Cheating Victim.. 7 long months and no recovery (semi-long)

[ImLostx]

Alright so I met the perfect girl about two years ago who ended up being my first love and first serious relationship. She became my girlfriend, my best friend, my EVERYTHING! Then almost a year into the relationship I was going through so stuff that made me less available to spend quality time and very stressed out which put a huge strain on our relationship. My girlfriend began to go out with her friends all of the time and I never thought anything of it because I trusted her and was busy myself so I wanted her to have fun

 

One day later on down the line I see a picture that she was tagged in on Facebook with this guy behind her dancing with her. We had a rule that we wouldn't dance with anyone else and when I questioned her she said they took the picture right when he got behind her to dance with her... Being the (dumb) trusting boyfriend I was I accepted what she said without question and just asked her to remove the picture.

 

Then a couple of weeks later following that incident she had a falling out with her roommate who supposedly posted that my girlfriend cheated on me on Facebook and my girlfriend told me about it and how it wasn't true and being once again the (stupid) trusting boyfriend I was I was receptive to what she said without question. Cheating was something that i didnt think she would ever do because I knew that she loved me dearly.

 

I began to feel my self becoming more and more unhappy primarily to the great amount of strain that was put on our relationship because of what I was going through. My girlfriend was somewhat supportive but complained and didn't like it at all one bit. I thought about things for weeks and decided to break up with her because I needed time and didn't wanna do anything bad to her like cheat or anything. She was heartbroken and begged for me back but I refused.

 

Months later I tried getting back with her and she was not making it easy for me at all. There was another guy who she was seeing but she still loved me and it showed and I knew I just needed to be patient so I was. She then decides toget some type of birth control that required her to have an std test and come to find out she has syphilis and I was likely to have to it as well because we had sex on several occasions. Being focused on wanting to get her back I completely brushed that off when she told me and she felt like she couldn't make me waitwait for any longer because I was the best thing that's happened to her and she dropped everyone and got back with me.

 

Weeks following I found out that she lied about a guy she said she didn't have sex with and that she cheated on me back when I was going through that stuff and her roommate had posted it on Facebook and told me it wasn't true when it really was. I was completely crushed! I couldn't do anything but want to work things out because I had just gotten her back and wasn't ready for things to end. She made a 360 degree change after for the better and has shown me that she was sorry and loves me and would never do anything like that again.

 

It has been 7 months and still to this day, I can't seem to forget about it and I feel like its preventing me from moving on with her. Things will be good for a couple of weeks and then something will happen or I'll see something that reminds me of what she did and it just brings me back to the situation and how much it hurt me. Still to this day there has been a lingering unhappiness that I just can't get over because of what she has done and I do not know what to do with myself! I wish I could just get over it so I can move on with this girl and my life! She has done everything she possibly can to show she is sorry and to make things better. Although I do want to move on with this girl I'm not most concerned with that. What I'm mainly concerned with is what the best thing for me to do for MYSELF is. Advice would be greatly appreciated.. I have been having way too many sleepless nights..Thanks!

 

By the way.. My girlfriend and I are both in college.. I'm 20 and she's 19..

[ImLostx]

It's easier said than done though... What has been keeping me around is the fact that I have seen that she really has changed. She has been competent open, changed alot of her ways, and shown me that she is not that person anymore and wants to be with me and only me. She has become a really great girlfriend just what's been holding things back is me dealing with what she has done. Part of me feels like I should move on with her and another part feels like changed or not, I deserve to be with someone who would NEVER put me through anything like that

[Fahdi]

Yea, part of the reason you're also on the forum is because you're deeply hurt and are looking for a way to move on. Listen bud, you're still young, she may have said sorry in every possible way, but the fact is she cheated and you are upset for the past 7 months. You're looking for other people's opinion, but the fact is whatever anyone tells you is just for your thought perception. The real problem is the action she did WHILE you were IN the relationship. Make sure to focus on the capitalized words. At the end it is your choice. But if this was me, I would have moved on. But that is me. You on the other hand could do:

 

1) Confront her about how you're feeling (open communication is the best thing in a relationship) and see if both of you can figure it out together.

2) Move On

 

Best of luck, first loves in all eternity will be remembered by you, till the day you die, so I can understand why you're so hurt. But hey, don't worry, maybe you'll have someone just as wonderful and understanding.

[ImLostx]

Thanks, that really helps a lot. Ive got some more thinking to do.... All I wanna do is be happy at this point in time and I guess it's time for me to make a decision. I've also been holding things off because along time ago we planned a trip and I have a 147$ non refundable plane ticket I don't want to go to waste lol. Anyone here been through a situation similar to mine that can give me some advice.

[ImLostx]

Awww Lost, you sound like a genuinely good, kindhearted young man. This isn't an excuse for her, but you simply can't overlook the ages here. You're talking about a 19 year old teenage girl, and you're only a year older than her. You two will both be completely different people 5 years now. It's amazing how different you'll both be.

 

What seems like fate forged by the stars right now will more than likely NOT be so 5 years from now.

 

I remember when my son was a starving college student - $147 means a whole lot to you right now. But it's not worth your integrity or self respect.

 

If you can't get over her infidelity - and not everyone CAN reconcile after a betrayal - then you need to think about moving on.

 

Hey, we all remember our first loves and 50 years from now, you'll have rewritten history so that this girl is close to sainthood. Funny how the mind works, isn't it?

 

No one can 'advise' you whether to stay or leave. Follow your heart but make sure your head is guiding you.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Thanks! appreciate the wise words, you definitely sound like your a lot older and alot more mature and know what you are talking about. The overall response that I have been getting is that I should move on due to the fact that I cant get over with which part of me definitely does agree with I am just a little unsure at this moment because I am scared of making the wrong decision.

[TG1]

Move on man and cut your losses, find another girl to be with, with you I am sure you will be able to find a new girl in no time and then move on from your girlfriend before she has the chance to cheat on you again and again because if she could do it more than once, just goes to show you just what type of girl she is

[Mimi99]

You will always have trust issues with this girl. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. And you're so young!!! I say, suck it up and move on. I know it's harsh, but life is so short. Make every moment count. Don't waste your time in an unhappy relationship.. It'll take some time and it'll be hard, but in time you'll forget and move on. Hope you got treatment for the syphilis

[TG1]

You will always have trust issues with this girl. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. And you're so young!!! I say, suck it up and move on. I know it's harsh, but life is so short. Make every moment count. Don't waste your time in an unhappy relationship.. It'll take some time and it'll be hard, but in time you'll forget and move on. Hope you got treatment for the syphilis

 

Me too, I agree

[ImLostx]

Wow everyone's confirming things that I've already been told and things I've thought about. I guess I know exactly what I have to do. It's time for me to make that decision to move on. I definitely deserve someone that would never EVER do anything like that to me and I'm sure there's someone out there like that. Oh and I got treated just because I was in contact with someone who had it but I didn't even end up having it thank God!!

[TG1]

Wow everyone's confirming things that I've already been told and things I've thought about. I guess I know exactly what I have to do. It's time for me to make that decision to move on. I definitely deserve someone that would never EVER do anything like that to me and I'm sure there's someone out there like that. Oh and I got treated just because I was in contact with someone who had it but I didn't even end up having it thank God!!

 

 

Glad you are heeding the advice given and you are moving on with your life, trust me man when you move on and find a new girl to be with, you will be so much better off

[ImLostx]

I hope so. This is going to be so hard Because I've never let anyone in like this. I was defintely never the relationship type until I found this girl and I won't be able to have complete no contact with her because we have a class together and go to the same church so I will see her on a weekly basis which will make things very hard for me

[TG1]

I hope so. This is going to be so hard Because I've never let anyone in like this. I was defintely never the relationship type until I found this girl and I won't be able to have complete no contact with her because we have a class together and go to the same church so I will see her on a weekly basis which will make things very hard for me

 

But it will get easier with time

[drifter777]

But it will get easier with time

 

Time is not a magic healer. It can dull the pain, but never heal the wound.

 

Look, you are not married and have no children so why put yourself through this? You think she's the only girl for you and the only one you love but if you end the relationship you will be just fine and dating again within a couple months - maybe less.

 

It's not worth all the pain, anger, and drama the two of you are going through. End it for both of your sakes.

[TG1]

Time is not a magic healer. It can dull the pain, but never heal the wound.

 

Look, you are not married and have no children so why put yourself through this? You think she's the only girl for you and the only one you love but if you end the relationship you will be just fine and dating again within a couple months - maybe less.

 

It's not worth all the pain, anger, and drama the two of you are going through. End it for both of your sakes.

 

Yes end it for your both of your sakes, but do it before you decide to go back into this relationship because if you do decide to go back into it, you are going to end up getting hurt again