cassandra69d Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 my husband and my sister in law have developed this friendship over the last couple of months. My husband has been calling her on a regular basis and he has been treating her to lunch at least once a month. He only calls her from his cell phone and he hides the fact that they meet for lunch. I am having a problem with it because when I ask him about it he lies. He tells me I am insecure and there is nothing going on. Am I insecure or is this just plain wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Actually its good that your husband and sister-in-law get along. Have you talked to your sister-in-law about it? If so, what does she have to say? How do you know about the lunches? Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Yes theres a real problem here. Anytime someone feels the need to lie or hide something, then something is not right. If nothing is going on between them then he shouldn't feel the need to lie about it when asked, or hide the fact that they have lunch together etc. I would do a little investigation. Next time they are going out to lunch, if you know where they are going, show up out of the blue, act as if everything was fine and you just thought you would drop by. The reaction on their faces should give you some clues as to what may or may not be going on. Also try to tune in to his reaction when you ask him something about the situation. Does he become nervous, defensive when asked a question? Is he very protective of his cell? Does he talk to her infront of you or maybe go into another room or outside? There are some red flags here! Best of luck and keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Agree absolutely. People ought not hide this sort of thing from their partners. If they do, it's because they know they are doing something wrong. Dr. Phil says 'never do behind your spouse's back what you would not do right in front of your spouse'. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Open your eyes hun, whats going on is right in front of you. To many signs that say so. Anytime something that goes from one way to another all of a sudden then theres something up. You say that they developed a friendship over the past few months, if it wasn't like that before and suddenly it is, then something is wrong. If he is hiding things and lying to you thats not a good sign. Another thing,if he is telling you that you're insecure and putting it off on you, then that right there is another possible sign. He is the one thats insecure, because if he wasn't, he wouldn't be lying and hiding things from you. He is "transferring" or "projecting" his quilt over on to you, for what it is he may be doing. Get to the root of the problem as soon as you can. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Is your sister single? I agree there should be no lies in a relationship-but you've got to trust someone- if not your husband and sister than who? Were you hostile when you 1st confronted him? Perhaps his lies are a form of defense. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 People don't hide friendships. They hide ill motives. If he's sneaking around and keeping things hidden from you, then you can bet your intuition he's feeling guilty about his behavior. Even if nothing's happened yet, they're already up to no good just by their blatant disregard for your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Ok, if he is your husband and she is your sister-in-law, wouldn't that make them brother and sister? Are you talking about incest here? Or is this woman married to one of your brothers/sisters so she is not technically related to your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 There's something not kosher here.... why would he lie about it? Smells fishy to me Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 if he was honest and open, no problem...but he ain't so AAIIIYEAAH! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cassandra69d Posted July 14, 2004 Author Share Posted July 14, 2004 My sister in law is my brothers wife. My brother and his wife are having marital problems. My husband says he is just there for her. He is trying to help her make things work. He calls her when he is away on business trips late at night,on weekends when I am not around,on the way to work on the way home from work and during work. He also treats her to lunch and writes it off as a business expense. Yet if I ask him if he has spoken to her recently he would say no. When I confronted him about her he said it started me helping her out and then I realized we have so much in common and she was easy to talk to. Would you be concerned? Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflyu_Queen Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Yes, I would be concerned. Thats nice that he is there for her, but I think he is a little bit "to much" there for her. Its one thing to be a friend to someone and have a shoulder to lean on for support, but the lunches, the frequent phone calls, etc. Cassandra, sweetie WAKE UP! If your sister-in-law is having a hard time right now because of her marriage, she should be seeing a counselor to help her, not your husband. Another thing you might want to do, is tell your husband that it was nice of him to be a friend to her, but you think that maybe she needs to be talking with a counselor. After you tell him this, step back and see his reaction to what you've said. If he becomes upset, or tells you no that hes gonna continue to be there for her, then you will know something has got to be going on. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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