Tibby321 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Going throug divorse and the lose of my husband after only one year of marriage so struggling to help son. He is 23, in his words ' a uni drop out and failer'. He is an itelligent, pleasant, tall and qeasonably attractive young man. He came home from uni and does nothing. He has shut him self away, rearly coming out of his bedroom. I cant get any help as i have been told it has to come from him Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 You are already doing it, taking this interest. It's already a big step. I highly advise you google for sites that try to help ppl who's loved ones are going through depression. I went through what he is going for 5yrs, but in my country there was no support or overall knowledge of this. I lost most of my abilities pre-depression. I didn't say the above to scare you, i said it to motivate you. You are already doing a lot, go on those sites as well, post in the forums, provide a lot of information about him ... everything you can. It will help him a lot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
durentu Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I've been through that recently. The question he must answer himself is 'why go on'. I grew up with lots of bull**** fed to me. Being asian, there's a second helping. To give you some perspective, I was internationally recognized for my cello music ability and my super computer engineering ability. All before I was 25. The music people turned their back on me because I wasn't in the right 'snobby class', and the computer company threw me out because 'I made everyone else look bad'. seriously, wtf. I had no girlfriend, no money, no house, no job, no nothing. Everyone said, I was really smart, just need to work hard and you have nothing to worry about. To top it off, people with half my IQ, and a tenth of my resume are getting promoted, having families and moving on rather easily. My depression started with '**** you' The ultimate question I had to answer was 'why go on?' why bother? On the road to that answer, I had to deal with the black dragon. This black dragon is knowing that ultimately, in the end, life is completely meaningless. From this, some go goth, some go nihilist, some go hedonist. Whatever and never think it through. I wanted to look for an enlightened answer. And discovered that life MUST be meaningless. The whole point is so that each individual must create their own meaning in life. This is why buddhists think that each person is a potential buddha, and each person is a god; the ability to do anything we want for our own lives (that thousand arm dude; signifying power) Depression is the way to destroy our non-working belief systems, in order to fill it new programming. I pulled myself out by letting my mind wander and be free and I was given LOTS of space to explore and wallow around. If not, I had a car to go get lost and think about stuff. Schools are indoctrination centers. They are designed to train people towards obedience. Those people who go into depression innately and instinctively resist that training and seek to be educated. Education is the free flow day dreaming and answering of one's own questions. The Internet helped a bunch in that I could look up anything I want. Visit anyplace I wanted. To fill my life with meaning, I must first create it myself, completely blocking out the world, family, tv - everything. This meaning of life is my own and mine only. And from this is my sense of power, confidence, goals and direction. I can see from this, that people respond differently, luck comes my way more often. And now am focusing on my financial 'empire'. Depression is a GOOD thing. But it is risky and dangerous. My best recommendation is not to interfere. But give lots of room and be available. Also, the knowledge that it's perfectly OK to commit suicide ironically reduces the impulse to commit suicide. Suicide happens when a person PERCEIVES that there is no other way out. If suicide is OK, then an alternative has been presented and the urge is gone. While most may think that your son is not doing well, I see a magnificent future for him. When he hatches, it's important that he takes full advantage. He well be very much needed in the coming American renaissance, after the the great global collapse that is coming in a few years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Going throug divorse and the lose of my husband after only one year of marriage so struggling to help son. He is 23, in his words ' a uni drop out and failer'. He is an itelligent, pleasant, tall and qeasonably attractive young man. He came home from uni and does nothing. He has shut him self away, rearly coming out of his bedroom. I cant get any help as i have been told it has to come from him I would suggest slipping under the door information about different college dropouts and people who have not grown up with a father who have succeeded in life. If you'd like, I can help you find information to print? Maybe reading about people who faced difficulties and yet overcame them can help encourage him? I don't know though. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 You are already doing it, taking this interest. It's already a big step. I highly advise you google for sites that try to help ppl who's loved ones are going through depression. That's a great idea Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tibby321 Posted August 9, 2012 Author Share Posted August 9, 2012 Thank you for your replies. I am giving him his space and hope he can work things out. It is scary when he dont wash or brush his teeth. He has said that he cant see any point in life. Well i am trying, booked dental check up as he said he hated his teeth which he agreed to go to but then on the day he said he couldnt go. Taking him to cinima tonight hopefully. Will google and i think the idea of giving him info of those who have succeed is good, thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Will he see the doctor or maybe have the doctor visit him? Perhaps you could encourage him to see the doc just for a chat. Sometimes people come out of depression themselves; sometimes they need anti-depressants or counselling to help. People who are depressed don't necessarily realise they are; they just know they feel dreadful and worthless. You could find the websites or organisations that have info., like MIND in the UK. There is also something called moodgym (an Oz thing) that you can work through, which he may find helpful. What you can do with him is to talk with him and ask him what makes him feel good, find out what interests him. Sometimes, there is a chink of light there with something the person enjoys or feels drawn towards, like music, art or science, that they can be encouraged to talk about and think about again. These things can be fundamental to a sense of self. What is there deep down that your son has always been interested in and enjoyed? He might be drawn to talk about these things. Good luck. It's a really difficult situation for you and your son and you clearly want to help him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 See if there are any friends, or older males who he looks up to, who can come visit him. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 People who are depressed don't necessarily realise they are; they just know they feel dreadful and worthless. so true ... in my case, I felt lost and didn't know how to get control back after dealing with a very stressful situation. Thank God for my doctor, who knows me well enough to notice these kinds of changes. At first he put me on a regimen of B12 (pills, then shots), but when it got really bad, he prescribed an anti-depressant, and thankfully, my body responded quickly. please know that depression is anything to be ashamed about, just the result of blood chemistry being out of whack, and has different triggers, including stress and chronic pain. The key is to get help as soon as possible so your body can begin the healing process. while I salute the previous poster who was able to turn the situation around and reinvent himself, please understand this isn't always the case. Sometimes, you just flounder because you don't know how to ask for help, and it takes the intervention of someone else to break the cycle of inactivity. meanwhile, a little something to help understand how a stable blood chemistry affects our mental state: chemical imbalance/mental health 1 Link to post Share on other sites
durentu Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Thank you for your replies. I am giving him his space and hope he can work things out. It is scary when he dont wash or brush his teeth. He has said that he cant see any point in life. Well i am trying, booked dental check up as he said he hated his teeth which he agreed to go to but then on the day he said he couldnt go. Taking him to cinima tonight hopefully. Will google and i think the idea of giving him info of those who have succeed is good, thank you. perhaps some youtueb vids on nietszche and ayn rand is helpful. The big names in philosophy to get a firm grasp of why everything is meaningless, and what to do about it. Just be carefue he doesn't turn goth or a nihilist. Link to post Share on other sites
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