I cheated on my girlfriend... And got the girl pregnant

[STR]

I'm 26 and I've been with my GF, who's 21 for 18 years.

 

The girl that I cheated with is also 26 and she decided that she's keeping the baby. Yes, we used protection. I'm not stupid, I always do. The condom broke at some point and I didn't notice until I came. She was nervous but said she was on BC so it'd be fine. I know that no BC is 100%. Yes, she is pregnant for sure (I went to the ultrasound) and yes, it is mine. And no, I don't want to be with her. I don't have feelings towards her, she's just a friend.

 

I love my GF, I planned on proposing to her this summer before I cheated. I still want to marry her and do think she's "the one". I know that cheating was wrong, trust me. I feel like complete **** for it and have actually cried over it countless times. I never wanted to cheat on her, and it was a mistake. I feel like an even bigger a-hole because all of her ex's have cheated on her, now I've done the same. I've considered breaking up with her because I know she deserves better. But, cheating was a mistake and I'm not going to do it again.

 

My GF is understanding, but very upset, about me cheating. She is so use to it that it's almost normal for her. She was much more upset about me getting the other girl pregnant. The reason I cheated is because I wasn't feeling wanted in my relationship. My GF and I haven't had sex yet, or done anything sexual. She was sexually assaulted when she was a child and in one relationship. She's in therapy, but sex is very hard for her. We were going through a very rough patch and I was very sexually frustrated and was starting to take it out on my GF and became distant. Because of that, she was understanding (but that doesn't mean it was okay) about cheating.

 

She is completely heartbroken though about me getting the other girl pregnant. My GF is infertile (no reproductive organs) so we will never be able to have biological children. She cries literally all the time. And SHE says things like:

 

-That I'm having a child with someone else, and she could never give me that.

-I always knew I wanted children, and someone else is giving me that.

-I'm experiencing something amazing with someone else and bonding with someone else. A bond that I'll never have with my GF.

-She will always be in our lives.

-She will always be important to me in a different way than my GF, because she's the mother of my child.

 

Whenever I'm going to visit the girl I got pregnant, my GF breaks down. She saw the ultrasound pictures and broke down. She saw my touching the other girls stomach and she cried almost non-stop for a week.

 

Is there anything I can do about it to make it easier on my GF? Should I leave her, for her sake? I want to be with her more than anything.

[TG1]

Reassure your girlfriend that she is the woman you love, the woman who you want to spend the rest of your life with and that you guys can still build a family in the future with one another, I am sure you guys can try in-vitro fertilization in order to have kids or adoption, either way you can have a family with your girlfriend, yourself and your child with the other girl

[Peter Attis]

I'm 26 and I've been with my GF, who's 21 for 18 years.

 

So you got together when she was 3 and you were 8?

[STR]

Ugh sorry. Don't know why I wrote 18... Must be tired. I meant 3. (We got together when she was 18, maybe that's where that number came from)

[STR]

I am sure you guys can try in-vitro fertilization in order to have kids

 

She doesn't have any reproductive organs (ovaries, uterus) so she could never have a biological child or carry a child.

[dreamingoftigers]

This poor girl.

 

I have no great advice.

 

I think you should break it off with her so she doesn't spend the rest of her life having it rubbed in her face.

 

I remember before having my daughter going to church knowing I was never supposed to have kids and seeing them all there. It tore me apart.

 

Your baby and this woman (whom you will develop "mother of my child" feelings for) will be a constant, sharp, brutal reminder of all of this. Always.

 

Plus she really isn't ready to be in an intimate relationship with a guy if she's still working these sexual issues out.

 

If you really love her, let her find the guy that won't cheat on her and treats her special when she's ready.

[Balzac]

Sounds to me that you could benefit from individual counseling. What is your motivation to endure a sexless relationship at your age? Try to gain a better understanding of the psychological healing journey your GF faces, it's a long, painful journey to heal from sexual abuse and now yOur child with another woman.

 

Personally, I cannot imagine that mention a marriage proposal. Neither of you sound prepared for that step up of your relationship.

 

You seem very certain the child is your's. Your story is a big sketchy but it's not as if we need to understand every nuance. I read your story as trying to maintain an impossible relationship. You love a very damaged girl, it's tragic for sure, I'd move toward breaking it off.

[TaraMaiden]

I feel desperately sorry for your GF, and i hate to say, but I have zero sympathy for you, or the rational you have put forward to explain your actions.

Nothing justifies cheating, but this?

Your poor GF merely sees you as just like all the rest - in a relationship with her, but willing to poke it between the legs of another....

 

What this must have done to her self-esteem, self-worth and dignity is unimaginable.

The fact that she hasn't kicked you out, is testimony to this.

 

And to include her in all the comings-and-goings of the baby's mother?

WTF??

 

You may well argue that it's what she wants, and insists on, but you should point-blank refuse, for her sake more than anything, and furthermore have as little as is decently possible to do with the pregnancy process, yourself.

To subject your GF to every nuance is inhuman.

 

Cut the ties, give her the best option, and leave.

Too late now to think carefully about what pleasure to give your pecker.

 

Amazing what 5 minutes of indiscretion, can result in, isn't it?

[Radu]

I agree with DOT and TM, wow, you 'even cried over it' ... how horrible it must be for you.

 

To do this to her, especially since she's down because of something she can't control and which has been rubbed in her face her whole life [there is a genetic disorder that affects 1 woman out of 5000, where the woman doesn't develop at 9 weeks some or all of the vagina, uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, and even kidneys] inadvertantly by her friends having periods or getting pregnant is ... beyond low.

 

Honestly, they are both right, she felt this low and you did this to her.

 

Just do the sensible thing, and get her some help, than leave, get her in touch with an IC or a support group for women who suffer from the same disorder.

 

Also, in the case of the OW, it was planned, does she know that your gf can't have kids ?

I can understand condoms failing, it depends on how they are stored and kept.

But for both condom and pill to fail, is ... beyond improbable and in the realm of impossible. Statistically it is possible, but Occam's razor applies way before you consider this.

Edited August 8, 2012 by Radu

[Ninjainpajamas]

What you did was wrong to your partner and you're paying the consequences for it...that's a fact.

 

However, don't beat yourself up over and over again, you're not going to get anywhere doing that and nothing you could ever do will erase the deed. Just realize It's time to move on and that's it, that's all you need to do in terms of handling your romantic situation, don't hold onto it and try and repair it because you won't be able to do it and you'll just leave a deeper wound.

 

Considering your situation and the mental/psychological health of your partner I would recommend moving on so she can make as much progress as she can focusing on herself. The only thing you're going to do by being with her is making it worse, she's not going to be able to forget and "get over" it with you going back and forth to these appointments and having to consult with this girl all the time. She's also obviously going to be very insecure and feel ashamed with herself not being able to bear children...that is going to hurt her for a very long time and she has to accept that and move on...like maybe adopting one day, she doesn't have to not have children in her life.

 

But as of now, she isn't there yet...she's too young and vulnerable to really move forward and be strong. You're an older guy and a little bit ahead of her but still sound pretty immature...which is alright, you're taking responsibility and you're handling the situation.

 

However, don't make excuses for what you did...be honest with yourself. You're trying to salvage your relationship and making excuses as to why you cheated...trust me, there is no excuse for cheating good enough for the person you're doing it to and they will never trust you in the same way again and really that's all that matters, not what you think or believe or intended...remember that when you think about ever doing...once you do it, it's forever changed....which after this kind of a consequence you will learn that lesson very well.

 

Chances are you're going to be caught up in something with this girl you got pregnant as well...feel like you've got to be there, responsible, guilty. Just don't get yourself in the same situation, I don't really buy that the sex was the only thing bothering you with this current relationship, I just think these issues were too great for you to deal with and you got in over your head. You've got to make these decisions before hand...before you cheat If you want to salvage that relationship...when you cheat and the other person finds out you might as well kiss it goodbye and It's just a lot for the other person to live with...they will never completely forgive and definitely not forget.

 

Your GF has enough to deal with...your presence is only going to rub salt in an already gushing wound. Get yourself together and prioritize your life because you're going to need that extra income and stability in your life, and pay out your @ss for health insurance. Your life is taking a turn but at least let this girl go and get yourself together in your own life, don't jump from one girl to another, stay single and gather yourself for a bit. Once you do that things will be more clear and you'll have a better idea of what you want and looking for...I think you were just going to marry this girl for the wrong reasons, you just seem to be in a place where you're lying to yourself about a lot of things in terms of your romantic life and you want to try and talk yourself into what you want to happen.

 

Give yourself time to grow up and learn about relationships...It's not just about emotions and making impulsive decisions.

[road]

Three letters and three words

 

DNA paternity test

[all_hail_me]

I agree with Radu - the idea that both a condom and the pill fail? I sincerely don't believe it unless the girl had the scoots and vomiting before you bumped uglies.

 

I think you're a sh*t to try and hold onto a relationship while you have a baby on the way with another woman. Really, just move on. It's cruel and unusual punishment what you're doing to your girlfriend. I think she has so many issues to be keeping you around. Please just let her go so she can meet a guy who respects and cherishes her. You obviously never will.

 

As DOT said, you will develop a "mother of my child" relationship AND feelings with the OW. No doubt about it.

[STR]

What is your motivation to endure a sexless relationship at your age?

 

There is nothing wrong with a sexless relationship, under certain circumstances. To say that she is not good enough to date because she was sexually abused and has sex problems, is very low. She wants to have sex, it won't be sexless forever. And I'm willing to wait until she is ready. People today are too caught up in sex. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship.

 

You love a very damaged girl, it's tragic for sure, I'd move toward breaking it off.

 

Just because someone was abused, does not mean they are damaged.

 

What this must have done to her self-esteem, self-worth and dignity is unimaginable. The fact that she hasn't kicked you out, is testimony to this.

 

She's still with me because she wants to be.

 

And to include her in all the comings-and-goings of the baby's mother?WTF??

 

I don't include her in anything. She didn't go to the ultrasound, she saw the pictures that I brought home. I didn't plan on her seeing them, or show them to her. They were in an envelope in my desk and she found them.

 

Honestly, they are both right, she felt this low and you did this to her.

 

Do you really think I thought, "Hmm... I think I'm going to knock up another girl, just to upset my girlfriend!". Yes, I did this to her. But don't act like I purposely got the girl pregnant.

 

Also, in the case of the OW, it was planned, does she know that your gf can't have kids ?

 

It wasn't planned. She had no control over the condom coming off. Does she have a hand inside her vagina that can pull it off? No. She knows now, but she didn't know prior to getting pregnant. She thinks my GF should be happy for me that I will be able to be a parent, even if that means she's not the mother.

 

Just realize It's time to move on and that's it, that's all you need to do in terms of handling your romantic situation, don't hold onto it and try and repair it because you won't be able to do it and you'll just leave a deeper wound. The only thing you're going to do by being with her is making it worse."

 

You guys seem to think that breaking up will her will fix everything and it won't hurt her. Breaking up with her will hurt her MORE than she's already hurting. She still wants to be with me and get married (eventually, at least 2 years now). On top of being upset about the pregnancy, breaking up with her is going to make her feel like I'm choosing the other girl over her. She'll feel more like she isn't good enough.

 

Oh man, I think it's a recipe for failure at the young age of 26, taking on all the baggage that comes with your girlfriend - PLUS the added burden of having no sex for 3 years.

 

Not having sex, is not a burden. She is a rape victim! How can you say that she is a burden? She is a ****ing person.

 

While it's 'noble' of you to sacrifice pretty much everything good in life

 

Sacrifice everything good in my life? If you think sex is the only good thing people have in their life, you seriously need help. My GF makes my life better, she IS what is good in my life. SHE makes me happier than I've ever been.

 

Your girlfriend has a responsibility to "fix" herself so she's better emotionally and can bring to the table what you do. Does she just expect you to make sacrifices for the rest of your life for her because she's 'damaged?' That's selfish.

 

Do you really think she isn't trying to fix herself? Do you really think that you can "get over" 15 YEARS of molestation and rape in only a few years of therapy? I hate to breka it to you... But therapy does NOT fix everything. She is constantly upset because she doesn't think she's good enough and that I should be with someone "normal".

[the ill-made knight]

Coming from someone that has been sexually abused, honestly, your girlfriend may never be able to have a "normal" sexual relationship. It's unfortunate, but those are the facts. Just because she wants to have sex with you does not mean she will be able to any time soon and if/when she is ready, it is likely to be very difficult and traumatizing for her.

 

I do not see that at all as a reason to break up with someone, but the question here is are you able to handle that? You've been together for three years now and you've already cheated and knocked someone up. Can you guarantee that you can sign up for another 3 or 5 or heck maybe even 10 years with her just the way she is without stepping out again?

 

I honestly think it may be in her best interest if you do bow out now. Yes, it will hurt her more, but in the long run it will hurt less than having to live with you for the rest of her life and constantly be reminded through your child of what you did.

[STR]

your girlfriend may never be able to have a "normal" sexual relationship and if/when she is ready, it is likely to be very difficult and traumatizing for her.

 

I don't expect to ever have a "normal" sex life with her. I know it's going to be difficult for her, she knows that too. When she's ready, we will work on it.

 

Can you guarantee that you can sign up for another 3 or 5 or heck maybe even 10 years with her just the way she is without stepping out again?

 

Can I guarantee it, no. Nothing in life is guaranteed. But will I try my best for it to never happen again.

[KungFuJoe]

Op,

 

Sounds like your mind is already made up. Remind us why you are even here? Are you just looking for people to pat you on the back and call you a hero for sticking around?

 

You ****ed up. Plain and simple. Can you fix it? Odds are very strongly against you. For starters even if your gf had a normal life, the odds would be stacked against you. But considering her traumatic past where she was abused and cheated on, you sticking around is the worst thing that could happen to her at this point.

 

In fact, this situation is so ridiculously ****ed up beyond belief, I almost think you're making it up because it is a perfect storm of ****ed up.

 

If it's true, the best thing you can do is leave. It'll hurt her more in the short term but you are now a daily reminder of all the abuse she has had to endure before you. You COULD have been her knight in shining armor, but now you're yet another person in her life who has ****ed her over.

[Radu]

Your GF was abused sexually.

You just emotionally abused her.

You kicked with your feet someone on the ground, that's what you did.

In a way, you are almost as bad as the one who abused her.

 

All her past bf's were as*holes, you said it yourself, you are just the latest as*hole.

 

There are 2 victims in this situation.

One is your gf, who is going through hell.

The other is the baby which will be raised by you and the OW.

 

There is nothing wrong with a sexless relationship, under certain circumstances. To say that she is not good enough to date because she was sexually abused and has sex problems, is very low. She wants to have sex, it won't be sexless forever. And I'm willing to wait until she is ready. People today are too caught up in sex. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship.

I agree with you, you can live quite nicely in a sexless relationship.

But you cheated, you can't live in such a thing.

The honorable thing to do [as a man and not a worm] would have been to other have an understanding for an open relationship untill she is ready, or for you to leave her, or wait it out untill she is ready and her to take steps to correct this.

 

 

 

Just because someone was abused, does not mean they are damaged.

Excuse me ?

I'll make a deal with you, let's do an experiment.

I lock you up with a bunch of lifers in prison, who are old and smelly, same room.

I let you stay there for a few weeks without guards patrolling.

Let's talk after that about how undamaged you are after being raped repeatedly.

 

 

 

She's still with me because she wants to be.

She's still with you because she thinks she doesn't deserve or can get better.

The rotten lottery number she picked when she was born did a number on them because society keeps harping about how every girl will find happines as a mother.

She sees herself as 'less' than other women, she thinks she doesn't deserve a better hand in life so she is willing to take whatever abuse you dish out to her.

 

 

 

I don't include her in anything. She didn't go to the ultrasound, she saw the pictures that I brought home. I didn't plan on her seeing them, or show them to her. They were in an envelope in my desk and she found them.

The ultrasound made an ideea into reality, and you left them there, there were better places where you could have hidden them.

 

 

 

Do you really think I thought, "Hmm... I think I'm going to knock up another girl, just to upset my girlfriend!". Yes, I did this to her. But don't act like I purposely got the girl pregnant.

The girl got herself on purpose pregnant, pill my ass.

You are just the jack*ss idiot who provided the sperm.

Now you and her can join hands in the abuse of the child and of this girl.

 

 

 

It wasn't planned. She had no control over the condom coming off. Does she have a hand inside her vagina that can pull it off? No. She knows now, but she didn't know prior to getting pregnant. She thinks my GF should be happy for me that I will be able to be a parent, even if that means she's not the mother.

Yes, it can be done.

Condoms are not one size fits all.

Women can also tighten their vaginal muscles to grip.

I don't know what happened there, but why did the pill not work ?

Maybe because she was not on it as she said ?

Why did she lie ?

 

 

 

You guys seem to think that breaking up will her will fix everything and it won't hurt her. Breaking up with her will hurt her MORE than she's already hurting. She still wants to be with me and get married (eventually, at least 2 years now). On top of being upset about the pregnancy, breaking up with her is going to make her feel like I'm choosing the other girl over her. She'll feel more like she isn't good enough.

Oh, you are such a great human being for psychologically abusing a woman who was sexually abused, why can't we see this ?

Breaking up with her after you get her help is the right thing to do in order for her to maybe someday rebuild their self-esteem.

A while back i did some research into her condition.

Ppl who have it are into 2 camps, some women overcome it and see even the positives of having it, while others see themselves as being less, not complete women. They think that because they can't give the guy they love a baby, they have failed their most basic role in life.

This is what she feels, on top of the rape.

 

 

Not having sex, is not a burden. She is a rape victim! How can you say that she is a burden? She is a ****ing person.

You do not treat her as an equal person.

You are defending the OW more in this thread than the gf herself.

You excuse everything soul-crushing that you do to her as 'it's her choice' but now you play the victim card on her.

Pick one side and stick to it.

 

 

 

Sacrifice everything good in my life? If you think sex is the only good thing people have in their life, you seriously need help. My GF makes my life better, she IS what is good in my life. SHE makes me happier than I've ever been.

Your life better.

That is not love.

Love is giving yourself to the other, love is selflessness not selfishness.

It is about primarily giving, not about primarily accepting.

You put more into a relationship than you get out of it, in a good relationship.

For the last few months you have given her nothing but emotional abuse.

 

 

 

Do you really think she isn't trying to fix herself? Do you really think that you can "get over" 15 YEARS of molestation and rape in only a few years of therapy? I hate to breka it to you... But therapy does NOT fix everything. She is constantly upset because she doesn't think she's good enough and that I should be with someone "normal".

And this is where you either stay with her and accept celibacy for a while, but refuse to be intimate with others, or are in an open relationship and help her get over it, or leave her but remain her close friend who supports her emotionally.

You DO NOT cheat on her, you do not destroy her trust even worse than others did.

 

---

 

Just in case this is not a joke thread or something i'll add this.

Women like us when we protect them, and to some degree we like to protect them.

You betrayed the one you made a deal to protect.

 

You are not a man.

Just like that guy who abandoned his gf and 2 infants in that cinema shooting in Colorado, you are a worm too.

Edited August 9, 2012 by Radu

[TaraMaiden]

fekkin' YEAH!!

 

What ^he^ said!!

[CALOVELY]

She wants to have sex, it won't be sexless forever. And I'm willing to wait until she is ready. People today are too caught up in sex. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship.

 

Yet you said you cheated because she wouldn't have sex with you.

 

 

 

Not having sex, is not a burden. She is a rape victim! How can you say that she is a burden? She is a ****ing person.

 

Again, you cheated on her because she wouldn't have sex with you so it IS a burden to you.

 

 

 

Sacrifice everything good in my life? If you think sex is the only good thing people have in their life, you seriously need help. My GF makes my life better, she IS what is good in my life. SHE makes me happier than I've ever been.

 

And yet again, you cheated on your gf because she wouldn't have sex with you so tell me again how we all need help since we think sex is the only good thing?

 

Do you really think she isn't trying to fix herself? Do you really think that you can "get over" 15 YEARS of molestation and rape in only a few years of therapy? I hate to breka it to you... But therapy does NOT fix everything. She is constantly upset because she doesn't think she's good enough and that I should be with someone "normal".

 

And instead of working with her to help her, you cheated on her and knocked up some chick.

 

Do her a favor and leave. Rip off the Bandaid. She WILL heal and be better for it. Having a constant reminder of a man who betrayed her in the ultimate way will not.

[all_hail_me]

It wasn't planned. She had no control over the condom coming off. Does she have a hand inside her vagina that can pull it off? No. She knows now, but she didn't know prior to getting pregnant. She thinks my GF should be happy for me that I will be able to be a parent, even if that means she's not the mother.

 

WTF?! You allowed the OW to say she should be happy for you even if she's not the mother?! HOW CAN SHE BE HAPPY FOR YOU WHEN YOU IMPREGNATED ANOTHER WOMAN.

 

Further more, sex isn't everything? If sex isn't everything, STR, why did you bone another woman while you were in a "loving" relationship?!

 

You can't have your cake and eat it, sooner or later you're going to have to make a decision about who you want to be. And right now, that's a pretty sh*t excuse for a man.

[samsungxoxo]

I think this is one of the saddest story I've ever read on the ''cheating, flirting and jealousy'' subsection. It's not just the cheating, but the girl already suffereing from sexual abuse and rape at an young age, has bad experience with men cheating and further abusing her, can't never be able to have kids and just when she thought someone loved her...... she not only gets cheated on yet again but the OP knocks out another woman.

 

All I can say is wow... whatever little self-esteem and confidence that poor woman had is forever gone because at least she had some hope but the OP killed it.

 

OP, I'm afraid there isn't an easy way to fix this other than taking her to IC (as well as therapist since she needs it badly; at this point she's at her lowest) and seriously break up with her. The child will be a remainder forever and do take a paternity test. I'm also finding it hard to believe but both condom and pills will still get us pregnant. I'm suspecting the other woman lie about using pills. How can it not work!!

[samsungxoxo]

Can I guarantee it, no. Nothing in life is guaranteed. But will I try my best for it to never happen again.

You will try? Hence, another reason why you shouldn't be with her even if she wants to.

The decent thing would be to tell her that she doesn't deserves you and let her heal on her own with IC and therapy.

[TaraMaiden]

I don't expect to ever have a "normal" sex life with her. I know it's going to be difficult for her, she knows that too. When she's ready, we will work on it.

 

 

 

Can I guarantee it, no. Nothing in life is guaranteed. But will I try my best for it to never happen again.

 

REALLY - ?!?

 

You would be prepared to look her in the face now, and tell her, "Honey, I'm with you, I want to make this work. But by the way, I can't guarantee it won't happen again, so brace yourself now, ok? Because at some point in the future, it's possible that I'm probably going to get my rocks off with another woman. I'll try not to, but Hey? No guarantees, in life, yeah?"

Go do it.

I dare you.

I double-dare you.

 

It surely can't hurt her any more than what you've already done - and at least it's honest....

 

If you can't say it to her face, you spineless, weak piece of crap - then get the hell out of there.

You don't deserve her.

 

And goodness only knows she sure as hell doesn't deserve you.

[NoMagicBullet]

Normally I'm of the opinion that the "You deserve better than me" line when breaking up with someone is BS, but in this case, I think it's accurate -- this woman really does deserve someone better than you for all the reasons others have already given. That's why I have to agree with everyone else in recommending that you break up with her. If there wasn't the OW with your child, I think you'd have a chance at salvaging the relationship, but that just will not happen here. For your GF, the short-term pain of a break-up will be a lot less than decades of pain of watching you be involved in the life if the child she couldn't give you. (I assume you will be involved, because you have already been involved with OW's pre-natal stuff.)

 

Like others have suggested, you should get a paternity test, although I think the odds are good that the child is yours -- because like others, I also believe that the woman was lying about being on the pill or whatever birth control she was supposedly using in addition to the condoms. My conspiracy theory: she planned this. I could be wrong, but... well, you said she's a friend, so ask yourself the following:

Did she know about your GF being unable to conceive before you slept with her?

Did she know that you were considering proposing to your GF before you slept with her?

Did she make the first move or somehow suggest the idea of sex before it actually happened?

Did she provide the condoms?

I'd also ask if she ever seemed interested in you as more than just a friend, but sometimes guys are blind on the signs. Either way, I think the odds are very good she's interested in something more than casual sex with you.

 

If she really thinks your GF should be happy that she's having your baby -- oh, gawd, that is so messed up! That's an unbelievably callous attitude toward what your GF is going through. Which feeds my conspiracy theory that this woman may have had her eye on you, decided to make a move on you before you proposed, get knocked up, and force you to be involved in her life in a way you never intended, maybe in the hope that you'd leave your GF for her since she's having your baby. That would be really twisted, but there are women who actually do stuff like this.

[AshLovesDub97]

Ask her, if she still loves you. Ask her of she will ever be happy with you again or if she would be happier with someone else. Tell her to be as honest as possible. Make sure she knows you still love her so much. And maybe of you proposed and got married she would realize that yeah you will always have a bond with that girl... But by getting married you would also always have a bond with her.. Be gentle she's sensitive right now. Maybe In a couple years you could adopt and it might make her feel better that y'all have a kid?