A guy is Whipped about a friend I like, yet she's still wants him, confused

[Joeybebusy]

I don't get it. This female friend of mine has been with a guy for over 5 years. A buddy of mine pointed out to me how whipped her boyfriend is about her. Yet she's still with this guy. Does this email my friend sent me in reference to herr boyfriend hold any water?

 

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What you don't want to do is turn into a clingy, approval-seeking doormat who calls her 10 times a day, showers her with flowers and gifts, and gushes about how much you like her. Women always want what they can't have,so if you're more mysterious and less available, you will amplify the attraction factor enormously.

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If this is true, why then is she still with this guy? When she went away for school, He would travel 12 hours one way every weekend for 3 YEARS to get some action!!!! She wares the pants in that relationship completely.

 

I've been attracted to this girl for a long time too, for some unknown reason. I just can't put my finger on it as to why. She and I have been distant friends for quite a while.

 

Why are so many guys interested in this girl? Especially if her boyfriend follows her around like a wet noodle

[StartingAgain]

What you don't want to do is turn into a clingy, approval-seeking doormat who calls her 10 times a day, showers her with flowers and gifts, and gushes about how much you like her. Women always want what they can't have,so if you're more mysterious and less available, you will amplify the attraction factor enormously.

 

This is bull$hit player talk. Stupid women may want this, but not the one's with their heads on straight. They won't tolerate these little boy games.

 

Could be that he's pu$$y whipped as you say. Or it could be that a bunch of jealous guys, who are just clueless about what it means to truly love a woman, dissing a guy for having something they can't have.

[Fayebelle]

A good man should treat you like the Queen you are.... ask my BF why I completely adore him.

[EC]

It's true that was all playa talk. When your in love you expect nothing less than the man being "whooped" or w/e I hate that word whooped. My bf treats me like a queen too and I love him more for that than if he acted cold and mysterious and all that. I hate games in a relationship. I like str8 fowardness. Have you told the girl how you feel?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Does this email my friend sent me in reference to herr boyfriend hold any water?

 

Not really. A little "mystery" and "playing hard to get" can work in the beginning if you're looking to peak someone's interest…but too much evasiveness will not help you to "keep" someone once you have gotten past the "getting to know you" stage. As a matter of fact, these silly head games are often responsible for sending more mixed signals than anything, and can destroy an otherwise compatible partnership.

 

If this is true, why then is she still with this guy?

 

Because this girl is SMART and prefers her "nice guy" to the other game players out there. So tell your well-meaning and/or envious friend not to fix what ain't broke yet.

 

Why are so many guys interested in this girl? Especially if her boyfriend follows her around like a wet noodle

 

Cause the girl's got her ship together. She knows exactly what she wants and doesn't settle for less. Many guys are attracted to inner confidence and don't want a woman who's "whipped" either. And I'm sure your friend wouldn't be tripping over himself to please her if she wasn't reciprocating in some way.

 

If I were you, I'd be taking "how to win a girl" pointers from the boyfriend instead of your novice email buddy!

[Fayebelle]

Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO

If I were you, I'd be taking "how to win a girl" pointers from the boyfriend instead of your novice email buddy!

 

 

 

DAMN RIGHT!

[Joeybebusy]

So ladies, what's the deal here? Is it possible that she feels some sort of loyalty to her boyfriend because he's followed her around like a little puppy for all of these years? Like I said she wears the pants! He's just dumb as a stump. Nowhere job etc. I don't think the boyfriend knows the first thing about pleasing a girl. He just does whatever she says. The only thorn I've seen between them is when she needs her space and he wants more from her. Except on nascar days that is.

 

Yeah, my other buddy from email might be a bit raticle the other way I guess, but I don't understand why she's with this guy still.

 

Yes I've told her how I feel about her.

[mintjulep]

What I can't seem to figure out is exactly why it offends you so much that she is head over heels for her boyfriend.

 

Is it possible that she feels some sort of loyalty to her boyfriend

Uh, duh? Some sort of loyalty? For her boyfriend?!

 

She's obviously not going to dump him for you, and I suggest that if and when they do break up, you not be waiting for her like a puppy waiting for scraps to fall off the table. Unless you're absolutely confident that she likes wussy types that pine for her...Seriously, though? She'd be with you if she had thought of a good reason to be. You've told her, and now, if I were you, I'd save face and bow out gracefully - instead of making a further ass out of myself.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Sounds like Joey is a bit jealous! Meow

 

He's just dumb as a stump

 

…Or maybe his "stump" is just bigger than yours.

 

I don't think the boyfriend knows the first thing about pleasing a girl.

 

…And you know this from personal experience??

 

I think you're attitude (and that of your other friend) may have a lot to do with why you're not landing the girl and the other guy is. Maybe if you tried to look deeper and discover what your own faults might be, it would prove far more productive than trying to nit-pit his.

 

Yes I've told her how I feel about her.

 

...and she's still with the other guy. This should have told you something, and ended right there. Not ALL girl's are into that 'player' attitude anymore. Times; they are a'changin. Haven't you heard?...we all got together last year and decided that machismo was out and meterosexuals were in!

 

Get with it Joey!

[Joeybebusy]

So yeah its probably a bad example to use (their relationship) because I have admitted to liking her. I still can't figure out what the deal is. I guess I'm confused about the advice given here becasue in most threads the girl doesn't like a pu$$y Whipped guy without a backbone. But I see it spawning in many relationships around all the time.

 

I was confused about her behavior too given whats spoken about here all the time. I agree if she doesn't reccognise other possibilities out there then thats her loss and something see needs to deal with. I'm not loosing sleeep.

 

EnigmaXOXO I wan't looking for some childish kidd comment. Jusst wanted some insight as to why things can be so extremely different from woman to woman.

 

So judging by what your all saying now. I should be a pu$$y whipped dude to my porspects and not be somewhat unavailable (or players) as you calling them?

[mintjulep]

Jusst wanted some insight as to why things can be so extremely different from woman to woman.

Because each woman is different from every other woman. Sure, there are some things that can be generalized across the board, but catering to those things will attract the "same types" of women.

 

So judging by what your all saying now. I should be a pu$$y whipped dude to my porspects and not be somewhat unavailable (or players) as you calling them?

No, you should be yourself - and stop chasing after girls who are already attached.

[Fayebelle]

Originally posted by Joeybebusy

I guess I'm confused about the advice given here becasue in most threads the girl doesn't like a pu$$y Whipped guy without a backbone. But I see it spawning in many relationships around all the time.

 

 

You are confusing "pu$$y whipped" with confident enough to treat your women with love and respect. This guy didn't travel 12 hrs for "some action"- he did it b/c he truly enjoys spending time w/ her. A good relationship requires common interests. The reason they can spend so much time tog. is b/c they are doing things they BOTH like to do.

 

Any one can find action around a corner- true love...that's AT LEAST worth a 12 hour drive.

[StartingAgain]

Sounds like Joey is a bit jealous! Meow

 

Ouch! Sorry, Joey old man, but you had that one coming. But I thing there's a point here. You seem to care for this woman and you can't have her. So you are venting on the one she chose. That's OK. We've all been there. If you reaqlly believed that this woman was leading her man around by the nose, you wouldn't respect her and want her so bad. So lighten up a bit and focus on how you feel rather than this other guy.

[Joeybebusy]

Like I said, maybe I should have picked a different example. It appears to be clouding the whipped issue with the ladies seeming to favor it in some cases.

 

However in the above example it could be becasue they're each others first. They've both never been with anyone else ever, not even dating.

 

 

I was a little whipped with my first too I guess.

 

 

So you girls actually prefer guys acting in such ways? I'm surprised!!

 

You are confusing "pu$$y whipped" with confident enough to treat your women with love and respect. This guy didn't travel 12 hrs for "some action"- he did it b/c he truly enjoys spending time w/ her. A good relationship requires common interests. The reason they can spend so much time tog. is b/c they are doing things they BOTH like to do.

 

not really, she always tells me its the source of many problems, they have lttle in common anymore.

[mintjulep]

I was a little whipped with my first too I guess.

So you girls actually prefer guys acting in such ways? I'm surprised!!

No, you're confusing "whipped" with "not an a**h***." And until you get the distinction, you should shut up and read more threads - or actually find a female friend that you trust to talk to. You sound like you could potentially be a nice guy - because you seem concerned about what girls want (or maybe you're just concerned about what gets you in their pants? That's a different topic entirely), but you're coming off as a real jerk.

 

I would never date you - not because of whether you can be "whipped" or a "player," but because you seem so unsure of yourself as a person. Confidence is the biggest turn on and that seems to be what you're lacking more than any of the other qualities in a potential boyfriend.

 

You need to forget what this girl and guy have - even if she confides in you that they don't do the same things together, or that she needs space sometimes, she's confiding in you because you're a friend. You mention being whipped with your "first," but how much confidence can you have if you're being so weird about this girl? How much have you actually dated? Most guys with experience know a) how to get girls, b) how not to steal someone from another guy, or c) how to steal her correctly and successfully.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Okay Joey…let me see if I can explain this from a female's perspective:

 

Imagine for a moment that you are an attractive woman who has no shortage of potential suitors. Two guys, in particular are volleying for your affections.

 

Guy #1 is a romantic at heart. He does whatever it takes to spend time with you…including traveling 12 hours every weekend for three years just to be with you. He goes over and beyond what any other guy might do, and there is never any question about how much he cares for you, or how important you are to him. When you need space he gives it to you (however reluctantly)…but can always be counted on to be there when you most need him. He LOVES you enough to "show" it and his actions back up his words. You have been with him for many years, and he has stuck by you through thick and thin. You are the center of his universe and he is far from ashamed to admit it. He could care less that others consider him "whipped". He doesn't need to posture for the boys. The only person whose opinion matters to him is yours.

 

Guy #2 is fun to be around, but he's a bit rough around the edges. He believes that "men" should wear the pants in a relationship and he may be inclined to withhold his time and attention so as not to appear "whipped" by his Neanderthal friends who he tries so hard to impress. He's great to chat with (you find his macho attitude amusing) but a relationship with him is likely to be on his terms…not yours. When he finally comes around "to get some action" (your term)…it's likely to be just about the "sex" absent any of the real affection or emotional intimacy that many women seek from their romantic partners. He's not going to put it all out there for you, because it may make him appear "weak" to his buddies and he prides himself on his ego and reputation as a THE MAN.

 

Guy #1 describes the man *I* fell in love with five years ago. For very good reasons! Because of the person he is, and how wonderful he treats me…no other man could or would ever turn my head. He's GOT IT ALL.

 

Guy #2 describes two of the male friends I spent much of my time with before meeting my current partner. They remained "friends" for a reason! While it was entertaining to join them for a couple of beers, and listen to them ramble on and on about "what great catches they were" and "how women were crazy"…their macho attitudes provided amusement only. I would laugh until I was in tears…and bet rounds with them that they couldn't charm the phone number off that pretty lady sitting down at the other end of the bar. (Never lost!)

 

Sadly, these guys still remain single and unattached to this very day, because their HUGE male egos cloaked any genuine qualities they may have had. They were "gods" in their own minds and most women with any smarts or class saw right through it.

 

Like I said…they were FUN to be around, but they certainly weren't cut out to be relationship material.

[faux]

To the author of the thread:

 

One thing that you must understand, is that you do not, in fact, know how the relationship between this other guy and this girl is. You do not know how they truly feel for one another, nor do you understand what both wants in a relationship. If they are together, then obviously he is doing something correctly that you are unable to do.

 

You viewing him as "pussy whipped" may actually be entirely off the mark. Perhaps you simply do not understand the mechanics of their relationship, and how could you? You are an outsider, and unless they choose to speak at length with you over the details of their committment, you never will understand why she chooses to be with him, and why he behaves in the manner he does.

 

I recommend and advise you to spend your mental energy on something of greater importance.

[Joeybebusy]

EnigmaXOXO I thank you for your insight. I learned a lot from your perspective. This will no doubt help in possible prospects as I'm not spending all my mental energy on this but was rather curious as to the actions some guys will take.,