TinaD Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 I have never posted my problems before, but this situation has me under extreme distress and I need help. I divorced last year and immediately started dating a guy. We fell in love and the relationship moved quickly. Within months, I was living with him. My family was still getting over the divorce, so they weren't ready to meet him. My mom has a tendency to be controlling when it comes to me (I'm 33), and it's an issue we've always had in our relationship. My fiance sees this and doesn't like it at all. Six months ago, we broke up and my parents were worried about me, so they drove up unannounced to his house to take me to lunch. They never came in, so they didn't meet him then. Then my ex-husband called his house and spoke to him, making accusations, etc. My fiance HATES drama, so this made him withdrawal from wanting anything to do with my family. Months have gone by and my parents still haven't met him. I'm pregnant now, and my mom called, expecting him to come to see them. She said if he loved me, he would drive 3 hours to see them since they'll be a family now that I'm pregnant. She said it's the right thing to do. He took this as controlling and manipulative and old-fashioned. I agree with him. So, what do I do? He won't go see them, and they won't come see us. Am I just going to get married and have a baby without anyone ever meeting? I can't change anyone's mind about their decisions. I'm stuck in the middle, and I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 Take it one day at a time. Listen, Eventually they will cross paths. I WISH my bf didnt want to know my family... theyre Certified crazy... No...im serious... my mom is really certified by the gov. but either way... just keep living your life. forget about them. its about you and the baby now. Why is your whole world revolving around them. your hubby is a smart man. he knows who he is and he knows that ITS BETTER to stay away other than fake it all the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 I don't think that your parents are normal, but your bf is a bit immature as well. He only needs to see them once and never see them again. Think about who you really want in your life and pick that side. Are you self-sufficient in the event that your bf and you break up ? If so and you want to put your foot down on your mother's actions [and what they did would freak me out a bit too], then don't give into them. PS: Is your fiance as hard-headed as your mom ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 How long have you and your fiance been together? I am shocked he has yet until now to meet your parents...even if your mom is pretty crazy... Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 My fiance HATES drama, so this made him withdrawal from wanting anything to do with my family. He's causing as much drama by refusing to meet the grandparents of his baby. Sounds incredibly immature to me... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 It's unfortunate OP that you surround yourself with people like this. they all seem pretty immature and dysfunctional Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 I defer on Immaturity. im sorry. I think what he is doing is...trying not to cause any more drama. he knows that he wont deal with someone being pushy and trying to butt in his life. he likes his privacy most probrably and knows that if hes pushed he will say something and that probrably wont turn out well. in my first live in relationship.. my mother came over and talked crap almost everyday. and that really put a wall between us... when we got back together ... we didnt give my mother the address and we did really well. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) I have never posted my problems before, but this situation has me under extreme distress and I need help. I divorced last year and immediately started dating a guy. We fell in love and the relationship moved quickly. Within months, I was living with him. My family was still getting over the divorce, so they weren't ready to meet him. My mom has a tendency to be controlling when it comes to me (I'm 33), and it's an issue we've always had in our relationship. My fiance sees this and doesn't like it at all. Six months ago, we broke up and my parents were worried about me, so they drove up unannounced to his house to take me to lunch. They never came in, so they didn't meet him then. Then my ex-husband called his house and spoke to him, making accusations, etc. My fiance HATES drama, so this made him withdrawal from wanting anything to do with my family. Months have gone by and my parents still haven't met him. I'm pregnant now, and my mom called, expecting him to come to see them. She said if he loved me, he would drive 3 hours to see them since they'll be a family now that I'm pregnant. She said it's the right thing to do. He took this as controlling and manipulative and old-fashioned. I agree with him. So, what do I do? He won't go see them, and they won't come see us. Am I just going to get married and have a baby without anyone ever meeting? I can't change anyone's mind about their decisions. I'm stuck in the middle, and I don't know what to do. You need to end this relationship. I know that's not what you want to hear, but this is a train wreck. You jumped into this on the rebound, which is never the time to get back into a relationship. This is not going to get better. Your family might have been stepping out of bounds in not wanting to meet him and making accusations, but they felt strongly about the previous relationship and it's understandable that they have hard feelings about someone new just entering the picture. And they, like me, probably see the hazards of jumping into a rebound relationship. I agree with a previous poster: your new bf is just being petty. If he were a gent, he'd try to understand your parents' position and try to put differences aside. Does he really think not meeting them is going to make your relationship grow? Believe me, there have been times when I'm sure my wife has not wanted to meet my family. Hell there have been times when *I* haven't wanted her to meet my family, but it pays to try to understand everyone's perspectives. Everyone grows from that. Everyone benefits from that. Holding on and nursing grudges is childish. It's not a good sign of a potential long-term companion. Edited August 8, 2012 by Fugu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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