Author veronese Posted August 27, 2004 Author Share Posted August 27, 2004 It doesn't get any easier - my feelings are more negative and despondent these days. I don't like the way I am anymore, my spirit has gone. I don't feel like we're properly connecting at the moment, and can't work out if it's due to work schedules/school holidays, or because we're drifting again. I don't feel very loved, I can sense a distance between us. Finding that ring and the matchbox last week was a set back, mainly because I didn't like his reaction when I asked him about them. The following day he was disgruntled when I asked why the man-eating, sexy secretary from his office had called him from her mobile then didn't leave a message. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't leave a message when the purpose of her call was work-related. Well he didn't appreciate being asked and got arsey once again. He didn't understand that I was less concerned about the bloody secretary and more concerned about his response. He was possibly exasperated, but nevertheless he had told me that very morning I could ask him anything I wanted, then apparently changed his mind just a few hours later. I was so mad at him and so apprehensive that things aren't going well. I'm not daft, not anymore. We've talked more this week about one of the women in particular, I wanted to know more about their relationship, how serious or not was it? He was lying, looking away to the right repeatedly, I was almost embarrassed by his clumsiness. He may be trying to protect me from more pain, he may be trying to protect himself. She definitely seems to be the most threatening of the three. So, as I had a new cell phone ready to hide in his car to track his movements, I thought I'd send all three a test text, just to see if they took the bait. One didn't reply (the married one), one texted back 'who are you?', but madam tart had dialed the number as quick as a flash. She thought it was my H, so not exactly a retiring sort of girl is she?? I played around with her but she knew it wasn't him when she hadn't had a reply when she called. He wasn't one for texting lots but it was the only option I had, me not having a deep, sexy voice like my darling husband. Anyway, she got quite indignant, she said she'd been through enough and didn't want it again (what exactly, had she been through??). She said she'd had enough problems from men and their jealous spouses (note: in the plural) (also note: derogatory tone referring to wives) (and note once more: what problems has she had? None, apart from losing my husband. Seems like she's pissed off with me?? Bitch!) I was polite, friendly (I was pretending to be my H after all), but her last text said she didn't think it was him, she felt she was being set up, and that she was feeling very vulnerable not knowing who was texting her. Vulnerable? Like I give a toss! How did she think I felt when I found out I'd been sharing my H with her? She really sounded very self-pitying, almost like she wanted my sympathy. I'm fresh out of sympathy right now though so she was out of luck. It bugged me that she was so eager to speak to him. Her feelings for him run deeper than I realised. I spent most of last night writing her a very direct letter, spelling out in no uncertain terms that if she gets involved with married men she has to be prepared to suffer the consequences. It's quite a bloody marvelous letter actually, which no doubt will get filed along with the many others I've written since Easter! I'm on day 2 of tracking H's movements. Yesterday there was nothing especially suspicious but I imagine it'll be a while before patterns emerge, if any exist. I hope and pray he doesn't let me down, but I'm not holding my breath! Like Evergreten you get to the stage where finding something out would put an end to this madness. I've talked to him this week about a friend whose husband cheated on her and when given that precious chance to repair the damage, cheated again. She walked - he's still in shock. He's so bitter and angry now, blaming her for giving up. My H asked if she'd regretted leaving him, I told him no. He asked if seeing how difficult her situation is filled me with dread at being in the same situation. I think he thinks that being a single mother is so dreadfully hard I'd be crazy to choose it. I told him that if I found myself in the same situation I would leave him too. If he cheats on me again he will have made the decision to finish our marriage. Being a single mother doesn't hold any appeal to me, but it's preferable to the alternative. His questions worried me - everything worries me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
evagreten Posted August 27, 2004 Share Posted August 27, 2004 Veronese, I am at the point where I can't get any more truthful answers from him and I want to contact one of the other women. It's a bit different with this one because they broke off contact ages and ages ago, but he was seeing her at the same time as seeing me whilst we were together early on. Through emails I found out she got pregnant accidentally by him and ended up sponteneously aborting (poor girl). She didn't know about me either. I just want to know whether it continued more after that. I want to know the truth. He is lying and saying they didn't see each other during seeing me, but I know from the emails they did, at least for a while. This is all before we married. Now I feel no option but to get answers from her. But she is happily living her life, it's not her fault, she has lost contact with him. Do I just email her out of the blue? 'Hello, you used to go out with my husband, please help me?' What if she then contacts him or maybe some mutual friends and says who contacted her? I am sure I am going to end up looking like a crazy wife if I contact her?!?! Help! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted August 28, 2004 Share Posted August 28, 2004 His questions worried me - everything worries me!!! Sorry, I couldn't find what questions these were. A simple list would be nice, if you don't mind, then I'll be glad to let you know why IMHO he's asking them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author veronese Posted August 28, 2004 Author Share Posted August 28, 2004 evagreten I just spent an hour writing a post to you about the OW, then bloody deleted it when i hit the send button. So just a quickie now to say I don't think it will do any harm contacting her, she was after all, another innocent victim in the situation. But if you can hold off for a while I'll try and write more as soon as I can. How many months pregnant are you? I know you're going through the mill at the moment, but the most important thing in the world is your baby inside you. It's an old cliche but the miracle of life is the most precious gift, don't let him spoil what should be a magical time for you. Becoming a mother is incredible and happens only once in your lifetime. Your first born child is a wonderment to behold and will fill your heart with joy and love. Big hugs - veron xxx Samson, I'll write the list as soon as I can, but pushed for time now. I just got the impression my H was fishing to see how much I fear being without him, and it came after I'd been vocal about my friend's H who was surprised not to receive a third chance. I was telling him that if a woman forgives a second time she can expect more of the same because if the H didn't learn the first time, he certainly won't wise up if he gets away with it again. His response just made me nervous, I wondered if he's already abusing his chance and is a little apprehensive about his chances. Hope all is well with you Samson, talk again soon. xx Link to post Share on other sites
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