, she's shaped like a black girl!" .