My strange, but upsetting situation...

[oversensitivemjf]

...I have been seeing a girl now for 3 months, she means everything to me, even after such a short time.

I consider her my soul mate.

 

 

When we first got together, she was much more into the relationship than I was, she used to text my mobile about 20 times a day, phone me on evey tea break @ work, send E-mails, she even sent me love letters through the post.

We saw each other every weekend (she lives in London, I live in Oxford)

 

Last week we went away together on holiday for 1 week to Portugal.

We had been looking forward to the holiday for weeks, it was going to be perfect.

 

 

When we eventually got there it couldn't have been worse.

She changed.

Dramatically.

She turned cold, un-loving, almost spiteful to me sometimes.

 

I couldn't beleive I had gone away with the same girl I met 3 months ago!!

 

 

I worked out it could be because her EX was Portugese (they split over 1 year ago)

and everywhere we went reminded her of him.

This made me feel really low.

 

 

When we got home last week, I asked her to tell me what was wrong.

She said she had felt 'trapped' on holiday, and it freaked her out.

 

Since we have been home, she has not called me, she sends me maybe 1 impersonal text a day, and is generally completley different how she was before we went away.

I asked her if she still wanted to be with me.

She said Yes.

 

 

I don't know what to do.

It's making me very depressed.

I have gone along with the no contact thing too, trying to get her back into her old self by making her miss me.

But it dosen't seem to be working.

I want to phone her to talk over things, but I'm scared of the outcome, and I don't wanna push her away.

 

 

Does anyone have any advice?

Shall I call her?

Or give her the space she wanted on holiday.

[Olivia_19742004]

I asked her if she still wanted to be with me.

She said Yes.

 

Have you asked her what she needed most right now? Have you told you that you care very much for her and you don't want her feeling depressed and if there is anything you can do just let you know? Have you asked her if it would be best that you give her space or would it be better if you try and spend more time with her?

 

Ask her what she needs. Ask her want she's feeling. Ask he what you should do.

[Karlise13]

It sounds like you two were moving awfully fast with this relationship and perhaps she's feeling overwhelmed.

 

Talk to her about how you want to be with her, but it's Ok if she wants to take things a little slower for now.

[moimeme]

If two people don't hate each other on sight, it seems that those first three months turn into bliss for everyone. Sometime between three to six months, the shine starts to wear off. By six months, major flaws can emerge.

 

I have always said that nobody should get married until they have travelled together, wallpapered together, and argued and made up. You failed the travel test, I'm afraid.

[oversensitivemjf]

Thanks for the replies.

 

She has now sent me a text message saying she is sorry for being so awful to me, and that she has just got a bit scared over our relationship.

 

I texted back saying it was OK, and that I would give her time to clear her head.

I also told her I really care for her.

 

I'm now just going to carry on with not contacting her, and see what happens.

[oversensitivemjf]

Well, she has just ended it.....via text message!!!

 

I can't believe it, that seems so cold and immature (she is 31!!!)

 

She says she is not over her ex (they split 10 months ago, he was too controlling) and that she dosent want a BF.

 

I feel gutted, she chased me for 4 months!!

Can't believe it has ended like this.

If only she could have called me, to explain.

 

I sent her a text back saying that I thought she had more respect for me.

 

She wants to stay friends, and in contact, and asked if I was going to her colleagues leaving drink, but I don't know what to do.

 

My head is telling me 'just forget her, you can do better'

 

What should I do!!!!

[Girlie]

What you should do is listen to your head. I know it must hurt, esp. being such an impersonal break up. That was a low, cowardly thing to do on her part. But you are obviously just now getting to see who she is. Like someone else said, it had only been 3 months...you were way still in the honeymoon period. The thrill of the chase is over for her now, and she blew you off. Give yourself some time to mourn over the person you thought she was, and then move on. That's what I would do.

[Pained]

Originally posted by moimeme I have always said that nobody should get married until they have travelled together, wallpapered together, and argued and made up. You failed the travel test, I'm afraid.

 

Moimeme, can spackling/joint compounding/painting take the place of wallpapering? My boyfriend recently moved into a new house, and I did all of those things, including painting a tiny bathroom with him with the temperature rising to nearly 85 degrees in there.