chronic pain interferring

[zippyskippy]

I'm desperate for your advice! Thank you for taking time to read this. I am 17, I have several soft tissue diseases and the chronic pain that I have to endure everyday is tough on my boyfriend. He is empathetic, but not sure how to deal with it when I'm am pain. It is a strain on our relationship and I don't want to start feeling as if I'm a burden, like I used to when I first started having the problems. He has helped me through so much in the past year, but it is getting harder on him, I know. I crumpled up in the middle of a store the other day and then he helped me out to the car. In the car I was still in a little ball of pain and he mistook it that I was upset with him or something. I wasn't! I was just in pain! After I explained this to him he started yelling. Not necissarily at me, though. He was saying how it wasn't fair to him... then in a smaller voice he said: "...and it isn't fair to you."

 

The chronic pain gets in the middle of alot of the things we do, when we are having fun- it'll start and bring us smashing down out of our sunny cloud.

 

I need help sorting this all out; I'm not sure what to do. Will it help if I just try to hide it more when I'm in extreme pain at the most inappropriate of times? I'm at a loss as to what to do!!!

[Tony T]

You are way too young to have this kind of thing happen to you. I am assuming you are receiving the very best medical attention possible and they are doing and prescribing the very best therapy to make your pain as minimal as possible. If that is not the case, start moving in that direction.

 

Most people with challenges such as yours that require compromises on the part of the people around them feel like burdens from time to time. You need to select your friends well. Make sure they understand in vivid detail what your problem is, how the pain can come on suddenly, and try to describe to them the intensity of the pain you suffer. A lot of people have no capacity for empathy or just don't want to take the time to try to understand then trials and suffering of others.

 

This is especially true of men you go out with. It is really important that they fully understand your disease. Guys your age are pretty selfish and superficial and may either not understand or not want to understand...but some will.

 

If you decide to date someone and you see that they are not treating you properly during the episodes of intense pain, break off the association. It is bad enough that you have to endure such intense physical pain...without having to suffer emotionally as well.

 

A kind, understanding partner will go a long way to making you feel better and more secure. Take your time and don't be discouraged if guys don't want to accomodate you. You will find a very special guy who has the smarts, patience and love to understand your condition and go through this with you. Just hang in there and be patient.

 

The guy you are seeing now seems a bit immature, self-centered, and unwilling to cope with your problem. I know it may be hurtful for you to terminate the relationship but you need to examine his behavior very closely and act swiftly if his attitude doesn't improve.

 

Be kind to yourself. Have people around who understand this problem. And, again, PLEASE be sure you are getting the very best possible medical attention.

[Nicky]

You are way too young to have this kind of thing happen to you. I am assuming you are receiving the very best medical attention possible and they are doing and prescribing the very best therapy to make your pain as minimal as possible. If that is not the case, start moving in that direction.

 

Most people with challenges such as yours that require compromises on the part of the people around them feel like burdens from time to time. You need to select your friends well. Make sure they understand in vivid detail what your problem is, how the pain can come on suddenly, and try to describe to them the intensity of the pain you suffer. A lot of people have no capacity for empathy or just don't want to take the time to try to understand then trials and suffering of others. This is especially true of men you go out with. It is really important that they fully understand your disease. Guys your age are pretty selfish and superficial and may either not understand or not want to understand...but some will. If you decide to date someone and you see that they are not treating you properly during the episodes of intense pain, break off the association. It is bad enough that you have to endure such intense physical pain...without having to suffer emotionally as well. A kind, understanding partner will go a long way to making you feel better and more secure. Take your time and don't be discouraged if guys don't want to accomodate you. You will find a very special guy who has the smarts, patience and love to understand your condition and go through this with you. Just hang in there and be patient.

 

The guy you are seeing now seems a bit immature, self-centered, and unwilling to cope with your problem. I know it may be hurtful for you to terminate the relationship but you need to examine his behavior very closely and act swiftly if his attitude doesn't improve. Be kind to yourself. Have people around who understand this problem. And, again, PLEASE be sure you are getting the very best possible medical attention.

[Nicky]

You are way too young to have this kind of thing happen to you. I am assuming you are receiving the very best medical attention possible and they are doing and prescribing the very best therapy to make your pain as minimal as possible. If that is not the case, start moving in that direction.

 

Most people with challenges such as yours that require compromises on the part of the people around them feel like burdens from time to time. You need to select your friends well. Make sure they understand in vivid detail what your problem is, how the pain can come on suddenly, and try to describe to them the intensity of the pain you suffer. A lot of people have no capacity for empathy or just don't want to take the time to try to understand then trials and suffering of others. This is especially true of men you go out with. It is really important that they fully understand your disease. Guys your age are pretty selfish and superficial and may either not understand or not want to understand...but some will. If you decide to date someone and you see that they are not treating you properly during the episodes of intense pain, break off the association. It is bad enough that you have to endure such intense physical pain...without having to suffer emotionally as well. A kind, understanding partner will go a long way to making you feel better and more secure. Take your time and don't be discouraged if guys don't want to accomodate you. You will find a very special guy who has the smarts, patience and love to understand your condition and go through this with you. Just hang in there and be patient.

 

The guy you are seeing now seems a bit immature, self-centered, and unwilling to cope with your problem. I know it may be hurtful for you to terminate the relationship but you need to examine his behavior very closely and act swiftly if his attitude doesn't improve. Be kind to yourself. Have people around who understand this problem. And, again, PLEASE be sure you are getting the very best possible medical attention.

Communication is key to every relationship. You will meet people who are unfortunately less than sympathetic, but I do believe that most people, when you explain what is happening will be understanding. Please do not be afraid to explain to your BF what you feel.

 

If he can't begin to understand anything about how this might affect you- move on. I trust you are seeking medical help for this problem. EVERYBODY has an issue in life with which they have to deal. I firmly believe this could make you a stronger and better person at the end of the day. Do not let HIS problems or insecurities cloud this issue.

 

Good luck