Last conversation?

[woinlove]

He will believe it's me, for sure. No way around that really. Whether he believes I mean it is up to me. I'm sure he thinks I will come back. I always did in the past. I'm hoping I have reached my "enough is enough" limit.

 

I hope so too, Flagirl. I think you did the right thing for yourself, so stay strong, vent and ask for help here as needed, and take care of yourself. I'm glad to hear you are looking for a new job. Also try to develop a strategy for now, when you have to return to work, and how you will deal with that.

[Artie Lang]

yea, you need a new job ASAP!

 

no way would it work with you two still working together.

 

do you plan on telling your husband?

[Flagirl2]

yea, you need a new job ASAP!

 

no way would it work with you two still working together.

 

do you plan on telling your husband?

 

No, I am not telling my husband YET. I may. Right now, I'm concentrating on getting over my OM. I need my focus there first. I don't think I could handle both situations at once.

 

I am trying to find a new job. I know I need out. Artie, do you have any suggestions on how I can survive there until I get a new job. You always say it like it is, which I appreciate.

[Mount]

Very well said.

 

I hope you stick to the NC. The worst thing you can do is re-engage with him. You don't NEED him to do anything for you. You are your own person.

 

You said he will make it out like you are the bad guy...who cares! If no one knows of the affair, then do NOT engage with his petty crap on whose fault it is. You both were wrong.

 

Focus on you - focus on getting mentally healthy. Delete all emails/texts/voicemails. Don't sit and think of better days with him.

 

Get busy getting doing things physically to stop you from thinking of him.

 

If you really are done - you do not need to ever again have any non-work related conversation with him. If he calls/texts/emails, delete. Don't read it. Just delete it.

[Artie Lang]

it's not gonna be easy.....you already know that.

 

all I can tell you is STAY AWAY FROM HIM! as much as possible, lest you fall back into it. if you must interact, keep it professional- no lunches, no emails, no texts.....NOTHING!!!

 

make it clear you're working on your marriage.

 

 

for what it's worth, i really feel you're trying to rectify this.

 

good luck.

[whichwayisup]

I am looking at other counselors right now. I don't think the other one was the right fit for me.

 

This is music to my ears! When you find the right person to talk to, things will get better. You'll cope with this in a much healthier way and you'll feel less addicted to him.

 

I'm sure your husband knows something is 'off'. He knows you well and knows you haven't been acting normally. Be aware of that okay. IF he asks you what's up with you, or confronts you with "are you having an affair" please tell him the truth, don't gaslight/lie to him..It'll just make it so much worse for you (and him).

[Flagirl2]

Well, he has called several times and I did not pick up. Ha also emailed several times and I have not answered. I'm dying inside. I want to respond, but didn't. I took something to help me sleep for a few hours just so I wouldn't respond. How sad is that? I've hit rock bottom.

 

Now, when I woke up, I'm just thinking of my next hurt. When he leaves early from work, I'm going to be thinking it's to do something with his W or his next vacation. I know that will be coming. How do I get through those events. If I do ask him about it, which I hope I won't, I know his reply will be "I'm doing it because you dumped me" how do I get past these things. I'm scared to death for those hurts.

 

I came here instead of responding to him. I hope it's a good sign. But I'm scared for all these hurts that will be coming up "because I dumped him"

[Mount]

Can you try your best just ignore him? I know now it must be hard, but after A finishes, in reality he is a stranger anyway, no (need to have) connection with your life.

 

Well, he has called several times and I did not pick up. Ha also emailed several times and I have not answered. I'm dying inside. I want to respond, but didn't. I took something to help me sleep for a few hours just so I wouldn't respond. How sad is that? I've hit rock bottom.

 

Now, when I woke up, I'm just thinking of my next hurt. When he leaves early from work, I'm going to be thinking it's to do something with his W or his next vacation. I know that will be coming. How do I get through those events. If I do ask him about it, which I hope I won't, I know his reply will be "I'm doing it because you dumped me" how do I get past these things. I'm scared to death for those hurts.

 

I came here instead of responding to him. I hope it's a good sign. But I'm scared for all these hurts that will be coming up "because I dumped him"

[2sunny]

Well, he has called several times and I did not pick up. Ha also emailed several times and I have not answered. I'm dying inside. I want to respond, but didn't. I took something to help me sleep for a few hours just so I wouldn't respond. How sad is that? I've hit rock bottom.

 

Now, when I woke up, I'm just thinking of my next hurt. When he leaves early from work, I'm going to be thinking it's to do something with his W or his next vacation. I know that will be coming. How do I get through those events. If I do ask him about it, which I hope I won't, I know his reply will be "I'm doing it because you dumped me" how do I get past these things. I'm scared to death for those hurts.

 

I came here instead of responding to him. I hope it's a good sign. But I'm scared for all these hurts that will be coming up "because I dumped him"

 

Quit the job first thing in the morning - that will solve not seeing what he's got going on.

[imperfectangel]

Quit the job first thing in the morning - that will solve not seeing what he's got going on.

 

I doubt she or many other people can financially afford to do that it's not as easy as it sounds

[whichwayisup]

I doubt she or many other people can financially afford to do that it's not as easy as it sounds

 

Is it possible to ask for a transfer somewhere else? Another location or City? if the type of business you work in is spread out in other areas.

[Flagirl2]

No, we are just a small business. 16 total employees. His office is right down the hall. I basically can hear every conversation he has.

[whichwayisup]

No, we are just a small business. 16 total employees. His office is right down the hall. I basically can hear every conversation he has.

 

Start looking for another job. And if possible, take a vacation for a week to give yourself a break from him.

[2sunny]

I doubt she or many other people can financially afford to do that it's not as easy as it sounds

 

Yes. It is possible. People quit all the time. People get new jobs every day when they search for one.

 

And tell your husband! He needs to know!

[veryhappy]

No, we are just a small business. 16 total employees. His office is right down the hall. I basically can hear every conversation he has.

 

You're in a tough spot. Don't quit without having a new job. Just because your love life is in ruins, you don't need to be unemployed too.

 

Just tell yourself that you'll be able to do it. You can do it. It will get easier.

[jwi71]

Well, he has called several times and I did not pick up. Ha also emailed several times and I have not answered. I'm dying inside. I want to respond, but didn't.

 

Excuse me but you missed the most important message he was sending.

Didn't you tell him to not contact you? That it was over.

Didn't he agree?

 

Here is your FIRST real glimpse at him.

 

He doesn't respect you.

He doesn't respect his words.

Or his vows.

 

His own selfish and childish impulse overrules what you want.

 

Do not lightly dismiss it - it's a glimpse at what lies beneath.

 

 

I took something to help me sleep for a few hours just so I wouldn't respond. How sad is that? I've hit rock bottom.

 

I hate to say it but you aren't even remotely close to rock bottom.

The potential exists for you to fall much, much further.

Good thing is - its all up to you.

If you dont want to fall deeper, don't do anything which leads you to falling.

 

Now, when I woke up, I'm just thinking of my next hurt. When he leaves early from work, I'm going to be thinking it's to do something with his W or his next vacation. I know that will be coming. How do I get through those events. If I do ask him about it, which I hope I won't, I know his reply will be "I'm doing it because you dumped me" how do I get past these things. I'm scared to death for those hurts.

 

This is why changing jobs should be high on your list if things to do.

Again, you get a glimpse of his true colors. Be mindful of what he is doing and why. Do not miss what he is showing you about himself.

 

I came here instead of responding to him. I hope it's a good sign. But I'm scared for all these hurts that will be coming up "because I dumped him"

 

And it's going to get worse. This is just day one.

I know it's a tough labor market, I know you don't want to leave the position - but staying, while fiscally responsible, may be mental and emotional suicide.

At least a passive search....

[Flagirl2]

Excuse me but you missed the most important message he was sending.

Didn't you tell him to not contact you? That it was over.

Didn't he agree?

 

Here is your FIRST real glimpse at him.

 

He doesn't respect you.

He doesn't respect his words.

Or his vows.

 

His own selfish and childish impulse overrules what you want.

 

Do not lightly dismiss it - it's a glimpse at what lies beneath.

 

 

 

 

I hate to say it but you aren't even remotely close to rock bottom.

The potential exists for you to fall much, much further.

Good thing is - its all up to you.

If you dont want to fall deeper, don't do anything which leads you to falling.

 

 

 

This is why changing jobs should be high on your list if things to do.

Again, you get a glimpse of his true colors. Be mindful of what he is doing and why. Do not miss what he is showing you about himself.

 

 

 

And it's going to get worse. This is just day one.

I know it's a tough labor market, I know you don't want to leave the position - but staying, while fiscally responsible, may be mental and emotional suicide.

At least a passive search....

 

I am starting to see him more for who he is. I have been reading and reading, here and at baggage reclaim. Things have hit me like a ton of bricks falling on top of my head. He isn't the man for me. I am realizing that more and more. That realization hurts right now. I really thought he was "the one". He is not. In a real R he would chew me up and spit me out. My soul would be lost even more than it is now. I can't compete with his manipulations, his selfishness, his "i do no wrong, you are always wrong" mentality. I'm not built like that. His personality would destroy me eventually. I am now realizing that.

 

Today, I am a terrible person for not answering his calls or emails. He turned it around, as I knew he would. I'm more prepared. I just keep reading and learning and figuring things out. I'm trying.