LaDiva Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 (edited) Wow, I looked back on my last post and cried. LS has always been where I go to when I just don't know the answers anymore. We had a huge argument on Saturday, July 21 and I left thinking I would come back after the weekend, he threw all my stuff out and we said horrible nasty things to each other. Then on Monday his sister informed me that he had began using drugs since the beginning of July. I think he began doing this as coping mechanism to deal with all of the things that happened to him within the past two years as well as unresolved child abuse that he and his siblings went through. The person that he has become is not the person that he is and this makes me so sad that I have lost out on a lot due to his actions. Like all of the work that we put into the relationship, all of the battles we fought side by side together were for nothing. I'm hurt and I need help. I got married after a 1 year and 1/2 engagement. I thought we were happy, that we just went through things that all couples go through... who cleans more, who cooks more, who makes more. I felt like after everything we've gone through... we could make it through anything. I feel that maybe he is going through a crisis mid life or maybe something else. I don't think he is cheating but our relationship dynamic has not been the same since he lost his job last year. Also, prior to him losing his job, he received a pay cut of 20% for about 2 years, but then got a 10% raise. Two weeks before we got married, his children's mother accused him of sexually molesting his children. This took a toll on our family because it was not true. A forensic evaluator was brought in and all allegations were proven to be fabrications incited in the children by their mother. I have my opinions on her but this is not what this post is about. I love my husband and his girls very much, I do not want us to separate but I also have to be realistic that maybe he is too comfortable with me working and him not working. I thought it was drugs at first because these last two - three weeks I've seen such a drastic change, but he may just be having a mental breakdown or a midlife crisis and maybe one thing is exacerbating the other. I shouldn't have to ask him to be responsible, that should be something any man wants to do with for his family. I feel like he is feeling an overwhelming sense of dread about who he is or isn't and just doesn't know how to deal with it at this point. He says that he doesn't want to be with me anymore and that I should find someone my age (13 year age difference) and that I deserve to be with someone who isn't holding me back from all of my potential. I feel like he has pushed me away, pushed his daughters away and just wants to be alone. He goes back and forth with wanting a divorce, then says we are separated, then says I'm his ex or soon to be ex... and I'm like okay guy, its been three weeks. I don't know how to fix this one. I don't know how to make our relationship go back to the place where it started or where it has grown to, I just feel like he deleted me out of his life and I feel like he is lying to himself. As if all that we shared was for nothing... he even said "I gave it a good run." Like wtf... I'm not a car. Should I NC him, should I try to talk and reason with him? I'm sincerely at a loss for words. Edited August 9, 2012 by LaDiva There was not enough information in the original post Link to post Share on other sites
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