K4RM4 Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 My girlfriend of 10 months started a new job over summer. It was inevitable that she would become close with her coworkers after spending 6 hours a day, 4 days a week with them. Theres one guy in particular that shes befriended. Now, when she first started mentioning his name every once in a while I took no notice because, to be honest, the guy is a little nerdy and not the most dazzling man on the planet. Apparently he's funny as hell though because she often tells me how freaking funny this guy is. She said how she really likes working with him. To be honest, though, when she tells me the things he does, a lot arent really that funny to me. One time she told me she couldnt even help a customer cause she was laughing so hard and when she told me what he did, all I could do was fake smile. I like to think that one of the reasons my girlfriend chose me is because I would make her laugh everyday in class. So humor is probably a big "must have" on her list of likable attributes. This being said, lately she hasnt been in the most humorous mood around me and I have a hard time even making her chuckle. Despite this, she never hesitates to tell me how funny he or anyone else is. I guess Im feeling like Im being replaced or shes looking for a replacement. Im not so worried that shell cheat on me but im always insecure when it comes to her relations with other people. Ive considered that maybe shes losing interest, but she tells me she loves me everyday and shes the kind of person that, if she didnt love you, she wouldnt say it. Ive always considered that maybe im just not that funny or interesting, but when Im around others, I have no problem making people laugh. I even find it hard to even have a solid conversation with her sometimes because a lot of her answers are "Yeah", "No", and "Really?". I feel like the relationship hasnt really progressed the last month or two, but Im not ready to break up over something like that. So what does this mean? Are these innocent comments about a purely platonic coworker or do they extend further to a relationship level? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 (edited) I wouldn't say it's a dealbreaker unless she spends a lot of time with him or communicates regularly with him outside of work and she's referencing him, his behaviour and opinions every day. At the moment, all you have is that she gets on well with this co-worker and she appreciates his humour. I suspect that you are jealous that this guy makes her laugh because it's something that you've prided yourself on being able to do. Therefore, you're putting yourself in competition with this guy, even though you agree with your girlfriend that he is indeed funny. She may be focusing a lot of her mental and emotional energy on doing well in her new job and making a good impression - not necessarily on her co-worker. This may explain the reduced communication levels. Make sure you are spending as much quality time with her as you can - doing things that you know make you both happy. Hopefully, once she gets into the swing of things and feels more settled, the pressure will be off and she can focus more on your relationship. I say keep an eye on this but try not to get paranoid. And if you're really curious about the nature of their relationship, arrange a lunch date with your girlfriend, drop in to her office to pick her up - then you can see for yourself if there might be anything between them. Edit: I think that my advice above holds if this were a situation taken in isolation. However, given your previous thread. Perhaps your girlfriend is indeed looking for a way out of this relationship. Sometimes people are insecure because of how they perceive certain events and there's really nothng going on. However, sometimes insecurity in a relationship is an indication that the relationship may not be the right one for you. Especially if your partner does not reassure you but rather continues to behave in a way that feeds your insecurities. I think this new situation on top of the events in your previous thread is starting to look like a trend. I think that you need to think long and hard about whether this is the right relationship for you. Edited August 6, 2012 by january2011 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 How insulting, laughing at a nerdy guy's jokes over yours. She should know better. Sounds almost like she's having an emotional affair if he's getting all that laughing energy now. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 She sounds young, and inexperienced. As january said, keep watching. I don't think you are paranoid though, but how are you going to verbalise this problem you see on the horizon to her ? Link to post Share on other sites
Fahdi Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 My question: Are you afraid to ask her? Why bother asking forum folks? Best advice and make sure you DO THIS, ask her sincerely, what her problem is. You get man points for not being a wuss and it might just help her attraction going for you for the confidence and understanding. I don't know why you're feeling threatened/jealous or undervaluing yourself. If it goes the opposite way, then it isn't meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 My question: Are you afraid to ask her? Why bother asking forum folks? Best advice and make sure you DO THIS, ask her sincerely, what her problem is. You get man points for not being a wuss and it might just help her attraction going for you for the confidence and understanding. I don't know why you're feeling threatened/jealous or undervaluing yourself. If it goes the opposite way, then it isn't meant to be. It's in his OP. He wants perspective. Some ppl posted theirs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author K4RM4 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 Thanks for all the responses. I dont think my girlfriend would tell me all this stuff about him if she had feelings for him because that would make me suspicious. Most women who cheat or are thinking on doing so try to cover up the person they cheated with and thats not what shes doing. Shes not really hiding anything (at least as far as I know) and shes not the type who would. I feel like im just being a big bag of insecure. Is it my fault my overreacting to this whole situation, or is it hers for leading me (accidentally or purposely) to believe that something is going on? Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 I dont think you know what you are talking about with regards to "Most women who cheat"... Sorry buddy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author K4RM4 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 Okay, thats nice, but i came here for advice. Not to be put down. Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Okay, thats nice, but i came here for advice. Not to be put down. Not putting you down... Just letting you know that your stereotype is wrong. Your girl IS interested in this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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