My wife will be devastated when I leave...

[TaraMaiden]

Don't know if this was answered but please prepare her, don't drop her this bomb by surprise.

 

I counter this with "Have you any idea just how many times already he's told her he's leaving?"

The only bomb that will finally really drop is if he finally puts his big-boy pants on and follows through with actually leaving, as he's already stated many times he would.

 

Actually leaving - will be the bomb-shell.

Anything he says will be no surprise to her at all; she will have heard it already. In triplicate.

[wellthissucks]

I have to say, I agree with TaraMaiden.

 

Dangerous, believe me when I say I know some of what you're going through. My H and your wife have much in common, so I really understand your feeling of guilt.

 

That being said, she is a grown, adult woman. She is responsible for her decisions and actions, not you. I understand that she is not responsible for her illness, however she is responsible for her handling of it. The choices that she has made has led her to this, not you. We cannot control anyone else, only ourselves.

 

If you see my thread from a month or so ago, you'll see I struggled with this as well. My STBXH (as an aside, my brain always reads that acronym as "sh*t bad ex husband" for some reason lol) freaked out as well, threatening suicide and self harm. Well, we're divorcing now and he has not committed suicide. She is holding you hostage! Essentially saying that if you leave, "who knows WHAT she'll do??" - falsely making it your responsibility. Dangerous, even if she were to follow through on her threats it would be her choice, not your fault!

 

One thing that really helped me was reading the book Too Good To Leave, Too Bad to Stay. It presents questions that you have to answer for yourself and then says based her her research, people who felt the way you did were either happier or regretted staying/leaving, depending on the question. Anyway, one of the questions was something to the effect of "If God or some other omniscient being told you it was ok to leave, would you be overcome with a sense of relief?" - let me tell you, I read that and started crying and I suspect it would affect you similarly.

 

My very tl;dr point is this - We are all only responsible for ourselves in this life. She is an adult and has made her choices. You have given chances and have been clear on what you need in order to stay and she has chosen not to make the changes that you need. She is free to make that choice but all choices have consequences and this consequence is that you cannot stay.

 

She is likely to have the same reaction as last time because she has (consciously or subconsciously) learned that behaving that way gets her what she wants. Let's be clear - EVERY TIME you stay when she does this, you are reinforcing this for her. Tell her that if she serious about her threats, you will have to call the authorities and have her committed as a danger to herself. I don't know how it works in the UK, but in the US you can have someone involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a 72 hour observation period if they are suicidal. Given that the UK has better health care access than we do, I would imagine that there is something comparable. If she is serious about her threats, it can do nothing but help her. If she is not, perhaps it will show her just how manipulative that tactic is.

 

The bottom line is that as far as we know, we've got this one life. And it is much too short to be miserable when you don't have to be.

[lollipopspot]

My mom...blah blah blah...took care of 3 kids, the house, the garden, dragged us to church every Sunday, worked full time, took care of 4 grandparents, volunteered...blah blah blah... No one ever heard her complain...

 

So, I seriously have no empathy for these types of women that sit on their asses their whole lives, with their myriad of "sicknesses", indulging their sad little selves all the while someone else is working, earning a living, taking care of them.

 

I think it's a really lousy attitude that you have towards someone's illness. No one gives a **** what your healthy mother was able to do. People have different physical, mental, and emotional resources. This lady has chronic pain. Maybe your mother should have done even more - become a doctor or contribute to something other than her own nuclear family - if she was so healthy and energetic. It's not for you to judge.

 

If OP allowed it to go on for 20+ years where he was the breadwinner, that's their arrangement.

[wellthissucks]

I meant to add:

 

As for doing it - do it quickly, do it kindly and do it honestly. Do your best not to get pulled into a tit for tat or justifications. This is your decision. It is final. You are sorry for her pain and will do your best to help her as much as is reasonable in this transition but staying is not an option (if, in fact, you are willing to help her). Discussion will not change your mind, this is your decision. Repeat ad nauseum. Do not drag it out or give her false hope.

[2sunny]

She's had her chance to change. She hasn't held up to her promises.

 

You're financially strained? She offered to work a bit - and hasn't? Hmmm

 

I'd move - I'd move now.

 

No conversation at this point - she uses anger to manipulate. What's loving about the way she's treated you? That's not love!

 

She can care for herself. She can isolate herself!

 

You can't MAKE her start living! But you CAN start living your life without her dragging you down.

 

 

 

I'd like to ask - have you had - or considering - having an affair?

Edited November 11, 2013 by 2sunny

[anna121]

Honestly, I think you either just leave, or accept that you will never leave and stop even thinking about it.

 

But this flailing about is pointless.

[littlejaz]

Dangerous, I feel for you. I know what you have been going through. I have been through most of it with my STBXH. He has degenerative disk disease in his back and neck. But where my problem comes in is that he does absolutely nothing to help his condition except take pain pills. Every other person I know that has back pain sit a certain way, sleep a certain way, exercise and look for any and all possibilities that might help. But not my husband, the only place he looks is into a pill bottle and that goes for every other problem in his life. He thinks there is a pill to cure everything. He even went so far as to tell me that he has every right to treat his co-workers like crap because he hurts and recently added because he grew up without a father. He claims that the pain pills don't affect him. Well, they have cost him his job and now his marriage and he still sees no problem.

 

I spent almost 14 years dealing with his attitude. The first 10 or so I attended the endless pity party on the sympathy train that was his life. I finally said no more. I have a right to some happiness. I do not deserve to be treated like I don't matter. It was amazing how he would be just fine when he wanted to do something or when we went to his family's. But when we went to my mother's house, he would take his pills and fall asleep or sit there looking so miserable that no one would talk to him. And if they did try to talk to him, he would go on and on about all his ailments.

 

Anyway, things went downhill fast when I began expecting him to act like a reasonable human being. We tried marriage counseling but the therapist asked me if I would mind giving my IC sessions and the MC sessions to him because he needed the help and insurance would only pay for so many. And his idea of MC was fix her so she puts up with my crap without complaining.

 

I had fought long and hard with the guilt of leaving. I meant those vows when I said for better or worse, in sickness and in health, but I also meant the love and cherish and it was obvious he did not. I had already made the decision but was waiting until I got a loan paid off when he lost his job (resigned upon threat of termination). Then he decided the thing to do was spend his time on marital affair websites trying to find someone have an affair with. It was pathetic, here he was online trying to get sympathy sex and couldn't understand why no one took him up. Anyway, that was my way out. That took away any guilt I still felt.

 

But before that I just had to tell myself that I did not sign up to be treated this way. He had an obligation to treat me decently and he also had an obligation to do everything he could to improve his health and if he wasn't going to do that then I was not obliged to stay. And the same is true for you. You have gone the extra mile. You have tried but it takes two to make a marriage and if she isn't going to take your feelings into consideration, then you have every right to leave. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

 

GOOD LUCK!!!

[KathyM]

I haven't read the whole thread, but I would just like to say that I would encourage you to give marriage counseling a good try before leaving the marriage. If you do ultimately decide to leave it after counseling, a counselor can help you and your wife to work out an amicable divorce so that it won't be quite so traumatic for her.

[TaraMaiden]

KathyM....You therefore need to read the whole thread.

 

Trust me - when you do, you'll see our point.

 

Bear in mind he's posted about this before. And before that, too.

[KathyM]

KathyM....You therefore need to read the whole thread.

 

Trust me - when you do, you'll see our point.

 

Bear in mind he's posted about this before. And before that, too.

We're talking six pages long. Oftentimes, I go through multiple pages before responding, but not always. In any case, whether he decides to stay or not, counseling would be the preferable thing, because it helps people to explore their motivation to stay married, helps them to work on issues where possible, and helps them to cope and resolve separation issues if they decide to go through with the separation. Either way, counseling is the way to go, whether he decides to stay or not.

[TaraMaiden]

Ok...

 

He's already tried, proposed, arranged and attempted counselling.

 

She won't go.

Originally Posted by CarrieT

OP, other than addressing the issues with your wife directly, have either of you considering Marital Counseling at all?

 

It seems like an awfully drastic move you are moving without first going through the motions of trying pursue any and all methods to repair your marriage before decamping.

 

Yes I tried everything: marriage counsellors (went alone as my wife refused, then eventually she came once, blew up and walked out and told me never again). I've encouraged her to see doctors more often but she doesn't have faith in them and she doesn't try or stick with any alternative therapies. I've told her how frustrated it makes me to see her 'unwell' but not really trying to get stronger and fitter.

 

There really is no hope our situation will change and I just feel so tired about it all. My choice is simple: accept this is how it's gonna be for rest of my life or get out and start again.

Edited November 12, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[dangerous]

Dear all

Thank you for your comments. I have been in hospital for a few days for an operation (planned but fairly serious) and together with our impending home move (cheaper propert to eleviate money issues) it is a stressful time for us all. The fact remains these are constant (or at least regularly recurring) feelings that I want out.

 

The experiences shared by many of you does help to confirm my own thoughts. I think I'm ready to conclude (again?):

 

Option 1: stay - because I can't overcome the guilt and fear etc seems NOT to be a viable option because I simply can't get these thoughts out of my mind. I don't want to accept a life like this for ever. And she definitely won't change. Am I prepared to accept it? It's got to be a 'no'.

 

Option2: leave - again and again this is the answer which comes into my head. I've stuck in for so many years, I've asked her to change, compromise, whatever, without the result 'I' want (no blame, it's not her, it's me - I'm unhappy), I've tried counseling solely and jointly and it hasn't helped. ALL the close people I've separately confided in, not one has said I should continue, they all say I'd be better alone. (And probably she will be too!). If I'm single again I can have the best chance of building or changing my career and money issues (and she will survive on benefits and I'll help with transition costs for a time). And crucially my daughter (23 years old and working) who wants to move out anyway, supports my decision and will no doubt stay close to me but at the same time says she will help my wife with setting up as well as long term. Enough reasons?

 

The plan is to get the move over with, pay six months rent up front (so my wife has some security) and then move out in few weeks. And yes when I drop the atom bomb, don't go back and make it as kind as possible.

 

Thanks so much everyone x

Edited November 17, 2013 by dangerous

[spiderowl]

This is a really difficult situation and I feel for you.

 

I take issue with some posters' comments about your wife. I have something similar to fybro, an elevated sensitivity to pain, and basically I have spent most of my life experiencing pain others don't feel. I understand that some pain researchers are now thinking that fybro may be either an increase in the pain signals reaching the brain (pain that might be mild or unnoticeable to a normal person) or that the brain is picking up pain signals more. My intuitive feeling is that for me the natural painkillers, endorphins or whatever, that work for others, aren't kicking in appropriately for me. Basically it's hell feeling like this. My docs have investigated and can only come up with antidepressants (because they can have a painkilling effect) and painkillers. The antidepressants have unpleasant side effects and some have had dangerous side effects and although I was taking painkillers for a while, which dulled the pain but certainly didn't get rid of it, I started having cognitive and memory problems so have weaned myself off them. Your wife has probably tried all this and has got fed up with being treated like a hypochondriac.

 

So, that's probably what your wife is dealing with and she deserves every sympathy for what is an enormous burden.

 

I do sympathise with you though. You need support and love too and I don't feel you are getting it. She needs to realise it's not just her that is suffering. As she hasn't been able to grasp this, I don't feel you should have to continue 'supporting' her or being around. Even if you are ill, you have to understand that it is also hard on a carer. I don't have a carer. I work, I struggle, I suffer pain and discomfort all the time. Only my closest friends know and my colleagues don't. It's really tough but I have no option. In the UK, people with fybro would struggle to get invalidity benefits because it is an invisible disability, but make no mistake it truly is a disability and it often feels to me that life is not worth living if I can't do anything without pain. Some days I do consider suicide as I just want to be free from the pain. The fact that others don't understand or experience pain when doing normal activities makes it hard to cope with as they clearly think I'm just being a wimp.

 

I would not tell you to leave. You have to decide that for yourself, but I would say you are justified in leaving someone who doesn't care for you too and that is what you say is happening. I do know that it would be hard for her to change some things. She can't remove her pain, even by pursuing medical options. I know that, I've tried it and it's totally demoralising. She can care for you and support you, but she's not doing. She's probably depressed - and again I understand that. Ultimately, if she is not considering your feelings, you don't have a good relationship, regardless of all these physical issues.

Edited December 1, 2013 by spiderowl

[dangerous]

Hi all,

a few months later and here I am again, but a difference, I have for the last month, now separated!

It has been and continues to be such a hard decision and situation. My wife says she still want me back but I am (at least for now!) resolute that my decision is the right one.

 

After my deliberations and all the emotions including guilt, fear, worry etc. I simply focused on these simple questions:

 

- Have I done everything I am prepared to do to fix this? yes (I have truly tried, for such a long time.)

- Do I really believe my wife will change, or do I have the right to expect her to change? no.

- Am I more often happy or unhappy in this relationship? Unhappy.

- Am I prepared to accept this compromise for ever? no

- Is there a chance that I can be happy by myself, out of this relationship? yes

 

 

I realise these are my selfish views but I also believe my wife is in many ways unhappy (although she doesn't see it that way at the moment.)

 

Now I've done it, and despite the natural fears and doubts, I am actually feeling ok. Moments of panic, remorse, negativity and even numbness but also optimism, contentment and above all serenity.

 

That said, I am desperately sorry for the hurt my wife is going through and will go through, but I will support her as best I can - as a friend, and practically/ financially until she is more self sufficient.

 

Scary, 51 and starting over!

 

 

 

 

PS: Spiderowl, apologies I didn't acknowledge your post, I sympathise with your FMS and it means a lot to hear your words from someone who understands the condition and the effects it also has for the partner. I hope you continue to learn to manage ever better and ultimately to recovery.

Edited May 24, 2014 by dangerous
ps.

[CarrieT]

Good for you, Dangerous...

 

I know it has been a long haul for you and I'm glad you are making steps forward in your life.

[Allumere]

This may be the inappropriate response given everything involved for you to be where you are now but "WOOHOOO"

 

Reading this was painful. I could feel the boulders on your back and stress...that isn't living for you or your wife. Maybe this will be a wake up call for her as well. She has to be responsible for her illness, not you. She has to be responsible for her happiness not you. That does not remotely disregard the issues from the fibromyalgia but maybe when she has no one to cater to her she will realize she has to make some decisions/take some actions what every they are...

 

51 and starting over...embrace it man, you are getting a do over which is something many never get.

[2sunny]

Change is good - it provides hope.

 

What is your wife changing now that helps her become more self sufficient?

 

Have you filed for divorce yet?

[2sunny]

She's had her chance to change. She hasn't held up to her promises.

 

You're financially strained? She offered to work a bit - and hasn't? Hmmm

 

I'd move - I'd move now.

 

No conversation at this point - she uses anger to manipulate. What's loving about the way she's treated you? That's not love!

 

She can care for herself. She can isolate herself!

 

You can't MAKE her start living! But you CAN start living your life without her dragging you down.

 

 

 

I'd like to ask - have you had - or considering - having an affair?

 

This I posted last year.

 

You didn't answer/respond. Can you answer please.

 

I see an old thread from 2011 that shows she was capable of having sex with someone else but not with you since then...

 

 

You're wife should get an Emmy! She does nothing for you and it makes you need to do everything FOR her AND you.

 

Stop doing it!

 

 

When you stop - she will have to do things FOR herself!

 

 

She's dragged you down for 20+ years!

 

A great partner would help and lift UP the person by being a TEAM and PARTNER!

 

You've tried your best and she doesn't participate in the M by changing things.

 

It's time to allow her to figure life out on her own now - since she's essentially edged you out of a TWO WAY relationship anyway.

Edited May 24, 2014 by 2sunny

[dangerous]

2sunny, nothing has really changed with her, it is I who have finally made the decision to leave.

And I found out, she did not really have an affair in 2011, she was fantasising and trying to make me jealous - sad and misguided attempt.

 

 

I have moved out = separation.

[bananatree]

Hi! I haven't read all the responses, but I wanted to chime in.

 

I feel really bad for you. I also have fibromyalgia and I understand how hard it is to just get through the day. I also understand the reluctance to go to doctors who have nothing to add. Although, I would suggest different kinds of alternative therapies for your wife. I see a cranial-sacral therapist, a thai massage therapist, sometimes I get acupuncture (which doesn't really help actually). When it gets bad and I have something to do, I take a vicodin (which is the most helpful, but addictive so I can only take it once in a while).

 

I understand how she has "let herself go." Sometimes it just seems so hard to get dressed, put on your make-up, do your hair. But, oddly, when I do these things, I feel much better. I also try to exercise every day. Even when I am feeling bad, I walk for 3 miles while listening to music I love and that seems to help tremendously as well.

 

I would not blame you for not wanting to stay with her. I won't beat you up about the vows and the "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" stuff. This is YOUR life, and if you are simply miserable living with her and there is nothing you can really do to help her (this is a really different situation than when needing to care for a spouse with cancer or something like that).

 

In truth, you have a child together, you will never be fully apart. You can let her know that you need to transition to a different kind of relationship with her. Let her know that you will be a support to her and help her and, when she feels the time is right, you will be a friend to her.

 

I don't see any reason to have to stay married in the same soul-sucking relationship because of her FMS. Helping her is one thing, but not to the point of total self-negation.

[2sunny]

2sunny, nothing has really changed with her, it is I who have finally made the decision to leave.

And I found out, she did not really have an affair in 2011, she was fantasising and trying to make me jealous - sad and misguided attempt.

 

 

I have moved out = separation.

 

I hope you keep posting.

 

Moved out doesn't mean separated. Have you filed papers to indicate your clear intent to your W?

 

Getting things done through the courts shows an absolute purpose in what you intend to do.

 

 

She may be thinking - well he lives somewhere else but I can still request everything of him because he hasn't actually filed yet.

 

When you STOP taking care of her - that's when she will be FORCED to figure out how to be self sufficient on her own.

 

What step have been taken by you - by her - so that she becomes reliant on HERSELF and not so much on you?

[dangerous]

Bananatree, thanks for your words from a FMS sufferer who knows many of the issues.

2 sunny. Understood, but I have only left a few weeks ago, it has taken me years to get this far. It is still very raw and my wife does need support and help from me with the transition and becoming a sole provider for herself ultimately. I am happy to support her and appreciate this will be a gradual process.

 

 

I am glad for myself that I have stepped away from many of the daily pressures we had and am expanding my own freedom.

[2sunny]

Being a survivor of a stroke - and having many very helpful codependent family members - I know what "help" looks like.

 

Help = I learned to do things on my own - with assistance and guidance at first. But ultimately I had to find my inner strength to figure $hit out! To become CAPABLE of taking care of myself!

 

Most family and friends solution was "here, let me do that for you". That DOESN'T help!

 

I literally had to tell them to STOP "helping" me because it WASN'T helping ME to LEARN how to DO FOR MYSELF.

 

When I was forced to become self sufficient - I did! It may have taken longer to accomplish things - but I started by trial and error and how to progress in getting a shower, getting dressed and getting out and about to the market and errands.

 

Having SOMEONE ELSE doing things FOR me never taught me to get busy doing it!

 

Pain? Sure I know pain! We all have pain! But how we OVERCOME the pain is what makes us proud of ourselves. I never got proud of myself when someone else was rescuing me.

 

You may be co dependent. You helping her may have actually hurt her more. You may have been providing too much so she had to try even less? Who knows?

 

But at this point it's for HER to take the lead and change the things she CAN. Simple things! SHE can go to the market. It may be hard for her but she will figure it out.

 

Don't run to fix her "problems" - simply tell her to let you know what solution she figures out to overcome her own obstacles

[bananatree]

I would say this: let her know that you believe her. It is NOT in her head. When you have fibromyalgia, you feel as if you've been hit by a truck... almost every day. That doesn't mean you need to be married to her. Just let her know that even though you aren't together anymore, you are still in her corner.

 

If you do care for her, let her know you are available to help her. This will soften the blow, for sure. If you can buy her massages, pay for periodic housecleaning, etc... it will really help.

 

I totally understand that you want more out of your life than to be her caregiver. Give yourself that gift. But don't discount the fact that this is very real to her.

 

The reason I am here, in the divorce forum, is that I've lived with abuse for over 10 years. It is I who wants out of the marriage. We are in the midst of divorce now. I am almost done with my graduate degree and I also work part time as a writing tutor online. How can she become self sufficient? Is there something she can do from home to earn money? Can you help her earn a degree?

 

She may be angry now and not receptive to your "help," but I think it's important that you let her know you'll be there for her as an ex-spouse who cares for her well-being. You don't need to abandon her just because you need to seek out other things in your life. None of this makes you a bad person.

[scatterd]

I am sorry you feel unhappy in your marriage but as far as her Fibromyalgia

their is only certain things a Doctor can do. This is a very painful disease and

they know little about it and have no cure for it. It is easy for others to say what she needs to do but remember they are not in her body. I would let her know that you plan to go but have compassion for her. This is going to be hard on her.I know you see her pain and feel guilty for leaving but you have to do what is best for you. She is scared to be alone maybe you should talk to her family and they can help her for this disease can be debilitating. Here is a letter that someone wrote and it describes how bad pain takes over a life. I understand your need to leave but I hope this can help people to understand

the reason you are having a hard time leaving. Good luck I hope you both can find away to separate and be happy with your lives for this is a hard one. I think her family can give her the support she needs. She knows that she cant

give you all you need and probably expects you to leave. I feel for you and her.

 

LETTER TO PEOPLE WITHOUT CHRONIC PAIN:

 

 

 

Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.

 

 

In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand ...

 

... These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me...

 

Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me-- stuck inside this body. I still worry about school, my family, my friends, and most of the time - I'd still like to hear you talk about yours, too.

 

 

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. That's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!" or "But you look so healthy!¨ I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.

 

 

Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.

 

 

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting", "walking", "thinking", "concentrating", "being sociable" and so on ... it applies to everything. That's what chronic pain does to you.

 

 

Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It's quite possible (for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!" or Oh, come on, I know you can do this!" If you want me to do something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are--to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.

 

 

Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise, or do some things to get my mind off of it¨ may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct if I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don't you know that I would? I am working with my doctor and I am doing what I am supposed to do. Another statement that hurts is, "You just need to push yourself more, try harder..." Obviously, chronic pain can deal with the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can't always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression.

 

 

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/stay in bed/or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm somewhere, or am right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.

 

 

If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get well. Lord knows that isn't true. In all likelihood, if you've heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we'd know about it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. It's definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor.

 

 

If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.