irc333 Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 When I say "soft" I mean in demenaor. Me and my male friend had been talking about some women in our social circle. Like there's this one, that always showing off or trying to prove herself at certain events involving physical activity of any sort. She's kind of a "poser", and it seems she needs approval of her peers. Another one he knows personally, she's part of his social circle (not mine) is part of his group, but had seen her profile online...he had known her for a while through the events, but he says she can be a bit abrasive in conversation....even though she is relatively nice...she can be a bit "gruff" Of course, it REALLY comes out on online dating sites...the "tone" at which these profiles are written are quite off putting, and increasing in numbers. One woman was like, "I like a man who is tall and fit, so basically, if it looks like I can kick your ass, I probably wouldn't be interested." The "I'm better than you profile" - Now....why not say, "I just like a man who is tall and fit" don't throw in that last part. "Don't email me again, if you already emailed before and I didn't respond....take the hint!" The Defensive profile - "I have my own job, and pay my OWN bills" Yeah...so? What's you're point. Stuff like that. Seems profiles are more oozing with sarcasm and condescension. I'm sure BOTH sexes do it, but in some of the profile reviews of sites, apparently women can get away with it more so than men. As if the women had the right to *itch about stuff...while with men it's considered "negative" Link to post Share on other sites
all_hail_me Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Men do it too. So many guys who do it because it attracts women with low self-esteem... or their kind of women! Personally I did it because I had to be honest about the kind of person I am, and it is because I'm an oddball who likes weird sh*t and doesn't want kids. If I had attracted anyone fluffy based on trying to write a big lie, I'd be making a big lie of myself and catching someone who has no idea what they're in for! Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Perhaps it is nature's way of balancing out the increase in "softer" men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
proseandpassion Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I am demure and passive and sweet and a good listener and most guys don't seem interested in that anymore. So there ya go. And I know others, too. Everyone who is 'soft' is overshadowed by someone who's a drama queen ham. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) Interesting theory FitChick, i'm sure affirmative action and radical feminism played no part in it. OP, the girl you gave as an example is an attention whore. And the 2nd one sounds like someone who is pissed. Neither are good prospects. Edited August 10, 2012 by Radu Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 People are much more free to express their true selves and abandon traditional gender roles now than they have been in the past. A competitive and aggressive woman has the freedom to let herself behave that way instead of trying to suppress it for fear of scaring men. Men are free to forego macho behavior if that's not really who they are, too. As I usually feel compelled to respond to your threads like this, though: who cares? If YOU don't like the way a woman presents herself, then you should happily move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Some women are hard bitches. Some men are soft sauce. It's life, not everybody carries the same level of energy in one area as others. There are lots of "soft" women I meet, but I also encounter hard bitches. Just like there are different men. It might just be because it's my reality, but I talk to a lot of old people, and my belief is that to an extent it was always like this, and everybody has a varying level of masculine and feminine energy within them. It just wasn't expressed as much before due to having to stick to social norms. One of my little brothers (19 years old) is quite camp. I always thought he was a little gay when he was younger until he came home with a girlfriend . He just has a lot of feminine energy I say. I think a "hard bitch" would complement him well - but he's as enigmatic as I am in certain respects. Definitely our father's sons ........ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I am demure and passive and sweet and a good listener and most guys don't seem interested in that anymore. So there ya go. And I know others, too. Everyone who is 'soft' is overshadowed by someone who's a drama queen ham. :love: But really, IDK, it must just be a social thing. Female role models these days are annoying today (this goes for men too). Call me an old man, but the fact that so many people like shows like Jersey Shore...makes me ashamed to be a part of my generation. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I'm sure BOTH sexes do it, but in some of the profile reviews of sites, apparently women can get away with it more so than men. As if the women had the right to *itch about stuff...while with men it's considered "negative" Oh yes, both sexes totally do this. I read a lot of male pages that where like, "don't contact me if you're a fatty, nasty,...blah blah blah". And the likes of that. I think the women that get away with it are really attractive "hot" women. Certainly average girls aren't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 A lot of people of both sexes have become "hardened" nowadays. It's unfortunate. I don't know what caused it. I'm sure there's some research or something out there. In the end I do think guys still appreciate a feminine "soft" woman when they are in relationships. I don't meet guys who want Rs with girls who act like guys, who brag about being one of the guys. They may date them for fun or whatever, but when it comes to settling down, they want a feminine woman IME. That's not to say they want Stepford stereotypes or something but...a softer demeanor, as you said. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
danny in van Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I agree with (and am staying on topic) the poster: it's not your imagination- girls have adopted a lot of male traits and I see it has increased more and more over the last several yrs. It's too bad that some equate 'freedom' with removing one's filter. I'm not saying only guys should be allowed to be crass-I don't think anyone should. Many girls are trying to be 'one of the guys' a little too much! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Society in general has become hardened. Behind the rough exterior of many men there used to be a good heart but that is gone now. I also know some women who seem hard and cold on the outside but get to know them and they hearts of gold. The way the world is these days you have to put up that front if you want to survive no matter what gender you are. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 On the bright side more and more women today become physically soft ... very soft ... too soft ... seriously, they need to hit the gym. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I get your point and have to agree, to a point. Many women are now working in the same careers as men. Competitive careers competing directly with men. Careers in which being soft or demure just won't work. And yes, work is work and life is life...but...it's hard to be two different people. It's an effort sometimes....to compete all day with men , sometimes aggressively and to communicate in a style that while maybe not unfeminine is at the least gender neutral.... I am feminine, I have enjoyed being "girly" , I like men to be gentlemen, I don't want to compete or negotiate at home... But yes, it's conflicting sometimes. I'm no ball buster...but I'm not for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 No matter what a man or a woman's public personality projects, IME both show the "soft" when in the company of trusted intimacy partners. Who they are in that circle of safety and acceptance isn't what people who don't exist in that circle should feel entitled to experiencing. You don't get to run around sampling how women behave in an established, intimate relationship when your only contact with them is a strange new person conducting business or as a coworker. You're not their SO. Those experiences are earned through time and when freely offered. The world is not half the population ready to be your GF and its weird you'd expect that out of women when you don't expect every guy you come across to behave like your best mate just because you entered the room. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 People are much more free to express their true selves and abandon traditional gender roles now than they have been in the past. A competitive and aggressive woman has the freedom to let herself behave that way instead of trying to suppress it for fear of scaring men. Men are free to forego macho behavior if that's not really who they are, too. As I usually feel compelled to respond to your threads like this, though: who cares? If YOU don't like the way a woman presents herself, then you should happily move on. Hmmm...I think it has more to do with the fact that women aren't held as accountable in society as men are. With 9 out of 10 wrongdoings, a man will get a more severe punishment and worse social stigma than a women will. Don't even say it's not true. This fact, mixed with human nature which says that anybody will do something if they can get away with it, makes a recipe for disaster. This is why female violence is on the rise in the last 10 years, while male violence has actually decreased. Link to post Share on other sites
NYC-BigKat Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 When I say "soft" I mean in demenaor. Me and my male friend had been talking about some women in our social circle. Like there's this one, that always showing off or trying to prove herself at certain events involving physical activity of any sort. She's kind of a "poser", and it seems she needs approval of her peers. Another one he knows personally, she's part of his social circle (not mine) is part of his group, but had seen her profile online...he had known her for a while through the events, but he says she can be a bit abrasive in conversation....even though she is relatively nice...she can be a bit "gruff" Of course, it REALLY comes out on online dating sites...the "tone" at which these profiles are written are quite off putting, and increasing in numbers. One woman was like, "I like a man who is tall and fit, so basically, if it looks like I can kick your ass, I probably wouldn't be interested." The "I'm better than you profile" - Now....why not say, "I just like a man who is tall and fit" don't throw in that last part. "Don't email me again, if you already emailed before and I didn't respond....take the hint!" The Defensive profile - "I have my own job, and pay my OWN bills" Yeah...so? What's you're point. Stuff like that. Seems profiles are more oozing with sarcasm and condescension. I'm sure BOTH sexes do it, but in some of the profile reviews of sites, apparently women can get away with it more so than men. As if the women had the right to *itch about stuff...while with men it's considered "negative" Girls are really really mean now and the girls I thought was nice are also a meanie 'cause they pretend to like u when they dont . Link to post Share on other sites
proseandpassion Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Hmmm...I think it has more to do with the fact that women aren't held as accountable in society as men are. With 9 out of 10 wrongdoings, a man will get a more severe punishment and worse social stigma than a women will. Don't even say it's not true. This fact, mixed with human nature which says that anybody will do something if they can get away with it, makes a recipe for disaster. This is why female violence is on the rise in the last 10 years, while male violence has actually decreased. Can you site any evidence than this other than just saying it's a fact and not backing it up with anything? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Can you site any evidence than this other than just saying it's a fact and not backing it up with anything? For which specific claim? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 For which specific claim? How about the ones your personal circumstance hasn't created an unrealistic bias towards? Oh wait, pretty much everything you post about excludes everything other than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 How about the ones your personal circumstance hasn't created an unrealistic bias towards? Oh wait, pretty much everything you post about excludes everything other than that. Sorry, I can't help it if I got my ass kicked by my wife and never laid a finger on her. I've also only known 2 other people who've been the victims of domestic violence. Both were male. This has caused me to do some serious investigation about the truth in comparison to what we are told on TV. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 women in work need to be tough women in love need to be gentle you could substitute men at work or men in love for the word women 1 Link to post Share on other sites
proseandpassion Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Life and dating hardens a person. This past year I have had an unsurmountable amount of disappointments and tragedy in relationships and love. I see people treating other people horribly and as disposable. I have thought, often, "I am too sensitive for this, maybe..." - the easiest thing would be to be harder, to be less caring. But I won't, because I believe being sensitive and loving is an admirable quality. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I pity your future SO. She will be criticized to the level of emotional abuse, figuratively chained in the basement. Hard bitch to misogynists and sweet to others. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Hmmm...I think it has more to do with the fact that women aren't held as accountable in society as men are. With 9 out of 10 wrongdoings, a man will get a more severe punishment and worse social stigma than a women will. Don't even say it's not true. This fact, mixed with human nature which says that anybody will do something if they can get away with it, makes a recipe for disaster. This is why female violence is on the rise in the last 10 years, while male violence has actually decreased. Even if what you say is true (and I would like YOU to hold YOURSELF accountable for providing a lot of back-up if you are going to make absolute proclamations and then admonish the rest of us to not "even say it isn't true - that's lame) What does this have to do with the topic? Women "aren't as soft anymore" … because they are not held accountable? For what? We aren't "soft" because … we can "get away" with not being soft? Does that make any sense? And women not being "soft" is some kind of a societal disaster??? Do you really think that a woman who's not "soft" is thereby violent? Your logic is not working for me here. Really. Women aren't "soft" because they have the freedom not to be soft if it does not suit them to be so, just as you, as a man, have the freedom to be "soft" if it's who you really are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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