Virgin guy 23, sick and lonley

[christian90z]

Let's start from the beginning, I'm a 23 year old virgin living in a small town in the UK. As a kid I was really really fat, and at the age of 18 I was diagnosed with diabetes. This made me change my lifestyle quite drastically, I had to change my diet and I have to eat regularly on the hour. I also started to workout, either going to the gym, jogging or swimming. I'm not the fittest guy in the world and I don't have a six-pack but I'm not the fat kid anynore and I know logically that I'm atleast decent looking. But I still have problems looking in the mirror since all I see is that ugly fat guy I used to be.

 

When I was 19 I went to a party with a couple of friends where I meet a girl. We had alot of fun talking and I could tell she was intrestead in me. We decided to leave the party and go skinny dipping at the beach, I was really nervouse about it since I'm not what you would call well endowed (5.5 inches). But on our way to the beach she gave me my first kiss and we stopped several times to make out, and I felt like I started to lose control over what I was doing. The thing is she was kind of drunk, (not falling over drunk but definatly not sober) I on the other hand because of my diabetes can't drink alcohol anymore. Before we started skinny dipping I asked her if she wanted to stop since she had been drinking and I was sober, she answerd me by taking of all her clothes and after that my brain wouldn't let my resist. I still feel guilty about it because some part of me feel like I took advantage of her, but I couldn't helpmyself. I had never been so happy in my life, kissing a girl that was sitting naked on my lap while in the water. Because her and my friend was with us we didn't go all the way, but I didn't care. I tried contacting her a couple of days later and then she told me it was a nice evening but she didn't want to meet me. She also told me the reason was that I wasn't a good kisser and that she didn't want to teach me, when I told her she was my first kiss. Have u ever felt guilty for hooking up with or kissing a drunk girl when u where sober?

 

That really didn't help my confidence and to make matters worse I had developed a chronic condition called prostatitis which basically means almost every time I pee it feels like I'm peeing acid. And after an orgasm there is a 50/50 chance I will experience extreme pain. All this had made me really shy, and then I started my last year of high school. I actually got a couple of girl friends and I started to fall for a girl in my class. We could talk for hours everyday, but she had a boyfriend so I didn't want to cross that line. When see broke up with him I wanted to tell her how I felt but I was to late, after a month she started to date a good friend of mine. The rest of the school year went by with the love of my life beeing too far away. At the end of the school year I couldn't take it anymore, I told her how I felt. I said I didn't expect anything I just had to tell her, she was the first girl I had ever loved. Let's just say that not only didn't she respond to my feelings, but I lost one of the best friends I've ever had. That really made me feel guilty, and the thought of ever telling a girl how I feel really scares me.

 

I've always been kind of a nerdy guy, playing video games and reading comics etc. And it's really clear if u come to my home that I'm a nerd. I'm almost like lenoard from the big bang theory expect I'm not that smart. So if I ever get a girlfriend there are somethings about me she is just going to have to accept. But because of all of my other problems, I just wouldn't feel right about subjecting someone to the pain I have to live with everyday. There has been other girls and even some grown women that has come on to me, but I've been to scared about my kissing, beeing a virgin I know I'm going to suck, because of my size, the chance of pain, and I will probably not last long. And beeing a virgin for so long I don't feel like it would be right to lose it to some random drunk girl. I'm not saving myself for marrige or anything like that, but I would like to atleast have known the girl for more then five seconds. I recently met a gir that I thought could be perfect for me, we went out for a couple of times on what I thought were dates, but a couple of days ago she changed her facebook status to in a releationship with a guy I know.

 

What kind of tips do u have for a guy like me to actually get a girlfriend?, a part of my feel like I don't deserve it, but I'm tired of beeing misrable, I want to be happy. I might get to a point where I will get desparet enough to just hook up with some random girl and pretend she cares about me but I'm not there yet. My birthday is coming up soon though and beeing without psyhical contact for so long is starting to get really hard. I just want a girl to share my life with, cuddle up in bed, and telling me she loves me. I had a dream about this recent girl last night and I woke up crying like a baby, it felt so good for a second to believe that someone was holding me and caring about me. I've actually considerd going to a prostitute, not for sex, but just laying on a bed and holding eachother. Should I just find some random girl to "train" with? So that I'm ready if I ever find someone that can love a guy like me. Cause honestly sex scares me, but I don't want to be bad if I find the right girl.

 

Sorry for potential bad grammar, I'm on pain meds atm.

[MCMLXXXIX]

Hi,

 

Maybe I can help. I lost my virginity late in comparison to most people. I did consider myself fat at some point in my youth, but then I trained and learned to be proud of myself (seems like you did too). I never got diabetes however (really sorry mate).

 

I don't think you should feel guilty about that night on the beach. First kiss experiences are seldom fun and/or magical. Generally, substances such as alcohol do alter judgement but only to a certain extend. If you are still conscious, you can still make decisions for yourself. That girl you met probably did want to have some fun with you. If she would have been unconscious and you would have gone all the way with her then it would be a different story. However none of that happened. I'm sure she enjoyed some of it just like you did.

 

Telling someone you love them is never easy. The first time is most likely going to be awkward. It takes a while to fully understand the concept of love. Know how to differentiate between plain sexual attraction and love. I recently told someone on this website that, according to me, sex is sex and love is love and, although the two are amazing things on their own, very rarely do they get to be experienced simultaneously. I suggest you go out there, be hard and not always expect to find love.

 

If you find a sensible partner that respects you, she probably won't mind your inexperience and will most likely be pleased to know you chose her. It's important not to be too ashamed. It could spoil some of the fun. You may have to work a little harder to get to know your her intimately and please her, but everything just might work out fine in the end. Have a little faith. Like I said, I lost my virginity somewhat late. I waited because I didn't want my story to be just another silly story while drunk at a party like everyone else. My first sexual partner was experienced and she didn't want a serious relationship. It was all fun.

 

My advice to you is to not necessarily look for a girlfriend. Be honest. Do you want to have sex or do you want a relationship. I don't recommend you commit just yet. You don't necessarily need a prostitute. There are women out there just looking for fun. Also, I suggest you read the book Promiscuities by Naomi Wolf. You'll see that girls don't have it easy either. It helped me a great deal. I could connect with women way more after I had read that book.

[meeji]

Your situation is tough. I totally understand how you feel. I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I'm a female in my late 20s and I still have my vcard. My reasons for hanging on to it are different from yours but more or less, we are in the same situation. I have had relationships so I have s little more experience than you.

 

First of all, I'm glad you are taking care of yourself now. That's the first step. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else, otherwise they just become a crutch. Keeping working at that. Second, part of what you feel is from pressure from society. Where guy have pressure on them to bang as many girls as posssible to be considered a real man, women have the pressure of feeling obligated to put out or get out. Our society thinks its not okay to be single and if you are, something is wrong with you, not the case.

 

If I met a guy who had your circumstances, I would be okay with it. You have women who want experienced men and then you have women who will will accept an experienced oe inexperienced man, a long as its something special. The thing is, its a turn off to me for some guy to say that he has been will"double digit" number of women. If is he is promiscuous, I feel like he is a player, he is more likely to be only after one thing,I have to worry about where he has been or what he might have ect.. the higher the number, the higher the risk being with him. Maybe this thinking is flawed, I dunno. I could not give it up to random guy. I have decided that whoever it is, I want it to be special. There's something psycological that happens once that kind of anxiety is built up about it. I do not recommend that you go for a fling. I wouldn't want to feel cheap after and I wouldn't want you to either.

 

Anyway, there are women that would love to take you under there wing so don't be ashamed about that. As for tips that might help you...I recently started dating a guy and he will probably be the one, I'm thinking. This might be embarassing for you but with this guy, I basically aired all of my dirty laundry to him and waited for him to run in the opposite direction. He didn't. In fact, he came closer. If your tell people upfront what they are dealing with, you find out quickly what their intentions are. Doing this actually helps you put into prospective what the things are that are issues/ normal and abnormal behaviors and seeing that for yourself is ste one of solving it. Find a girl that you can be friends with first. After you feel you can trust her an if you want to persue her be open about how you feel, even if that means telling her something that will make her dart. The thing is, the kind of relationship you are looking for isn't a superficial one. If you want to be withh someone like that, they need to accept you. All of you. You need to be able to be yourself without faking, lying, hiding who you are just to impress her. So, my advice is bars aren't the places to go for that kind of girl. Pay attention to the type of girls around and open up when u feel ready. I wanted to pm u but I guess I can't. If u want to talk more u can email me. It could be good for both of us. [email protected] put 23yo virgin in the subj so I know its not spam.

 

Goodl uck!

[Dyer402]

Very good points made here. Meeji is very right about loving yourself before you can give love to someone else.

 

It sounds to me like you have a lot of self esteem issues you're dealing with. I've been there and I know what you're going through and it is difficult to get out of that funk. The biggest problem that you're facing is that you have convinced yourself that you have nothing to offer someone. I'm sure you're smart enough to realize that you are the one that has fabricated this perception of yourself and I'm here to tell you that you couldn't be farther from the truth. And speaking from experience with this same issue, this is going to remain true until you're able to break this mentality.

 

You're stating that in order for you to be happy that you need a girl in your life that you can be connected to. The problem is you're jumping a step ahead of what you really need to be focusing on. Your focus should be on YOU not on a girl that you think might like you. I know you've been working out and everything which is great. Don't get me wrong. But, from what I read, even if you were to find the girl of your dreams, you would more than likely not be ready to sustain a relationship with her.

 

It's the strangest thing..

 

Once you shift your focus from actively searching for a girl to crafting the life that you actually want and start working hard on what you want to be successful in, this girl you're dreaming about is going to find her way to you.. And whether or not you've accomplished your goals yet is irrelevant. If you do this, this idea of inadequacy about yourself is going to start fleeting from your thoughts very quickly. Set out to accomplish some short term goals to get your stagnate mojo flowing. You'll gain such a tremendous sense of pride and worth that when you do find this girl, she's going to want to be apart of your world (probably even more than one.) I promise you this is the best remedy for low self-esteem. I know because I went through the same process and have helped a few of my closest friends through the same thing.

 

Trust me man, girls don't want someone that they have to take care of unless it's a baby.. It's not their job to fix you. It's yours. They want a man that can take care of them. I'm not trying to be mean here, but it seems like you need a swift kick in the rear

 

I hope the best for ya man. If I can do it, so can you. You just gotta realize how bad you want change in your life, develop a plan, stick to it, and critique as you go.

 

Good luck!

 

Cory

[meeji]

Cory, I think you got it! I totally agree with everything you've said.

[Big Blue Box]

It is sales literature that will increase ur influence with people NOT sympathy. You are your own result.

 

yeah, good point. Especially considering the fact he has created this very thread 5 times. He started the other 4 just days ago.

 

Virgin Guy 23 sick and lonley - LoveShack.org Community Forums

Virgin Guy 23 sick and lonley - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Virgin Guy 23 sick and lonley - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Virgin Guy 23 sick and lonley - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

That alone tells me that something fishy may be going on. Did he not like the answers and instead created four new threads to garner new sympathy, or is his post a lie?

Edited September 21, 2012 by Big Blue Box

[christian90z]

yeah, good point. Especially considering the fact he has created this very thread 5 times. He started the other 4 just days ago.

 

Virgin Guy 23 sick and lonley - LoveShack.org Community Forums

Virgin Guy 23 sick and lonley - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Virgin Guy 23 sick and lonley - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Virgin Guy 23 sick and lonley - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

That alone tells me that something fishy may be going on. Did he not like the answers and instead created four new threads to garner new sympathy, or is his post a lie?

 

I'm not lying I'm miserable. And when I'm in pain I get more miserable, and have to use pain meds. The pain meds makes me high, and I barley remember what happens. I actually barley remember writing the original post. I've gottn good advice, I guess I'm just searching for a particular answer, I just don't know what it is yet. I think some part of me belives that if I get the right anwser, maybe the pain will go away. But my pain is chronic and physical not psyhological. But when I'm in pain and I'm high, I black out and stop beeing logical, and I become desperate.

 

I haven't had a break from the pain for 10 months, and I'm always experience some degree of pain, even when I'm on the pain meds. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for something that will take the pain away. As long as I keep my mind busy or shut off the pain isn't as bad. If u don't like my threads, then just ignore them.

[christian90z]

I actually met someone mid november, like me she didn't have it easy growing up. She have some health problems like I do (clearly not the same thing) and we shared alot of the same intrests. I know it was to early to tell, but within the first couple of days, I pretty much knew she was the one I wanted to lose my virginity to. But I knew I would have to tell her all the spesifics of my health problems before anything could happen.

 

She early figured out that I was not used to this kind of stuff, and after a couple of weeks she asked me if I was a virgin and I told her yes. She had been so open and honest about her life and experiences good and bad, so when she asked me if I was saving my self or if there was a spesific reason I decided to do the same and tell her the truth about everything. She said that she understood and there was no rush. We were both busy with work the last couple of days so we didn't see eachother, but it gave me time to think. And I was just more and more convinced that she was the girl I had been waiting for. Then comes to fun part that sounds like it came out of a f*****g movie, I take all the preporcusions I can possibly take and drive over to her appartment and catch her having sex with her ex.

 

She then apologises for me having to find out that way, but tells me that sex is a very important part in a relationship for her, and she didn't know if she could handle all the humps and work it would take to get it to maybe work out. I tell her that I understand, and that honestly I wouldn't want to go out with me either, I'm just too screwed up. It hurt like hell, but we weren't in a compited relationship or whatever, so I really couldn't be too mad.

 

And she should count herself lucky that she didn't go for me, around christmas I got an infection that made everything worse. Meaning I'm now pretty much in chronic pain 24/7, I have to use pain meds everyday regularly just to be able to half way function, and I've had to up the doses drastically and I'm still in some form of uncomfort. Last time I had an orgasm I ended up in the E.R. where they had to give me morphine to get the pain to go away and I for the first time since what feels like forever slept longer then 2-3 hours at a time. I am damaged goods and I always will be.

 

Which is why I've decided to save up money to go to amsterdam, I'm going to numb myself with drugs, buy a high end escort to give me the girlfriend experience, pretending that she loves me, lose my virginity, and after that I'm not sure how much more I can take and how long I will go on for. One thing is for sure, I can't wait for the legalization of the medicin my doctor has told me could possibly help