Howcouldyou26 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Ok so 2 1/2 weeks going in NC from a 3yr A. I felt great being angry and he's tried to contact me here and there but I delete and ignore. I guess like today sadness hits me. I'm sad that he took so long to tell me that he can't give me what I want. I wasted a career and time on him. It's like now what..I wrote a mock letter expressing my sad feelings. Then I deleted it..I have an available single guy who wants to really date but I asked for more time to get myself together. I'm proud I haven't caved but if I have the urge to contact him. I remind myself the support here. So any success stories from this? Kind of just want to hear from others how NC is going..thanks much! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I'm not currently in NC, but I was in it years ago and I'm here to say that, life goes on and gets better and all this becomes a thing of the path . NC/breakups have a lot of emotion involved, it's a roller coaster. You will have ups and downs, highs and lows, but you just have to take it a day at a time and allow the feelings to pass. During my time of NC, posting on LS, writing emails I wouldn't send, talking to friends about it, shoot, even talking aloud to myself all helped me to process my emotions. Day by day it got better, until one day I realized I didn't think about him at all and then pretty soon my life was back to normal and my heart wasn't breaking everyday and then I eventually found someone else to love. We're resilient and you will get through it and it does get better, just hang in there (((hugs))). Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion Best thread for you to read up on about NC ! Hope it helps you stick to it. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Lol sorry for the typos *thing of the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Howcouldyou26 Posted August 9, 2012 Author Share Posted August 9, 2012 Hey Whichwayisup..I checked that out already and it is interesting. I guess I just like to hear more personal experiences. I've always looked up that people take like months or years to break free from it. I'm hoping I'm a fast healer which overtime I realized this whole thing was falling apart. MissBee!! You are such a sweety! Thank you so much and that is what I wanted to hear a personal experience like did you feel bipolar most days? haha Like I wanted to email going off and being sad but I didn't..But then I felt I needed to tell him about how well school is going for me..As in I went to pursue my dreams in the medical field..and even though he wasn't all for it financially he helped me alot. I felt that I owed to tell him that I passed everything...Then yet..should I even really say anything or is that going to warrant him to ask more questions. So i've avoided it. I try to avoid drinking too because I know then I will have the courage to want to strike at him. But in the meantime I have been talking to someone potentially able to want to be with me and single with no baggage....I'm excited but I know I need to heal as well...so that's on the back burner. Link to post Share on other sites
winstonsdreams Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I know it gets better with time. I am full NC now, but i have not been able to let go, i kept in contact with her mother, asking if i should fight for her, sending my ex a text, then a final email 'accepting' she had a new guy and i was happy for her, even though i am a miserable wreck. Every time i made contact i felt worse and worse. So now it is full NC, i don't want to see or hear from her again. Not until i don't care. All i know is that NC is the way, that and therapy.. Link to post Share on other sites
Happyface Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 My A lasted almost 3 years. It was ended by his W getting suspicious. He didn't hesitate to leave me without contact over Christmas, New Year for 2 weeks, 2 years ago. It was like hell, as we had been in contact and talking for hours every day for 3 years. I imagined all kinds of things but apparently he was able to lie his way out of a three year A! However, he was unable to see me again. We didn't see each other for 15 months and then had a few meetings (non sexual) for a couple of months. I finally emailed him and said that I didn't want to have any further contact ... no point at all. He was going on 71, retired and moving into a whole new phase of his life. We have been NC again for 3 months and I am doing well... It has been a long lonely road to get to this point. I do believe that I am finally never going to see him or contact him again.. It's a decision that I made and I will stick to it. I can remember being all over the place at your stage of NC. I understand what is happening . It is miserable and painful but if you stick to NC it will get better gradually. Remember 3 years is a long time and it might take the next couple of years to recover. Do not try dating again as it will be a disaster.. Get over him first. Happyface Link to post Share on other sites
sleepie Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I am about 3-4 weeks into NC after a 2-year A. I won't lie to you: There are good days and bad days. You're going to have rough patches. Some days I think "Thank God, I'm finally moving past all this." Other days I think "Oh God, I'm never going to move on." Time, time, time. That's what it takes. I do find that the longer I stay NC, the easier it gets. Yeah, there are rough days. Or days when I think about xMOM more than others. But, for the most part, it does get easier. I also think there are some stages during NC that a lot of people go through: First stage: Determination (like starting a diet) so you feel pretty good. This is the very beginning part of NC. Second stage: Pain/Anger/Sadness. You miss him. Wonder if he misses you. You're angry he hurt you and lied to you. You're sad about the whole A in general. Etc. Third stage: Hope. You think that maybe he'll contact you. Maybe he misses you. Maybe you'll be able to work things out. Fourth stage: Grief. This often hits around the 4 week mark, I think, give or take. After this long without contact, people start realizing that it's really, truly over. So now they must go through the grief stages until they reach acceptance. I think people may cycle through those 4 stages, and perhaps experience them at different times or go back and forth between a few different ones or experience a different variation of them, but I think they're often felt by most people. I am speaking in sweeping generalizations, though. NC is different for everyone. I also tend to think the fourth stage is the one where most people are likely to break NC. They can handle the hurt and anger and hope, but they don't want to face the actual death of their relationship and deal with the grief. So they break NC. Look... it's going to be hard. If there were real emotions involved, it's going to feel like a death. But yes, it does get easier. I promise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rhw Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 i think i'm just a little over a month of NC after an 11 year A (periods of NC were broken in the past by both of us). the hardest part was getting through his bday very recently which has always been the litmus test for NC. failed in the past, got through it this year. i'm sure he noticed i didn't email him this year and there was a part of me that kinda hoped he'd break it and mention that he hadn't heard from me. he's not stupid; he knows what he did to me on mine (planned to celebrate w/ me; rescheduled and then was never to be heard from after that) so i'm sure he can guess i was under no such loving feelings as to wish *him* a happy bday. (in fact, me doing so would punctuate how little i must think of myself and he knows me better than that.) fact is, he already knows how i feel about what he did as i've already made it clear to him twice before (that's right; twice. two emails spaced a month apart, months ago, and 1 vm asking him to call me back. he never did.) there's nothing else i can say now and breaking NC at this point would be very much like picking at a scab. i'll only reopen the wound and bleed all over again, and he still can't/won't answer. i'm not even sure his explanation would even matter anymore. the fact i didn't even get an apology tells me what i already know: the radar is on him bigtime. when the radar is off of him, he will be back. i will get apologies, explanations, etc and maybe by that point, even that won't matter. i don't know because i'm not at that stage yet. and you know what else? when i start feeling empty w/o my "best friend", i reevaluate how i define friendship: 1) don't call me a friend if you can't be one openly. and 2) never throw me under the bus to save your own ass. it's really that simple. case in point: texted my Close Friend (former Rebound Guy; see my thread), asking him if i could list him as a secondary on my updated emergency contact form for work (primary is my mom). ended text with "miss seeing you!" he texted back, saying he missed me more and of course i could. so now, if something were to happen to me while at work, my boss could call him if she can't reach my mom right away and he would be there. will MM? sure, he'd *want* to but in an emergency, wanting to is not enough. in non-emergencies, wanting to is not enough. *this* is not enough. and when i've really had enough of "not enough", NC will become much easier than it is now. oh it's a struggle to be sure. but i am not going to be the one to cave. and when he comes around again, telling me he still loves me, he'd better be damn sure that he can back that up with actions. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Hey HCY, Be very proud of yourself for sticking to NC and trying to move on. Also for recognizing that you do need some alone time to figure your stuff out- I think that shows a lot of wisdom. Now...onto the good stuff: NC gets so much better. You will have days where you reflect and feel hurt and miss the person that hurt you the most, but it will pass. The more you stick to it, the more strength you will have to keep going. There will be bad days, I'm not going to lie to you, but get through them, do the letters, talk to supportive people, get your own activities and you will get past it. I went NC and after that I reconnected with my first love. We're together now and its going to be 2 years in October! We're moving in together at the end of September. He's an amazing person, he treats me so well, he makes me laugh, he's honest, passionate, everything, I can go on forever. This is the absolute best and healthiest relationship I've ever been in hands down! And it would never have been if I didn't break ties with xMM (a man that I knew didn't have my back, kept things from me, lead me on, etc.) To go from someone that was a toxic influence on my life to someone that I know I can have a happy future with is truly incredible. I look at my boyfriend and I just think how lucky I am to have him, to love him and to know that I'm loved by him. I look back and think of how I cried more in my relationship with xMM than I have in all my life, and then think of how in this great R I'm in now, I'm happy and I'm free and I'm so fulfilled. You will find your happiness, just keep at it, hold on to your integrity, love yourself and don't compromise yourself for anyone. All the best to you Link to post Share on other sites
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