My Partner doesn't satisfy me in bed and he's reluctant to change

[Selina1]

I have been with my Parter now for 5 years. We were friends for a long time before we got together, he always had a thing for me and always told. at the start of our relationship he was so sexual, he lusted after me and adored me. He would spontainsly throw me down for sex and at any opportunity touch me if he could. I understand that at beginning of relationships things are always great, but 5 years on and he no longer has that passion for me. I haven't changed I keep in shape, I always make an effort to look good for him.

 

The sex now is so boring, and although this sounds odd his penis has shrunk and is much smaller than it was. I don't even know if thats possible, but he is a heavy smoker and leads an unhealthy lifestyle he does no exercise what so ever, so maybe thats a contributing factor?

 

Im a very sexual person, and I can't take it anymore, I can't even feel him inside me most times and don't know of he's done or not. He knows its bad and I have spoken about it to him. He says that I've put a black cloud around the whole thing, thats why he can't perform properly. So for about 6 months I didn't mention anything, carried on with the sex and there was no change, still unsatisfying and small penis.

 

I find myself having to please myself after he's done and I feel so bad for it. Im sure he knows but he hasn't said anything. Ive suggested many things sex toys, seductions etc. but he gets so defensive and then its never spoken of again.

 

I asked him to quite smoking or at least cut down, I've tried to get him to join the gym with me, but he's so hard headed! Ive told him that things need to change, as we are planing to get married when we have enough money to buy property. I said to him if he is the only man I will be having sex with for the rest of my life then it has to be good.

 

I do love him dearly and would give my life for him, but I don't want to find myself straying away, not that I know any other men, but if a situation was to come about, I don't want to cheat on him because he's not satisfying me.

[road]

Get him to a dr to rule out health issues before you do anything else.

[Selina1]

Get him to a dr to rule out health issues before you do anything else.

I did, I forced him to go to the doctors to get it checked it. because at first I thought it must be a health issue, a penis can't shrink. He had all the test they gave him the all clear saying it may be emotional. Even after that I didn't stress him out for a good 6 months and still nothing changed. Maybe he's just lost it for me, why is it so hard for me to accept that!

[SarahRose]

Is he overweight?

 

The sad thing is he'll keep smoking until one day he gets cancer and then it will be too late.

 

smoking decreases the circulation in the body and yeah that can make him smaller and impair performance. yes smoking affects size. Flaccid or erect, size depends on the amount of blood in the organ. Less blood means a smaller penis. Smoking narrows the arteries, including those that carry blood into the penis. Smoking limits blood flow into the organ, which makes it smaller.

[whichwayisup]

Since you aren't happy and things aren't getting better, end it. Don't be afraid of hurting him by breaking it off. It'll hurt him more if you cheat on him. I'm sure he'd rather you end it than sneak around behind his back.

[eeyore1981]

If you want, I could help you in drafting an e-mail to your partner in which you discuss your concerns about the marriage.

 

I'm sitting here LMAO. Good thing I didn't take a drink before I read this, I'd be washing down my monitor....

 

OP, just say "no". LOL!

[Selina1]

Is he overweight?

 

The sad thing is he'll keep smoking until one day he gets cancer and then it will be too late.

 

smoking decreases the circulation in the body and yeah that can make him smaller and impair performance. yes smoking affects size. Flaccid or erect, size depends on the amount of blood in the organ. Less blood means a smaller penis. Smoking narrows the arteries, including those that carry blood into the penis. Smoking limits blood flow into the organ, which makes it smaller.

Thanks for your info. No he's not overweight he's actually very skinny. He suffers from a stomach problem, IBS so don't know if that contributes. Yea I have tried to get him to stop smoking, he's cutting down, but its so hard to tell a smoker anything. very stubborn.

[Selina1]

If you want, I could help you in drafting an e-mail to your partner in which you discuss your concerns about the marriage.

Thats really nice of you. thank you, but I'm just going to talk to him. Id rater be face to face. Things do need to change, just hope they can change physically. Im hoping its health related, not emotional!

[Ninja'sHusband]

Does he please himself when you are not around? Maybe he's already worn himself out. Is he seeing someone else?

 

My wife and I had an issue where she was rejecting me for sex more and more so I started tending to things on my own more and more. A few years later she claimed I was getting old an less interested. Sure age does decrease things but..mostly it was just that I wasn't waiting on her all the time.

[pteromom]

I find myself having to please myself after he's done and I feel so bad for it. Im sure he knows but he hasn't said anything. Ive suggested many things sex toys, seductions etc. but he gets so defensive and then its never spoken of again.

 

Your mistake here is in the "never spoken of again" part.

 

Approach it like a problem he can help you solve.... "I want a more satisfying sex life. Do you have any ideas on how to achieve that?"

 

If he won't help you solve the problem, that's just as huge of a red flag as the unsatisfying sex.

 

DO NOT marry him unless and until this issue is solved. Or you will be sorry.

[Garfish]

Thanks for your info. No he's not overweight he's actually very skinny. He suffers from a stomach problem, IBS so don't know if that contributes. Yea I have tried to get him to stop smoking, he's cutting down, but its so hard to tell a smoker anything. very stubborn.

 

OK I've had IBS before and I can assure you that has NOTHING to do with this.

 

Get ready for big time disappointment. He won't talk to you about toys and kink, etc? He doesn't do everything in his power to satisfy you? I wish that was all it took to maintain a relationship because then I wouldn't be suddenly single.

 

Being stuck with a partner who doesn't like sex sucks, and nobody should put up with it.

[A1135]

I find my size varies significantly with level of interest too, so it may be that combined with the smoking this has caused the shrinkage

[Marcy33309]

This is my first post here and normally, I'd start off with something a little more positive BUT...

 

OP - I have a wonderful boyfriend. We live together and he's a bit older than me. He's not a workout kinda guy but he walks, in fact, we walk together. The first time we made love, it was over pretty quick. It was a little uncomfortable for him because he'd not had sex in awhile and he felt awkward and well, without going into details, he finished off pretty fast and I was kinda left, unfulfilled. I laughed it off...no big deal.

 

We figured it would be better next time. And it was. However...after a few more times, there started to be days when he couldn't stay hard or get as hard as he normally got.

 

He wanted to...I know he wanted to...he got so frustrated. It got to the point where he couldn't get inside of me most times or when he did get inside, he'd go soft after a few minutes.

 

This frustrated me! LOL I knew he was trying though so I stuck by and supported him...because I love him and sex is important but he and I found other ways to have fun and bring me to climax...and him as well.

 

Eventually, he went to the doctor to talk to him about it. He was given some pills, not Viagra...the other ones. I forget the name and am too lazy to run in the bathroom and look.

 

He takes 1/2 of one of those things and WOW he gets hard. REALLY hard. It's bigger than I ever realized LOL

 

And there are often times he doesn't need the stupid half-pill to do it. It's just sometimes, we take it just for a little extra fun LOL

 

WebMD has some good info on the penis 8 Things You Didn't Know About Your Penis

 

Anyway, it's quite possible, much like my boyfriend...if your guy can get those pills...he may satisfy you like never before and that may get him out of the mindset he's in right now and he won't need the pills anymore. It could be psychological...and hell, hearing from you that his penis shrunk can't be helping the matter.

 

Anyway...don't bitch. SUPPORT! You're on his team aren't you? Men should never be made to feel bad about their "manhood." How would you feel if you had issues with your vagina and he was like, "I think it stretched out"...probably not so great. Why not find other ways to get off with him until you two can figure out and fix the issue?

 

And to Just_A_Poster...

 

Oh he likes sex, as long as HE'S getting satisfied and leaving the OP to take matters into her own hands.

 

How utterly selfish.

 

I've been dating a guy whose freakin clueless about how to please a woman. He's a widow. His wife must have been faking it all this time and probably had an aresenal of toys he STILL hasn't found yet. I sent him a link to an instructional porn video - he's got to be trained.

 

Yours has to be trained. If he's unwilling to learn, then that tells you what a selfish assclown he really is. Most can be trained. The next woman will thank you, I promise

 

Ew. Sorry...but any woman that talks about the guy that she's dating the way you just did...well, you're the stereotypical man hater.

 

Assclown? Trained?

 

Do you really feel that way about men?

What's funny is I just read a really cute book, I forget the author's name but it was called something like, "How to Hang on to a Man." Anyway...it mentioned women who hang out with man haters (like you seem to be) and it rubs off on them and they go on to become relationship detroyers because of it. How funny...I just read that book and *poof* here you are.