cassandra69d Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Hi all, I wanted to take a poll and get input on marriage and friendships with the opposite sex. Is is okay in a marriage to have friendships with the opposite sex? Is it okay for the spouses to exchange phone calls with a member of the opposite sex on a regular basis? Is it okay for a spouse to meet and treat for lunch with a friend of the opposite sex on a regular basis? Is it okay for a spouse to buy things such as flowers,cell phones,carry pictures or loan money to friends of the opposite sex? Your input on these issues would be greatly appreciated[color=blue][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Hi, I don't think there is anything wrong with people that are married being friends with the opposite sex, however, that is if theres no kind of attraction on either part. If one or both parties have sexual feelings for the other, then that may not be such a great idea. Also with the things you are describing above, those things are not acceptable though, and sounds to me like something is going on other than just a friendship. Thats my input. Link to post Share on other sites
PUHLEEEEZE... Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 In my opinion, NO on all accounts. When you are married, any of your precious time and attention you have left over after work, children and running your household should be reserved for your SPOUSE. Also, t is not a good idea to put yourself in any kind of situation that might be misread by the opposite sex person. And, it's too easy to start thinking that other person "understands" you when they are sympathetic to your gripes about the everyday issues that come up with your spouse (and unfair to them - remember, they are only hearing your side of the story). There is only room for TWO people in a marriage... Link to post Share on other sites
Azeele Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Originally posted by PUHLEEEEZE... In my opinion, NO on all accounts. When you are married, any of your precious time and attention you have left over after work, children and running your household should be reserved for your SPOUSE. Also, t is not a good idea to put yourself in any kind of situation that might be misread by the opposite sex person. And, it's too easy to start thinking that other person "understands" you when they are sympathetic to your gripes about the everyday issues that come up with your spouse (and unfair to them - remember, they are only hearing your side of the story). There is only room for TWO people in a marriage... I agree with everything you said except that it is very important to find time in your busy schedule for same-sex friendships. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 I think it's fine as long as they are shared friends (friends to both husband and wife). I don't think men or woman should spend a lot of time alone with opposit sex friends. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Originally posted by PUHLEEEEZE... In my opinion, NO on all accounts. When you are married, any of your precious time and attention you have left over after work, children and running your household should be reserved for your SPOUSE. Also, t is not a good idea to put yourself in any kind of situation that might be misread by the opposite sex person. And, it's too easy to start thinking that other person "understands" you when they are sympathetic to your gripes about the everyday issues that come up with your spouse (and unfair to them - remember, they are only hearing your side of the story). There is only room for TWO people in a marriage... So I take it no one should have any life outside of work and marriage? No room for hobbies, other friends and interests? This strikes me as paranoid and controlling. I think you do have to be careful with opposite sex freinds but I sure don't think anyone who was already in my life before marriage should be thrown away. I and my fiancee both have friends of both sexes and plan to maintain those freindships. Sure, going out to dinner alone with them or clubbing etc. isn't too cool but I don't feel the need to have that much control. I'm quite secure in our relationship and believe there won't be any problems. I also play in bands and that won't change either. She knows who I'm coming home to. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 I think you do have to be careful with opposite sex freinds but I sure don't think anyone who was already in my life before marriage should be thrown away. I agree totally. You just need to be careful and not let any one person get super close and important to you. Lucnhes and occasional phone calls are fine - 1:1 dinners and small gifts are borderline - clubbing, carrying photos in your wallet, sending flowers, and other date-type gestures are possibly too much. I guess the question is...would you still be having fun with your friend if your spouse were also present? If the answer is NO, then you shouldn't be doing it... Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Originally posted by cassandra69d Hi all, I wanted to take a poll and get input on marriage and friendships with the opposite sex. Is is okay in a marriage to have friendships with the opposite sex? [color=blue]Sure, why not? I have male friends. My husband has female friends. No big deal.[/color] Is it okay for the spouses to exchange phone calls with a member of the opposite sex on a regular basis? [color=blue] Sure, why not? We are friends.[/color] Is it okay for a spouse to meet and treat for lunch with a friend of the opposite sex on a regular basis? [color=blue] Were they meeting before you were married? If its a regular thing and he is willing to give it up for you sometimes, its no big deal. I used to go out regularly with one of my male friends---before he moved across the country! Whenever my husband asked me to do something with him instead, I canceled on my friend. He understood. My husband did the same for me.[/color] Is it okay for a spouse to buy things such as flowers,cell phones,carry pictures or loan money to friends of the opposite sex? [color=blue] Here I might draw the line. Gifts like flowers, etc. are more indicative of a romantic relationship. I would have some issues with this. As for loaning money--that should be discussed with you and agreed upon with you, and it shouldn't be a regular basis. Does he do these same things for his guy buddies?[/color] Your input on these issues would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 14, 2004 Share Posted July 14, 2004 Is is okay in a marriage to have friendships with the opposite sex? Yes and I think it's a healthy part of life. Is it okay for the spouses to exchange phone calls with a member of the opposite sex on a regular basis? If they're friends. Of course. Is it okay for a spouse to meet and treat for lunch with a friend of the opposite sex on a regular basis? They're friends. Of course. Is it okay for a spouse to buy things such as flowers,cell phones,carry pictures or loan money to friends of the opposite sex? They're friends. Of course. Link to post Share on other sites
jmsdmom Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I don't think it is a smart idea to hang out with friends of the opposite sex on a one-to-one basis when married. We all have friends of the opposite sex, and that is normal, but I just don't think it is wise to put yourself in any situation that could even be construed as out-of-line. The main concern, always should be your spouses feelings and all of it needs to be above board. Personally, I have a number of male friends. I NEVER go out with them one-on-one. It is a matter of respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Kizzyfur Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate I guess the question is...would you still be having fun with your friend if your spouse were also present? If the answer is NO, then you shouldn't be doing it... Nuff Said!! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 Yes, it's OK to have friends of the opposite sex. Yes, it's OK to meet with them for lunch...as long as it does not intrude on your marriage, or valuable time with your partner...then NO...it's too much. It's OK to talk on the phone sometimes...not regularly. And it's also not OK to buy them flash gifts...unless the flowers are for a reason, such as their mother died or something! Anything more seems to be crossing the line to me. Also...you need to tread carefully with friends of the opposite sex. You should ALWAYS respect and be loyal to your partner when with them. You should not develop even an emotional intimacy which could exceed that which you share with your partner. That bond with your partner should be the strongest and most important thing in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
tiger Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 I for one am absolutely in favor of friendships with the opposite sex. My husband and I both have close friends of the opposite sex, and it can be a very healthy thing for your relationship. There is a level of intimacy that you can have with a friend that doesn't exist in other relationships, and depending on your situation, that can be very empowering. It all depends on whether or not you're seeking emotional fulfillment from a friend of the opposite sex as a substitute for something lacking your relationship, or if it's simply the charge of hanging out with that friend because they are a member of the opposite sex. No matter how much we love our partners, we all should recognize the need to feel attractive to others, and it doesn't have to mean cheating in any shape or form. Where money is concerned, it can get tricky, I don't know about buying or accepting gifts from that person, it all depends on the situation. I guess your best bet is to know what it means for you, but no matter what it's never a good idea to think that one person can fulfill every possible need you have in life. Link to post Share on other sites
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