He loves me, he loves me not??

[pees]

I need a bit of advice from you fine folks, especially the guys in regards to my current dating situation. Here's the background: I've met a fantastic guy through one of my social sports leagues which we both belong to. He recently broke up with his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and is now living on his own for the first time since he was 19 (he is currently 30).

 

We began dating two weeks after he broke up with her and it was a whirlwind affair for approximately 1 1/2 months. This was quite wonderful considering I haven't had much luck with dating lately, however I was a bit alarmed as I didn't want to be replacing the void left by his ex-girlfriend. Nevertheless, things were fantastic and he treated me like a princess, insisted on paying for everything, encouraged me to begin keeping clothes, cosmetics, etc. over his house and we were never at a loss for things to do (movies, dinner, shopping, goofing off)--he even suggested we make a list. This coupled with the fact that he kept speaking about future plans (our upcoming birthdays, Christmas, etc.) encouraged me to believe that finally, I had met someone relatively decent who was genuinely a nice guy.

 

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I called to pick up some stuff to take with me on my vacation. He was happy to hear from me and invited me over to hang out for the night. He greeted me with much affection, but eventually insisted we needed to talk. That's right, the "talk". (I knew it was too good to be true.) So he proceeds to tell me how he needs to be single this month, because he literally has no money, can't treat me the way that he wants and I deserve to be treated, and is unhappy and in the same place he was several years ago. As much poking and prodding I did, I never fully understood what that last comment meant, however he did specify that we could still hang out and watch movies, swim at the pool, etc. and was by no means "brushing me to the side". Our conversation was very civil and I understood that he needed time alone as well as his space, however I also informed him that he was projecting mixed signals towards me, and listed the examples listed above. I also reemphasized my concern of being the "rebound girl". He said he wasn't going to hurt me, but that he needed some time to himself. The next morning, we woke up, he ran some errands and brought me breakfast back home.

 

Last week he called to ask how my vacation was, but our conversation was very brief. This week he called to ask how my week was and tell me briefly about his.

 

So, what is going on? Should I be alarmed that he only calls me once a week for 5 minutes and that we're not watching movies or going to the pool? Am I completely over analyzing things and making a mountain out of a molehill? What should I do? Even though I never told him, I truly do love him but would never do anything to jeopardize losing him. I just don't understand how everything is hunky dory one minute, then the next the breaks are being slammed on. Help! Please advise!!

[HokeyReligions]

Sounds to me like a rebound relationship.

 

This guy needs a chance to get to know himself and not have anyone depending on him for anything--including entertainment or companionship.

 

Being friends and dating casually -- no exclusionery boundaries, no sex -- might be okay, but I don't know if you can handle it if you already think you love him. Maybe you should back off and really think about your own feelings and what he is going through. Let him grow and experience some things on his own.