need some input on this...

[tauket2]

Hi,

 

I'd like some advice on how to deal with this specific situation... i'd like to paint as clear a picture as i possibly can because i want you all to understand all the ins and outs of my story. I'll be pretty thorough... but please read and try helping me out with my moral dilemma!

 

So about three and a half months ago i went to Cuba with my brother and 4 other friends. I had been out out a 5 year relationship for about three months at that point (broken up for almost a year, but decided to actually move on about 3 months before the vacation i'm talking about right now). Up until that point i was just living up everything i thought i had been missing during those five years. Never had i had so many girls in my entourage. I was simply enjoying life. My mindset while going to cuba with my buddies was exactly the same: go have a blast, hit on some girls, come back with crazy stories. Simple, isn't it? At this point i had this stupid idea stuck in my head that all girls are out to play mind games and NONE of them are to be trusted... so i liked the idea of being prepared for that and to just be quicker than them on the ball

 

So as soon as we got there we met two girls from the same city as us who had been on the same flight actually. We started talking to them while we were waiting to check in at the hotel (we had two girls in our group of 6 so the girls didn't feel threatened by us or anything ) and we were simply happy to see that our week would be filled with fun encounters like that. Little did i know, this would be the start of a wonderful story.

 

I ended up hitting it off very very nicely with one of the two girls. I'm 24, she's 27 and recently out of a 8 year relationship. We went out into town one night and she foreshadowed that we would become very close friends. the two girls ended up spending most of their time in cuba with our group and i got very (physically) close to the one girl i was after. At this point this, for me, was just one of those "that one time in cuba" stories.

 

So the week ends, we fly back home, and the girl calls me 3 days later. We schedule a date, and we realize that we just both get along really really well. A few more dates go by, i go to her place a few times, she comes to mine, she meets most of my friends and i met a few of hers. At this point, i'm still thinking that this is just a girl i'm sleeping with and that i'm nowhere ready for anything serious.

 

After i've been spending time with her (2+ times a week) for about a month after the trip, i don't wanna let myself get too attached. after all, i did sleep with her in Cuba after knowing her for only 2 days. i'm telling myself that she's probably like all the other girls and that i gotta keep at the game and not kid myself. But we keep having deep conversations and she tells me that she doesn't understand what i did to her, that she's such a strong and independent woman and that she never EVER lets guys get that close to her like that. Most importantly, she does NOT sleep around. Another important part of our conversations were our exes. she knew most of my story with my most recent ex and i knew pretty much the whole story about hers. She dumped him because he was immature, not going anywhere in life, and was just not the same person that she had started date 8 years ago anymore. She seemed truly ready to move on. Only one catch, the guy owed her several hundred dollars and also, she was quite close to his mom, who lives on the same street as her.

 

Anyways not too long after this (we've been seeing each other for about 5-6 weeks at this point) i find out that she went to her ex's new apartment one night for him to give her some of the money he owed her and that she ended up sleeping there. i know %100 that she slept on the couch and i'm 99% sure that nothing happened between them. She did not know that i knew this. A few weeks later while we were on the subject of her ex, i asked her if she had ever been to his new apartment. She said no. I didn't confront her because i was pretty certain that nothing had happened with him and remember, at this point this is still just a girl that i'm seeing for fun with no sort of commitment what so ever. So yeah, she slept on her ex's couch. big deal...

 

Flash forward to now... i've been seeing her for over 3 months and we've gotten incredibly close to each other. It's at a point where people think we're in a serious relationship together and that we're just hiding it. I've met her parents, she's met mine and i definitely feel like this is going somewhere. While really drunk one night recently she even blurted out that she loved me... We just have a great time together and it has actually restored my faith in humanity that it is possible to find some legit woman out there who aren't out to play games.

 

So a few nights ago i'm at her place. we have dinner together and we drink THREE bottles of wine. we started getting into an argument about something (probably something stupid since we were both drunk) and then she starts telling me that this is happening because of all the uncertainty behind our "status" and that we need to start being true to each other (i think she was telling me that we need to cut the crap and just commit to a serious relationship already). So thats where it came out... i said "yeah, maybe we do need to start being true... did you ever go to your ex's new apartment?" Her reaction was priceless and she walked out of the room saying "what does it change?" i didn't let go until she admitted it "i DID go! he still owes me money! i did sleep there! maybe i was really tired! you're making it sound like i did something wrong when i actually didn't! i just didn't want to worry you or to hurt your feelings..." and she started getting really emotional and she told me that her ex disgusts her and she's SO over him and that when she took the decision of breaking up with him, it,s because they were dead and buried a long time ago.

 

I told her that we were actually really starting to trust each other and that something like this could potentially **** things up... even if nothing did happen (she did lie to me the first time i asked her about it...)

 

so we ended up having crazy sex and going to bed at 4 am. the next day she was so hungover that she didn't go to work. I spent the whole day with her. First half of the day i wasn't very talkative and she could tell that this story was bothering me. As the day went by though everything went back to normal... it's just so easy to be around her. I then went home, we texted a little that night, and the next morning when i woke up i had a text from her saying "have a nice day :)" to which i replied "you too" that was yesterday morning, the last time i spoke to her (36 hours ago, roughly).

 

I know she was going out with some girl friends tonite, and she told me she would get in touch with me at the end of her night to see if i wanted to meet up with her (we spoke about this before the "fight"). i'm guessing she knows that we aren't talking right because this whole thing is bothering me, but she DID come clean about it without me having to insist too much, and i am pretty certain that nothing did in fact happen. i'm positive that she's a sincere, loyal girl and that i have nothing to worry about in the future, i'm just wondering what's the next move. my only worry is that i let this go too easily and then lose her respect and she lies to me again in the future...

 

so yeah, long ****ing story, i don't even know if anyone will read all of it... but if anyone does, please let me know what you think.

 

TL;DR

 

this girl i've been seeing for a few months slept at her ex's house, alone on the couch, but lied to me because she thought i didn't know. the truth finally came out 2 days ago, i haven't spoken to her since and I'm wondering what i should do next. i don't want to seem too forgiving because i'm scared she won't learn her lesson. do i wait for her to get in touch with me? do i let her know i'm still there and didn't just bounce? what do i do?

 

EDIT: She just texted me. heres the convo:

 

HER: What are your plans for tonight?

 

ME: Either gonna go out with my buddy Chris to *insert name of club* or go have a drink with my brother and other friends

 

HER: Ha! You'll be close to where i'm going! Would you want to meet up later tonight?

 

so i guess she broke the ice... but i'm still wondering if i should act like everything is good or make her feel like she should never lie to me again

 

thanks!

Edited August 10, 2012 by tauket2

[road]

I don't like the excuse. Ex could mail her a check. She did not have to even enter the house just stand outside at the door while he got the money.

 

There was no need to go into the house.

No need to go there alone.

AND no need to be there that late and then go to sleep there.

 

I smell a cheater.