OM123 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 I've read through many posts and advice columns about my problem, but I cannot make any decisions regarding it. I have a good friend who I have worked with and have been good friends with outside of work for 8 years. When we met initially there was a strong attraction. We were young and both of us had just ended long term relationships (I was engaged to a woman I had been seeing since college, she moved to the east coast from the midwest and left him behind). We slept together twice, but I was not ready to enter a relationship back then and hurt her deeply. She did not speak to me for 6 months but after that we became friends again. In the last 3 years, we have become best friends to the point where our mutual friends refer to us in plural and strangers think we are a couple. We eat at least two meals together each day. I also moved within 3 blocks of her about 2 years ago and we carpool to work, just the two of us. Last weekend we went to a wedding on the west coast for a mutual friend. We shared a hotel room but nothing happened. Somewhere between the wedding ceremony and multiple stories of married couples (including the bride's parents) getting together after being good friends, I realized that not only am I madly in love with this woman, but I have been in love with her for 3 or more years (all my other romantic relationships in that time sabotaged by this love). On the plane ride back, she fell asleep on my shoulder and I couldn't help but think that this was the woman I want to marry and share my life with. She recently accepted a new job (starting in september) and we both are on vacation for the next 3 weeks starting next tuesday. I wanted to wait until then to tell her how I felt but the giant pit that has emerged in my stomach made me realize I had to do this sooner. I did so in a gently manner by saying "do you ever feel like our relationship becomes confusing?" and hinted that maybe we are "more than friends". she said we are more than friends, we are like family. I was prepared for that. But I was hoping that the pit in my stomach would at least subside. We have a ton of plans together for the next two weeks. I cannot imagine my life without this person, and I know that everyone will say to cut her out of my life. *sigh. I don't know if I can do that. I do not know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OM123 Posted August 7, 2012 Author Share Posted August 7, 2012 Sorry, let me clarify. I know this woman more than anyone. When she said I was like family it was a gentle way of turning me down. She was adopted and has two brothers so her life has been spent creating certain barriers in relationships terms. To be her family means to be her brother. I basically took the leap and got shot down. I do not know what my next step will be. Link to post Share on other sites
JSS15 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 If your are serious about a marriage, put it all on the line. Propose to her. Go buy the ring, plan it out. You'd be surprised. She needs to know you are ready to commit. Link to post Share on other sites
babycrapgreen Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 I don't think she was rejecting you when you tried to tell her your feelings, being more than just close friends. Remember, you probably hurt her feelings when you didn't pursue the relationship after sleeping together. I'd be cautious, myself. I think you should tell your feelings as is, no, alluding, no coding. If you think she's the one, than take a chance in declaring yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 I've read through many posts and advice columns about my problem, but I cannot make any decisions regarding it. I have a good friend who I have worked with and have been good friends with outside of work for 8 years. When we met initially there was a strong attraction. We were young and both of us had just ended long term relationships (I was engaged to a woman I had been seeing since college, she moved to the east coast from the midwest and left him behind). We slept together twice, but I was not ready to enter a relationship back then and hurt her deeply. She did not speak to me for 6 months but after that we became friends again. In the last 3 years, we have become best friends to the point where our mutual friends refer to us in plural and strangers think we are a couple. We eat at least two meals together each day. I also moved within 3 blocks of her about 2 years ago and we carpool to work, just the two of us. Last weekend we went to a wedding on the west coast for a mutual friend. We shared a hotel room but nothing happened. Somewhere between the wedding ceremony and multiple stories of married couples (including the bride's parents) getting together after being good friends, I realized that not only am I madly in love with this woman, but I have been in love with her for 3 or more years (all my other romantic relationships in that time sabotaged by this love). On the plane ride back, she fell asleep on my shoulder and I couldn't help but think that this was the woman I want to marry and share my life with. She recently accepted a new job (starting in september) and we both are on vacation for the next 3 weeks starting next tuesday. I wanted to wait until then to tell her how I felt but the giant pit that has emerged in my stomach made me realize I had to do this sooner. I did so in a gently manner by saying "do you ever feel like our relationship becomes confusing?" and hinted that maybe we are "more than friends". she said we are more than friends, we are like family. I was prepared for that. But I was hoping that the pit in my stomach would at least subside. We have a ton of plans together for the next two weeks. I cannot imagine my life without this person, and I know that everyone will say to cut her out of my life. *sigh. I don't know if I can do that. I do not know what to do. Since you say that you know this woman so well. How do you believe in your heart that she feels about you? It's apparent that she must feel very safe with you. I'd say she definitly values what it is you two have together and wants to keep it. I think you are wise enough to continue letting her know how you are feeling , but , in a way as not to jeopordise the bond that the two of you have already created. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OM123 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Share Posted August 8, 2012 Since you say that you know this woman so well. How do you believe in your heart that she feels about you? It's apparent that she must feel very safe with you. I'd say she definitly values what it is you two have together and wants to keep it. I think you are wise enough to continue letting her know how you are feeling , but , in a way as not to jeopordise the bond that the two of you have already created. I think she's known that I've been falling for her. I do not think she loves me romantically or even thinks of that as an option. I know she wants me in her life but after that conversation it was apparent to me that it was not in a romantic way. I may try to talk to her about this again, but I don't know how without making things weird since the first time was a gentle let down. I will give it some time. They say good things come to those who wait... Link to post Share on other sites
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