Does she "like" me and should I wait for her to come around?

[Soraca]

Hello to all,

 

There’s a girl that I’m crazy about (what else is new on this site). We met 3 years ago and we have always been friendly with each other and had an admiration for each other. The bad part is that she had just started dating someone just after we met. It wound up being a rocky relationship for her. She caught him cheating and lying and she broke up with him. But she made the mistake of remaining distant friends with him. So he played her and made his attempts at “winning” her back and “proving” himself to her. Well, she made the mistake of eventually giving him a second chance. After getting back together for only a few months, she caught him cheating and lying again. Now she’s totally hurt, angry, and confused.

 

Meanwhile, we had always been casual friends because she knew I liked her. She re-established contact with myself shortly after the final breakup. We started to get closer than we have ever been and we even started hanging out together. We would usually hang out at my place and while nothing “happened” between us, we were close with each other. What I mean is she would lie down, leaning into me while watching TV and she would ask me to massage her. We even spent Valentine’s Day together and danced in my apartment. 

 

Anyway, the point came when she realized that we were at different stages. I was falling for her and she said although she thinks I’m wonderful and everything she could want in a man, she said is so not ready. She said this is a real problem for her because she doesn’t want me to get hurt. Anyway, I didn’t want to be just a band aid and she even said now is not a good time because she would be on the re-bound.

 

So now we have the “no contact rule” in place. We haven’t spoke for almost 3 months. It’s been about 7 months since her breakup and many female friends have told me that, on average, a year is needed for someone to get fully over a relationship.

 

I know I have to carry on with my life but I have 2 questions. First, I guess I should not contact her but wait for her to come to me if and when she’s ready? One of the last things she said to me was, “This is my fault for contacting you too soon. I should have waited until I was over everything before contacting you again”.

 

My other question is, based on what I’ve written; do you think she “likes” me? I sense she does but I just want an opinion from someone that is not emotionally involved. All the signs seem to be there. She talks about me to all of her friends and her family as well. One of her friends said I sound like an awesome guy based on how she described me. She even said once, “I have to admit it’s difficult for me to not be affectionate with you. I just don’t want to complicate things right now.”

 

Thank you in advance,

 

-Soraca

[EC]

I've been here before. It took me a year to get over him. I think you should wait if you really like this girl but like everyone says do not put your life on hold for her. It seems like she might like you but then again you were there in her time of need and you were her safety blanket. Sometimes we just need someone to talk to, and hang out with and stuff but nothing more. And she obviously really liked her ex because she took him back and he did her dirt again. Being cheated on by someone you love and trust really stings and takes a while to get over. A long while. Let her breathe and findherself. Give her time.

[fundamental]

Soraca,

 

 

Seems like she is being honest about it not being a good time. She might not feel secure with herself right now. I suggest you move on, it is the best thing for you to do. If she comes back to you and you still have feelings for her, then give it a chance. But try to enjoy life. It is not worth trying to hang on to someone who in unsure of herself. Things will work out for you. Don't spend too much of your time wondering how she feels about you, and why she doesn't want a relationship right now. If you spend too much time thinking about it, you are going to miss out on a lot of nice girls.

 

fundamental

 

 

[i was falling for her and she said although she thinks I’m wonderful and everything she could want in a man, she said is so not ready. She said this is a real problem for her because she doesn’t want me to get hurt. Anyway, I didn’t want to be just a band aid and she even said now is not a good time because she would be on the re-bound.

]

[Soraca]

Thanks EternallyConfused and Fundamental,

 

I appreciate you reading my post and replying. I have to admit you both bring up good points. It's just a struggle for me from time to time because I miss my friend. After all, that's what we are more than anything else...friends.

 

So I try and I find myself going on with my life but thinking about her still. In the end, I guess she come back around if she's really interested? Naturally, I've never felt this strongly about anyone before. I guess that's why it's so hard for me. I've had relationships in the past and never had too much trouble moving on but this is the exception!

 

 

Regards,

Soraca

[faux]

Originally posted by Soraca

Hello to all,

 

There’s a girl that I’m crazy about (what else is new on this site). We met 3 years ago and we have always been friendly with each other and had an admiration for each other. The bad part is that she had just started dating someone just after we met. It wound up being a rocky relationship for her. She caught him cheating and lying and she broke up with him. But she made the mistake of remaining distant friends with him. So he played her and made his attempts at “winning” her back and “proving” himself to her. Well, she made the mistake of eventually giving him a second chance. After getting back together for only a few months, she caught him cheating and lying again. Now she’s totally hurt, angry, and confused.

 

Have you ever sat and listened to her about this whole evil man situation? Ever give her advice about the relationship(s)? Bad idea. It sounds as though you are in the typical "Really good guy friend that this girl sees as a brother, but nothing ever more" situation. She will most likely continue to get involved with really bad guys, knowing full well that she can get the kindness and attention she needs from you, which only justifies her poor choice in men.

 

While it's fine to be supportive of a friend, I really do not want to get involved in opposite sex relationship counselor duty.

 

Meanwhile, we had always been casual friends because she knew I liked her. She re-established contact with myself shortly after the final breakup. We started to get closer than we have ever been and we even started hanging out together. We would usually hang out at my place and while nothing “happened” between us, we were close with each other. What I mean is she would lie down, leaning into me while watching TV and she would ask me to massage her. We even spent Valentine’s Day together and danced in my apartment. 

 

Such a confusion situation for you.

 

Anyway, the point came when she realized that we were at different stages. I was falling for her and she said although she thinks I’m wonderful and everything she could want in a man, she said is so not ready.

 

I can possibly buy that, but only in the "We should take this slower" department. I'm crossing my fingers, hoping that the next thing I read is going to go something like "So we started dating, and taking it slow..."

 

She said this is a real problem for her because she doesn’t want me to get hurt. Anyway, I didn’t want to be just a band aid and she even said now is not a good time because she would be on the re-bound.

 

Sigh. I saw that coming. You probably are a great guy, but she wants the idiots who are going to mistreat her. See, she knows that there is always going to be a guy like you waiting just around the corner. She knows that the minute something goes wrong with an idiot guy, she can call a guy like you and sort her problems out, get the attention and emotional support she lacks in her relationship, and still continue to be with those bad boys. Fun? Not at all.

 

I think it's safe to say that you were pretty much an emotional band-aid, or emotional tampon, or whatever you'd like to call it. For someone who sure doesn't "want to hurt you", she certainly is workiing her way up to murder.

 

So now we have the “no contact rule” in place. We haven’t spoke for almost 3 months. It’s been about 7 months since her breakup and many female friends have told me that, on average, a year is needed for someone to get fully over a relationship.

 

But... You guys weren't in a relationship? Were you? If you two were dating then things didn't go all that bad! But if you two weren't dating, or seeing one another exclusively somehow, and nothing ever happened, well... NO CONTACT? What the heck is going on?

 

You're honestly telling me that you're falling hook, line, and sinker for this girl's games all this time?

 

I know I have to carry on with my life but I have 2 questions. First, I guess I should not contact her but wait for her to come to me if and when she’s ready?

 

No. Do not contact her and forget about her. Don't wait around and don't pursue. She's probably with Big Bad Leroy Jones and the Inner City Motorcycle Club right now, using some other kind guy to justify her remaining in a horrible relationship.

 

One of the last things she said to me was, “This is my fault for contacting you too soon. I should have waited until I was over everything before contacting you again”.

 

More games from her. She can compete directly with Milton Bradley, that one, let me tell you.

 

My other question is, based on what I’ve written; do you think she “likes” me?

 

No. Likes to use you, as in take you for granted, and abuse your gullibility? Yes.

 

I sense she does but I just want an opinion from someone that is not emotionally involved.

 

Again, no. I don't think she does. If she did, you two would be together. I think you got taken for a ride.

 

All the signs seem to be there. She talks about me to all of her friends and her family as well.

 

Really... What with all this "No Contact" going on that she instated, with so many months gone by already... I don't care if she goes before the Pope and says how you're the best guy in the world! If she hasn't spoken to you in so long, and isn't talking to you, it doesn't mean diddley.

 

One of her friends said I sound like an awesome guy based on how she described me. She even said once, “I have to admit it’s difficult for me to not be affectionate with you. I just don’t want to complicate things right now.”

 

Thank you in advance,

 

-Soraca

 

 

More games. Wow, look... She just opened up her first chain location. Watch out, Toys 'R Us!

[Soraca]

Hey Faux,

 

Thanks for yor advice and input. Wow! You really laid it on heavy. I have to admit you MAY be 100% correct.

 

I just wanted to add a few points to my saga. Now I’m not a guy who likes things sugar coated, so again, I think you may be right on with your analysis. I’m not trying to counter you…just add some insight to my situation.

 

The opinion with my female friends is 100% unanimous that a girl needs a minimum of a year to fully get over everything from a committed relationship gone badly. That won’t be until mid-November of this year. So I do believe her when she said she wasn’t ready for another relationship at the time.

 

No, we never dated. Not dating in the sense that anything physical happened. We just hung out as close friends.

 

Now, I do agree that I’ve been her supportive guy that eases her pain while she has “issues” with banana-head. I guess there was a time when I made myself too available for her. She did reach out for me for attention and comfort…which I gave in to.

 

As far as the NO CONTACT, she initiated it because she didn’t want me getting any closer to her right now because she was “numb”. Now while we weren’t dating and were just friends, she knew my feelings couldn’t be controlled either. Below is an email she sent me when this all went down…

 

“Paul

 

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Are you ready?

 

Well, I’m not handling this break-up very well and although I hang out with you and my friends, it’s like I’m not really there. I’ve realized that I’ve done what I always do in these times. That’s turn to those who I think care about me and can maybe give me the attention I need right now. This can’t be good. How do you feel hanging out with me? I’ve been selfish and I haven’t thought about how this could affect you? Are you alright hanging out with me? These are things we need to speak about and get thing out in the open. It’s nice to turn to someone that’s there and to have someone that cares about you but understand that’s not the only reason why I turn to you.”

 

While I see hook, line, and sinker lines in that email (I admit that), she soon after initiated the no contact because she was having guilt about me getting hurt because my feelings were growing while she still had the “wall” up. I tend to believe this action indicates she does care for me. If she was just taking me for a ride and using me just for a band aid, attention, and all, why would she end it in an effort to protect me frometting hurt any more?

 

I made it clear that we cannot hang out or speak again unless she desires more from me that just a friend. Whether or not she “likes” me, well…if she comes back around, then I’ll know.

 

I’m not going to contact her first and I’m dating other people again. I admit I’m not over this but I’m resisting reaching out to her. She will have to come to me now and not for comfort but because she desires more…

 

Thanks again Faux. I’m obviously hoping you’re not 100% right but you may be? I just wanted to add a few things, which you may shoot down all the way…LOL. But I appreciate your time reading me post and replying. Any other tips are welcome.

 

Soraca

[joseph]

Hey Faux, nice post, I like, I like, but I do often wonder... when a woman that's having relationship trouble offers this information to a man, is it possible that she's trying to indicate her possible availability?

If not, what tactics do you advise to stray clear of being a nice guy and helping out? Alot of people just want to help..but if it's going to hurt a possible relationship down the line. One must know how to stay away from playing councilor, while maintaining his/her status.

 

Joseph