theedge Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Hey all, As I mentioned in another post, I met someone online and we both expressed an interest in each other. We have been chatting since fall, but things didn't get heated up untill April-May. When we 1st started chatting I didn't express an interest as she seemed too far away and neither of us drive. I got to know her better and rethought about the distance thing and decided it wasn't that far. Over the next few weeks we became very close and somewhat emotionally attatched. We knew we wanted to meet in person but no date was listed. When she would be off to bed she would say sweet things and use eomticon lips. I myself like attention like as I am not a typical guy. We then started talking on the phone, not a lot but enough that we got to know more about each other. During this whole time she was very talkative on the phone and online. If I was doing something briefly and didn't say anything I would get a response of "Whatcha doin?" , so I knew she wanted to talk to me. Then things changed...... She went to visit a relative in my city, I figured this was a good chance to meet up. The Friday comes and she told me to call her the next day. I called and no answer. Didn't hear from her till 4 days later. I figured oh well not a big deal. I figured we would meet another time then. She comes back and we start chatting. I ask the usual "How are you?", she responds with "Blah" Said she was tired. She wasn't her talkative self, I opted to leave her be as she had not slept. We come to the next day. She contacts me and we go through the same motion in our conversation. She was moody and non talkative. When someone is moody and not too talkative for me its all right for a time. It wasn't only that she was unresponsive though, she changed all together. Emotion dropped out, would contact me, chat for 2 min and then just stop talking all together. When she went to bed instead of a sweet good night I got "Nite" and disconnect. We now fast forward to a few days ago. 1 1/2 weeks and she had not changed from that mood. Now for me this becomes a concern as thats a long time to be in a rut. I decided to bring it up as it sounded in general like her interest bottomed out. I asked her in general if she lost interest or maybe met someone else. I told her if she did thats perfectly fine I just want to know. She told me no she is still interested and she has not met anyone. Again stating "I am tired and haven't been in the best and talkative mood" Over the weekend I decided not to spend my days in front of a computer screen. I made myself busy and figured she would have a few days with out being bothered. Didn't help, a few days later when I did come online same thing. I gave up and sent her an e-mail about my concerns. I blocked her so she wouldn't see me online and could write a response to my e-mail. It didn't happen. I assumed she wasn't online and logged in to the chat site we use. She was there and so I unblocked her. She almost stated word for word what she has been saying over the last 2 weeks. She told me sometimes she goes through phases where she doesn't want to chat online and the phone. She will use the public chat room and be talkative but just not with people 1 on 1. She barely awknowleges me in the chat though unless I speak directly to her. Im sure I sound needy here, but I am not around her. Just the 2 times I have said something. I guess I am coming here for help as well. I really do like this girl ok well minus the bad mood lol The thing is the longer this goes on the more I loose interest and also makes me weary to talk to her. I have had women drag me along and enjoy the compliments, and when they meet someone of interest they don't tell me. Next thing I know they have a boy friend. What do you make of this situation? Could someone really be in this kind of mood for 2 consecutive weeks? Should I just stop talking to her? Any feed back at all would be great. To be honest the consensus so far has been walk away even with what she has said. Anyway thats all for now. Let me know what you would do. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 It's hard to say if someone can be in a bad mood for that long. More importantly, why would you want to be with someone who could be in a bad mood that long? Unless of course there are some huge issues/trauma that recently occurred, in which case it would be ok. On a side note, I've found through my online dating, that it is not good to keep a long, drawn out communication with someone before meeting. It causes you to form feelings for the person (at least in my experience) and you don't really know the person. I've found it is best to have a number of emails, a couple of chats on the phone and then meet. Anything longer than that and you never really know what you are getting. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 I mean unless your going through some serious s***, you won't be in that mood so long. I think she lost interest and it trying her hardest to ignore you and lead you off of her by acting that way. Dont waste your time anymore. Give her time to get rid of her lil "mood" and then see if she'll contact you. Untill then just play it cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Varacha Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Perhaps she had something serious happen to her. However I know m,myself personally every few months I take a break from chatting online with people, granted i'll still be logged into msn, in case something serious comes (I have a brother in London thats mainly why I'm logged in during these periods) up but I won't really talk to anyone, perhaps she gets to a point where she just needs a sort of break too. However if you two have been chatting for this long with out meeting perhaps that is the case she' has feelings for you but has realized that you'll never actually meet. in either case whatever it is I wish you the best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 I'm with the consensus---walk away. Reminds me of a line from a movie. I think it was Shirley McClain who said it "I'm not angry, I've just been in a bad mood for 40 years" I love that line! From Steel Magnolias I believe. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Majority of the people who chat online are not who they say they are. Trust me. A few years ago, I was nieve to chat. Thinking people were honest with these things. I was newly single and really had no one to turn to. I was 24, and she was supposely '22'. This was before webcams were available, so we relied on pictures. We chatted for about 6 months, and talked on the phone. She lived about 10 hours from me. It seemed like we clicked on everything, really strange. I even sent her roses to her work place for her birthday. We setup a time where we were going to meet. Two days before I left for there I get an email from her stating the following: - She isn't 22, but 38 - She's married and her husband found out about us chatting - The picture she sent to me wasn't her, but of her daughter - Her statements about being very sick were false Needless to say I had quite a few choice words for her. I was pissed. I blocked her and continued chatting with caution. Came across another female who seemed to have alot in common with me, she only lived 45 mins away. This was about a year later. Though I only got a 'face' pic, she reassured me she was active in sports and loved the outdoors. Something I really enjoy. After about two months of talking, we decide to meet.. I chose a public place for obvious reasons. When she came upto me I had no clue who she was. Her pic was a fake. Or she altered her face pic. She was about 200-225 lbs, which pissed me off since she lied to me. No one with that weight would be doing all those activities. The only activity she got was from stuffing her face on the couch. She didn't say much and I gave her an excuse that I couldn't stick around due to a family situation. I did meet a few after that, that were who they said they were. But you have to becareful that you don't look at her as your 'fantasy' girl. It's so easy to lie, to manuiplate and say what the other wants to hear. Have you seen her on cam? If not, she is probably not what she says she is. The game for her is over. She got your interest, something that she would never be able to do if you were to see her in person. I chatted with one on the phone that told me she 'loved' me, yet never met me. I quickly ended it. There was only one time that I regret not meeting someone. She was from Canada and had the sweetest heart in the world. What talked for about a year, this was before I met anyone online & was kinda scared at the time about meeting people online. She ended up meeting someone in her area & is now married. It's easy to feel a connection online, but you really have to take a step back and look at reality. If you chat with someone, go with the intention that they are hiding something, or not telling the truth about everything. Becareful she isn't saying the same thing to other men like she is you. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Yikes, obviously jmargel had some bad experiences with online dating. I however have been much luckier. I have had three relationships and the last one is my fiance. The key is HOW you go about being online and a novice can easily mess up. I had a group of friends doing it and we were support network for each other and we followed certain rules. If you get any 'warning signs' don't proceed, dont respond to rude/too flirty contact, never meet until you have emailed and phoned. Only use sites specific to online dating, Only meet in a public place. Limit it in advance to coffee/drink so you can get away if needbe. Your friend has access to your account in case things go wrong and you call them when you are home again. Link to post Share on other sites
plagued Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 pshyco after pshyco I met until I thought maybe I wasn't in the same category as the people on those sites. Most players and most of them stayed on the site and used them after a serious relationship set in. Go to church, meet friends of friends. Online dating, can you really trust them? Do you really know anything about them? Hell no. I did have a friend who went to a dating consultant. She was introduced to a wonderful man and they plan to marry Feb 8th after a year of dating and six months of living together. Get out and away from the computer. Link to post Share on other sites
Varacha Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Originally posted by plagued pshyco after pshyco I met until I thought maybe I wasn't in the same category as the people on those sites. Most players and most of them stayed on the site and used them after a serious relationship set in. At least I'm not the only one who met freaks on those sites. I suggest enjoying your singleness and your friends have friends who knows what might happen when you all get together. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 What site do you guys go on? the one I went to http://www.lavalife.com I met my fiance on, and a close friend also met her fiance on it as well. Another close friend is currently living with the man she met online. Maybe in the states it is different, but in Canada, http://www.lavalife.com is good as long as you only post in the 'relationship' category and only respond to people in the 'relationship' category. Link to post Share on other sites
Varacha Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Originally posted by Debster What site do you guys go on? the one I went to http://www.lavalife.com I met my fiance on, and a close friend also met her fiance on it as well. Another close friend is currently living with the man she met online. Maybe in the states it is different, but in Canada, http://www.lavalife.com is good as long as you only post in the 'relationship' category and only respond to people in the 'relationship' category. I was on Lava Life too, granted there have been a few non freaks i've met but they are just after one thing so they instantly jump into PIG category, mainly cause they see a picture and instantly think I'm either brain dead or just out for one thing and one thing only. Link to post Share on other sites
plagued Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Glad you found some one good. Did you or your friends go back to see if there were still profiles of your mates? Every one that I dated and got serious, I went back out of curiosity and they still had posts. Plus other new posts on other sites until I finally gave up. Some women believe more than I and some women put up with more. I just couldn't trust them because of it. I went back to look one guys profile up and he was online at the same time. He was going back to school (he was older) he didn't have a pc at home, but in the middle of the day he shot me an e-mail. Curious I went to the dating site lavalife.com and he was online. That was it...the end of it. I never dated online after that. I got up and joined a gym, started working on myself. Became friends with friends of friends and have met people who have good reviews from others that I trust. I have been more successful this way. FYI I dated people from four different sites. Most people post on numerous sites. I do not think it matters which one you go on. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 To be honest the consensus so far has been walk away even with what she has said. Yeah, your friends gave you good advice. I sympathize. I am sure it hurts to lose someone, even if the relationship has been only a computer-based one. So much of the value of a relationship is what goes on in our own head. Next time, try not to fall for someone until you know for SURE who they are and whether they can be trusted. Easier said than done! Link to post Share on other sites
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