lluv7877 Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Hi all. This is my first posting!!!! I am currently with someone that i've been with for almost 4 yrs. Lately, I have been feeling the need to talk about the future. He has not brought it up. It got to the point where I let it all out and asked him how he felt. I didnt get the response I wanted so I moved all my things out of his apartment. (we have our own places but i have been staying by his house for the last 7 months!!!!!!!!!!!) - I know.... what a waste in rent!!! Anyway, he basically told me that he's not ready. He's 26 and I'm 27. I love him to death and know he loves me. I just thought we were feeling the same but now I find out that he's not sure and not ready. He said he really cant pin-point what his reasons are but that I need to just give him time. ANY advice would help. I feel hurt but i know that putting pressure on him is not a healthy thing to do. any words for a girl ready for marriage with a guy who's not.... Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 I'm ready for marriage and he's not: Then dump him. No need persuing marriage with a man who doesn't want it. He'll feel like you've "trapped" him for the rest of his life, and he'll take it out on you. If he's not ready, he's not ready. There's nothing you can do about it, except find someone who is ready. Also....did you see that episode of "Friends" where Chandelor pretended he didn't ever want to get married, so Monica would be suprised when he proposed? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Seldom are two people ready at the same time. Do you love him enough to wait for him for a few more years? You may risk him saying NO -- he doesn't want to marry you. Would you ask him to seriously think about the relationship and then set a talk-date in a few weeks to get together and talk about what he wants in the relationship and where he would like it to go? Sometimes guys just won't think about this stuff until you set a timeline. He may say he doesn't see you two getting married at all, in which case its time to break up---but at least you will know for sure and can move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 I'm not in your situation, but I understand the frustration.. I could help however because my bf really wants to get married and I'm not ready. My bf has a house, a great job and can't wait to have a family. I on the other hand am still in school and i want to be financially stable before i get married. Most people just need time to prepare for marriage. maybe he thinks he is not financially stable.. maybe he needs more time to figure out if he is just ready to settle down.. maybe he has issues with the idea of marriage.. there could be alot of reason why and only you can find the reason.. as for my bf, I told him the reasons I'm waiting and he respects that.. What you have to determine whether or not he does want to get married because maybe he is afraid of commitment which is not a good thing to deal with. If he wants to get married, you have to ask him when and why he doesn't want to get married now.. The only thing you can do is accept his reasons and respect them, if you pressure him i think you will only push him away more.. Link to post Share on other sites
hurting so bad Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Get the book "Makeup, dont breakup" by bonnie eaker weil. She will explain to you exactly what to do in this situation and her books have a 98% success rate.......my favorite book Link to post Share on other sites
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