Mentality of MM that inviting OW to his house party

[whichwayisup]

Pierre, might be it is kind of women thing - we would never try on other women's favorite clothe....at least me NOT, no particular reason, hygiene, personal taste, style...whatever. Hope you can understand.

 

There was an OW (she isn't on here anymore as far as I know) who posted that she would use the BS's toothbrush and hairbrush. She did it on purpose too and was quite proud of it. Sickening eh?

[MourningLosses]

Actually on similarity rather than copying- he told me she was naive and childlike and he quite a paternal relationship with her. He said we were alike in that he wanted to take care of me and I had many childlike qualities. The time I saw them together I could see it too. They looked so happy but her adoration was kind of childlike. I felt then I couldn't interfere with that and u tried to shut down my feelings but it didn't work. I guess she doesn't adore him anymore and since that seemed to be the main dynamic, I wonder then why she stays. Apart from power and her insecurities and competition with me I gues.

[MourningLosses]

Because if he's like most wayward men, he probably got down on his knees, crying and begging her not to leave him.

 

Actually he told me the day she found out about us SHE was the one doing that! How pathetic is that? Even told him she would kill herself. He was unmoved and didn't love me less or beg her not to. He just waited a week until she was calm and explained to me. It seems unlikely he's now crying and begging when he hasn't been in live with her for years.

[Birdgirl25]

While it may be a rush for MM, your willingness to do this sort of thing (and be THAT sort of woman) pretty much guarantees he would never leave his wife for you.

 

In your opinion, aren't I already THAT sort of woman? I don't know that he'll ever leave his wife for me, but there are no guarantees in life (except for death and taxes).

[Mount]

ML, reality check now. He right now does not want anything to do with you BY His CHOICE. So stop stalking him for answer/closure.

 

 

Actually he told me the day she found out about us SHE was the one doing that! How pathetic is that? Even told him she would kill herself. He was unmoved and didn't love me less or beg her not to. He just waited a week until she was calm and explained to me. It seems unlikely he's now crying and begging when he hasn't been in live with her for years.

[whichwayisup]

I don't want to say there are degrees of cheating, but an OW who sinks to the level of going along with having sex in the MM/BS's home??? That's what I mean by "THAT" sort of woman.

 

I can't imagine any man (a cheating or a faithful one) that would want to seriously commit to a someone who would do something like that. Him allowing you to have sex in their home shows disrespect for her - but it shows even more disrespect for you.

 

What comes to mind now is, if he can do it to his wife, he can do it again to his 'next' wife (aka exOW turned wife). Never say never.

 

What makes you more special than her, Bird?

[Birdgirl25]

I don't want to say there are degrees of cheating, but an OW who sinks to the level of going along with having sex in the MM/BS's home??? That's what I mean by "THAT" sort of woman.

 

I can't imagine any man (a cheating or a faithful one) that would want to seriously commit to a someone who would do something like that. Him allowing you to have sex in their home shows disrespect for her - but it shows even more disrespect for you.

 

Yes, we've fooled around in their home, but we've never had sex there. I'm not sure that matters or really makes a difference...

[Birdgirl25]

What comes to mind now is, if he can do it to his wife, he can do it again to his 'next' wife (aka exOW turned wife). Never say never.

 

What makes you more special than her, Bird?

 

We have much more in common, etc., etc., etc., but I never once said I'm more special than her. Of course, if by some miracle he left his W for me, the possibility of him cheating on me would be my initial fear of completely committing to him.

[SoMovinOn]

You pretend to be his friend so you can keep the affair secret. Any way you slice it, it's still not a admirable quality.

 

I feel no need to be admirable to morons.

 

 

Maybe she gets her rocks off doing it right under his nose. You never know.

 

I know.

She doesn't.

[SoMovinOn]

In open daylight relationships a man would never want to hang out with the other guy that is f****ing his GF and pretend he likes him. However, men having a relationship with MOW must accept the parameters imposed by MOW and that may involve pretending to be a friend of the family.

 

I suppose if there is some fairy tale need for a pure, virginal princess, that might be a factor. It's probable, any woman a man dates has had sex with other men. Unless he's there at the same time, I don't see it as an issue.

 

 

I am trying to determine if hanging out with the husband is an act of valor, cowardice, or just extreme neediness. I suggest you seek counseling.

 

It's an act of making things appear a certain way in order to keep the A secret. Nothing more.

Edited August 12, 2012 by SoMovinOn

[beach]

You've said several times that your first answer to him was no - yet he disrespected you and talked you into going.

 

Why did YOU disrespect and disregard YOUR better judgment? You betrayed yourself by doing that! Why would you think any man is worth betraying yourself for? It's very unhealthy!!!

[SoMovinOn]

Yet you put up with her choosing to stay married to him.

 

Yes ... because I know why, without having to make guesses or assumptions.

 

 

You can't or won't see that you ARE keeping her in that marriage.

 

Because I'm not.

 

You supply 'the good' for her so she can still have his income/insurance/their house, lifestyle.

 

LOL! No. That's why he hold on to *her*!!

 

 

It can't be that bad if she is staying.

 

You're right. He's not physically abusive, generally. Many people stay in relationships that are much worse.

 

 

Anyway, whether or not he is infact abusive or if she is exaggerating this for your sake (have you actually seen it firsthand?

 

Yes... and I am much less forgiving of him than she is. Far from exaggerating, she makes it seem less than it is, cuts him way too much slack.

 

 

you pretending to 'like' him and be his friend. Sorry but that's low and devious.

 

No, that's Karma ... people getting what they earn.

[SoMovinOn]

Again, I guess my post turns to be other poster's topic discussion.:o

 

It's your topic of discussion ... hanging out with MM's spouse. Sharing my experiences and why I do it. Every situation is different ... you take whatever applies to you.

[Happyface]

I'm assuming that comment was meant for me. I never once said I was proud. However, being the OW who does love her MM, I like knowing that he wants me around all the time. Judge away.

 

I am sure you love the MM but he isn't yours.

 

I was wondering whether either one of you got something out of being together with his wife.

 

YOu have told me that it pleases you for him to want you around all the time.

 

 

 

Thank you.

 

Happyface.

[Birdgirl25]

I am sure you love the MM but he isn't yours.

 

I was wondering whether either one of you got something out of being together with his wife.

 

YOu have told me that it pleases you for him to want you around all the time.

 

 

 

Thank you.

 

Happyface.

 

I don't get anything out of his W being around. He and I just like spending time together - it's not just about the physical interactions.

 

I'm aware he doesn't "belong" to me - he's not an object. I'm not sure how much he "belongs" to his W either, considering he's willing to cheat and doesn't wear a ring. That's pretty symbolic of possession, to me.