not sure how to act

[chris]

i have recently started dating a girl who is 3 years older than me (im 19, shes 22). we have a lot in common and always have a blast together but this is the first relationship ive ever been in with a girl who is older than me, im used to girls my age. i always try to be a gentlmen around ladies (girls my age tell me i am very sweet) but this older girl is much more mature than any ive ever dated and im not sure if the "sweet" aproach would work with her. i think that this dating will end up in a great relationship, but when we are together i have a hard time thinking of what to say without seeming inmature. what should i do? any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Tony T]

Your age difference is not that significant, so don't sweat it. But being somebody you are not is truly wrong in a dating situation. If you have to work to ascend to what you think is her level, stop seeing her. Relationships are way too hard to add a new dimension to it.

 

As far as talking to her, let her take the lead. Talk to her about what she wants to talk about. But I will tell you, women of any age love for guys to ask about them, their lives, their interests, their goals, etc. It makes you seem genuinely interested in getting to know her if you ask questions about her life...as long as they aren't personal.

 

While doing this, it will be easier for you to understand her maturity level and what her interests are. But, again, don't try to put on an act. That's not fair to yourself. If you have to do that, just have fun with her the way you have been doing and be friends. Let time take care of everything else.

 

As far as the sweet approach goes, be nice but be confident and don't be too nice. Be a challenge and don't be crawling all over her, calling her all the time, etc. Be a man here. Women like a challenge, not a puppy dog.

[chris]

we talk on the phone every nnight but she tells me to call her and i cant get her out of my mind and im not changing myself for her, i think i would consider it growing up for her

Your age difference is not that significant, so don't sweat it. But being somebody you are not is truly wrong in a dating situation. If you have to work to ascend to what you think is her level, stop seeing her. Relationships are way too hard to add a new dimension to it. As far as talking to her, let her take the lead. Talk to her about what she wants to talk about. But I will tell you, women of any age love for guys to ask about them, their lives, their interests, their goals, etc. It makes you seem genuinely interested in getting to know her if you ask questions about her life...as long as they aren't personal. While doing this, it will be easier for you to understand her maturity level and what her interests are. But, again, don't try to put on an act. That's not fair to yourself. If you have to do that, just have fun with her the way you have been doing and be friends. Let time take care of everything else. As far as the sweet approach goes, be nice but be confident and don't be too nice. Be a challenge and don't be crawling all over her, calling her all the time, etc. Be a man here. Women like a challenge, not a puppy dog.

[Deejette]

Obviously, she is interested in who you really are, or she wouldn't ask you to call her or even hang out with you. You don't have to be constantly entertaining. Just being who you are, reacting to things the way you really feel is much better than trying to construct a mature you that may only be what you think she wants.

we talk on the phone every nnight but she tells me to call her and i cant get her out of my mind and im not changing myself for her, i think i would consider it growing up for her

[Paulie]

I suggest apologizing in kind of a "not too dramatic" way. Be sincere, but not too dramatic. After you apologize, let it go, and don't force the issue. Apologize, and consider it a dead issue.

 

You can't change the past, only learn from it. I agree with Tony, though. I NEVER drink and drive anymore. I used to, and after a couple of near brushes with the law, made the adult decision to not drive, even after ONE.

 

To be perfectly honest and candid with you, I frankly think I'm fine behind the wheel after 2 or three beers. BUT, all it takes is one A**H*le cop to bust your chops over something little, and you're done. Also, just as importantly, would you be able to live with yourself if you did get into an accident after a few beers, especially when you damn well knew better?