My confessions to her, myself, and to my fellow LS compatriots.

[2muchlove]

As we all know, break-ups are never one sided. Most of the time, if not all the time, both people are to blame.

 

I've been posting on here about my breakup with honesty, but not with full disclosure.

 

Well now, after all the torment and pain. The ups and downs. The wondering why she treated me like a piece of sh*t during the final month of our relationship.

 

I'm ready to admit exactly what I did.

 

And it's something that happened in our relationship I never told her about.

 

I'm not sure who knows about this anymore but as far as I know, she has no idea.

 

It's something I never thought I would do. Something I swore up and down I would never do. I was so against it in every shape and form. Something I'm disgusted by yet did it anyways:

 

I cheated.

 

I got drunk. And I slept with her co-worker while she was away in Las Vegas. And then shared a kiss with one of her good friends on St. Patricks day while she was at work.

 

Two months later she catches a less than appropriate conversation between me and another girl on facebook. I eventually asked her to move out. At which point she became even more devastated. Then after two weeks of recovery she decides to work it out with me while working her way into the pants of other men.

 

Trying to hook up with my best friend and roommate (and consequently succeeded in sabotaging my relationship with him). Sleeping around with people I don't even know. Hooking up with an old friend of mine. Completely treating me like a cockroach in the final days. All the while she had no idea I even cheated on her.

 

I also led her to believe I wanted to work things out while I was out fooling around (Never slept with anybody).

 

I have no excuses or justifications.

 

I was weak.

 

Weakened by the pressure she put on me over the year, the self-esteem that I let her take from me, the way she would never stand up for me, and the way she would take everything out on me. Not to mention she cheated on my 2 months into the relationship with her ex-boyfriend of 7 years. That kinda messed me up. But I decided to stick it out with her.

 

However, here I am. Still crying a month after NC. Wanting things to go back, whilst knowing it can never be.

 

I'm sure she is having a great time, and probably started a relationship with someone else, who I believe is my old friend I mentioned earlier.

 

But I'm still tormented by the thought of her every day.

 

I'm a superstar when it comes to forgiving others.

 

Yet I still don't know how to forgive myself.

 

And that's my confession.

[weallfalldown]

nice one..you dirty dog

 

 

well....i was jealous, suffocating.(well so she said)

angry, lazy, and occasionaly boring. i was infact all these things, including i talked to an ex, after we had fallen out and asked if i coild stay at hers for a night ( even though it was purely friendly)....the ultimate trust breaker)...

An i am, all these things......ahh, but with that particular person you see.....

 

she was..

 

Over emotional, over sensitive, bloody boring, weak as ****, phsycotic, but i don't think unfaithfull??, i'll never know. and very very manipulative....but aern't you all...

[yessy21]

The first step to healing is realizing that what started wrong...ends wrong. you both had made mistakes. unfortunatley, the mistakes you made were disrespectful to one another... and without respect... there nothing.

[2muchlove]

 

she was..

 

Over emotional, over sensitive, bloody boring, weak as ****, phsycotic, but i don't think unfaithfull??, i'll never know. and very very manipulative....but aern't you all...

 

My ex had many of these qualities as well. We just weren't right for each other. Unfortunately, knowing that doesn't make it easier for me.

[weallfalldown]

The first step to healing is realizing that what started wrong...ends wrong. you both had made mistakes. unfortunatley, the mistakes you made were disrespectful to one another... and without respect... there nothing.

 

yea well that's just what happens when you start arguing and slating each other...then it's just a downward spiral....

 

Unless your both meant to be together....god know's i'm not a relationship guru....just talking from my limited experience.

[weallfalldown]

god i sound like a right bastard.....

[2muchlove]

god i sound like a right bastard.....

 

 

We are the product of our environments my friend.

 

Nothing good comes from toxicity in a relationship.

[dreamingoftigers]

So, um, both of you have really, really poor coping and relational skills.

 

Which is probably why the relationship failed.

 

There are tons of books and resources to help navigate a conflict, be a better partner and develop boundaries.

 

Truly, pop over to one. (or more)

 

As well she might not have been able to "proove" you were actually cheating by the indecent conversation but must girls can (pretty accurately) guess that if you are that open and that's the part they caught, there's a whole iceberg underneath that of cheating and lying.

[weallfalldown]

So, um, both of you have really, really poor coping and relational skills.

 

Which is probably why the relationship failed.

 

There are tons of books and resources to help navigate a conflict, be a better partner and develop boundaries.

 

Truly, pop over to one. (or more)

 

As well she might not have been able to "proove" you were actually cheating by the indecent conversation but must girls can (pretty accurately) guess that if you are that open and that's the part they caught, there's a whole iceberg underneath that of cheating and lying.

 

ere we go...............

[weallfalldown]

what about our ex's not having the "skills"...............takes two!!!!

[2muchlove]

So, um, both of you have really, really poor coping and relational skills.

 

Which is probably why the relationship failed.

 

There are tons of books and resources to help navigate a conflict, be a better partner and develop boundaries.

 

Truly, pop over to one. (or more)

 

As well she might not have been able to "proove" you were actually cheating by the indecent conversation but must girls can (pretty accurately) guess that if you are that open and that's the part they caught, there's a whole iceberg underneath that of cheating and lying.

 

No disagreement there. She was always unjustifiably paranoid about me, even when we were at our best. And before I even considered doing something like that.

 

I developed codependency issues with her. And she had severe BPD. Something I didn't even know existed until a couple weeks ago.

[Mike_d]

And she had severe BPD. Something I didn't even know existed until a couple weeks ago.

 

that you can actually be clear of her is a great thing. BPD is horrific for all involved. Mother of my 4 kids has a severe case of BPD, I know this all too well

[weallfalldown]

i'm starting to think everyone's got BPD.....

 

I'll make few more up

 

PMT ...well we all know that one...and this can be a realtionship breaker...

 

IWYSIDHAOMO....i want your security i don't have any of my own disorder

 

:p

[2muchlove]

that you can actually be clear of her is a great thing. BPD is horrific for all involved. Mother of my 4 kids has a severe case of BPD, I know this all too well

 

Sorry to hear that man. How are you holding up?

[dreamingoftigers]

That's why I said *both*

 

But I can't give HER any advice. She isn't HERE.

 

Now back to the topic.....

 

Was she actually diagnosed BPD?

[2muchlove]

i'm starting to think everyone's got BPD.....

 

I'll make few more up

 

PMT ...well we all know that one...and this can be a realtionship breaker...

 

IWYSIDHAOMO....i want your security i don't have any of my own disorder

 

:p

 

Haha!

 

Not everybody has it. People who dealt with it are more prone to excruciating heartbreak. Which is the type of situation you will see plenty of on here.

[2muchlove]

That's why I said *both*

 

But I can't give HER any advice. She isn't HERE.

 

Now back to the topic.....

 

Was she actually diagnosed BPD?

 

No it was more of my therapist mentioning it and me researching, followed by shock in realizing she held all of the proper qualities.

 

I have no doubt she has it whether or not I diagnosed it myself. I lived with her long enough to understand it.

[Samilia]

As we all know, break-ups are never one sided. Most of the time, if not all the time, both people are to blame.

 

I've been posting on here about my breakup with honesty, but not with full disclosure.

 

Well now, after all the torment and pain. The ups and downs. The wondering why she treated me like a piece of sh*t during the final month of our relationship.

 

I'm ready to admit exactly what I did.

 

And it's something that happened in our relationship I never told her about.

 

I'm not sure who knows about this anymore but as far as I know, she has no idea.

 

It's something I never thought I would do. Something I swore up and down I would never do. I was so against it in every shape and form. Something I'm disgusted by yet did it anyways:

 

I cheated.

 

I got drunk. And I slept with her co-worker while she was away in Las Vegas. And then shared a kiss with one of her good friends on St. Patricks day while she was at work.

 

Two months later she catches a less than appropriate conversation between me and another girl on facebook. I eventually asked her to move out. At which point she became even more devastated. Then after two weeks of recovery she decides to work it out with me while working her way into the pants of other men.

 

Trying to hook up with my best friend and roommate (and consequently succeeded in sabotaging my relationship with him). Sleeping around with people I don't even know. Hooking up with an old friend of mine. Completely treating me like a cockroach in the final days. All the while she had no idea I even cheated on her.

 

I also led her to believe I wanted to work things out while I was out fooling around (Never slept with anybody).

 

I have no excuses or justifications.

 

I was weak.

 

Weakened by the pressure she put on me over the year, the self-esteem that I let her take from me, the way she would never stand up for me, and the way she would take everything out on me. Not to mention she cheated on my 2 months into the relationship with her ex-boyfriend of 7 years. That kinda messed me up. But I decided to stick it out with her.

 

However, here I am. Still crying a month after NC. Wanting things to go back, whilst knowing it can never be.

 

I'm sure she is having a great time, and probably started a relationship with someone else, who I believe is my old friend I mentioned earlier.

 

But I'm still tormented by the thought of her every day.

 

I'm a superstar when it comes to forgiving others.

 

Yet I still don't know how to forgive myself.

 

And that's my confession.

 

Nice of you to admit it; however be careful, I read your post and I see you blaming her for your actions.. The only difference between you and her is that you didn't get caught.

[2muchlove]

Nice of you to admit it; however be careful, I read your post and I see you blaming her for your actions.. The only difference between you and her is that you didn't get caught.

 

I don't blame her entirely but she certainly was a bit enabling in this case. I've never stressed so much in a relationship. It was my fault entirely for getting into it with all of the red flags in the beginning.

[Samilia]

I don't blame her entirely but she certainly was a bit enabling in this case. I've never stressed so much in a relationship. It was my fault entirely for getting into it with all of the red flags in the beginning.

 

And for staying in it. But I also think this.. two people can be good individuals and make a bad relationship together. Kinda like mixing coffee ground with coke.

[weallfalldown]

I don't blame her entirely but she certainly was a bit enabling in this case. I've never stressed so much in a relationship. It was my fault entirely for getting into it with all of the red flags in the beginning.

 

yep...the old heart rules the head disorder........

[dreamingoftigers]

Haha!

 

Not everybody has it. People who dealt with it are more prone to excruciating heartbreak. Which is the type of situation you will see plenty of on here.

 

The issue there is that addiction, immaturity, excessive stress and abuse can also produce the same symptoms in people.

 

I would almost want to switch professionals if I were you. The fact that one is attempting to diagnose based on another's testimony shows a lack of professionalism.

[2muchlove]

And for staying in it. But I also think this.. two people can be good individuals and make a bad relationship together. Kinda like mixing coffee ground with coke.

 

Exactly. That's pretty much where we were.

 

I see you live in RI. You probably know her if you're in the same age range.

[Mike_d]

Sorry to hear that man. How are you holding up?

 

thanks. I'm clear of my ex wife with bpd. its the ex gf of 16 years that has me in an emotional tailspin right now. great person, a pleasure to be around. but as a girlfriend she was absolute garbage and I wasted the last 8 years of my not so young life being deceived and manipulated while all kinds of cheating was going on behind my back. I've been way out of balance for a very long time. But I'll come back from this, it'll be awhile, but I'll get back. Trying to help others till I can better help myself, helps me to post here and gets me out of my head.

 

I appreciate your honesty, I've been working real real hard on being honest with myself as well - some days better than others, but I'm keeping up NC and working to better myself because *I* want to. For me.

[2muchlove]

The issue there is that addiction, immaturity, excessive stress and abuse can also produce the same symptoms in people.

 

I would almost want to switch professionals if I were you. The fact that one is attempting to diagnose based on another's testimony shows a lack of professionalism.

 

He didn't diagnose her. He just recommended a book to me (I hate you, don't leave me)

 

And I only saw him the one time.

 

But you're spot on with the immaturity. We both had a bit of a childish approach to the relationship. But she certainly acted like a 4 year old in Almost every situation.