Utterly drunk cheating!?:(

[little_red_bike]

Hey guys...

Over the weekend, I went out with some girlfriends and I had a little bit too much to drink..

 

Me and my friend were invited to come hang at some random guys house, by this time I really should of gone home as I was stumbly and hopeless!

I was told, we got there and were hanging around a bit and my friend noticed that I was missing, she was told by one of the guys that I took a taxi home.

 

What really happened, was I woke up the next morning naked in some guys bed, I was still drunk at this stage. The odd thing was the guy wanted to have more sex in the morning and was being forceful, which I kind of liked.. as me and the bf has been having problems in the bedroom, he usually denies my advances..

 

I'm just so confused :~(

I've enjoy the whole rape fantasy, but would have never slept with this person sober... I don't think it's rape.. because I should of been in more control.

 

I feel terrible, yes I feel like a slut, I never want to be that retarded in my life again, I adore my boyfriend to bits and just want to forget all about this.

 

I don't know if I should tell him, I love him so much, but I don't want to burden him just so I could clear my conscious....

 

Any advice or help please?

Edited August 9, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Personal information

[Roxy1689]

I don't think u were as drunk as u say u were. When u woke up that morning and found out u were naked and had a strange man making sexual advances towards u...a faithful gf would have ran...screamed...something. U basically said u were sober enough to know what u were doing was wrong...but u were too drunk to tell the guy no. Wrong! U were in ur right mind enough to know it was wrong...but liked it anyways. U CHOSE to cheat again....and now ur using the alcohal as an excuse...if u were so drunk that u don't even remember how u got in that bed and naked...then u probably should have been in the er. Tell him...and don't be surprised if he tells u to kick rocks. Don't tell him and u will just do it again...have u thought of getting the morning after pill..or getting checked. Course not cuz in ur eyes it wasn't wrong. U have some messed up morals. Ur bf deserves better.

[tachan]

Sorry to say. I agree with everyone else...

 

You could of gone hope but you chose not to.

Now you have to deal with the consequences....

[little_red_bike]

I was actually screaming no in the morning and he grabbed me by the hair

but okay thanks for feedback

[ScienceGal]

There are more levels to a relationship than just sex. If you and your boyfriend are having issues in the bedroom, then you need to work on that. The fact that you liked this stranger being sexually aggressive with you indicates that your more interested in having your sexual needs met than being true to your boyfriend and your relationship.

 

You went over the line and you need to confess to your boyfriend. And, get screened for STDs.

[pteromom]

Warning - my opinion on this matter is not the popular one.

 

First, really think about why you did it, outside of being drunk. You say you've been having problems with your bf sexually. Do you think your problems can be fixed? What did you get from your drunk experience that you don't get in your relationship, and do you think it is possible to get what you need in your relationship?

 

If no, just move on. Even if you love him, you don't want to end up cheating again.

 

But if you think your relationship can be fixed...

 

If you figure out WHY you did it, actually learned from it and resolve not to do it again, what do you gain by telling your boyfriend?

 

You would just transfer the pain you are feeling to him. Instead of having to live with your guilt and shame, you just hurt him, and telling him doesn't take back what happened anyway.

 

I would -

 

- get tested for STDs and be very safe with your boyfriend until you get results.

- quit drinking. Seriously, if getting drunk lowers your inhibitions, you have a responsibility to stay sober.

- swallow your guilt and live with it. Your guilt is your burden for making the choice you did.

 

As I said, I know my opinion isn't the popular one, and there are many on here who think your partner deserves full honesty. I get that, truly. I am in a minority in that if my spouse had a one-time meaningless encounter, I'd NOT want to know.

[PMA]

Youre obviously not ready to be in a serious relationship. Tell your boyfriend and leave. You shouldn't be in a relationship if you think that what you did was forgivable.

[FryFish]

I was actually screaming no in the morning and he grabbed me by the hair

but okay thanks for feedback

You are just a huggin troll...

[Stillgrowing]

My first bit of advice is to stop using the word, "retarded". It's offensive.

 

My second bit of advice is to get better friends. If you were stumbly drunk, they should have confirmed your whereabouts instead of assuming you were safely being ferried home in a cab.

 

My final bit of advice on the topic is that you should really re-evaluate your relationship with your bf. Drunk or not people normally stick to their moral code...unless you were completely obliterated. Then the guy took advantage of you. Either way your bf shouldn't suffer for your bad judgement. Don't sleep with him until you get a panel of tests for stds.

 

sg

[kaylan]

Tell him so he can have free will to make his own choices.

 

Stop being selfish OP. Your bf deserves better than that. Dont be selfish twice and lie to him to save your own ass. That would make you an evil person in my eyes.

 

And I dunno how guys cant smell this kinda behavior in a girls character from a mile away. I really feel for the dude.

Edited August 9, 2012 by kaylan

[Leigh 87]

Why did you get drunk enough, to put yourself in that position?

 

I know that I have drunk to the point where I did not remember the previous night. This told me instantly, that I CANNOT get that way without my partner. Ever. I could simply be taken advantage of and regret it later on.

If I was an idiot and went and got extremely drunk, tot he point where I blanked out, and woke up next to a guy in bed, naked - I would literally SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriosuly! I would be REALLY upset!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

When I am with a guy, I feel totally wrong giving my body up to another guy! The fact you woke up and were able to continue, to me, means you should tell your boyfriend, so he can leave...

I am not saying your a bad person! I am just saying that telling your boyfriend is the RIGHT thing to do - by NOT telling him, your cheating him out of finding a girl who WON'T EVER cheat.

[KungFuJoe]

This story is so full of ****. Op is not even trying that hard.

[CALOVELY]

I was actually screaming no in the morning and he grabbed me by the hair

but okay thanks for feedback

 

So why did you write this then: " The odd thing was the guy wanted to have more sex in the morning and was being forceful, which I kind of liked.. as me and the bf has been having problems in the bedroom, he usually denies my advances."? I don't understand.

[Leigh 87]

So why did you write this then: " The odd thing was the guy wanted to have more sex in the morning and was being forceful, which I kind of liked.. as me and the bf has been having problems in the bedroom, he usually denies my advances."? I don't understand.

 

 

 

 

Look, in my opinion, there is no way this girl is totally head over heals, crazily in love with her guy - because she would NOT have accepted and ENJOYED a guys sexual advances, because a person who is really in love would not feel " right" about it.

 

She might love him in one way, but it is not in the way she needs to, to be in a serious relationship and have a happy one.

She could continue with this guy and very well love him one some level - but really, I would want a partner who would not be able to fool around with another person when they knew full well what they were doing.....

 

I would want me partner to feel ' wrong" in doing it. Because they have become so close to me.

[silicone]

Warning - my opinion on this matter is not the popular one.

 

First, really think about why you did it, outside of being drunk. You say you've been having problems with your bf sexually. Do you think your problems can be fixed? What did you get from your drunk experience that you don't get in your relationship, and do you think it is possible to get what you need in your relationship?

 

If no, just move on. Even if you love him, you don't want to end up cheating again.

 

But if you think your relationship can be fixed...

 

If you figure out WHY you did it, actually learned from it and resolve not to do it again, what do you gain by telling your boyfriend?

 

You would just transfer the pain you are feeling to him. Instead of having to live with your guilt and shame, you just hurt him, and telling him doesn't take back what happened anyway.

 

I would -

 

- get tested for STDs and be very safe with your boyfriend until you get results.

- quit drinking. Seriously, if getting drunk lowers your inhibitions, you have a responsibility to stay sober.

- swallow your guilt and live with it. Your guilt is your burden for making the choice you did.

 

As I said, I know my opinion isn't the popular one, and there are many on here who think your partner deserves full honesty. I get that, truly. I am in a minority in that if my spouse had a one-time meaningless encounter, I'd NOT want to know.

 

Do you know how many relationships experience issues because of cheating even before marriage or it gets very serious? Only recently I've seen a couple split due to cheating from early on - and another a couple of years ago, or maybe last year.

 

OP's boyfriend deserves to know, because he will find out, and when he does, it will hit him like a ton of bricks. Hard.

[road]

I was actually screaming no in the morning and he grabbed me by the hair

but okay thanks for feedback

 

 

How about you feeding us back with are you going to do the right thing an tell your BF the truth?

[little_red_bike]

How about you feeding us back with are you going to do the right thing an tell your BF the truth?

 

Well I'm really confused about all this, I spoke to 2 counselors about what happened in more detail and they said what happened was a sexual assault..

This is seriously messing me up!

[betterdeal]

Well I'm really confused about all this, I spoke to 2 counselors about what happened in more detail and they said what happened was a sexual assault..

This is seriously messing me up!

 

It was sexual assault in law. That doesn't mean you didn't enjoy it. And even if you enjoyed it, that doesn't mean it wasn't assault i.e. the two are distinctly different from one another.

 

Regards blacking out when drunk, it happens quite often, so I'm inclined to ignore the claims here by some that you knew what you were doing. Everyone I know who has blacked out had no recollection of what they did and did things they couldn't dream of doing in any other state.

 

I suspect that drinking to the point of blacking out is often what we (either consciously or unconsciously) actually want to do, in order escape something on our minds. In your case, it sounds like your relationship problems with your boyfriend could well be the thing you were trying to escape. The unplanned sex with a stranger is a consequence of losing all self-control (and enjoying the assault would concur with the idea that you want to lose control).

 

Things can easily go very out of hand for you, and I strongly recommend, for your own sake, that you choose a different way to deal with whatever problems you have. You will always wake up in the morning, so what you do the night before is always going to have happened.

 

You're remorsefulness says to me you know this is not what you want to do. Whether or not you tell your boyfriend, and whether or not he will forgive you or decide it's time for him to walk away is up to you guys. Think carefully about what's bothering you so much, and ask for help from appropriate people if necessary to start tackling whatever those problems are.

[road]

Well I'm really confused about all this, I spoke to 2 counselors about what happened in more detail and they said what happened was a sexual assault..

This is seriously messing me up!

 

 

Most counselor's are only good at rug sweeping and making their client feel better. Telling them the truth and very fast they will have no more clients.

 

Assault or not your BF must be told the truth.

 

No one forced you to drink that much with OM.

 

No one forced you to go home with the OM.

 

No one forced you to get naked with OM.

 

No one forced you it was all your decision.

[little_red_bike]

Thanks again for all the feedback, I've been doing alot of thinking and crying for the last few days, I even got time off work to recoup.

 

-I'm aware the story sounds a little odd, especially the whole me enjoying being manhandled but also screaming at this guy no..

Thanks betterdeal you've given a better understanding on why I wanted to lose control, I need to work on that.

 

-I can "get" how people think "no, actually means yes if they're already in your bed"

 

-pteromom thank you for giving me another perspective instead of me just being a irresponsible hoebag, I'm aware what I did was wrong, and NEED to be on the way to sobriety.

 

This has been a massive learning experience, there was a little more to this story but I didn't think it was important to mention..

 

The next night we were out, I bumped into him, he wanted to dance, and I said no a few times because I was enjoying my time with my gfs..

Me and my friends went outside, he asked me to come home with him and I said no, I told my gfs to give me a second with him so I can tell him I really didn't want to, he was really persistent and grabbed my wrists and was pulling me to the point I got bruises. My friend saw what was happening, and was breaking us apart, only to get slapped in the face! WTH!?!? at this point I was screaming at him to go away and he ran off.

Moments later we were in a crowd of people and I saw him trying to find me in the corner of my eye and then I completely freaked out, infact I'm freaking out right now... I was shaking and crying.

Some guys around us saw the commotion and wanted to find this guy, he ran off again, later on we were walking back home with a crowd of people and my friend told me he was in the alleyway just standing there, possibly waiting, who knows.

 

I was so scared to go out the next day, I haven't felt this feeling in a long time... I needed to vent this..

 

Talk about opening a can of worms

[silicone]

Thanks again for all the feedback, I've been doing alot of thinking and crying for the last few days, I even got time off work to recoup.

 

-I'm aware the story sounds a little odd, especially the whole me enjoying being manhandled but also screaming at this guy no..

Thanks betterdeal you've given a better understanding on why I wanted to lose control, I need to work on that.

 

-I can "get" how people think "no, actually means yes if they're already in your bed"

 

-pteromom thank you for giving me another perspective instead of me just being a irresponsible hoebag, I'm aware what I did was wrong, and NEED to be on the way to sobriety.

 

This has been a massive learning experience, there was a little more to this story but I didn't think it was important to mention..

 

The next night we were out, I bumped into him, he wanted to dance, and I said no a few times because I was enjoying my time with my gfs..

Me and my friends went outside, he asked me to come home with him and I said no, I told my gfs to give me a second with him so I can tell him I really didn't want to, he was really persistent and grabbed my wrists and was pulling me to the point I got bruises. My friend saw what was happening, and was breaking us apart, only to get slapped in the face! WTH!?!? at this point I was screaming at him to go away and he ran off.

Moments later we were in a crowd of people and I saw him trying to find me in the corner of my eye and then I completely freaked out, infact I'm freaking out right now... I was shaking and crying.

Some guys around us saw the commotion and wanted to find this guy, he ran off again, later on we were walking back home with a crowd of people and my friend told me he was in the alleyway just standing there, possibly waiting, who knows.

 

I was so scared to go out the next day, I haven't felt this feeling in a long time... I needed to vent this..

 

Talk about opening a can of worms

 

Your boyfriend should know about it, and he can provide your moral support.

Try get a resisting order against that guy, if you can.

[betterdeal]

If this guy is being a menace, I'd suggest you contact the police and let them know your concerns. They may be able to advise you and, if anything else happens, you'll have established something official to refer to. Avoiding the places he's likely to be is probably the advice they'll give you.

 

I suggest you avoid drinking for the moment, and eat well as dietary deficiencies can be part of the problem.

[scatterd]

This Guy sounds weird, he is "aggressive" and would scare me also. Get a restainig order. Did you drink allot that night? I wonder if you could have had a date rape drug, or were you aware, and wanting to go with him?

Look at this link ,it has info about it. Date rape drugs fact sheet | womenshealth.gov

Edited August 9, 2012 by scatterd

[TaraMaiden]

Can anybody please indicate to me where excessive drinking is guaranteed fun, safe and completely acceptable when it affects your judgement and behaviour?

I missed that lesson - as do so many people when they find themselves waking up, face-down in the gutter.... even if that 'gutter' is in bed with a stranger....

 

if you can't hold your drink, then don't drink. Otherwise you'll find yourself holding a whole lot more than your liquor...

 

As well as testing for STD's, you may like to consider a pregnancy test.

chances are Mr Prince Charming Romeo-lover-boy, never thought wearing a condom would be the right thing to do....

 

You put yourself into a really stupid situation. Now you have some work to do to get clear of it....

Edited August 9, 2012 by TaraMaiden
Really a bit unkind.

[Darren Steez]

anyone else notice her name is little red bike? come on now, good fiction