my friend is in a big dilemma

[Poodle]

hello.

 

my friend has gotten himself into deep poop poop.

 

I've given him this site, not sure if he'll come here.

 

briefly:

 

My friend, Mr X, likes this girl. a lot.

 

but so does his best friend, Mr Y.

 

X has known this girl since Feb this year, but he's known Y for 13 yrs.

 

for Y, this girl is like his first big crush.

 

so X wanted to pull out, let his best friend have the girl.

 

But then X is beginning to get hints from the girl that she likes him.

 

but he cant be certain.

 

What can he do to find out?

 

Y (the best friend guy) know nothing of how X (my friend) likes her.

 

Y even goes to X for relationship advice.

 

Y mistakenly thinks the girl likes him.

 

But the girl has told X she does not like Y.

 

------from X (icq)------

 

"cause i was thinking 13 yrs of friendship wif (Y)

 

and a girl

 

i'd pick friendship man............"

 

"see if i go for it and succeed then (Y) will hate me and i'll be unhappy being wif (her) cause i'll feel guilty

 

cause he doesn't know i like her"

 

"i've been considering for the past three days

 

and i've realised that its an expontential curve for me

 

at the begining i only liked her a bit

 

and now its like i REALLY REALLY like her

 

cause the more i talk and learn abt her, the more i like her~!"

 

---------------------------

 

additional info:

 

he hasnt been out with her (just the 2 of them) yet.

 

always a group outing.

 

last time, there was a group there, but the 2 of them were talking on the side.

 

Y and the girl goes to a different uni from X

 

X is getting hints on icq, and lots of longing stares from the girl wen they see each other.

 

however, from wot i gather, the girl seems to be the flirty type. (i've neva met her tho)

 

she dedicated a song to some guy on the radio, then bugged X abt how she might be giving off the wrong idea.

 

and last week, there was a party, she was tipsy, and she appeared to be chummy with a friend of ours (also drunk).

 

HELP PPLE!!!!

 

any ideas?

 

from X:

 

"i'm dead

 

i've been down for the past few days

 

i dun feel like doing work

 

dun want to go to Uni

 

feel really f***ed........................."

 

help this guy.

 

help me help him.

 

thanx again =)

[Tony T]

It is preferable that you do not use the F word in this forum. There are classy ladies that visit this site and, despite our liberal times, some of them are offended by it. Thanks.

 

This is one of the most difficult problems people post here. Thankfully, it doesn't appear here as often as it appears in real life.

 

In this particular scenario, if I were Mr. X, I would meet with the girl and tell her: "Hey, I want you to know that I am interested in getting to know you better and would love to go out with you if you agreed. But, you see, I've got this problem. I guess you know about it already. It's my best friend. I've known him for 13 years and he really likes you a lot. If I asked you out, I think it would cause problems for our friendship right now. I respect our friendship and I don't want that to happen. But I think after some time passes, it would be OK for us to get together...that is, if you were agreeable at that time."

 

Then I would go to my friend, Mr. Y, and tell him: "Hey, if you like this girl, why don't you ask her out. You've got to see just how she feels about that. Why wait around and wonder."

 

Then I would just sit back and wait for everything to work itself out...for my friend to see there is no interest on her part and for him to find another chick. Once that happened, I would be on this gal's doorstep. Meanwhile, I would date around as usual and just not worry. Everything works out...I mean everything.

 

Now, I am not Mr. X. If this same situation happened to me personally, I would have to review a friendship where I thought it would end because I asked a girl out that my friend liked. First, I would tell him...hey, you better ask this girl out because if you don't, I will. Then let him get shot down.

 

Then I would make my approach. If my friend became angry because one girl out of three billion on the planet agreed to go out with me and not with him...if he became angry at my success and happiness...he was no friend at all.

 

Now, there is a possiblity...I don't know this girl...but if this is a high school thing she could be very aware of this whole deal (and you implied she is) and is flirting with Mr. X to see just what kind of crap she can stir between Mr. X and Mr. Y. Don't discount this possiblity.

 

Also, it's not the end of the world if Mr. X and Mr. Y never see this girl again in their lives. Ms. H is a whole lot more desireable anyway. Go look her up.

 

Now you have a serious problem of being down over your friend's plight. It is not rational to take other people's problems, especially stuff like this, and make them your own and get depressed over them. Now you wouldn't happen to be Mr. X, would you?

[Deejette]

It's up to your friend to seek out his own help in this situation. People come to this site because they are hurting for answers and in that frame of mind, they are receptive to hear advice on what to do with problems. But they have to take that first step.

 

Maybe you are more worried about this than Mr. X is. Or maybe you need to get a few Ms. XYZs of your own.

It is preferable that you do not use the F word in this forum. There are classy ladies that visit this site and, despite our liberal times, some of them are offended by it. Thanks.

 

This is one of the most difficult problems people post here. Thankfully, it doesn't appear here as often as it appears in real life. In this particular scenario, if I were Mr. X, I would meet with the girl and tell her: "Hey, I want you to know that I am interested in getting to know you better and would love to go out with you if you agreed. But, you see, I've got this problem. I guess you know about it already. It's my best friend. I've known him for 13 years and he really likes you a lot. If I asked you out, I think it would cause problems for our friendship right now. I respect our friendship and I don't want that to happen. But I think after some time passes, it would be OK for us to get together...that is, if you were agreeable at that time."

 

Then I would go to my friend, Mr. Y, and tell him: "Hey, if you like this girl, why don't you ask her out. You've got to see just how she feels about that. Why wait around and wonder." Then I would just sit back and wait for everything to work itself out...for my friend to see there is no interest on her part and for him to find another chick. Once that happened, I would be on this gal's doorstep. Meanwhile, I would date around as usual and just not worry. Everything works out...I mean everything. Now, I am not Mr. X. If this same situation happened to me personally, I would have to review a friendship where I thought it would end because I asked a girl out that my friend liked. First, I would tell him...hey, you better ask this girl out because if you don't, I will. Then let him get shot down. Then I would make my approach. If my friend became angry because one girl out of three billion on the planet agreed to go out with me and not with him...if he became angry at my success and happiness...he was no friend at all. Now, there is a possiblity...I don't know this girl...but if this is a high school thing she could be very aware of this whole deal (and you implied she is) and is flirting with Mr. X to see just what kind of crap she can stir between Mr. X and Mr. Y. Don't discount this possiblity.

 

Also, it's not the end of the world if Mr. X and Mr. Y never see this girl again in their lives. Ms. H is a whole lot more desireable anyway. Go look her up. Now you have a serious problem of being down over your friend's plight. It is not rational to take other people's problems, especially stuff like this, and make them your own and get depressed over them. Now you wouldn't happen to be Mr. X, would you?

[Kelly]

My question is does this girl know "x" and "y" like her, maybe you did say, I may have missed it. Anyway, I want to know which one you are ok ok fo real. I think that maybe "x" making the first move on this girl could backfire. She may accept and then what will "x" do then about "y"? Well "x" should try to talk to "y" about her and get him to ask her out so the girl can tell him no. Give "y" some time to get over it..I'm not sure if telling the girl about the "x's" feelings about her and how it affects his friend "y" is going to work. Depends on the maturity level b/c then from then on the girl and "x" will know which leaves "y" in the complete dark. There is nothing wrong with "x" staying in touch with the girl and doing the group thing, but for now I think "x" should let things unfold naturally and if it is true that the girl and "x" really like eachother..in time it will be known when the time is right.

[Poodle]

HAHAHAhahahahahahah ^_^

 

u pple think it's me...ehehe

 

nah, my relationship is working out fine

 

i'm extremely stressed at the moment though...

 

trying to think up a b'day/3 month present for her!

 

=p

 

anyway, thanx for the advice!

 

and i apologise for the f-word. his word, not mine =)

 

Ur Old Poodle.

[Mitch]

But then X is beginning to get hints from the girl that she likes him. but he cant be certain. What can he do to find out?

How about, like, at recess, ya know have that girl you both know ask him if, she, well, ya know, kinda likes him.

 

Or, heaven forbid, you guys can (much like Tony wrote) try the most obvious thing and ask.

 

More time and effort is wasted wondering than anything.

 

Someday you'll/he'll figure that out and the sooner you do, the better.