The Art Of Being A Man

[MrCastle]

So I'm a journalism major, and just to flex my muscles, I blog from time to time. I wrote an article about being a man. I want to see if this is more or less what women are looking for? If you would add anything to it? Men can certainly chime in too. I'm interested in seeing if the concept of being a man is universal or more based on the individual.

 

The Art of Being A Man

 

Being a man is an art form. Guys are born with all the body parts that make up a “man”, but “manhood” and the art of being or becoming a man is a whole different animal. Some guys never get there. In this day and age, I feel like we’re lacking that masculine force. There was a time when being a man meant something, but that seems like it’s gone now. This article is about how we can combat that and bring back a previously proud generation of men from the brink of extinction.

 

Be Confident:/Be Fearless: This is a big one, as I’m sure we’re all aware at this point. You can’t get that hot date, you can’t nail that job interview, you can’t chase your dreams, without confidence. Confidence is believing in yourself. Believing in your abilities. It is not thinking you are better than others. That would be cockiness/arrogance. A confident man doesn’t have to brag or boast about his accomplishments. Deep down, he knows what he’s capable of, and it exudes through his aura. Through his walk. Through his talk. You can’t fake confidence. Be bold. Take risks. Understand that you only have one life, so make it good.

 

Be Dominant: A man is decisive. “Maybe”, and “I don’t know” are not part of a man’s vocabulary. A man knows what he wants, and he knows how to get it. It’s a very primal element to being a man, but one that needs to peak its head from time to time.

 

Be Sexual: A man doesn’t shy away from his sexuality. He’s vocal about it. A sexual man is proud of who he is, and doesn’t hide it. He makes it known that he wants you, and when he gets you, he conducts a symphony. A man takes the time to figure out how the female body works, and he uses every trick in the book to send her into shivering ecstasy. There is no friend zoning a man. You either take him in full or you let him walk away.

 

Be a Mystery/Challenge: A man is hard to pin down. He’s not sitting at home, flipping out because you didn’t answer his text message. He’s out doing stuff. Having fun, celebrating life, experiencing different things. He will not follow you around like a lap dog, throwing one compliment after another at you. He’s not going to like all your Facebook pictures and leave silly comments to try and get your attention. A man can take you or leave you. If you prove to be a high quality lady, he’ll be more than happy to show you a good time. But a man will not be your little ego booster. He respects himself too much for that.

 

Be Classy/Have Style: Nowadays, much is made about the term “swag”. Swag is for children, class is for men. Real men know how to dress. Shirts that fit, pants that fit, no loud colors or designs. Subtle elegance. A real man also knows the power of wearing a good suit. Ladies fawn over sharp dressed men. Be that guy. Know how to dress.

 

Be Passionate/Be Interesting: Men have goals and dreams. Passions and interests. Things outside of just trying to get laid. A man doesn’t spend all his time chasing women. He makes himself interesting so women will come to him. Always have something that drives you. Something you’re good at. Something you love doing. Be adventurous. Always have an interesting story to tell.

 

Be Funny/Charming: Everyone; guys and girls, love to laugh. A man with a sense of humor is infinitely sexy. Someone who knows how to be witty, how to flirt, how to make a girl smile and chuckle, will always be victorious. Be a charmer. Learn how to be a smooth talker. Speak slowly, speak softly, and the less you say, the better. But when you do in fact have something to say; make it count.

 

Have a Code: Be a man of honor. Have a code of ethics. Your own personal code of ethics, and don’t ever break your promises. Not to yourself, not to others. Be a man of your word. When you promise something, deliver. When you feel something is wrong, don’t do it. Be honest. Be upfront with your feelings. Don’t change your stances depending on what a woman says. Be firm enough to respectfully disagree with people. Don’t always feel the need to agree; that’s a sign of weakness. Develop a moral compass, and use it. Not when it’s convenient, but always.

[weallfalldown]

ha.............

nice

but

Aern't women taking over????????????

[pteromom]

I'm interested in seeing if the concept of being a man is universal or more based on the individual.

 

Based on the individual.

 

Be Confident:/Be Fearless

 

Confidence is typically important, but some women like vulnerability and a guy who isn't afraid to be scared and show it.

 

Be Dominant:

 

Some women love dominant men, some women like wearing the pants, and some women, such as myself, enjoy having an equal partner and would react VERY negatively to a guy trying to dominate.

 

Be Sexual:

 

Some women love sexual guys, and some don't. Some men are highly sexual, and some aren't. It's highly individual.

 

Be a Mystery/Challenge:

 

While some women, especially younger ones, find this intriguing, many of us, especially as we age, have NO desire to try to figure someone out or rise to a challenge. I want someone honest and open - no mystery, please!

 

Be Classy/Have Style:

 

*I* like classy, but there are also women who love beer-swigging rednecks who drive tractors and wear overalls. Don't focus on "being" anything but yourself.

 

Be Passionate/Be Interesting:

 

Passionate is always good - nobody wants someone who has nothing that lights them up. But "interesting" is subjective. One woman's "interesting" is another woman's "Cliff Claven". Again, just be yourself, and you will draw to you those who are interested in the same things.

 

Be Funny/Charming: A sense of humor is important to most, but even then, there are some people who view life as serious and find joking around a waste of time. Charming is... just NO. Just be yourself. Don't put on some kind of air or fake charisma to try to attract people. Ugh.

 

Have a Code: Yes. Good for everyone to have and use their moral compass. But even this is up for interpretation. I think the main thing here is to look for someone else who has a code similar to your own when dating. One person's "good morals" is another person's "Snooki".

 

Bottom line: We are all different, and what I would describe as a "real man" is different than what you would describe as a "real man". Rather than trying to fit into some role, it's better to just work on being the best you that you can.

 

So what's a "real man" to me?

Someone with integrity who always chooses to do the right thing.

Someone who is respectful of others.

Someone who is confident in himself and enjoys being the person he is.

Someone who is kind to everyone, including animals, kids, and those he disagrees with.

Someone who takes responsibility for his own life, his own choices, and his own mistakes.

Someone who is open to personal growth and expanding horizons.

[MrCastle]

Based on the individual.

 

Be Confident:/Be Fearless

 

Confidence is typically important, but some women like vulnerability and a guy who isn't afraid to be scared and show it.

 

Be Dominant:

 

Some women love dominant men, some women like wearing the pants, and some women, such as myself, enjoy having an equal partner and would react VERY negatively to a guy trying to dominate.

 

Be Sexual:

 

Some women love sexual guys, and some don't. Some men are highly sexual, and some aren't. It's highly individual.

 

Be a Mystery/Challenge:

 

While some women, especially younger ones, find this intriguing, many of us, especially as we age, have NO desire to try to figure someone out or rise to a challenge. I want someone honest and open - no mystery, please!

 

Be Classy/Have Style:

 

*I* like classy, but there are also women who love beer-swigging rednecks who drive tractors and wear overalls. Don't focus on "being" anything but yourself.

 

Be Passionate/Be Interesting:

 

Passionate is always good - nobody wants someone who has nothing that lights them up. But "interesting" is subjective. One woman's "interesting" is another woman's "Cliff Claven". Again, just be yourself, and you will draw to you those who are interested in the same things.

 

Be Funny/Charming: A sense of humor is important to most, but even then, there are some people who view life as serious and find joking around a waste of time. Charming is... just NO. Just be yourself. Don't put on some kind of air or fake charisma to try to attract people. Ugh.

 

Have a Code: Yes. Good for everyone to have and use their moral compass. But even this is up for interpretation. I think the main thing here is to look for someone else who has a code similar to your own when dating. One person's "good morals" is another person's "Snooki".

 

Bottom line: We are all different, and what I would describe as a "real man" is different than what you would describe as a "real man". Rather than trying to fit into some role, it's better to just work on being the best you that you can.

 

So what's a "real man" to me?

Someone with integrity who always chooses to do the right thing.

Someone who is respectful of others.

Someone who is confident in himself and enjoys being the person he is.

Someone who is kind to everyone, including animals, kids, and those he disagrees with.

Someone who takes responsibility for his own life, his own choices, and his own mistakes.

Someone who is open to personal growth and expanding horizons.

 

Sounds like you and me would be a great match

[Woggle]

I agree with most of it but there are some women who are into more rugged guys who rarely wear suits.

[MrCastle]

Based on the individual.

 

Be Confident:/Be Fearless

 

Confidence is typically important, but some women like vulnerability and a guy who isn't afraid to be scared and show it.

 

Be Dominant:

 

Some women love dominant men, some women like wearing the pants, and some women, such as myself, enjoy having an equal partner and would react VERY negatively to a guy trying to dominate.

 

Be Sexual:

 

Some women love sexual guys, and some don't. Some men are highly sexual, and some aren't. It's highly individual.

 

Be a Mystery/Challenge:

 

While some women, especially younger ones, find this intriguing, many of us, especially as we age, have NO desire to try to figure someone out or rise to a challenge. I want someone honest and open - no mystery, please!

 

Be Classy/Have Style:

 

*I* like classy, but there are also women who love beer-swigging rednecks who drive tractors and wear overalls. Don't focus on "being" anything but yourself.

 

Be Passionate/Be Interesting:

 

Passionate is always good - nobody wants someone who has nothing that lights them up. But "interesting" is subjective. One woman's "interesting" is another woman's "Cliff Claven". Again, just be yourself, and you will draw to you those who are interested in the same things.

 

Be Funny/Charming: A sense of humor is important to most, but even then, there are some people who view life as serious and find joking around a waste of time. Charming is... just NO. Just be yourself. Don't put on some kind of air or fake charisma to try to attract people. Ugh.

 

Have a Code: Yes. Good for everyone to have and use their moral compass. But even this is up for interpretation. I think the main thing here is to look for someone else who has a code similar to your own when dating. One person's "good morals" is another person's "Snooki".

 

Bottom line: We are all different, and what I would describe as a "real man" is different than what you would describe as a "real man". Rather than trying to fit into some role, it's better to just work on being the best you that you can.

 

So what's a "real man" to me?

Someone with integrity who always chooses to do the right thing.

Someone who is respectful of others.

Someone who is confident in himself and enjoys being the person he is.

Someone who is kind to everyone, including animals, kids, and those he disagrees with.

Someone who takes responsibility for his own life, his own choices, and his own mistakes.

Someone who is open to personal growth and expanding horizons.

 

I could pick apart some criticisms , but overall it's a good list. It's refreshing to see a list of traits that are worth having without the sappy self-help BS guys who wear microphone headphones and sell books tell you.

 

Rarely does anything even close to resembling "have a code" get on any PUA To-Do lists. To be a man is to have a passion beyond the earthly and see women as nothing more or less than someone whose coming along for a ride, PUA's (for all their alpha talk) are the quintessential effeminate, they make getting and ****ing women the beginning and end of their lives. These PUA types can get lots of casual sex if they're good looking enough, but in the end, few of them find loyal, loving, submissive wives who will stick with them regardless of the obstacles.

 

I don't think it's any coincidence that the men who are successful with women are the ones who don't care about their success. Those who put their entire focus into getting laid are usually home alone. Guys who live their lives for themselves and not for others are the ones who are successful.

[pteromom]

Sounds like you and me would be a great match

 

Maybe, except for the fact that I am 44 and married.

[pteromom]

I could pick apart some criticisms , but overall it's a good list.

 

It's not a bad list, but IMO, there is just a basic flaw in having some criteria you should fit into in the first place. The world would be SOOOO boring if we were all alike and liked the same things.

 

Forget women for a minute, and just think about yourself. Do you like who you are? What are your strengths? What are your flaws? What do you want your life to be? Who do you want to be? What changes can you make in your life to become more of who you want to be?

 

This is where the focus should be - learning to love yourself, and learning to become a better version of yourself. Not on learning how to put on some mask to make you more attractive to women. Not on learning how to fit into false social constructs.

[ThaWholigan]

It's not a bad list, but IMO, there is just a basic flaw in having some criteria you should fit into in the first place. The world would be SOOOO boring if we were all alike and liked the same things.

 

Forget women for a minute, and just think about yourself. Do you like who you are? What are your strengths? What are your flaws? What do you want your life to be? Who do you want to be? What changes can you make in your life to become more of who you want to be?

 

This is where the focus should be - learning to love yourself, and learning to become a better version of yourself. Not on learning how to put on some mask to make you more attractive to women. Not on learning how to fit into false social constructs.

In my opinion, they're just guidelines for some to follow if they find they are struggling to define their own masculinity within themselves. Growing up, I had a lot of struggles with my own identity and how to express and manage my masculine energy within. I was a fairly passive, autistic, nerdy musician. I wasn't active, I didn't feel comfortable with certain things that I felt and believed, or my expression, I was terrible with girls, and I had a fluctuating level of confidence that failed me on numerous occasions.

 

Guidelines like the one in the OP are what helped me get over these problems as I left my teen years and reached the very late stages of adolescence. I had a mindset that I needed to repair, also one that mistakenly believed that getting girls would be the antidote to all my problems and bring me success. It was funny because even though I knew a lot of girls, I didn't even communicate with them properly. One near sexual experience with a girl I was mildly infatuated with was enough to stir me into action and start rebuilding.

 

Since then, all of the above I have been learning about. However, I used my level of interpretation to the way I needed to be to complement the character I already am. Fast-forward to now. I am just beginning on my path finally. I have found a comfortable expression, I have an action plan, I am comfortable with my masculinity, I have clear goals, a strong code, adaptability, and a focus on the present moment with an eye on the future. I have gotten better socially and am getting better some more, which I feel is important to achieve certain goals. And yes, being attractive to women is a welcome side-effect.

 

In effect, I agree with you. One needs to find ways to supplement and direct their energy without trying to completely change it.

[ThaWholigan]

No. There's already too much self-love in the world. What society needs more of is learning to love other people, sharing the good and the bad of life creates solidarity and bond (a much more basic need for human beings than we are raised to think). What do you think Junger was talking about when it came to the Frontgemeinschaft , the laws of the frontline apply to society in general.

 

Having self-love so a woman will be attracted to you, is still totally depending on the approval of women, despite the twists and turns. Love and loyalty for its own sake (not only towards women, as is rule in matriarchal societies like this one) is what people should aspire to.

 

The more you give, the more you shall receive.

 

The mistake is in the reasons why obviously, which is that many men strive for self improvement because of women. I started for a variety of reasons, that did include women, but I didn't think that was bad because it wasn't the only reason why I was doing it.

 

Love and loyalty is something that is intrinsically a part of my character, and has never been something I have had to develop, so in effect I have been fortunate in this regard. I strive to help people in general, not for anything in return, but because I like to do it, and to see people in a better position before is always heart-warming in general. I think that is why I have made the goals I have made for myself, because I feel that I am equipped to do them for the good of everyone else.

 

In an age of instant gratification, consistency isn't in favor, rather looking for something in return.

[pteromom]

No. There's already too much self-love in the world. What society needs more of is learning to love other people, sharing the good and the bad of life creates solidarity and bond (a much more basic need for human beings than we are raised to think).

 

I don't think they are mutually exclusive. I believe you must first know and love yourself before you are ready to open yourself to a serious relationship you expect to be life-long.

 

I agree that learning to love other people is important, but loving yourself leads to being able to love others. Loving and accepting everyone is important, but when it comes to finding a suitable life-long mate, I think it is crucial to use logic rather than just emotion to make sure you end up with someone who is a good match for you.

 

In other words, there is the general "brotherly love" we should all share, and there is romantic love, which requires a lot of patience and maturity to do right. In other words - knowing and loving yourself.

[pteromom]

Growing up, I had a lot of struggles with my own identity and how to express and manage my masculine energy within. I was a fairly passive, autistic, nerdy musician. I wasn't active, I didn't feel comfortable with certain things that I felt and believed, or my expression, I was terrible with girls, and I had a fluctuating level of confidence that failed me on numerous occasions.

 

And you grew, and if guidelines like these helped you grow, I think that's wonderful.

 

Just make sure that all the changes you are making feel right to you, and that you don't feel you are editing yourself, or tamping down your true self, or donning a mask, in order to be what you deem "masculine", and you'll do great.

 

I used to think that growing up was learning to act socially acceptable and fit in. Now I believe that growing up is letting go of what society thinks I SHOULD be, and just being myself, even if I don't fit in with a majority of people.

 

In effect, I agree with you. One needs to find ways to supplement and direct their energy without trying to completely change it.

 

True.

[morichu]

Generally agree with everything the OP says.

[Woggle]

No. There's already too much self-love in the world. What society needs more of is learning to love other people, sharing the good and the bad of life creates solidarity and bond (a much more basic need for human beings than we are raised to think). What do you think Junger was talking about when it came to the Frontgemeinschaft , the laws of the frontline apply to society in general.

 

Having self-love so a woman will be attracted to you, is still totally depending on the approval of women, despite the twists and turns. Love and loyalty for its own sake (not only towards women, as is rule in matriarchal societies like this one) is what people should aspire to.

 

Very true. Society is already way too self centered with an everybody for themselves mentality.

[pteromom]

I think its the opposite. I think real love can only happen when you are able to detach yourself from the equation completely. In other words, you should love someone for the sake of it because they objectively deserve it, not in relation to you, that is the only way to come to consistently achieve the highest justice as various aspects of people you love can often come into clash with you-yourself. In fact people who do good for their friends and even strangers just because it makes them feel good, are still not practicing true love, which is totally selfless and subjugated to the greater mission.

 

I think we are talking in circles around each other.

 

I agree with you 100% when it comes to "brotherly" love. Absolutely - love other people for who they are, not based on your own perceptions or experiences. Do good because it is selfless and the right thing to do. Absolutely.

 

But ROMANTIC love is a different thing. Because you can love someone with all your heart and still not be compatible with them. You can give them all of yourself and still have fundamental incompatibilities that makes life together way more difficult that it should be.

 

This is where knowing yourself comes in. Yes, you love everyone. You treat them with respect and kindness. You accept them for who they are. But you find a mate who shares your values, goals, etc. so that you have a platform to express that love in a way you both can give and receive freely and "get" each other.

 

Very true. Society is already way too self centered with an everybody for themselves mentality.

 

Loving yourself is not the same as narcissism. And it isn't the same as being self-centered. I love myself AND like myself. I enjoy my humor. I feel confident in who I am. And I am a very loving, nurturing, giving person who radiates the love and gratefulness for my life OUTWARD. I love myself, but it's not "all about me".

 

Loving yourself allows you to open up MORE to others. You are no longer held back by fear of their judgment, because you are confident in yourself and your beliefs. You no longer feel a need to judge them, because you realize that you are a unique individual, shaped by your own upbringing, experiences, and education, and others may have walked a completely different path leading to a completely different result, and their path led them to where they are, which is right where they are supposed to be.

[MrCastle]

I'm glad to see this topic sparking conversation.

 

Let me just chime in here for a second. I'm not advocating you change yourself completely, but let's be honest, some traits are good for any person to have.

 

Confidence is something every human should strive to have. Name me one advantage having lack of confidence has in any part of life? In what way is lacking confidence beneficial to you as a person? It's not.

 

So if you are lacking confidence, I don't think saying "well, that's who I am, I have to live with it." Is the answer. Bull****.

 

People have to be careful. I know some people think we are who are and any type of change is futile, but in truth, there are things all of us can be doing to improve who we are without changing who we are.

[fortyninethousand322]

If this what makes someone a man, then I guess it's like my sister says: I'm a 13 year old boy.

[Pierre]

So I'm a journalism major, and just to flex my muscles, I blog from time to time. I wrote an article about being a man. I want to see if this is more or less what women are looking for? If you would add anything to it? Men can certainly chime in too. I'm interested in seeing if the concept of being a man is universal or more based on the individual.

 

The Art of Being A Man

 

Being a man is an art form. Guys are born with all the body parts that make up a “man”, but “manhood” and the art of being or becoming a man is a whole different animal. Some guys never get there. In this day and age, I feel like we’re lacking that masculine force. There was a time when being a man meant something, but that seems like it’s gone now. This article is about how we can combat that and bring back a previously proud generation of men from the brink of extinction.

 

Be Confident:/Be Fearless: This is a big one, as I’m sure we’re all aware at this point. You can’t get that hot date, you can’t nail that job interview, you can’t chase your dreams, without confidence. Confidence is believing in yourself. Believing in your abilities. It is not thinking you are better than others. That would be cockiness/arrogance. A confident man doesn’t have to brag or boast about his accomplishments. Deep down, he knows what he’s capable of, and it exudes through his aura. Through his walk. Through his talk. You can’t fake confidence. Be bold. Take risks. Understand that you only have one life, so make it good.

 

Be Dominant: A man is decisive. “Maybe”, and “I don’t know” are not part of a man’s vocabulary. A man knows what he wants, and he knows how to get it. It’s a very primal element to being a man, but one that needs to peak its head from time to time.

 

Be Sexual: A man doesn’t shy away from his sexuality. He’s vocal about it. A sexual man is proud of who he is, and doesn’t hide it. He makes it known that he wants you, and when he gets you, he conducts a symphony. A man takes the time to figure out how the female body works, and he uses every trick in the book to send her into shivering ecstasy. There is no friend zoning a man. You either take him in full or you let him walk away.

 

Be a Mystery/Challenge: A man is hard to pin down. He’s not sitting at home, flipping out because you didn’t answer his text message. He’s out doing stuff. Having fun, celebrating life, experiencing different things. He will not follow you around like a lap dog, throwing one compliment after another at you. He’s not going to like all your Facebook pictures and leave silly comments to try and get your attention. A man can take you or leave you. If you prove to be a high quality lady, he’ll be more than happy to show you a good time. But a man will not be your little ego booster. He respects himself too much for that.

 

Be Classy/Have Style: Nowadays, much is made about the term “swag”. Swag is for children, class is for men. Real men know how to dress. Shirts that fit, pants that fit, no loud colors or designs. Subtle elegance. A real man also knows the power of wearing a good suit. Ladies fawn over sharp dressed men. Be that guy. Know how to dress.

 

Be Passionate/Be Interesting: Men have goals and dreams. Passions and interests. Things outside of just trying to get laid. A man doesn’t spend all his time chasing women. He makes himself interesting so women will come to him. Always have something that drives you. Something you’re good at. Something you love doing. Be adventurous. Always have an interesting story to tell.

 

Be Funny/Charming: Everyone; guys and girls, love to laugh. A man with a sense of humor is infinitely sexy. Someone who knows how to be witty, how to flirt, how to make a girl smile and chuckle, will always be victorious. Be a charmer. Learn how to be a smooth talker. Speak slowly, speak softly, and the less you say, the better. But when you do in fact have something to say; make it count.

 

Have a Code: Be a man of honor. Have a code of ethics. Your own personal code of ethics, and don’t ever break your promises. Not to yourself, not to others. Be a man of your word. When you promise something, deliver. When you feel something is wrong, don’t do it. Be honest. Be upfront with your feelings. Don’t change your stances depending on what a woman says. Be firm enough to respectfully disagree with people. Don’t always feel the need to agree; that’s a sign of weakness. Develop a moral compass, and use it. Not when it’s convenient, but always.

 

I am sorry to say that if you have to put all that effort in being a MAN, then you will never be a MAN.

 

You have to be born a MAN to be a MAN. On top of that you must have the right type of parents to make you a MAN. I do agree with your view on ethics.

[MrCastle]

I am sorry to say that if you have to put all that effort in being a MAN, then you will never be a MAN.

 

You have to be born a MAN to be a MAN. On top of that you must have the right type of parents to make you a MAN. I do agree with your view on ethics.

 

Respectfully disagree. Manhood is earned. Being a man is more than just having the parts assigned to that gender. Some are naturally masculine, others have to build it.

[pteromom]

 

Real love has no conditions, will stare down great adversity, and triumph. The fake love of the modern world ends when people are too afraid, too lazy, or too selfish to transcend their own well-being.

 

Oh I don't think I could disagree with you more on this.

 

Your example of staying if a lover was disabled is a great example of love triumphing and unconditional love. In that case, both partners are doing the best they can.

 

But what if you love someone with all your heart, and you want it to work, but they have a DIFFERENT type of disability - a drug addiction, an addiction to sex with random girls, an inability to move past emotional or physical abuse?

 

Is it "selfish" not to want to spend your short life with someone who can never be an equal partner to you? Should you try to love them through their pain and problems forever, even if you are getting nowhere? Is there a point where your commitment to love becomes secondary to taking care of yourself?

 

I am in a marriage with someone who likely has a personality disorder. He is unwilling to admit the possibility and unwilling to get help. He is incapable of empathy or seeing things from my perspective. For years, I have struggled to try to fix things, as I have lived on an emotional roller coaster of nonsensical arguments. I thought when we started out that his issues were just insecurity and that as we grew together, he would heal and mature, but that has never happened.

 

I have gotten to the point now that I have just decided to be happy. I will meet his MANY needs when I can, but will not live in guilt or distress when I cannot meet them all at all times. I will listen to him, but will not engage in circular arguments with no resolution. I will be kind and loving, but will not lose myself in trying to fix him.

 

I do love him, and I always will love him. I want him to be happy. But I can't MAKE him happy. He has to decide to do that for himself.

 

Sometimes love isn't enough. I sure effing wish it was, but sometimes it just isn't.

[SJC2008]

If it takes all those traits to get a run of the mill everyday plain Jane then I'll gladly die alone. Of all the dates I've been on only one was as funny or funnier than me. All the others were just everyday people and two of those criticized themselves and I didn't bite and kiss dat ass to help inflate their bad egos. One of them was so insecure it was comming out of her pores and the other was bitter.

[Pierre]

Respectfully disagree. Manhood is earned. Being a man is more than just having the parts assigned to that gender. Some are naturally masculine, others have to build it.

 

I disagree!

 

Being a MAN is easy if men in your family were men (including your dad) and if you had the right parents and MEMES.

 

If there are no men in your family and your dad was not a MAN becoming a MAN will be quite difficult. You also need a good mother to be a man.

 

You become a man in your childhood. If you try to be a man once you are grown up it will be too late.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Mr. Castle, there is something missing from your piece for me. While some of it is good and I like the fact that you are trying to reach out to the idea of masculinity, a lot of it seems rather selfishly based.

 

Such as your take on being dominant. I think being a man means being able to have the strength to vocalize when you don’t know something. But having the resolve and determination to figure it out. Especially if you have to work with another person to do it. Saying “I don’t know”, isn’t a weakness. It’s only a weakness when that person doesn’t want to do anything about it. But a man not having all the answers and admitting that is far more attractive then one that pretends he knows everything because he thinks he needs to create this unrealistic shield.

 

You touch on the element of sexuality. I am not sure that a man being vocal about his sexual “needs” is what makes a man a man. I agree a man is sexual and should be proud of who he is. But your comments make it sound more like men are sociopaths looking to dominate through sheer force of their sexual needs first, then his mastery of sex by “playing” a woman like a symphony. I don’t think this sounds healthy at all. Is that man more worried about his own ego or her pleasure? Which is it?

 

I think a man is someone that owns his sexuality. That recognizes the responsibility he holds to his own sexuality. He is someone that isn’t just looking to play women like a symphony to prove his mastery to himself or to her and feel good about himself through how many orgasm his partner has, but he is looking to create something special between him and a woman. He isn’t just centered around the physical pleasure but the deeper things that come from sex too.

 

Some of your “Be a Mystery/Challenge” is good and some of it isn’t.

 

The good stuff:A man is hard to pin down. He’s not sitting at home, flipping out because you didn’t answer his text message. He’s out doing stuff. Having fun, celebrating life, experiencing different things.

 

The bad stuff:

 

He will not follow you around like a lap dog, throwing one compliment after another at you. He’s not going to like all your Facebook pictures and leave silly comments to try and get your attention. A man can take you or leave you. If you prove to be a high quality lady, he’ll be more than happy to show you a good time. But a man will not be your little ego booster. He respects himself too much for that.

 

While I agree a man shouldn’t follow a woman around, your approach is so harsh. It’s kind of like “in your face ladies, you have to prove YOURSELF to him while he’s doing his own thing.”

 

Also, what do you mean by “good time”. While women like fun, most ladies aren’t overly impressed with simply a “good time”. And what is wrong with giving a woman a sincere compliment? I don’t think he should be giving them ALL the time. But if he likes something, why shouldn’t he say it?

 

 

You moved on to Be/Classy/Have Style: I liked what you had to say about “swag”. “Swag is for children. Class is for men.” But then you talked about what a man wears. I could care less about what a man wears. I want to hear about “classy” in the sense of who he is and how he conducts himself.

While a nice suit, is nice. What’s the goal here? To just get women to “fawn” all over him? That doesn’t sound classy.

 

Next you addressed: Be Passionate/Be Interesting. You talked about how a man has goals and dreams outside of getting laid. Then you said that he makes himself interesting so women will come to him. Which is it? Do men have goals and dreams outside of getting laid or do men have goals and dreams only to get women? You see the confusion here yes?

 

Be Funny/Charming was your next part. While I agree that a witty/funny guy is interesting to both men an women, your whole article sounds like men “winning” and “getting what they want”, which apparently is sex and female interest.

 

I absoluetely LOVED your last part though. Have A Code.

[El Brujo]

The Art of Being A Man

 

As opposed to what... the art of being nothing in particular???

[Pierre]

Mr. Castle, there is something missing from your piece for me. While some of it is good and I like the fact that you are trying to reach out to the idea of masculinity, a lot of it seems rather selfishly based.

 

Such as your take on being dominant. I think being a man means being able to have the strength to vocalize when you don’t know something. But having the resolve and determination to figure it out. Especially if you have to work with another person to do it. Saying “I don’t know”, isn’t a weakness. It’s only a weakness when that person doesn’t want to do anything about it. But a man not having all the answers and admitting that is far more attractive then one that pretends he knows everything because he thinks he needs to create this unrealistic shield.

 

You touch on the element of sexuality. I am not sure that a man being vocal about his sexual “needs” is what makes a man a man. I agree a man is sexual and should be proud of who he is. But your comments make it sound more like men are sociopaths looking to dominate through sheer force of their sexual needs first, then his mastery of sex by “playing” a woman like a symphony. I don’t think this sounds healthy at all. Is that man more worried about his own ego or her pleasure? Which is it?

 

I think a man is someone that owns his sexuality. That recognizes the responsibility he holds to his own sexuality. He is someone that isn’t just looking to play women like a symphony to prove his mastery to himself or to her and feel good about himself through how many orgasm his partner has, but he is looking to create something special between him and a woman. He isn’t just centered around the physical pleasure but the deeper things that come from sex too.

 

Some of your “Be a Mystery/Challenge” is good and some of it isn’t.

 

The good stuff:A man is hard to pin down. He’s not sitting at home, flipping out because you didn’t answer his text message. He’s out doing stuff. Having fun, celebrating life, experiencing different things.

 

The bad stuff:

 

He will not follow you around like a lap dog, throwing one compliment after another at you. He’s not going to like all your Facebook pictures and leave silly comments to try and get your attention. A man can take you or leave you. If you prove to be a high quality lady, he’ll be more than happy to show you a good time. But a man will not be your little ego booster. He respects himself too much for that.

 

While I agree a man shouldn’t follow a woman around, your approach is so harsh. It’s kind of like “in your face ladies, you have to prove YOURSELF to him while he’s doing his own thing.”

 

Also, what do you mean by “good time”. While women like fun, most ladies aren’t overly impressed with simply a “good time”. And what is wrong with giving a woman a sincere compliment? I don’t think he should be giving them ALL the time. But if he likes something, why shouldn’t he say it?

 

 

You moved on to Be/Classy/Have Style: I liked what you had to say about “swag”. “Swag is for children. Class is for men.” But then you talked about what a man wears. I could care less about what a man wears. I want to hear about “classy” in the sense of who he is and how he conducts himself.

While a nice suit, is nice. What’s the goal here? To just get women to “fawn” all over him? That doesn’t sound classy.

 

Next you addressed: Be Passionate/Be Interesting. You talked about how a man has goals and dreams outside of getting laid. Then you said that he makes himself interesting so women will come to him. Which is it? Do men have goals and dreams outside of getting laid or do men have goals and dreams only to get women? You see the confusion here yes?

 

Be Funny/Charming was your next part. While I agree that a witty/funny guy is interesting to both men an women, your whole article sounds like men “winning” and “getting what they want”, which apparently is sex and female interest.

 

I absoluetely LOVED your last part though. Have A Code.

 

I agree with this post;

 

Joe Cool once said:

 

If you have to say "I am cool" then you cannot be cool.