Depressed for a long time, cant take it anymore!!

[Starnette83]

I just need to express myself some place cuz i cant take this anymore, no one knows about my depression but God, my diary n me...

I just been depressed for a freakin long time, like 2 years already and i dont know when it all began but i know parts of my life that depress me but that i just cant seem to be able to change because of my lack of confidence and my lack of being able to feel better about myself...

 

 

I've lost how many times ive cried this year, and over stupid stuff, it just seems that im over sensitive nowadays, any little thing a person sais or does can easily tear me up inside, and i hate it..i sometimes wish i didnt care ..but i do...

 

My life depresses me in the point that i am going to community college and it has been my 3rd year and still havent transfered, I am taking statistics its my last class to take to transfer but im finding it so difficult, especially when it comes to focosin and concentrating but besides that i always find myself saying and feeling like "I cant", "this is too hard for me to understand".."I CANT!!" and i hate it..i want confidence in myself , to just believe that i can do it!, that im just as capable....

then comes the part were i dont have a job , usually when ive had jobs ive only stayed max of 4 months, i get annoyed and tired of the same job day to day, i get bored easily...if my boss annoys me im out!!

 

Then comes my relationship with my bf..that i think has really put a big strain in my life n way of seeing things..i LOve him, i love him to death, i love him more then me at time..cuz if i didnt i wouldnt put up with it ..well ive been with him for 3 years and 7 months, and he is the only guy i love, my first love, my first everything, my only friend, yet im not happy...and even when things r okay between us i seem to get annoyed at him like for example i get annoyed if he wont spend atleast 15 min with me on the phone to just talk..to see how each of us is doing, i get annoyed because he wont say anything sweet like a bf would like "I miss you", "I love you", "cant wait to see u darling"..he just wont..and if i say "i miss you" he just sais "me too" but not as though hes being for real..it sux!!!

Maybe i want to much attention and maybe its cuz of the way i feel about mself, maybe i jus twant to knwo that somene out there loves me and thinks im special...

 

i hate this..i cry almost every night ..hating the way im feeling and sometimes i dont even know if i should blame my bf anymore..or if its just me....

i dunno....

but it just sux...and well with my bf he doesnt liek me to bring up marriage or the future, even though i feel i have the right to cuz we almost gonna be 4 years and i want to know!! but he just doesnt like to talk about it which leaves em wondering if he even loves me...

 

I just dont know what to do with myself, or antyhing that is going on...

 

I love my bf , i love him so much, but i just dont know if its worth it..i think of him all day and when he cant even give me 10-15min a day to talk to me when i havent seen him , it depresses me...are all bfs this way??

am i being stupid???

 

i know i need help i just dont know where to find the help, i have no money to go to a psychatrist..but im so tired of feeling this way that i just need to find some kind of help!!

[moimeme]

Start with your own doctor or if your school has medical services, go there. You don't necessarily have to see a psychiatrist to get treated for depression. It is so common that many if not most family physicians can do basic treatment.

 

You may also want to do the online tests at http://www.amenclinic.com

 

You said:

especially when it comes to focosin and concentrating but besides that i always find myself saying and feeling like "I cant", "this is too hard for me to understand".."I CANT!!" and i hate it..i want confidence in myself , to just believe that i can do it!, that im just as capable....

then comes the part were i dont have a job , usually when ive had jobs ive only stayed max of 4 months, i get annoyed and tired of the same job day to day, i get bored easily...if my boss annoys me im out!!

 

All of the things you are saying are very common to people with AD/HD. It may be worth it to do the self-tests so when you go to the college medical folks, you can ask to be assessed for that, too, if the tests show you might have it.

 

You do not have to be miserable - medicine has come up with great treatments for most conditions. All you have to do is reach out and ask for help. Best of luck to you!

[guest]

Leave your byfriend. It's as simple as that. 4 years and you can;t even talk about marriage. Girls always seem to put up with BS from their bf's and they got no one to blame but themsleves. All I'm saying is free yourself from this situation before you realize 5 years down the road that you're stuck. It would be disheartening to one day wake up and realize you have wasted so much time on someone who never knew how to treat you right in the first place. Live YOUR LIFE, think ABOUT YOURSELF not HIM. LOVE YOURSELF, RESPECT YOURSELF, FIND YOURSELF, BE YOURSELF, and everything else will follow, trust me.