Cheating Girlfriend

[SadCollegeKid]

ok, i know that many of you might find this to be pretty childish and stupid to many of you, but it is very upsetting to me.

 

about a month and a half ago, i left for college about 500 miles from my home. my girlfriend (high school senior) of a year and i had an agreement that we would stay together, but we would also be able to go to parties, have fun and see other people. today, she told me that she had gone to a party and messed around with another guy while very drunk. she admited that she did it, although she does not remember it very well. she had to tell em over the phone, being that we are so far from each other. i forgave her, knowing that she was drunk and diddnt mean to, and that we already had the agreement. she was upset and crying when she told me, and said she was really sorry for it.

 

i forgave her, knowing that our relationship is stronger than this little incident. but i cant help feeling crushed. i know i said i would be ok with it, but i feel like ive been torn apart. i forgive her, but it still hurts. im going home next week, and i dont really know how to act. i dont know how to feel. can someone please give me some advice? i'd really appreciate it. thanks.

[Tony T]

I would review any relationship you have with a girl who can get so drunk that she can have sex with a guy and not remember it very well. That is not the kind of gal mom would be proud to have in the family.

 

That aside, you can't keep bringing this up. If you forgave her on the phone and you want to continue seeing her, just treat her as you normally do. It's likely she will feel awkward and may even bring the issue up and start crying again and all that. Don't have it. Let her know the case is shut. There is just nothing constructive that can be done about an event that is history and there's no use dragging it on and on.

 

Your biggest problem is restoring your trust in her. Until your long distance relationship ends and you are back in her proximity, you will wonder each minute if she is drinking to the point of giving in to some guy trying to seduce her at a party, bar or wherever.

 

If you become obsessed with such thoughts, dust her. There are so many ladies who don't drink, who are loyal, and have complete control over their impulses that would not screw other guys while you are out of town.

 

In any case, I do hope you can keep this together, if that's what you decide you want to do.

[Kelly]

Obviously you take this "agreement" a little more seriously than she does. Yeah you are far away but still, you have to remember the part of the agreement "able to see other people", now don't tell me that it just involves laying eyes on someone else. If you want a committment you have to ask for it...I'm sure if you two were totally together for real...her cheating would have ended the realtionship. Talk about this with her if you want to continue it..establish something more solid. As for the hurt you feel, that's what happens and there's nothing you can do about it. It's normal for you to feel crushed and obviously the trust factor is going to be on your mind from now on even though you forgave her. If you want this to continue you're going to have to forget it and put your foot down..there is no such thing as a "kinda relationship", or "a little bit of trust". One or the other.

[Deejette]

The up-side of this is that she was honest enough to tell you about it. That is a good sign. Also, that she felt bad about it, is good.

 

I don't blame you for feeling bad about it. It is a betrayal and you will feel strange about being with her sexually and knowing that the other guy was there too.

 

I would forgive her and really let her know how awful this made you feel. But if she does it again, it should be "Adios!"

Obviously you take this "agreement" a little more seriously than she does. Yeah you are far away but still, you have to remember the part of the agreement "able to see other people", now don't tell me that it just involves laying eyes on someone else. If you want a committment you have to ask for it...I'm sure if you two were totally together for real...her cheating would have ended the realtionship. Talk about this with her if you want to continue it..establish something more solid. As for the hurt you feel, that's what happens and there's nothing you can do about it. It's normal for you to feel crushed and obviously the trust factor is going to be on your mind from now on even though you forgave her. If you want this to continue you're going to have to forget it and put your foot down..there is no such thing as a "kinda relationship", or "a little bit of trust". One or the other.