This is a Personal question that has been bothering me for a very long time.

[Shadow21999]

Please, read the full question before answering. Please, do not judge and Please help.

 

Hello I’m new here, and I come to you today with a very personal question. A topic which has stirred up emotions that I didn't know I had. I am confused, and after some forum research, I decided here was the best place to come for real philosophical answers. Just let me know if I came to the right place. Well here it is. Over the years, I have sexually attracted my cousins. I'm 17 years old, male. I know this is wrong, and from the bottom of my heart, I swear that I do not mean to do this. First off is a female cousin on my mother’s side of the family, who I like as nothing more than a cousin. We were sitting in the back of her dads’ car, alone. I was being my usual annoying self, when she threatened to bang cock me if I didn't stop looking through her stuff. Of course I didn't. Instead of bang-cocking me, she grabbed my member through my pants, and massaged it. She undid the zipper on my pants and felt me. Then I curled up in such a way that it wasn't possible for her to continue. She literally begged me to let her go on. She had tears in her eyes, but I didn't let her go on. Ever since then things have always been awkward between us. Then 2 years ago at my grandmother’s sister’s funeral, I met my second cousin. At the time I had no clue we were related at all. She was about a year younger than me. Being of the same age group we got along perfectly. Me, and about 2 other people went up to her room to hang out after the funeral. We played games on her laptop, and eventually, she put on porn to watch. Being a guy, I was okay with this. By this point, everyone else had left the room, and it was just me and her. As I watched the porn, she watched my crotch. Eventually, I noticed she cuddled up on me, her breathing was hard, and I could feel her heartbeat against my own. Then, she began dry humping. She got up from next to me to lock her bedroom door, and her mom was right outside talking to someone else. Luckily her mother didn’t notice. She quickly shut the laptop, and we left the room. After that she told me to never talk to her again, and I haven't spoken to her in 2 years, although her friends tell me she’s desperately trying to get in touch with me. I didn't mean for these things to happen, and I have really mixed feelings about it. I feel like I should do something, but I also feel that it's horribly wrong. Being who I am, and what I know I'm capable of, the ex-player in me tells me to play with their feelings, and see how far they'll go, but the new reformed me tells me this is really wrong, and in some states, Illegal. I have come to you to help me with my private, emotional life and affairs. I will add details as I deem necessary. Please Help. I posted questions elsewhere, but no one has answered so far.

[KathyM]

Stay away from situations where you are alone with your cousins. Then you won't be so tempted to do something you will later regret. When you see your cousins at family gatherings, stay in a group, and don't go off alone with them or drive around with them alone in a car. No good can come from going down that road of starting something intimate with your relatives.

[Shadow21999]

Well, that's going to be hard. My cousin literally pulled me up to her room after the funeral. And it would be best if the adults didn't find out about some of the stuff we talk about. Is this normal? Has this happened to anyone else?

[KathyM]

I think it's fairly common for cousins to develop a crush on their cousin. I know one of my nieces had a little crush on one of my nephews for a while, but they never made romantic or sexual overtures towards each other, since that type of relationship is taboo/illegal/against society's rules. It could be that your cousins have a crush on you, and that is why they are trying to get into sexual conversations with you or be alone with you. I would suggest you stay in a group, and if they try to suggest you come with them, you need to decline. Tell them "I think I'm going to pass this time". And then stay with the group. Don't let them get you alone with them, or it's going to cause problems for you.

[pteromom]

Being who I am, and what I know I'm capable of, the ex-player in me tells me to play with their feelings, and see how far they'll go, but the new reformed me tells me this is really wrong, and in some states, Illegal.

 

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. It is natural to be sexually attracted to people who are in your circle. After all, you grew up with them and watched as they developed womanly figures and such. Natural.

 

BUT -

 

You have an obligation not to go there.

 

Some day, you will have a serious girlfriend. And some day, you will marry. And some day, you will have family get-togethers on holidays, and your wife and kids will interact with these cousins.

 

You DON'T want to have to worry about whether to tell your girlfriend/wife and risk judgment, and you don't want to worry about a cousin spilling the beans about the time she slept with you.

 

Just avoid them when possible and don't be alone with them. Be kind and courteous, but cool and distant. You can do it.

 

There are plenty of non-related girls to be with.

[Shadow21999]

I definitely understand. And I do have a girl friend. You have been very supportive, but is it wrong that deep down, somewhere inside my mind, that I might be attracted to them also? A little person deep in the recess of my mind wants to go with them. Being who they are, they know what I like, and know me better than almost anyone. I've also heard the tales of inbred children, and I do not plan to be a father anytime soon.

[stillafool]

I can't believe how forward these girls are at that age. Porn, really? OP don't be alone with your cousins. Do you have any friends you can introduce them to?

[pteromom]

but is it wrong that deep down, somewhere inside my mind, that I might be attracted to them also?

 

Nope. Feelings are feelings, and you can't help what you feel. So no point in feeling guilty or dirty for it. Enjoy masturbatory fantasies all you want.

 

But this is one of those times you have to make a decision based on head, not heart (or other body parts), and do what is right. There will be many times in your life you'll have to put feelings and desires aside and do what is right even when you really really want to do what's wrong.

 

This is but the first test of your integrity, but it's an important test, because it's what you DO in situations like this, not what you FEEL, that defines the man you are.

[Shadow21999]

Words to live by, pteromom. What about second cousins? I know in some states it is in fact legal to marry them (not that I plan to), but if i did fail to mention above, this girl, the one in the room, was my second cousin. I admit, it would be awkward introducing my future wife and kids to a cousin I slept with.

[pteromom]

I admit, it would be awkward introducing my future wife and kids to a cousin I slept with.

 

There's your answer.

 

Why sleep with her, even if you feel that technically sleeping with a 2nd cousin is no big deal, KNOWING that it is going to cause you grief down the road?

 

Being able to weigh consequences is a sign of maturity.

 

There are so many girls in the world. There is nothing your 2nd cousin could do to you in bed that other girls can't do, and there are no body parts she has that every other girl in the world don't have.

 

If you are wanting to go play around, break up with your girlfriend and hit the clubs. There's no need to make a choice that brings extra drama with it when there are so many other choices to make.

[Shadow21999]

I've had a very complicated past with other girls. I don't know how many of my peers, or any other men for that matter, can say they cried for a girl. That they have actually stayed up at night thinking about there smile. But I have, and it's been a very painful 17 years where love is concerned. I tell girls what they want to hear, and they all fall for it, but one that falls for you, and not what you tell them, those are hard to find. I think that's the reason why I attract my cousins, and I'm attracted to them.

Edited August 9, 2012 by Shadow21999

[pteromom]

I've had a very complicated past with other girls. I don't know how many of my peers, or any other men for that matter, can say they cried for a girl. That they have actually stayed up at night thinking about there smile. But I have, and it's been a very painful 17 years where love is concerned. I tell girls what they want to hear, and they all fall for it, but one that falls for you, and not what you tell them, those are hard to find. I think that's the reason why I attract my cousins, and I'm attracted to them.

 

Honey, almost ALL guys have cried for a girl.

Almost ALL guys (and girls) have stayed up thinking about someone's smile.

 

You can't blame a girl for falling for what you tell them, if you are telling them lies. They just want someone to love them for who they are too, and it isn't THEIR fault that they believe what you are saying.

 

So rather than obsessing over your cousins, why not make a decision to just do things in a completely different way? Be 100% authentic and 100% honest. Yes, this means you won't have the same QUANTITY of girls to pick from, but you will notice that your QUALITY level will go up.

 

In order for someone to be attracted to YOU, you must first show them who you are.

 

And for goodness sake, if your girlfriend isn't someone you respect and care for, cut her loose. Hurting someone else is never the answer.

[Shadow21999]

I'm sorry to say this, but you my friend, are very mistaken. All guys cry for a girl that he loves? I am a guy, and I know how guys think. To find one that actually does what you claim they all do, is hard in the least. Girls, yes, but guys like that are rare. Taylor Swift sings her songs for a reason. And I don't lie to girls, honestly. I just tell them what i see.

Edited August 9, 2012 by Shadow21999