slinkydinky73 Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 I really need some help here. My best friend is going through a very difficult time. Her husband of 27 years is having an affair with a woman at work. We all work together. It's been going on for about 3 months now. He has admitted to it and shows no remorse. He also tells her he has no reason to feel guilty. But has no intentions of leaving. She doesn't know what to do and honestly I don't know what to say to her anymore. I want to tell her to kick him out. But I can't do that. If she does and is miserable I don't want her to blame me. He didn't openly admit it. It took some investigating by my friend and myself to get it confirmed. So he was continually lying to her, telling her she was nuts and making stuff up in her head and for a while she believe him. But now, he's admitted it and has told her she needs to give him time. He has never said that he would stop the affair. or that he's sorry. He also knows that I know of the infedility. He hasn't treated me any different nor have I him. .only b/c of my best friend. The only thing he did do was tell her that I'm filling her head and at first she was going to stop talking to me at work so much, and I told her that he wouldn't give up his "so called" friend, why should she give up me when we are not doing anything wrong. Since I told her that she said she won't allow him to do that to our friendship. He says that he has to have the affair b/c she is killing him by not having enough sex. I told her that was crap (hope I'm right). He puts the guilties on her by saying this. He makes her feel like this is her fault. What can I do to help her through this. I'm at my wits end now. Before this they didn't have a great relationship anyway. He would get home from work and stay on the computer all night. They best he was to her was a good provider, but she always worked too, and made just as much money as he. I try to help her ..but I don't know what else I can do. I am very much afraid I will lose her friendship. OR he will make it hard on our friendship. My instinct is to hurt the other women. We work with her everyday and she just smirks...she must also know that I know. ..why else would she grin. I want to knock that smirk off her face ..for my friend. But I can't. She asks me to leave her alone..so I must. Does anyone know of any books out there to read on this..I've been all over the net. any advice would be greatly appreciated...things that I can say to her..or to help her..and make me a better friend. thanks a bunch. Slinky
StartingAgain Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 Stay out of it. Never get involved in difficulties between a man and wife. I know she is your friend and you want to help, but you should limit your involvement to being a shoulder for her. Until he is ready to end the affair, there isn't much she can do but leave or wait it out. So if there is nothing she can to, there is certainly nothing you can do. Suggest she go to <removed> and read their section on dealing with and recovering from infiedelity.
EC Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 Startingagain is completely right. Do Not get in it!! I once had a friend that had a looser bf. I caught him cheating and lying and basically everything in the book. Being the good friend that i was I would tell her everything and give her advice. In the end she ended up being sweet talked and back with him and I ended up without a friend. This is something she has to figure out on her own between her and her husband. The only thing you can do is just be her shoulder to lean on. Listen to her when she vents and wipe her tears when she cries. Other than that stay out of it.
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