threebyfate Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 No I'm not. Here's a layman's blog describing it: 12 Simple Leadership Truths | This month: Initiative and Decisiveness It's also spelled out in a number of our doctrinal publications, but that'd be a pain in the ass to pull up...Okay, so the Marines use bias inaccurately. Merriam-Webster definition of bias. b : an inclination of temperament or outlook; especially : a personal and sometimes unreasoned judgment : prejudice Oxford Dictionaries definition of bias. 1 [mass noun] inclination or prejudice for or against one person or group, especially in a way considered to be unfair: there was evidence of bias against black applicants the bias towards younger people in recruitment a concentration on or interest in one particular area or subject: his work showed a discernible bias towards philosophy a systematic distortion of a statistical result due to a factor not allowed for in its derivation. Free Dictionary's definition of bias. 2. a. A preference or an inclination, especially one that inhibits impartial judgment. b. An unfair act or policy stemming from prejudice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 Okay, so the Marines use bias inaccurately. Yes and no... Yes, the military does not use it in the traditional sense that society uses it with the connotation of prejudice. Fair enough. But also no...and there is a particular definition provided that points to this... b : an inclination of temperament or outlook; especially : a personal and sometimes unreasoned judgment : prejudice In a way, a "bias for action" does encourage decision and/or action without full and complete reasoning/analysis...it's better to run with the 80% solution than sit and wait for the 100% solution... Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Yes and no... Yes, the military does not use it in the traditional sense that society uses it with the connotation of prejudice. Fair enough. But also no...and there is a particular definition provided that points to this... In a way, a "bias for action" does encourage decision and/or action without full and complete reasoning/analysis...it's better to run with the 80% solution than sit and wait for the 100% solution...Then what you should have said would be "at the expense of a perfect solution", which I may or may not agree with, reliant on cost/benefit calculation and the lack of fear of potentially being wrong or not "winning", then being strong enough to bear the weight of his incorrect decision and being resilient. Analysis-paralysis is what happens to men with insufficient confidence in their decision-making process. A man with confidence won't be afraid. It's okay to screw up sometimes since that's how you learn. No risk, no return. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Monm82 Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Confidence is overrated. No one is truly confident. Women don't have to be confident to get dates. So a guy shouldn't have to be confident either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 (edited) Necris - And as for being in your shoes, I was once 18, in fact a short skinny 18, but I was determined to get into the dating game, Hell yes, at first all I got was rejection, but I didn't give up and kept trying, and kept studying women to figure out what I was doing wrong. First I was extremely shy, so shy that at times when I blushed it was a hot burning painful blush It was evident that I needed to develop some social skills. I came to the conclusion that I needed to study women. Their likes and their dislikes. And one of the first things that I did was take the time to learn to dance, and then took it a step further and practised at home so that I danced well. Guess what it did not take long for the ladies to begin to hang around me, hoping that they would be the next one I asked to dance. I learned to talk to women, and more importantly I learned to listen to women. I repeat, if you listen to a woman, she will tell you how to seduce her. For those who want to break out of their none dating love life, here is some homework for this weekend. This morning at 9 the Goodwill stores open for business. Today is half price day, They have a large selection of great cookbooks, ranging in price from $0.50 to $5.00, they will all be have price. Pick out a good one and begin trying these recipies on yourself. The payoff will not be tomorrow, but some day in the future. Remember the old saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, in todays world it can also be said the way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. I learned to cook all kinds of great meals, and that led to me having a black book with dozens of numbers of F-W-B's whom I could call at any time and say I was planning on cooking XX this weekend and need somebody to share it with. And their reply would be I'll bring the wine Another hint, check out the cocktail glass selection and pick up four of them. You can use them for drinking your Daiquiri's and margaritas, and they can do double service for desert just fill them with a little instant pudding, Edited August 17, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Civility and respect 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Confidence is overrated. No one is truly confident. Women don't have to be confident to get dates. So a guy shouldn't have to be confident either. Men don't have to be confident either. Lots of unconfident people get dates and relationships all the time. It's about genes and pheremones and such. Women are either drawn to you or not. And if they're not drawn to you, you hope they'll settle for you if you wait long enough. The idea that you can change things is a myth. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Confidence is overrated. No one is truly confident. Women don't have to be confident to get dates. So a guy shouldn't have to be confident either.Depends on the guy and the woman involved. To state this as a universal rule would be grossly inaccurate. Then to layer an inaccuracy with another attempt at inaccurate universality, is a losing proposition. How has your dating life been going so far? Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Confidence is not a myth. I at one point had zero external validation. I sat down and took the time to figure out and improve me. I worked on what I had to offer. Once I did these things I had confidence in who I was as a person, a man. That made me attractive and once I started having success I gained more confidence. Its not really a fake it till you make it thing. It is just at some point you have to stop complaining, whining, and finding ways to rationalize not to work on you. You have to change the locus of control from external to internal. You will have to accept that it is your fault you are not successful and work to change that because ultimately the problem is YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 Confidence is not a myth. I at one point had zero external validation. I sat down and took the time to figure out and improve me. I worked on what I had to offer. Once I did these things I had confidence in who I was as a person, a man. That made me attractive and once I started having success I gained more confidence. Its not really a fake it till you make it thing. It is just at some point you have to stop complaining, whining, and finding ways to rationalize not to work on you. You have to change the locus of control from external to internal. Attractive to whom...? You will have to accept that it is your fault you are not successful and work to change that because ultimately the problem is YOU. Of course. I agree that effort must be made to improve yourself. But how do you know how and what to improve in order to be successful? You can't improve yourself in a bubble. The locus of control must be internal, yes, but that control must be externally guided. What defines success? What defines desirability? Not you. You do the work to become successful, but society provides the rudder steers. Here's a simple, slightly ridiculous example to illustrate. Let's say you are completely internal focused on your success. That would mean you can define your own desirability however you see fit...so you decide that coin flipping skills are what define success and desirability. Now you walk into an job interview at a law firm and the employer asks why you'd be suitable for the job. You tell him you are an expert coin flipper. What result? External validation is simply a fundamental requirement.... Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Attractive to whom...? Of course. I agree that effort must be made to improve yourself. But how do you know how and what to improve in order to be successful? You can't improve yourself in a bubble. The locus of control must be internal, yes, but that control must be externally guided. What defines success? What defines desirability? Not you. You do the work to become successful, but society provides the rudder steers. Here's a simple, slightly ridiculous example to illustrate. Let's say you are completely internal focused on your success. That would mean you can define your own desirability however you see fit...so you decide that coin flipping skills are what define success and desirability. Now you walk into an job interview at a law firm and the employer asks why you'd be suitable for the job. You tell him you are an expert coin flipper. What result? External validation is simply a fundamental requirement.... Think back to the rejections what did you do that was common among all the rejections. Like me I have a Cliff Spab approach. You know SFW. You work on the things most notice and mostly what you notice about yourself. The coin flipper example was horrible. Most of the guys I knew that were successful with women didn't really care what the world thought of them. They didn't seek out the external validation. Like one of my friends he had a girlfriend and was banging two other girls. The two other girls knew he had a girlfriend and he talked to her on the phone and told his girlfriend he loved her while the other women were with him. Once you stop looking for external validation and not giving a f**k then the women you meet will seek out external validation from YOU. It's because you value yourself and you become the prize. Most men that are successful with women other than tricks see themselves as the prize. I know now I am with someone and she always tells me I'm sexy and I look at her like tell me something I don't know and that is because I know I look sexy as hell. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Think back to the rejections what did you do that was common among all the rejections. Like me I have a Cliff Spab approach. You know SFW. You work on the things most notice and mostly what you notice about yourself. The coin flipper example was horrible. Most of the guys I knew that were successful with women didn't really care what the world thought of them. They didn't seek out the external validation. Like one of my friends he had a girlfriend and was banging two other girls. The two other girls knew he had a girlfriend and he talked to her on the phone and told his girlfriend he loved her while the other women were with him. Once you stop looking for external validation and not giving a f**k then the women you meet will seek out external validation from YOU. It's because you value yourself and you become the prize. Most men that are successful with women other than tricks see themselves as the prize. I know now I am with someone and she always tells me I'm sexy and I look at her like tell me something I don't know and that is because I know I look sexy as hell. I think the key is finding a women whos physically attracted to you and just not ****ing it up from there You say you can learn from rejection but it may not be anything you did or say they just might not be physically attracted to you.. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 I think the key is finding a women whos physically attracted to you and just not ****ing it up from there You say you can learn from rejection but it may not be anything you did or say they just might not be physically attracted to you.. That is true but at the same time you do have rejections that on some level were the guy's fault but overall I'm trying to get the point across to work on being your best self. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 Think back to the rejections what did you do that was common among all the rejections. Like me I have a Cliff Spab approach. You know SFW. You work on the things most notice and mostly what you notice about yourself. The coin flipper example was horrible. Most of the guys I knew that were successful with women didn't really care what the world thought of them. They didn't seek out the external validation. Like one of my friends he had a girlfriend and was banging two other girls. The two other girls knew he had a girlfriend and he talked to her on the phone and told his girlfriend he loved her while the other women were with him. Once you stop looking for external validation and not giving a f**k then the women you meet will seek out external validation from YOU. It's because you value yourself and you become the prize. Most men that are successful with women other than tricks see themselves as the prize. I know now I am with someone and she always tells me I'm sexy and I look at her like tell me something I don't know and that is because I know I look sexy as hell. Sure, but it took some degree of external validation at an early age for him to get to this point. Once you have the knowledge that you can be desirable, then the rest is up to you. You won't need to seek it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 I at one point had zero external validation. I sat down and took the time to figure out and improve me. I worked on what I had to offer. I had to look back at this...this is actually external validation in itself...in the form of external invalidation, or "negative" validation, which I place in the same class of external feedback as positive validation. See how you reacted to it? Your actions were guided by external feedback, and without it, you wouldn't have been prompted to improve yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Here's a simple, slightly ridiculous example to illustrate. Let's say you are completely internal focused on your success. That would mean you can define your own desirability however you see fit...so you decide that coin flipping skills are what define success and desirability. Now you walk into an job interview at a law firm and the employer asks why you'd be suitable for the job. You tell him you are an expert coin flipper. What result? External validation is simply a fundamental requirement....I don't honestly understand your logic flow. Hobby and employment are separate issues, since employment qualification is a separate issue from confidence as a person. Apples and oranges, where conflating the two is once again, intellectual dishonesty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 I had to look back at this...this is actually external validation in itself...in the form of external invalidation, or "negative" validation, which I place in the same class of external feedback as positive validation. See how you reacted to it? Your actions were guided by external feedback, and without it, you wouldn't have been prompted to improve yourself. I reacted to it by when I decided to quit caring about it. Everyone is not going to like you its just something to accept. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 (edited) Lying to one person about being in love with them... and using two others then bragging about it to his friends is all about external validation. Then claiming you/he/they don't care... Denial or maybe there is just something really missing from this guy's DNA. They say that sociopaths and psychopaths are physically incapable of feeling empathy. Test for Psychopathy Edited August 12, 2012 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 External validation! Who needs it? I never did! When I was 5, I wanted to learn how to dribble a basket ball. Basketballs were too big and heavy for me, so I began practising with a light bouncy ball until I learned As I got older I first taught myself how to shot baskets, beginning with the basket shot, and watching how they did it on TV, I taught myself how to do the other shots, with the last being the jump shot when I finally got strong enough. And later a left handed hook shot. This was done by spending hours after supper at the court. Most times there was nobody else around. I picked a spot on the court and took shot after shot until I could make them almost all of the time. I got no coaching until the 8th grade, all of this was self taught When I realized maybe if I learned to dance I would increase my chances with the ladies. I got one quick lesson from one of my sister's friends, and from there began to practise. Daily I would watch Bandstand, and watched how the guys danced and copied their moves. When I wanted to try raising rare tropical fish, I just read up on it and did it. I didn't need anybody to stroke me That is how I have lived my life, if I want something, I find a way to get it and I am not discouraged by my failures. I just do it until I get it right I don't need anybody to tell me if I am doing it right or not. I am self confident that I will succeed. And it is that confidence that women pick up on. And that is the difference between guys like myself who found ways to woo women and guys like your self who spend their time on this board finding excuses why they keep failing Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 You miss point I'm trying to make my friend was an example of success. Actually my friend is married to that girlfriend and has been for almost 10 years. When I say not give a f**k I don't mean don't have empathy. I have actually read and understood the context of not giving a f**k you would have understood that is was not caring whether women think you are attractive or not. Some adjustments on the perceptual filter is needed. He has to realize that not every woman is not going to find him attractive and to not care about that. Do you care that some guy thought you were unattractive? Also stop wasting so much damn energy on an external locus of control You define 'success' as lying to a woman about loving her, and using two other women. Where is your empathy? And regarding the fact this man 'married' the woman doesn't help your case. She married a cheater and man who gained her commitment through false pretenses and lies. That's not a marriage. ... please go back to the drawing board for a different example. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 You define 'success' as lying to a woman about loving her, and using two other women. Where is your empathy? And regarding the fact this man 'married' the woman doesn't help your case. She married a cheater and man who gained her commitment through false pretenses and lies. That's not a marriage. ... please go back to the drawing board for a different example. No empathy is needed in this conversation. Anyway she had no issues with what he had done. He told her about all of it and like I said before they have been married now for about 10 years. No false pretenses since he told her what was going on at the time. Seems like you are always in a hurry to judge and make your assessment of these situations Link to post Share on other sites
Bristolius Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 The human brain has confidence. It's inherent in the physicality and chemistry of the more primitive structures. Stop using your neocortex to run laps around your favorite sophistries over and over. You've worn a rut and you're stuck in it. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 (edited) No empathy is needed in this conversation. Anyway she had no issues with what he had done. He told her about all of it and like I said before they have been married now for about 10 years. No false pretenses since he told her what was going on at the time. Seems like you are always in a hurry to judge and make your assessment of these situations Silly me. I assume most women are smart enough not to marry a known cheater... and would only do so unknowingly. Yes, for a guy like him... testing his 'wife' on her tolerance for his philandering would be good. Wouldn't want her to get all annoyed down the road and divorce him when she finds out or gets sick of him keeping lots of girls on the side. I understand now why you'd consider this guy a 'success'... He successfully targeted and 'married' a woman who will tolerate philandering. Edited August 12, 2012 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Silly me. I assume most women are smart enough not to marry a known cheater... and would only do so unknowingly. Yes, for a guy like him... testing his 'wife' on her tolerance for his philandering would be good. Wouldn't want her to get all annoyed down the road and divorce him when she finds out or gets sick of him keeping lots of girls on the side. I understand now why you'd consider this guy a 'success'... He successfully targeted and 'married' a woman who will tolerate philandering. Well when you are a person with no success any example is better than nothing. Actually it serves a purpose to prove that when you don't look for external validation and see yourself as the prize women will seek validation from you. One thing I haven't noticed from you was you questioning these women in this situation. They all knew he was with someone but yet still chose to pursue something with him so where are the attack on these women. Why are you avoiding talking about these woman at all? It takes two to tango and he damn sure wasn't tangoing by himself, but as we all see your perceptual filter is focused on bad behavior by men and totally negating anything women do. You love getting on here making these monologues about men and what they do wrong and totally avoiding sometimes what women do until someone points it out. It's no wonder you choose to only have male friends because most men probably couldn't tolerate you after a few months. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Well when you are a person with no success any example is better than nothing. Actually it serves a purpose to prove that when you don't look for external validation and see yourself as the prize women some will seek validation from you. Fixed it for you. One thing I haven't noticed from you was you questioning these women in this situation. They all knew he was with someone but yet still chose to pursue something with him so where are the attack on these women. Why are you avoiding talking about these woman at all? Which women? The ones he was sleeping with or the woman he was cheating on or both? I think they are all flawed. I feel sorry for all of them that they think this guy is a prize. It takes two to tango and he damn sure wasn't tangoing by himself, but as we all see your perceptual filter is focused on bad behavior by men and totally negating anything women do. It was your example. I'm not the one promoting cheating as 'success'. You love getting on here making these monologues about men and what they do wrong and totally avoiding sometimes what women do until someone points it out. Baloney. I've called women out on their poor behavior many times. You have double standards... which I thoroughly enjoy poking at you about. It's no wonder you choose to only have male friends because most men probably couldn't tolerate you after a few months. Um. That's kind of a contradiction, isn't it? My male friends are obviously 'tolerating' me... But nice try.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 External validation! Who needs it? I never did! So you never went to school...? How did you learn to read...? And write...? How did you know you were doing those things correctly...? And being in a relationship is inherently a form of external validation. If shows that you are desirable to the other gender. You are no different from anyone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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